Would you find this rude?

[hereyago]

Ok, DD11 has a friend that she has known for years. The friend is a good girl, however, her parents have in the past: not picked her up until the next night after she spent the night, you couldn't get a hold of the parents, wouldn't answer their phones, weren't home. Or just drop their kid off or try to without asking if we had plans.

So the other day, DD came to me and was like E's parents want to know if she can spend the night friday because they want to go out. Now, they have a babysitter for both kids, however this is the 2nd time they have invited their dd to spend the night or try to. I say no because:

1) Dd goes to church youth camp leaving saturday morning, i know dang well the parents aren't going to get up early to come get her as they have shown me in the past and I have to go to work right after taking dd to the church.

2) I honestly don't like having a parent-who knows my number but never calls me unless she want's something-to go through kids to ask me and have my kid get upset that I say no when it should have been the mom to ask.

Would you find it rude to go through kids like that to just dump your kid off?

 

[java]

Yes she's being rude and is looking for a free ride. Stand firm- she's looking for a doormat. Don't be one.

 

[lacrosse_lady72]

Ok, DD11 has a friend that she has known for years. The friend is a good girl, however, her parents have in the past: not picked her up until the next night after she spent the night, you couldn't get a hold of the parents, wouldn't answer their phones, weren't home. Or just drop their kid off or try to without asking if we had plans.

So the other day, DD came to me and was like E's parents want to know if she can spend the night friday because they want to go out. Now, they have a babysitter for both kids, however this is the 2nd time they have invited their dd to spend the night or try to. I say no because:

1) Dd goes to church youth camp leaving saturday morning, i know dang well the parents aren't going to get up early to come get her as they have shown me in the past and I have to go to work right after taking dd to the church.

2) I honestly don't like having a parent-who knows my number but never calls me unless she want's something-to go through kids to ask me and have my kid get upset that I say no when it should have been the mom to ask.

Would you find it rude to go through kids like that to just dump your kid off?

Yes, the parents are being rude but perhaps they are also oblivious. Maybe they don't have any clue they're being rude and maybe, you need to tell them.

Also, I think for the future, they need to know that they need to contact you, not go through the kids, in DD's friend staying the night. That way you can tell them that they MUST pick her up by a certain time when you have activities the next day.

 

[Mrs. Charming]

That is totally rude. I feel badly for their daughter, put in the middle like that!

 

[MrsJackSparrow4Life]

Number 1 is totally rude but I'm kinda on the fence with number 2, since growing up all sleep overs were initiated through the kids asking if it was alright.

Did they have the friend ask your DD if it was alright? Or did they call and speak to your DD themselves. If it was the former I wouldn't find it rude but the latter certainly would annoy me.

 

[C.Ann]

Yes - it's rude - and from this point on you should simply say to your DD, "Have E's mom or dad call me and we'll discuss it.." No phone call from the parent, no visit from the child..

 

[hereyago]

Number 1 is totally rude but I'm kinda on the fence with number 2, since growing up all sleep overs were initiated through the kids asking if it was alright.

Did they have the friend ask your DD if it was alright? Or did they call and speak to your DD themselves. If it was the former I wouldn't find it rude but the latter certainly would annoy me.

The parents had their dd to ask my DD to ask me because they wanted to go out and put the spin that if she couldn't spend the night, they couldn't go out. btw, they go out quite often.

Several months ago while at the girls' band concert the mother was like" I was thinking E could keep your dd company and spend the night on such and such night because we were planning to go out".

I said no because dd was going to be with her DF that weekend and I did remind her that the last time E spent the night we had to cancel our plans because they didnt pick E up until the next night and there was no answering our phone calls and they weren't home after going by there a couple times that day when I had told her we had plans and E had to be picked up by a certain time.

 

[Tink888]

Yes, they are rude. On a few levels. They are trying to use you and the friendship between your daughter and theirs and you are absolutely right to say no and stand your ground.

 

[MIGrandma]

Yes, the girl's parents are being extremely rude, and definitely taking advantage of you. You need to stop letting them.

When YOU invite the girl to stay overnight with your DD you should tell them what time they need to come and pick her up. No more of this staying the entire day until that night. Just tell them you have plans for the day and need her to be picked up at the time you set.

 

[agnes!]

OP - I bet it's tempting to think about calling Child Protective Services when the parents for all intents and purposes abandon the girl in your care...

No more sleepovers unless you decide you are willing to give up an extra day or give up your entire weekend to provide free babysitting for your DD's friend. Plan on being disappointed in the parents, because they are making their plans by leaning on your good nature.

IMO these parents aren't just rude, their pattern of behavior borders on child-abandonment.

agnes!

 

[Darsa]

I feel your pain, definitely! My difficulty is kinda opposite tho. DD, DH and I like to do stuff outside a lot; there's a playground we visit a lot where we can play BBall, tennis, frisbee, even swing on the swings if there aren't too many little kids there, and we like to take our neice/nephews when they can. My neice and daughter are VERY close friends (they're only 2 months apart in age) and her mother (my S-I-L) has this thing where, when DN sleeps over, SIL calls us the next day to let us know what time we have to bring her home. Typically it's "she needs to be home in a half an hour, there are dishes to be done" type things. This has always made me because she KNOWS that her DD prefers to do stuff with us than with her own mother (since her own mother does nothing at all but sit and stare at the computer, playing online games). Oh yeah, and we do all the driving to and from; if we didn't, neice and nephew would never do anything. Sad and pathetic that people treat their kids like this.

 

[Rora]

I would absolutely call this rude.

I don't understand parents sometimes.

 

[kamik86]

Maybe i'm just a **** but if this happened to me and the first time the parents were more then an hour late and didn't call and weren't answering phones I would have called child protective services about an abandoned child. I would NOT cancel my plans.

I know many will say that would be punishing the child but if this girls parents are abondoning her at others houses all the time Im wondering if she would really be worse off.

 

[lovesmurfs]

Rude? Yes. We've had several of DS's friends parents do this to us, too. Early on, I decided I wouldn't get upset about it, so I "adopted" the kids while they were at our house.

We'd take them with us where we went, and they had to abide by our rules. Ooops....? Not home when you came to pick him up? Well, maybe next time you'll make arrangements. Kids had a great time and I wasn't stressed about it.

 

[okeydokey]

Totally rude. They are clearly taking advantage of you. Good for you for saying no.

In the future, you are right to insist of talking to the Mom directly and planning an exact time to drop the girl off at home the next day.

 

[Mellie2162]

Yes. I have a parent that does this, or did this to me all the time. They would drop the kids off to play and then say "call when they're ready to come home" yet no one ever answered the phone for hours and the kids ended up staying here til late at night. I found out that the mom was out working and the dad was playing xbox and refused to answer the phone and come get them. After that I took them home myself a few times and then just stopped it all together and said they have to be picked up at xxx or they cant come. Thankfully they are moving this week to another neighborhood.

 

[Tinkermommy]

Yes, extremely rude to you but horribly neglectful to their daughter! Poor girl is old enough to realize what's going on and you probably aren't the only ones they have done this to.

My BF is in this situation. She has a friend with two kids. They came over for a play date one afternoon and their mom didn't reappear until the next afteroon! Wouldn't answer her cell phone, home phone, nothing. And one of the girls has diabetes!! She still lets her drop the kids off and way overextend her pick up time by hours.

Honestly, I would probably end up calling the police or something just because I would think something horrible had happened for them to have not picked her up on time! I love spending time with my kids and I work so I don't get to as much as I like. I can't image just leaving them there. When my DD spends the night, I can't wait to go get her.

 

[Disney Doll]

Yes she's being rude and is looking for a free ride. Stand firm- she's looking for a doormat. Don't be one.

What she said.
And, chances are, they are not oblivious...they are users.

 

[Planogirl]

That poor child! She is definitely old enough to be aware of all of this. I would never call CPS for this because it would just make it worse for her. That is, if these bozo parents aren't doing other neglectful things.

I would definitely hold my ground though. Pick her up on time or she can't come.

 

[horseshowmom]

What she said.
And, chances are, they are not oblivious...they are users.

Exactly, and I sure do feel sorry for their child...