Would You Intrude on This Couple

[cm8]

There is a large park by a lake. Lots of picnic tables scattered about, some very close to the lake. A playground is in the center. The park is completely empty except for one couple at a secluded picnic table having lunch. You have to go down a hill to get to this picnic table. You can't see it from most of the area in the park, except when standing on this hill. You can look down and see the picnic table clearly. As I said, the rest of the park was empty.

A mother with her two young children decide to walk right down beside the picnic table to look at the water. The kids are running back and forth directly in front of the picnic table. They stay several minutes. Then the grandmother comes down to take a couple pictures of her daughter and kids by the water. Obviously they are intruding on this couple. There were several other areas they could have gone to, so the kids could look at the lake and run around and they could take their pictures.

If you were this mother with your two young children would you have walked down right beside the couple at the picnic table, or would you have chosen to go to another area by the lake?

we would have chosen to invade another part I would have wanted the same courtesy afforded to me!

 

[overlyspoiled4sure]

I guess I'm a grumpy old woman too, because I'm with MIGrandma. The park was empty except for the couple at the picnic table. I believe the family should have chosen a spot further away. Geeze, they were close enough to hear each other's conversations for petes sake!!

If the park was crowded, now, that's a a different story. No choice then. You take what space you can get. Having kids running around is to be expected.

However, kids should be expected to stay put in restaurants. I shudder to think what would happen should a kid be running around with servers busy hustling to & fro with heavy trays. They do need to learn how to behave in a restaurant though, & should be taken there periodically so they DO learn. Kids also need to know when to use "inside" voices vs "outside" voices.

When our kids were small, we chose fast food restaurants because a hungry kid is going to be a noisy kid. As they grew older, we went to other restaurants.

 

[handinpocket]

I'm not so entitled that I feel a public park has sections that is my own "personal domain". If I had wanted privacy, I would have never been in a PUBLIC park.

 

[ols386]

It's a public park. If the couple wanted privacy, then they should not go to a public setting.

Having said that, I probably would not have gone to the location right there near the couple. I usually try to give people (especially ones that I don't know) their space.

 

[goofy!]

Would I intrude on this couple?

No. But not because I believed it would be rude, just that I like my private space and would not willingly choose to be close to another family or couple.

However, if I were the OP sitting at that table, I would not blink an eye if somebody was enjoying the park next to where I was sitting. I would not find it rude, annoying nor an intrusion. It is a public park after all and I would have no expectations that another family would be psychic enough to know I wanted privacy.

I would assume the other people had good reason to choose that particular spot of the lake, just as I had good reason to choose that spot of the lake.

Hills are huge enticements to children. Perhaps the children wanted the experience of running down the big hill.

Perhaps that was also the family's favorite picnic table and they ventured down the hill to scope out whether the OP was close to being finished or not.

Perhaps they wanted that table, had promised the kids they would eat at their favorite table, and were just waiting for the table to open up.

There are plenty of reasons, none of which I would assume rude or inconsiderate for somebody to choose that particular place of the lake. If I found that particular spot tranquil and serene, it goes to reason that another family would also like to enjoy that particular spot.

The OP has said there was plenty of room in the park to go elsewhere to enjoy the lake, but she has carefully avoided any questions about whether the access to the lake was better at that table, whether the view was better or any reason why somebody may also choose that particular spot. Unless I was familiar with the lake and all the access points, I would not be able to comment whether the family should have gone elsewhere or not.

 

[SaraJayne]

Alright!! next time I go to WDW I want all of you to stay out of the land I am in. I plan on getting there first, so it shouldn't be a problem!

Sorry, I was here first.

 

[MissElizabeth]

My children like routine, so if that's the spot we always go to in the park, we'd have gone there, couple or not.

I guess the way I see it, "rude" is subjective here. I don't think its rude to play in a park, regardless of who is sitting where. IMO, its just playing. Rude is behavior that is intended to make you feel bad or is intended to intrude on you. If my kids tried to engage your attention, I'd have smiled and hearded them on. If they're just playing... I'm not psychic enough to know that is going to annoy you. For every one dirty look we get from an older couple we get two warm smiles and nice comments from older people who miss having children in their lives (I assume). I get lots of compliments on my kids manners, so we must be doing something right.

I find it kind of strange that posters here expect folks to walk through life trying to guess at the wants and needs of perfect strangers in every situation.

 

[MIGrandma]

wow
I am always flabergasted by folks who are annoyed by children after theirs are already grown. Do you think back in the day your kids never once annoyed anyone else in public? LOL
this was a public park. kids play in open spaces like this. they make noise when they play.

I don't know if this was already asked, but you keep saying the park was empty, whey didn't you just move to another area if you wanted quiet so much.
not trying to be snarky, just wondering?
I mean I know you were there first, but if it annoyed you as much as you are saying why not just get up and move.



I agree


you must not have kids.
that is such an old fashioned way.

Oh, believe me, when I was younger and my children were little I, too, was flabbergasted by people who were annoyed by children after their own were grown! But once they WERE grown and had "flown the nest" DH and I got used to the peace and quiet, and we actually learned to like it, heck we LOVE it!! I think a lot of people, when they get older, are less tolerant of noisy, boisterous children, it isn't just me.

And no, I don't think the question had been asked before about us moving if it bothered us (at least I don't think it has, if it was I missed it). We were eating BBQ ribs, which were messy, so we would have had to clean everything up first in order to move. If we had just been sitting there and not eating, we probably would have moved. But we didn't want to have to clean up and pack everything up in order to move. I kept thinking they would leave soon, since the area was so small.

To OP,

I'm flabbergasted at the number of people who have come to the conclusion you are the problem and that you hate children.

I think those responses are indicative of the people you described in your original post. It doesn't matter if you were there first. It doesn't matter if there are yards or acres of other places for them to sit at. They want the space you are in to do what they want, they do not care about you.

These are the same people as the ones you encountered in the park. They only care about themselves, they have no empathy, compassion or consideration of other people. If they did they wouldn't be so unkind to you.

The OP wanted some quiet time in a pretty place, albeit a public place. I don't see how it being a public place excuses people from being considerate of others. People go to parks for lots of reasons, and I don't see how children running around trumps any other reason people go to parks.

OP you are entitled to feel annoyed and not be accused of hating children. Please read the responses you are getting as a way of understanding the behavior of the family in the park. Know there is nothing wrong with how you felt about it. It is perfectly valid. People can come up with a thousand reasons why the family did what it did, but the effect is the same, it was inconsiderate.

Oh, now this is something I'm NOT flabbergasted about (the number of people who think I'm the problem and that I hate children). After all, this is the Dis! 'nuff said. And those who called me a grumpy old woman wouldn't say that to my face, I'm sure. It's easy to do so at a computer tho.

OP - can I ask how close these children were. Did they just run by your table and go to the water? Or, were they running around and around your specific table? I think there is a big difference there.

See post #47, I explained it there.

I completely agree! I have never gotten the impression from the OP that she's a grumpy old woman and people who are calling her that are just rude.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with someone for seeking a little solitude in a public place when there's no crowd and expecting that people can keep a little respectful distance. People just don't know boundaries anymore.

Thank you. I don't think I'm a grumpy old woman at all. Just not as tolerant of other people's children as I was when I was younger. Especially when they are so close like they were.

Would I intrude on this couple?

No. But not because I believed it would be rude, just that I like my private space and would not willingly choose to be close to another family or couple.

However, if I were the OP sitting at that table, I would not blink an eye if somebody was enjoying the park next to where I was sitting. I would not find it rude, annoying nor an intrusion. It is a public park after all and I would have no expectations that another family would be psychic enough to know I wanted privacy.

I would assume the other people had good reason to choose that particular spot of the lake, just as I had good reason to choose that spot of the lake.

Hills are huge enticements to children. Perhaps the children wanted the experience of running down the big hill.

Perhaps that was also the family's favorite picnic table and they ventured down the hill to scope out whether the OP was close to being finished or not.

Perhaps they wanted that table, had promised the kids they would eat at their favorite table, and were just waiting for the table to open up.

There are plenty of reasons, none of which I would assume rude or inconsiderate for somebody to choose that particular place of the lake. If I found that particular spot tranquil and serene, it goes to reason that another family would also like to enjoy that particular spot.

The OP has said there was plenty of room in the park to go elsewhere to enjoy the lake, but she has carefully avoided any questions about whether the access to the lake was better at that table, whether the view was better or any reason why somebody may also choose that particular spot. Unless I was familiar with the lake and all the access points, I would not be able to comment whether the family should have gone elsewhere or not.

I don't think I have "carefully avoided" any questions about whether the access to the lake was better at that table, if the view was better, etc. If I did miss someone asking a question, I apologize for that.

As I said earlier, there were several areas with tables that were close to the lake. I would imagine the view from them would have been exactly the same as at the table we chose, since none of them had trees or anything in front of them.

 

[goofyernmost]

One doesn't intrude on people simply by walking by them in a public place. That's just not possible. I think it is natural though. How many times have you chosen a seat in a theater that isn't necessarily the best spot. The place is nearly empty and all of a sudden everyone sits where you are. They have all those places to chose from and yet they sit next to you, behind you, in front of you...it is mind boggling to me. It seems to happen every time.

 

[SaraJayne]

Oh, now this is something I'm NOT flabbergasted about (the number of people who think I'm the problem and that I hate children). After all, this is the Dis! 'nuff said. And those who called me a grumpy old woman wouldn't say that to my face, I'm sure. It's easy to do so at a computer tho.

I wouldn't be so sure.

 

[sammiwa]

I find it pretty funny that someone who has "Grandma" as part of her user name is so anti-kids
And yes, I do think that OP is crotchety. Kids go to parks. Kids are loud. If they are in a public park, that's to be expected. If you don't like it, go to the Senior Center.
I am just glad that my child's grandmother is much more accepting of children!

 

[Jennasis]

you must not have kids.
that is such an old fashioned way.

No. I don't.

And I would then be tempted to tell you how that tonsil hockey at the park in front of kids is inappropriate PDA--whereas playing (running about) at a park is NOT inappropriate behaviour. There is a time and a place for just about everything--the place for kids to run around and play is a park.

I hate the "Children should be seen and not heard" line. They're people too.

That viewpoint is about as outdated as women belonging barefoot, pregnant, and in the kitchen or "the blacks" needing their own restrooms and drinking fountains. I'm personally glad that the most of the world has smartened up and moved on.

If I am at a public park I expect there will be people, even young ones, there, maybe even running around. I'd just be happy the kids were out actually playing instead of sitting on their butts playing video games.

For the picnickers too.

Sorry gang. It seems my tongue-in-cheek attempt at humor fell flat. I thought the laughing smileys would have been enough, but it seems not. I should've used a winky ()

 

[lisaviolet]

Wow, this thread is SO incredibly interesting. Fascinating.

I would love a survey attached to it with ages. (And I know there would be a few people that are older and agree with the not an issue at all - and some that are younger and see the issue). But in general I would put my money on it that it is generational.

Me - I don't think OP thinks the park is hers. I don't think she hates children. I *think* she would have felt the same way if a couple came down and sat right by them and had a loud conversation - not in a crowded park but in a secluded park. I think she knows that parks are public places and that they are meant to have running children and playing children - having fun, being loud and living it up in the park. I just think she thought today I would like a lovely quiet lunch with her husband and really looked around to see where she *might* get a private area and have a really good chance to do that. Did she think that is HER RIGHT? No, I don't think so. She simply wouldn't have done what the family did. Does it make the family wrong or evil? No, it's their right. It's a public park. She just wouldn't have done it. And I wouldn't have done it. A lot of us would have gone to a different area. Would we have to? No, not at all. But we would have - as a courtesy because there were other options. That's all.

I guess I'm getting up there - 43 - because more and more I'm running into these kind of conversations where I think they are totally straightfoward courtesies and others think "I have NO IDEA what you're talking about". Oh Lord.

Here's an example - two weeks ago my sister had a 50th brithday party and my niece helped another friend - who I don't know - with her planning a party blog/business. I went on to see the blog entry and there first on her blog was a picture that I took at the party (my niece took many as well). Hmmm, I said and was going to leave it - maybe she took the same picture and if not I can't be bothered. I thought the blog entry was well done and that my niece's pictures were gorgeous and told her so on FB.

But my niece approached me a couple of days later about something else. So I asked her, "Hey is was that my picture on there or did we just take a similar one?".

YEP. (Nothing else).

Well sweetheart you should have told me you were doing that.

WHAT? (like really WHAT? ). She goes, "I'm confused".

So I get confused. I'm sorry is it not my picture?

(You see where this is going, eh? I see being told as manners/courtesy - she doesn't even know what I'm taking about)

Yep, it's your picture. Why are you making such a huge deal out of this? You needed to be ASKED?

I'm not. I simply stated that I think you should have TOLD me. And I was done. No huge deal.

And then I get this whole paragraph from her about no tagging on the blog -did you want photo rights , there are no legalities broken, I'm not doing contract work for her, I don't know how to respond because I don't even know what your issue is. You haven't even explained it.

. Lord help me - I'm old. Because I'm like "what?" to all her legal mumbo jumbo and she thinks I'm insane for thinking I should have been told that she used a picture of mine on her friend's blog.

I told her - I did explain it - it's a courtesy - it has to be generational.

Such an interesting thread.

 

[S. C.]

I find it pretty funny that someone who has "Grandma" as part of her user name is so anti-kids
And yes, I do think that OP is crotchety. Kids go to parks. Kids are loud. If they are in a public park, that's to be expected. If you don't like it, go to the Senior Center.
I am just glad that my child's grandmother is much more accepting of children!

sammiwa
Earning My Ears

Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 5

Soooo...what is your real user name? I find it pretty funny you didn't have the nerve to use your real user name on here! OP never said she was anti-kids.

 

[sammiwa]

sammiwa
Earning My Ears

Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 5

Soooo...what is your real user name? I find it pretty funny you didn't have the nerve to use your real user name on here! OP never said she was anti-kids.

Ummm, that is my user name

I haven't been visiting this board for very long and I lurk more than I post. Hope I was able to clear that up for you

 

[S. C.]

Ummm, that is my user name

I haven't been visiting this board for very long and I lurk more than I post. Hope I was able to clear that up for you

If you say so!

 

[Wishing on a star]

Of course sometimes it is polite to give people space (ie sitting in front of someone in an empty theatre and blocking their view is just stupid).

Well, from the way I am reading the situation, this is EXACTLY what they did... get 2-3 feet away, RIGHT in front of this couple....

Yep, intrusion...

This wasn't a small, or crowded, area...

IMHO, it was the 'who cares about anybody else, my kids are going to run amok' family who were being rude and 'entitled'.

 

[Angelhalo]

Yes, it is a public place. Does the couple own the park? No. But, it seems pretty apparent that the couple tried to choose a spot where they could be alone and enjoy each other's company. It doesn't seem like much else was going on in the park, so to me it seems as though it would be common courtesy to have my kids play in another area of the park.

Just because it is a public place, doesn't mean we can't just show a little bit of respect to other people. A lot of issues in this world wouldn't exist if we could all just be more courteous to each other. Instead of just angrily demanding "Well it's a public place so they can just get over it!", why not just think "Hmmm looks like there is a couple enjoying a quiet moment in an otherwise empty park. Maybe they'd like some peace." It seems like everything these days is just me me me! Whatever is more convenient for me, or easier for me, rather than just taking a miniscule moment to think about anyone else.

ETA: As for being less "anti-kids"....it's not as though the couple sat down in the middle of the playground to hang out. It seems they went down the hill and out of the way to choose an area where they might attempt to have some serenity. People visit parks for all kinds of reasons. Just because it is a park, doesn't automatically mean the entire acreage HAS to be covered in running children. Some people actually visit parks to relax and have peace in nature or have a quiet picnic with their loved one. that doesn't automatically make them anti-kids.

Lisa: I am 31

 

[Wishing on a star]

Ohhhh, another thought (sorry if this has been mentioned earlier)

But, wow, huge surprize....
Anyone who doesn't want a stranger's kids in their face (or even an adult stranger for that matter) while they are trying to dine or have an adult conversation with someone (yes, at a restaurant, table at a park, or anywhere else.....) is automatically labeled a kid hater.... Jeez, like I never would have seen that coming....

Gotta love the DIS!

 

[Michelle and crew]

Ohhhh, another thought (sorry if this has been mentioned earlier)

But, wow, huge surprize....
Anyone who doesn't want a stranger's kids in their face (or even an adult stranger for that matter) while they are trying to dine or have an adult conversation with someone (yes, at a restaurant, table at a park, or anywhere else.....) is automatically labeled a kid hater.... Jeez, like I never would have seen that coming....

Gotta love the DIS!

And anyone who thinks that public places have people in them are considered what...entitled, rude, etc. Is there any big surprise in the fact that both sides exist? Frankly, it seems pretty natural to me.

47 years old.