Would You Intrude on This Couple

[MonkeyDishwasher]

If she wasn't annoyed I doubt she would be using words like "invading" and "intruding" and posting a thread about it

You haven't been reading here for long have you...

 

[NHdisneylover]

No. I don't.

Sorry gang. It seems my tongue-in-cheek attempt at humor fell flat. I thought the laughing smileys would have been enough, but it seems not. I should've used a winky ()

SO you don't think people were intruding I got the impression that you were intentionally over exaggerating a bit for a humorous effect but still mostly believed what you were saying. Chalk it up to tine not coming through easily in a post.

Last night I was too tired to type everything out but here goes:
IF everything else were equally, and we did not normally go to any certain place in the park then sure, I would try to leave a good wide amount of space between us and anyone else who was there doing whatever. However, I would not feel obligated to do so if there was any other reason why we wanted to be in the same general area as another park goer.

As someone else mentioned, many children are creatures of routine. I capitalized on that when my kids were young so that i could easily keep an eye on them. One way i did that is we tended to have certain areas at parks and the like that we always went to. Places where they knew where the boundaries were and would not stray. More often than not those places would be more out of the way or isolated areas. The area described in the OP sounds about perfect. It is relatively small with natural boundaries that the kids could easily recognize as the borders of where they could play (hill top, lake, trees). I can totally imagine having gone to the park all summer and spent our time in that area where the kids knew the limits to their roaming and then NOT changing to a wide open space where it might be very difficult to keep a safe eye on both children (while still giving them some freedom to run) just because a couple happened to be eating some ribs in the same part of the park (and rib eating would not strike me as an intimate, romantic thing that needed privacy anyway--sorry).

I an actually really stunned by how many people think the family was rude to allow their children to play in the same area of the park as the OP ate in. I would think it was rude if the kids were screeching in her ear, climbing on the table, throwing a ball in OPs direction, etc--but simply playing near by--at a park is normal. The ONE rude thing I see in this whole scenario is the OP commenting to her husband about the photos. If there was ANY chance at all that the family heard that, then that was rude indeed. Then again, I am the type of person who generally offers to take group photos (and living in a tourist town i do so all the time)--though I might not if i had BBQ sauce all over my hands

 

[ZADS]

Why didn't the "annoyed" part of couple simply state in a kindly manner to mother, "hi, I don't mean to be rude, but we're trying to have a peaceful, romantic picnic... This is a large park... Would you mind if the kids played just a little bit further away?"

I can understand "annoyed" person's need for a romantic time in a beautiful location with her beloved, but it is a public domain.

I can also see that kids are not going to pick up on that need for privacy, and their free will is going to take them where ever fun may go.

I feel sorry for the mother who felt she needed to apologise. She may not have known. She may have been oblivious. Nothing wrong with that. Still, she was in a public domain and had every right to enjoy it...though if I saw my kids so close to a couple, I'd move them away, and I'm not sure why she didn't. But "annoyed person", you needed to speak up and make her aware with kindness, also.

Oh well, next time, perhaps find a PRIVATE place to enjoy privacy if the PUBLIC bothers you so much in public.

 

[angelmav]

Let me get this straight, you are in a PUBLIC park at a picturesque setting that others might also want to enjoy and are unnerved that anyone has the temerity to occupy the same surroundings as you?

I am not buying the It was such a small area they were 1-2 Feet away part either, if the confines were really that tight then they would have practically been bumping into you and if that was the case you should have spoken up.

I think you were just annoyed to have had your 'moment' of privacy ruined, but it was you who are making this an issue, not the other way around.

 

[Ceila]

OP never said she was anti-kids.

Anyone who doesn't want a stranger's kids in their face (or even an adult stranger for that matter) while they are trying to dine or have an adult conversation with someone (yes, at a restaurant, table at a park, or anywhere else.....) is automatically labeled a kid hater.... Jeez, like I never would have seen that coming....

Gotta love the DIS!

Well, she certainly implies that she doesn't care for kids being kids in a public park. And I'm not buying that there were 1-2 feel from the picnic table. If that was really the case it would have been relevant enough to make it into the first post.

The older I get the less tolerant I am of loud children. The park was so nice and quiet, then we found this nice secluded area that was even better. And when I heard them starting to come down the hill I was wishing they wouldn't.

Gee, what a surprise - kids were using their outside voices...outside. The horror!

Jeez, like I never would have seen that coming....
Gotta love the DIS!

I've seen this sentiment from you several times lately. If you dislike the posters here on the Dis so much, why do you continue to post here? I don't think I would enjoy posting someplace where I am constantly in disagreement with the majority of the posters. I'd search out a more like-minded forum. YMMV.

 

[Skywalker]

I've taken my kids to a public park before where there was a wedding party having photos taken. So of course I did not let my kids run around and play in that area while they were there. THAT would be intruding and rude and inconsiderate.

Two people eating ribs at a picnic table? Not so much.

See, maybe they were there earlier and had to go home and just returned. Or maybe the mom was just letting the kids roam where they wanted in the park that day. I don't think she should have hustled her children away like you or they had the plague. Do we really have to that anti-social?

I'm all for raising considerate children, but there's not much you can do when someone is "intolerant" (the OP's word) of just your very presence.

Grandma you sure are territorial about a flippin' picnic table, lol.

 

[Acklander]

Well, from the way I am reading the situation, this is EXACTLY what they did... get 2-3 feet away, RIGHT in front of this couple....

Yep, intrusion...

This wasn't a small, or crowded, area...

IMHO, it was the 'who cares about anybody else, my kids are going to run amok' family who were being rude and 'entitled'.

I don't allow my kids to "run amok" at restaurants, in movie theaters, in stores, in theme parks, etc.... But a park is one of the few places I do allow them to run around. As a matter of fact when I want them to burn off energy I'll bring them to the park, where they can have fun without me chasing after them telling them where they can and can't go. So, yeah, If I was there it wouldn't even have crossed my mind as being a bad thing if my kids had run by a couple eating lunch on their way down to the lake. and I wouldn't have stopped to do a population count of who was in the park to see if it was acceptable for my kids to be in the area. When arriving in the park, the kids run free and I just follow along with them taking the lead.

Acklander, who will be 50 <gulp> in 2 weeks

 

[NHdisneylover]

I don't allow my kids to "run amok" at restaurants, in movie theaters, in stores, in theme parks, etc.... But a park is one of the few places I do allow them to run around. As a matter of fact when I want them to burn off energy I'll bring them to the park, where they can have fun without me chasing after them telling them where they can and can't go. So, yeah, If I was there it wouldn't even have crossed my mind as being a bad thing if my kids had run by a couple eating lunch on their way down to the lake. and I wouldn't have stopped to do a population count of who was in the park to see if it was acceptable for my kids to be in the area. When arriving in the park, the kids run free and I just follow along with them taking the lead.

Acklander, who will be 50 <gulp> in 2 weeks

This is pretty much how I feel. Parks are the one place for running around and playing.

 

[Ceila]

Since some people have decided to make this about the age of the posters, I'll admit that I'm in my early 40s and don't see anything wrong with what the mother and children (and even the picture-taking grandma!) did. I also mentioned it the situation to my mother last night, and she thought the kids were fine. And we both agreed that we would have been happy to offer to get a group picture for the family! (I always am so appreciative of others when they have done that for me, I try to pay it forward when I can.)

So, an early-40s and a late-60s believe that children are welcome to play in a public park.

 

[Magic Mom]

Yes, the two children were literally 1-2 FEET from the front of the picnic table we were sitting at. This area I'm talking about was a very small, secluded area of the park.

That's probably why she picked this area. Because it was small and contained and her small kids could play and enjoy themselves without her having to chase them in all directions at once. Since they were by the water, it was a safe choice.

 

[RitaZ.]

I'm all for raising considerate children, but there's not much you can do when someone is "intolerant" (the OP's word) of just your very presence.

I agree with you. Some people use the excuse that children are rude or don't belong somewhere to disguise and defend their deep dislike for children.

A public park is just that. Public.

 

[Mermaid02]

It's a public park- I would have followed my kids to wherever they wanted to play.

 

[allison443]

Let me get this straight, you are in a PUBLIC park at a picturesque setting that others might also want to enjoy and are unnerved that anyone has the temerity to occupy the same surroundings as you?

I am not buying the It was such a small area they were 1-2 Feet away part either, if the confines were really that tight then they would have practically been bumping into you and if that was the case you should have spoken up.

I think you were just annoyed to have had your 'moment' of privacy ruined, but it was you who are making this an issue, not the other way around.

I do believe that the kids could have passed within 1-2 feet of the picnic table as they walked by going to the edge of the water....but it's not like they were running in circles around the table as OP was sitting there, or like they climbed up on the benches of OP's table.

If it really persisted for a long period of time, I guess the OP could have moved as well...why the need for this particular secluded spot since the rest of the park was empty, there were other places near the water according to OP, etc. Yes, I do understand OP was there first. However, once it became apparent that the family was hanging out nearby, why not be proactive and move, rather than let it bother you?

edited to add, I just saw the OP's post about eating messy food so they didn't want to pack everything up, etc. I understand about thinking maybe the family wouldn't stay long, etc.

 

[shortbun]

I would have gone to another area but I don't have two little kids and my MIL in tow. Maybe the children are used to going to that spot-it's 'their spot' to go to the lake, kwim? Kids are creatures of habit and requiring them to change their routine is sometimes not worth the grief.

 

[allison443]

Wow, this thread is SO incredibly interesting. Fascinating.

I would love a survey attached to it with ages. (And I know there would be a few people that are older and agree with the not an issue at all - and some that are younger and see the issue). But in general I would put my money on it that it is generational.

Me - I don't think OP thinks the park is hers. I don't think she hates children. I *think* she would have felt the same way if a couple came down and sat right by them and had a loud conversation - not in a crowded park but in a secluded park. I think she knows that parks are public places and that they are meant to have running children and playing children - having fun, being loud and living it up in the park. I just think she thought today I would like a lovely quiet lunch with her husband and really looked around to see where she *might* get a private area and have a really good chance to do that. Did she think that is HER RIGHT? No, I don't think so. She simply wouldn't have done what the family did. Does it make the family wrong or evil? No, it's their right. It's a public park. She just wouldn't have done it. And I wouldn't have done it. A lot of us would have gone to a different area. Would we have to? No, not at all. But we would have - as a courtesy because there were other options. That's all.

I guess I'm getting up there - 43 - because more and more I'm running into these kind of conversations where I think they are totally straightfoward courtesies and others think "I have NO IDEA what you're talking about". Oh Lord.

Here's an example - two weeks ago my sister had a 50th brithday party and my niece helped another friend - who I don't know - with her planning a party blog/business. I went on to see the blog entry and there first on her blog was a picture that I took at the party (my niece took many as well). Hmmm, I said and was going to leave it - maybe she took the same picture and if not I can't be bothered. I thought the blog entry was well done and that my niece's pictures were gorgeous and told her so on FB.

But my niece approached me a couple of days later about something else. So I asked her, "Hey is was that my picture on there or did we just take a similar one?".

YEP. (Nothing else).

Well sweetheart you should have told me you were doing that.

WHAT? (like really WHAT? ). She goes, "I'm confused".

So I get confused. I'm sorry is it not my picture?

(You see where this is going, eh? I see being told as manners/courtesy - she doesn't even know what I'm taking about)

Yep, it's your picture. Why are you making such a huge deal out of this? You needed to be ASKED?

I'm not. I simply stated that I think you should have TOLD me. And I was done. No huge deal.

And then I get this whole paragraph from her about no tagging on the blog -did you want photo rights , there are no legalities broken, I'm not doing contract work for her, I don't know how to respond because I don't even know what your issue is. You haven't even explained it.

. Lord help me - I'm old. Because I'm like "what?" to all her legal mumbo jumbo and she thinks I'm insane for thinking I should have been told that she used a picture of mine on her friend's blog.

I told her - I did explain it - it's a courtesy - it has to be generational.

Such an interesting thread.

Now I'm curious, how did your niece get access to your picture to use it on the blog?

 

[Jennasis]

SO you don't think people were intruding I got the impression that you were intentionally over exaggerating a bit for a humorous effect but still mostly believed what you were saying. Chalk it up to tine not coming through easily in a post.

Last night I was too tired to type everything out but here goes:
IF everything else were equally, and we did not normally go to any certain place in the park then sure, I would try to leave a good wide amount of space between us and anyone else who was there doing whatever. However, I would not feel obligated to do so if there was any other reason why we wanted to be in the same general area as another park goer.

As someone else mentioned, many children are creatures of routine. I capitalized on that when my kids were young so that i could easily keep an eye on them. One way i did that is we tended to have certain areas at parks and the like that we always went to. Places where they knew where the boundaries were and would not stray. More often than not those places would be more out of the way or isolated areas. The area described in the OP sounds about perfect. It is relatively small with natural boundaries that the kids could easily recognize as the borders of where they could play (hill top, lake, trees). I can totally imagine having gone to the park all summer and spent our time in that area where the kids knew the limits to their roaming and then NOT changing to a wide open space where it might be very difficult to keep a safe eye on both children (while still giving them some freedom to run) just because a couple happened to be eating some ribs in the same part of the park (and rib eating would not strike me as an intimate, romantic thing that needed privacy anyway--sorry).

I an actually really stunned by how many people think the family was rude to allow their children to play in the same area of the park as the OP ate in. I would think it was rude if the kids were screeching in her ear, climbing on the table, throwing a ball in OPs direction, etc--but simply playing near by--at a park is normal. The ONE rude thing I see in this whole scenario is the OP commenting to her husband about the photos. If there was ANY chance at all that the family heard that, then that was rude indeed. Then again, I am the type of person who generally offers to take group photos (and living in a tourist town i do so all the time)--though I might not if i had BBQ sauce all over my hands

Not sure I would use the word intruding, but the question posed was essentially would I bring my kids (if I had them) to hang out right in front of this couple in an empty park.

No. I would not have.

 

[Rora]

I would've chosen to go another way.

 

[Lionqueen2]

Yes, it is a public place. Does the couple own the park? No. But, it seems pretty apparent that the couple tried to choose a spot where they could be alone and enjoy each other's company. It doesn't seem like much else was going on in the park, so to me it seems as though it would be common courtesy to have my kids play in another area of the park.

Just because it is a public place, doesn't mean we can't just show a little bit of respect to other people. A lot of issues in this world wouldn't exist if we could all just be more courteous to each other. Instead of just angrily demanding "Well it's a public place so they can just get over it!", why not just think "Hmmm looks like there is a couple enjoying a quiet moment in an otherwise empty park. Maybe they'd like some peace." It seems like everything these days is just me me me! Whatever is more convenient for me, or easier for me, rather than just taking a miniscule moment to think about anyone else.

ETA: As for being less "anti-kids"....it's not as though the couple sat down in the middle of the playground to hang out. It seems they went down the hill and out of the way to choose an area where they might attempt to have some serenity. People visit parks for all kinds of reasons. Just because it is a park, doesn't automatically mean the entire acreage HAS to be covered in running children. Some people actually visit parks to relax and have peace in nature or have a quiet picnic with their loved one. that doesn't automatically make them anti-kids.

Lisa: I am 31

Yes, it is a public park and it has that designation because it is there to accomodate all kinds of folks. There are children that are looking for places to run and folks that are looking to enjoy nature and serenity. I would think the secluded spot chosen by the OP was selected because it was a little out of the way and serene. No one person or group has supreme rights to the park. Public parks have many areas for children to run, play and scream as loud as they want, but people looking for quiet also have a right to be there and enjoy the park. Parks are not for the exclusive use of running loud children in the same way that they are not there for the exclusive use of folks seeking to enjoy nature.

Public parks near us often had areas like baseball fields and tennis courts and gardens. I wonder if those who think they had a right to invade someone's quiet would think it was OK to have their children run through a tennis court interrupting someone's enjoyment of a game or allow their children to run through the gardens stomping through lovely flowers since it is a PUBLIC park and they have a right to be there.

It seems to me that many parents who feel that it was OK to invade someone else's privacy at the park, also complain on the Dis about having someone invade' their' space after waiting for hours to get a good spot and blocking their child's view just before a Disney parade starts.

I think the OP was within her right to utilize the park the way she sees fit. She chose a secluded spot that seemed to have been designed for folks looking for serenity to enjoy and that should have been respected. I'm sure that the park had many areas for children looking to run and be loud. Had the OP chosen an area for a picnic in the middle of a playground, I would have felt that she invaded the children's area and would have no sympathy for her, but she sought out a quiet spot.

The issue is about manners and consideration of others and sadly it seems to be disappearing from society.

 

[Mimi1965]

In my OP I said the children were running back and forth DIRECTLY in front of the table we were sitting at. I guess, to me, when someone says "directly in front of" it means they were extremely close. If they would have been several yards away, I would not have said directly in front of.

And that's why it annoyed me, they were way too close to us.

A lot of younger kids like to "show off" in front of adults-sort of like "look at me-I can run fast!" That is probably what they were doing. Maybe going towards you felt safer than running to the deserted area?

My kids always had a routine when we went to the park-run this way-go to the lake-run to the swings etc.
Maybe this was their routine and you were in the area they were used to go in.

 

[dzorn]

Well depending on how far another area to go to was from where we were would depend on if I leave after going up a hill and walking a distance.

The OP does not know the reasons that the group choose that area. Obviously it is a nice area or the OP would not have chosen it.

Would I have let my children run 1-2 feet away from the table not unless it was passing through to the water, but not continually playing that close.

I would have probably had them quiet down some if very loud but probably not as quiet as the OP would have liked.


I would not expect privacy at a park, but it does seem a little odd.

But I doubt it would annoy me. If kids were continually running 1-2 from me I would say something to the Mom instead of just being annoyed.


And them staying "several minutes" I would not think an intrusion at all.


Denise in MI