would you lend this person money?

[ols386]

As a couple other pp's said, don't lend someone money and expect to get it back. If you do get it back, that's nice, but if you expect to get it back, and don't, then it can be tough.

I would try to do something for his dd, like take her shopping for clothing or maybe other things she may be in need of, invite her over for meals, etc.

 

[smkiya]

No way! But I would help out his daughter with things she might need. But be careful with that too, because he may take advantage by assuming you'll pay her way and he could blow the money he had set aside for her needs.

 

[minkydog]

A family member just called asking to borrow money. He is in his 30's. We have lent him money before (maybe 5 years ago)and were never paid back, even after mentioning it several times. I always felt that he could have offered to "work it off" by helping us with our yard or something, but he never even offered to do that, he just blew it off. He lost a good job 2 months ago due to non attendance. He is awaiting an appeal for unemployment. I said there are jobs around, my 16 year old is working over 20 hours a week in addition to attending high school. He said he will get more in unemployment if it goes thru, so working anywhere would sabotage that. I told him sorry, things are tight for us too.
He has custody of his daughter and that is the part that makes me feel bad, but still I said no. I told him I have a roofer friend that might need some help, he said it would have to be off the books.
Judging by the info I have provided, what would you have said?

No. Past actions are the best predictor of future performance. He has not paid you back the first time. He lost his job because he did not GO. He has no interest in finding a new job. What about this person is so appealing that you would even consider lending him money? GIVE him money, if you must, but just know that you will never see it again.

 

[MarkBarbieri]

I'd be happy to lend him money. I'd want the loan in writing. I'd want it secured by an appropriate level of collateral (does he own a car? jewelry?, tools?). I'd also charge him an interest rate commesurate with the risk, probably something like 25%.

 

[sbell111]

I don't believe in loaning money to family. I would give him some money if I could afford to do so, however.

 

[Disney Doll]

First of all, I never loan peopel money. I give people money. Change in perspective means I am giving what I can afford and do not expct repayment. If I happen to get repaid, then it's a happy surprise!

In the situation you describel I would neither loan nor give him money. I would, if necessary, purchase things that the child needed. But I would be purchasing them, not giving Dad money to purchase them.

 

[curious3069]

No would not loan him $$ and would be hesitant to buy the daughter a quantity of anything. Not saying nothing, but if say, you buy her school supplies, then I would almost guarantee that he'll hit you up next time "for his daughter". I would absolutely help her out, but do it in a round about way if possible, ie, inviting them over to dinner.

 

[2binak]

I would say no as well. The fact that he did not pay you back in the past is enough grounds for a "no" this time around.

We have a family member who is just like this and has been for almost 10 years. They can't keep a job, don't handle finances when they do have a job and they have a child to support. They basically use the child as leverage to get money from the grandparents. They will call and say things like, "I can either buy food or put gas in my car this week, but I can't do both." knowing that the grandparents will be there with either cash or food within the hour.

I would do as others here have suggested and buy an outfit or two for the DD and invite them to dinner, but that would be where I draw the line. Even with that, you have to be careful. The family member I mentioned above now shows up at different people's houses every night of the week right at lunch or dinner time because people invited them over once or twice.

 

[Sgt Mickey]

A family member just called asking to borrow money. He is in his 30's. We have lent him money before (maybe 5 years ago)and were never paid back, even after mentioning it several times. I always felt that he could have offered to "work it off" by helping us with our yard or something, but he never even offered to do that, he just blew it off. He lost a good job 2 months ago due to non attendance. He is awaiting an appeal for unemployment. I said there are jobs around, my 16 year old is working over 20 hours a week in addition to attending high school. He said he will get more in unemployment if it goes thru, so working anywhere would sabotage that. I told him sorry, things are tight for us too.
He has custody of his daughter and that is the part that makes me feel bad, but still I said no. I told him I have a roofer friend that might need some help, he said it would have to be off the books.
Judging by the info I have provided, what would you have said?

I would of said the same thing too. Unless you can afford to give him money with out it being returned then I wouldn't.

 

[dislaney]

I agree with most of the others who said I only loan what I can afford to not get back.

I would possibly help the daughter out in this situation though!

 

[Praying Colonel]

Loaning (actually "giving" in this situation, because you're never getting it back) money to this guy would be like giving a drunk a drink.

 

[cm8]

No. Past actions are the best predictor of future performance. He has not paid you back the first time. He lost his job because he did not GO. He has no interest in finding a new job. What about this person is so appealing that you would even consider lending him money? GIVE him money, if you must, but just know that you will never see it again.

agreed....No, I have burned the money bridge down years ago..

 

[wvjules]

page 3 and everyone is still in agreement.

 

[nmmom95]

No way.

 

[ksjayhawks]

"No." It is a complete sentence and all that you need to tell him. Not to sound harsh, but don't let him "suck you in" with tales of woe about his dd either. Many parents will use their kids as leverage to get money from people and then the child never sees the money or anything it was supposed to buy for them.

 

[DWGal210]

Loaning (actually "giving" in this situation, because you're never getting it back) money to this guy would be like giving a drunk a drink.

That's a great analogy - you're absolutely right. To give him $$ would enable him to continue to be a lazy bum. No thanks.

 

[Hannathy]

"No." It is a complete sentence and all that you need to tell him. Not to sound harsh, but don't let him "suck you in" with tales of woe about his dd either. Many parents will use their kids as leverage to get money from people and then the child never sees the money or anything it was supposed to buy for them.

That is why I suggested actually buying whatever it is for the child and giving it that way.

And I would make it random and unpredictable not a blanket I'll get her school supplies but more hit and miss so he has to supply the basics but I fill in. New jacket now, next time maybe a toy, then I just happened to find shoes in her size, etc. Offer to pay her Scout fees or something.

 

[barkley]

where's the mom of the child-why is'nt she paying child support/if she is has he started the process of trying to get it upped based on his current circumstances?

he's got resources he could apply for-he can apply for both public assistance and food stamps with a uib appeal pending (and unless he's got compelling reasons for non attendance he's not likely to win that appeal). of course he's going to have make an effort seeking work-ANY KIND OF WORK in order to get the part of the monies earmarked for himself, which he does'nt sound inclined to do. he could also cut existing expenses by filing for federal subsidized school lunch for his dd (which usualy means the kids get free breakfast as well).

at this point in the school year, i'm guessing that most kids have what they need school supply wise so i would'nt worry too much there. if you have worries about the dd clothing wise i agree with others, you have to be careful or the child's expenses may become shifted to you. you may have to just familiarize yourself with what is available through community resources, so that if he hits you up, using the child as a sympathy ploy, you can offer up the means for him to get what he needs for the child without providing the funds-needs food or groceries? rattle off the names of community food banks/sources of hot meals, needs a winter coat/gloves/hat? the name of whomever organizes a community "coats for kids" drive, needs utility money? the number for his utility company to talk to their billing staff for the name of agencies/charities that help with this, rent money? the number for public housing to file the application and get on the wait list.

the true emergent nature of his situation will be apparant if he has to utilize these resources.

 

[ez]

thank you for your comments and suggestions,as far as the daughter is concerned. Great advice and insight, I appreciate it

 

[arminnie]

Only if I could afford to give it as a gift because it would never be seen again. And only if I could afford to continue to gift him money. Since I can't do either my answer would be 'No'.

Whether or not I could to afford it as a gift would play no part in my decision. Surely most everyone could find a more worthy gift recepient.

OP - be honest now. Did you really keep from laughing in his face? Must have been hard.