Would you jump on the teacher for this?

[missypie]

DS15 has Aspergerger's Syndrome. One of the things that Aspies often have is a strange prosody to their speech; even though he's a native Texan, people talk about his "British accent." He doesn't actually sound British, but he certainly doesn't sound Texan.

Anyway, they transferred a bunch of kids out of one Chemistry class into another, and after talking to my son for a few minutes, his new teacher asked him, "When did you get here?" "Pardon?", he asks. "When did you arrive in this country?" said the teacher.

I'm trying to think of a way to approach this with the teacher. I don't really think it's necessarily an appropriate question to be asking any student early on, what with the current immigration debate, and all. I guess I'll wait until open house night in a couple of week; DS won't be there, so then we can talk about him.

 

[BillSears]

I hate to say it but I think he's going to have to learn to live with the comments. I have a friend who's got the weirdest accent but he's from Baltimore just like I am. He gets comments and he answers with the truth that he's from Baltimore. However in your son's case it would have been better if his teacher had phrased it abit nicer. He could have said somthing like "That's an unusual accent, where are you from?".

I realize your son's accent is related to his Aspergerger's Syndrome but I feel it's just another one of those things that people will comment on and he's going to just have to get used to it. I get asked questions all the time about my wheelchair and why I use it. Some people are being rude, some are curious and some are concerned but people do ask questions about things that are unusual.

 

[Nanajo1]

My DD has a "speech difference". After 6 years of therapy at school she did master most of the sounds that troubled her but not all. ( I shouldn't say troubled her. Her attitude was if you can't understand me listen harder!) At college after she did an oral presentation the professor corrected her pronunciation on a few words then asked if DD was from Ireland! My DD just shrugged her shoulders and said after 6 years of speech therapy this is good as it gets.
I wouldn't make a big deal about it with the teacher but I would tell him this is one of your DS manifestations of the syndrome. And DS is no trying to act out or be funny. This is just the way he is.

 

[espana94]

I guess I would chalk it up to the teacher trying to connect with the student. You know, taking an interest in the student's background, etc. Like BillSears said in his response, it probably could've been phrased better; but, some people just aren't born with the gift of sensitivity or tact. I don't know that I would confront anyone, just yet. I would take a wait and see attitude. If a pattern of comments emerges, then I would call the teacher or the department head.

BTW, you didn't say how your son told the story to you. Was he upset, or simply relaying the story as a random incident that happened at school? I know I sometimes get outraged on my daughter's behalf over something that was basically a non-incident to her.

Note to Bill, Slighty OT...My DD12 uses crutches and wears AFOs to walk. If I had a nickel for every person who stared or asked her why she uses those "sticks", I wouldn't have to worry about paying for her college tuition in a few years! On a brighter note, she started middle school this year in a new school district, we recently moved. She told me last night that this is the first school that she has ever gone to where the kids don't treat her like "the handicapped kid." Made me want to do the happy dance!!

 

[missypie]

I keep encoouraging my son to make up the name of a country when people ask where he's from. Or, to answer "Durban, South Africa." We have a Dutch last name, so it would work.

DS was kind of incredulous, but laughing a bit when he told the story.

We sort of "collect" those stories. Like when he was ordering a drink at a fast food place, and they asked him what size. He said "large", which sort of sound like "lowge". The girl asked him to repeat it three times and still didn't understand him; we laugh about that because the choices were "small" , "medium" and "large." Could she REALLY not figure out which of those three he was saying??!!!

 

[cquick]

My son, Patrick, is 28y/o with cerebral palsey. He is so funny; if someone doesn't understand him the first time he says something, he repeats himself very loudly and slowly and says "do you understand me now?". We always get a kick out of it, since people are quite taken aback when a disabled person acts like THEY are the one with the problem!

 

[MomOf2DisneyKids]

Does your son have an IEP? If so, then the teacher should have seen it BEFORE seeing your son in class (right??) and IMHO, should have known better than to ask that! I'm glad that your ds took it in stride!

 

[SueM in MN]

I agree with the others who would not make a big deal of it (especially as it didn't sound like it bothered your DS, just added to his stock of stories). As someone else mentioned, it might be the teacher's attempt to 'connect' with a new student and he did not mean it to be rude at all (but it sure came out that way). I'm not sure that you mentioning it is going to do anything except make the teacher more aware of your son's differences (which can be good if the teacher learns from it or can be bad if it makes the teacher think your son is less capable than he is).

I noticed my nephew's speech patterns when he came to visit us recently (he has AS and is 16 I think). He probably doesn't get a lot of comments because he's from a small town where people have known him and his family for years. I think as he gets away from home more, he may run into more people who are 'interested' in 'where he's from" because his normal speech patterns do sound like a foreign accent. I think that will happen no matter what, so he needs to be prepared for it when it does.

What I can see that might be helpful would be to talk with your DS about appropriate responses to a sort of semi-rude question like that. That way, if it happens again, he'll be ready with something to say. (I don't think you posted what he did say in response, but he might have come up with something already that works).

 

[Tink's Pixieduster]

My son, Patrick, is 28y/o with cerebral palsey. He is so funny; if someone doesn't understand him the first time he says something, he repeats himself very loudly and slowly and says "do you understand me now?". We always get a kick out of it, since people are quite taken aback when a disabled person acts like THEY are the one with the problem!

Oh dear. I do not think this is funny and would probably be quite hurt. There are those of us who have hearing problems, and being humiliated because I didn't understand someone is the last thing I need. I have nerve damage and scar tissue in my ears from repeated infections in my early teens, so many times things said to me sound garbled. Sometimes it takes two or three trys by the speaker for me to pick up everything depending on crowd or background noise, and sometimes I'm not able to understand at all. I'm not deaf so a hearing aid would do no good, and being yelled at is simply insulting. Of course this is my problem, and it is invisible unlike the cane I use for my bad knee, but I hope that even though your son is understandably frustrated at times, he will keep in mind that there are people in the world who truly might have difficulty understanding him and their difficulty in understanding is not deliberate or intended as being demeaning to him.

 

[LindsayDunn228]

OP, I think you need to let this go. The teacher meant absolutely no harm. I think your child needs to get used to hearing comments like this. Trust me, there are many worse things that could be going on with him.

 

[seashoreCM]

OP, I think you need to let this go. The teacher meant absolutely no harm. I think your child needs to get used to hearing comments like this. Trust me, there are many worse things that could be going on with him.

One who makes "comments like this" or "comments like that" forfeits the right to be deferred to. Although rudeness is totally out of place, corny answers or responses are not out of order.

Teacher: When did you come to this country?
Grade schooler: "Thirty two years 7 months and 9 days ago.

Disney hints:
http://members.aol.com/ajaynejr/disney.htm

 

[LindsayDunn228]

One who makes "comments like this" or "comments like that" forfeits the right to be deferred to. Although rudeness is totally out of place, corny answers or responses are not out of order.

Teacher: When did you come to this country?
Grade schooler: "Thirty two years 7 months and 9 days ago.

Disney hints:
http://members.aol.com/ajaynejr/disney.htm

I didn't say they weren't out of order. The question was "should the teacher be jumped on?" I said no, she shouldn't. I just don't see the need to get defensive and rude to someone like that. The comment you posted I think is classic.

 

[Hedy]

DS15 has Aspergerger's Syndrome. One of the things that Aspies often have is a strange prosody to their speech; even though he's a native Texan, people talk about his "British accent." He doesn't actually sound British, but he certainly doesn't sound Texan.

Anyway, they transferred a bunch of kids out of one Chemistry class into another, and after talking to my son for a few minutes, his new teacher asked him, "When did you get here?" "Pardon?", he asks. "When did you arrive in this country?" said the teacher.

I'm trying to think of a way to approach this with the teacher. I don't really think it's necessarily an appropriate question to be asking any student early on, what with the current immigration debate, and all. I guess I'll wait until open house night in a couple of week; DS won't be there, so then we can talk about him.

I might give a quick comment about it, in a neutral way (if possible). I'm more hopping on this thread because I can relate. I have/had a speech impediment, which led to a childhood of "Where are you from?" "Um, Ireland and England." "When did you move here?" "I've lived on ___ st. my whole life."

 

[missypie]

Well, I can't "jump on" the teacher now, even if I had wanted to. It seems that she recognized our last name, and it turns out that her son was in 3rd grade with my DD (before they moved to another neighborhood) and DH was the room parent, and she has already complemented DH to DS in class....I can't exactly turn into a big witch over it now. But I do think I'll tease her about it on parents' night (DS won't be there.)

I do find it interesting that SO MANY people - kids and adults - ask DS where he's from, based on his speech. I run into a lot of people, and I don't remember when I've ever asked someone in casual conversation where they're from because of an accent. Other than when making small talk at the pool on vacation, it's almost never relevant.

 

[melomouse]

oooh, missypie.... Mom of Asperger's boy 14 1/2 starting HS TODAY!!!... I feel for you.

In my fantasy world, ALL teacher's READ my son's IEP and files BEFORE he gets in the classroom! No one makes any untoward comments til they investigate what my Aspie kid's particular affectations are! They listen first, talk later!!!

That's the mom part of me talking. I think she was dead wrong....but I'd let it go, and work with DS on it!!!

And how weird is it she knew him way back when and remembered your DH??? Like, DUH - she didn't realize DS was here in 3rd grade??????
Good luck!

 

[Nanajo1]

I do find it interesting that SO MANY people - kids and adults - ask DS where he's from, based on his speech. I run into a lot of people, and I don't remember when I've ever asked someone in casual conversation where they're from because of an accent. Other than when making small talk at the pool on vacation, it's almost never relevant.

I think people are generally interested and the would like to talk with someone from another place. My Boston accent is commented on all the time when we are out of New England. I don't mind that as much as I do when people ask where my American/Irish/Cambodian grandchildren are from. I tell them Hershey PA.

 

[missypie]

oooh, missypie.... Mom of Asperger's boy 14 1/2 starting HS TODAY!!!... I feel for you.

In my fantasy world, ALL teacher's READ my son's IEP and files BEFORE he gets in the classroom! No one makes any untoward comments til they investigate what my Aspie kid's particular affectations are! They listen first, talk later!!!

That's the mom part of me talking. I think she was dead wrong....but I'd let it go, and work with DS on it!!!

And how weird is it she knew him way back when and remembered your DH??? Like, DUH - she didn't realize DS was here in 3rd grade??????
Good luck!

Good luck to your son starting high school!!!

It was my daughter who was in class with her son, so she remembered the name, but not my son.

ANYWAY, here is the thing that is crazy at our school: Any necessary accomodations from the IEP are told to the teacher, but not the diagnosis! They aren't ALLOWED to share the diagnosis with the teachers!!!!! So, if his IEP said for him to sit at the front of the room and get extra time for tests, the teacher would have to follow it, but not be told why. Isn't that insane???

When DS was in middle school and had more "issues", at the very first of the school year, I would pass out notebooks to each teacher, with a letter about DS, and lots of articles about Asperger's. In high school, we've just talked to the teachers where necessary. For example, I'll have a chat with his English teacher because we realized that he just doesn't "get" symbolism in literature and poetry. (He "gets" it once it's explained, but would never figure it out on his own.)