Would you have a problem with this fundraiser?

[AnaheimGirl]

Please dont' take this the wrong way...but in my mind "If you can't afford the adoption...how can you afford the kid*?"

KWIM?
*ie - the costs associated with a child...food/medical/education/ect...

JMO.

The outlay isn't so huge all at once. Plus, most people's income goes up over time. A baby doesn't cost much at all, and their appetite for food, designer clothing and expensive toys increases slowly over the years. An adoption homestudy has already determined there is enough room in the house to shelter another person, so it's not going to change when the baby/child is brought home. Medical, if you have insurance, it's not all that much more to add one person to your policy and a few copays a year. You have 18 years to save up for college, while most people who are looking into adoption have already spent years trying to get pregnant, so they likely don't have much time to wait around and save up for it.

 

[greenyskp]

Just because you want to become a parent doens't mean you should be given the money to be one.

I hate to have such a hard view on this, but I just think its weird.

It's your decision to adopt a child, and if thats how much it is... Its your responsibility to pay for it.

I just think it would put your friends in an awkward position.

I do wish you luck with the adoption though... Im sure it must be difficult for you.

 

[scubamouse]

We adopted DS from Russia. While we didn't do a $ fundraiser, as part of our trip we were asked to bring donations to the baby house. We had so many people be incredibly generous to us on that front. At work friends arranged a donation drive. That saved 'our costs' while allowing people to give to children. I'm not sure where you're adopting from but maybe you could do that instead.

Also, when we mentioned we were adopting friends offered us 'friends and family' discounts on Marriott and we used miles for the flights. people offered miles but we had enough.

Things like this ended up helping us out a lot. Adoption's not cheap but it's sooooo worth it!

And I'd suspect that a lot of people do just fine 'affording' their children without an extra $30,000 sitting in the bank! Unless you have that kind of cash sitting around, you might want to take a step back from judging how people afford adoption.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

If your mom wants to throw a baby shower--that would better IMHO.

Noone should hold fundraisers to add to their family and I probably woudln't donate to such an effort.

Please don't take this the wrong way.

Adding to your family is not the same as causes to offset medical expenses or help find cures or medicine for diseases.

You have chosen adoption--your co-workers didn't choose to give their child leukemia.

 

[cardaway]

We are more then capable of providing a home for our child. That was my thought though... that people would think well "if you can't afford the adoption.... blah, blah, blah". But honestly, do you really need to have $30,000k plus in the bank to qualify to raise a child?

The cost angle is just one of the crazy hoops you have to go through to adopt. Actaully made me think twice about going through it all. Really sad that so many people don't qualify or have enough money when there are tons of abused kids, in really bad situations, and the state does very little to get them out.

 

[hucifer]

We adopted DS from Russia. While we didn't do a $ fundraiser, as part of our trip we were asked to bring donations to the baby house. We had so many people be incredibly generous to us on that front. At work friends arranged a donation drive. That saved 'our costs' while allowing people to give to children. I'm not sure where you're adopting from but maybe you could do that instead.

Also, when we mentioned we were adopting friends offered us 'friends and family' discounts on Marriott and we used miles for the flights. people offered miles but we had enough.

Things like this ended up helping us out a lot. Adoption's not cheap but it's sooooo worth it!

And I'd suspect that a lot of people do just fine 'affording' their children without an extra $30,000 sitting in the bank! Unless you have that kind of cash sitting around, you might want to take a step back from judging how people afford adoption.

Well said!

 

[Feralpeg]

I do understand how terribly expensive it is to adopt and it must be very difficult to come up with that type of money. Only you know your friends and family and how they might feel about it.

I, personally, find it a bit much. Not to make light of your problem, but what is the next step? What if someone cannot afford to send their child to college? Should they have a fund raiser?

I wish you the best on your adoption.

 

[kdibattista]

We adopted DS from Russia. While we didn't do a $ fundraiser, as part of our trip we were asked to bring donations to the baby house. We had so many people be incredibly generous to us on that front. At work friends arranged a donation drive. That saved 'our costs' while allowing people to give to children. I'm not sure where you're adopting from but maybe you could do that instead.

Also, when we mentioned we were adopting friends offered us 'friends and family' discounts on Marriott and we used miles for the flights. people offered miles but we had enough.

Things like this ended up helping us out a lot. Adoption's not cheap but it's sooooo worth it!

And I'd suspect that a lot of people do just fine 'affording' their children without an extra $30,000 sitting in the bank! Unless you have that kind of cash sitting around, you might want to take a step back from judging how people afford adoption.

Thanks!! We are adopting from Kazakhstan and we are planning on having a "wishing well" at my shower and all the items in it will go directly to the orphanage where my daughter is.

 

[jgmklmhem]

For those who think it is tacky or what not....would you feel the same about a foster home doing the same thing. People keep saying it is a choice which it definately is a choice but it isn't like they are buying a kid off an assembly line. They are helping a kid out who in many instances might not have a home otherwise. So if you turn it around to say that they are not making this money for themselves but to help pay for a child who might otherwise not have a home would you feel differently about it.

 

[stacie_d]

A friend of my friend recently adopted. To help raise money to cover the adoptions costs, the family joined up with a local church who has an annual children's clothing sale. (everyone who joins in keeps what they make, so it was not like they were taking money that would have otherwise went to charity)

They sold lots of used clothings, and used the proceeds of the sale for the adoption. We gave them several bags of DS's old clothes to put in the sale. They basically asked friends and family for any outgrown clothing. I know I was fine with doing this; however, I would not have just given them money. It helped them, and those who bought the clothing (the items were priced really low)

 

[kdibattista]

You have chosen adoption--your co-workers didn't choose to give their child leukemia

WAIT JUST ONE MINUTE... DON'T YOU DARE. I NEVER, EVER COMPARED THE TWO. I was simply pointing out how much my husband has done for his friends. I find that incredibly insulting.

 

[3DisneyBuggs]

I wouldn't personally attend this type of fundraiser. It's the family's responsibility to pay for the adoption. I am priced out of my neighborhood right now so should I hold a fundraiser to raise the $$$ I need to buy a house?

 

[AnaheimGirl]

Really sad that so many people don't qualify or have enough money when there are tons of abused kids, in really bad situations, and the state does very little to get them out.

Actually that kind of adoption (from the state), is very affordable.

Please note I am not saying people should do it this way because it's cheaper... people have different comfort levels about different issues and should go the route that suits them best.

I just wanted to point this out, because I've often heard people say they'd like to adopt a older child in the U.S., but can't afford it. It seems to be a common myth. I know there are other issues in trying to adopt an abused child, but money shouldn't be one of them.

 

[scubamouse]

Thanks!! We are adopting from Kazakhstan and we are planning on having a "wishing well" at my shower and all the items in it will go directly to the orphanage where my daughter is.

If you belong to a church you might get a huge response for donations to the orphanage too. A friend's father works for J&J and gave us a case of vitamins to bring w/us. The orphanage director was thrilled! BTW - DS was born about 500 miles north of Kaz in Siberia.


And let's be clear, inferility IS an illness. Not every couple can bring a child into their lives for the cost of L&D.

 

[lulugirl]

WAIT JUST ONE MINUTE... DON'T YOU DARE. I NEVER, EVER COMPARED THE TWO. I was simply pointing out how much my husband has done for his friends. I find that incredibly insulting.

I think some posters here, (myself included) got the impression from your OP that you WERE comparing the two.

 

[barkley]

i'm not in favor of it but i may be a bit jaded. i worked in foster care and saw so many little ones that were up for adoption for years without loving homes to go to (such that tax incentives and adoption assistance payments were implemented to encourage within u.s. adoption).

but i also have a problem with some fundraisers i see for criticaly ill children-i am very supportive if the parent has a financial situation that creates a need for the funds to be raised, but when they opt NOT to look at their own financial means (home equity loan, trade in the sports car on a lower cost model), NOT to give up some of their "goodies"-i am hesitant to assist.

that said-i've known of some parents who opted for the cheaper health insurance plan in order to pay for their luxuries-their reasoning being "if something major came up we could just fund raise"

 

[Wishing on a star]

For those who say 'it is a choice'.

I think in many cases, probably this one, it is not a choice. Is it a choice that this couple finds out that they have a medical problem that causes infertility???? Is it a choice that there are many precious children, without parents, suffering in foreign orphanages?

Sorry, but this is not like holding a fundraiser for an education at an expesive and exclusive college. I think that those who have posted these types of comments are really unaware of just how devastating infertility can be, and also, the plight of these children.

If a person thinks that a life-or-death situation is the ONLY reason to go out of their way to help, then that is fine.

But, I think these issues needed some clarification here.

 

[kdibattista]

I think some posters here, (myself included) got the impression from your OP that you WERE comparing the two.

Absolutely not... not even close. I am clarifying if it came across that way... that is not the way it was meant.

 

[lemondog]

No I wouldn't attend a fundraiser for adoption costs anymore than I would attend one for college costs. Not trying to be mean but why would you think someone else should donate for your choice. If someone has an illness that is not their choice then I will help in a minute.

Well, most people adopt because they DO suffer from an illness that was not their choice. It is called infertility. And adoption is, in a roundabout way, a cure. So just like people with traditional illnesses like cancer have fundraisers to help pay for their treatments, I would have no problem at all attending a fundraiser to help a couple with infertility pay to adopt a child.

The whole attitude of "if you can't afford to adopt then you can't afford a child" is ridiculous, IMO. There is a big difference in shelling out 30-grand at once vs. the ongoing expense of having children. DH and I needed a LOT of financial help to adopt our DD from Russia (it was around $30,000) but we have had no problems at all financially when it has come to raising our 3 kids, and that includes MDO, preschool and private school.

 

[mickeyboat]

You have chosen adoption--your co-workers didn't choose to give their child leukemia.

Lisa - I'm not picking on you, just using your view as an example here.

Although I don't think the fundraiser is a great idea, adoption as a choice is not as clear cut as it is being portrayed, and it's not really fair to say it is all that different than someone having a life-threatening illness.

Like lukemia, infertility is not a choice. If you have lukemia, you either spend thousands of dollars in treatments, or you die. If you are infertile, you spend thousands of dollars on treatments, you adopt, or you go through life childless - which is a bleak and depressing future to someone desparate to have a child.

Society places a lot of worth on the fight for life, is fighting to have a child that much different? I'm really just thinking out loud here. Anyone else?

Denae