Would you feel bad about this?

[damren]

I think it's ok to feel bad that the parents were worried because you are a parent and can relate to what her parents were feeling at that time, but you shouldn't lose sleep over it. You didn't do anything wrong. As a parent who may over react when I can't reach my DD, I have never even thought of being upset with the other parents.

don't sweat it!

 

[kacaju]

so...will you be taking your phone into the bathroom with you from now on?? LOL!! No you should not feel bad.

 

[RunningGirl]

You did nothing wrong; you shouldn't feel bad. DD's friend messed up, not you.

 

[zippitydoo]

You should not feel bad. The friend is 13 yrs old and old enough to be responsible to call her parents to let them know she got to your house safely.

 

[kellyg403]

Yeah..totally agree, I would feel bad too but really shouldn't! Like another said I would totally feel the other parents pain in not being able to reach their dd.

One time my dd was about 16 at the time and she and her friend who lived around the block wanted to go to the basketball game at the high school. I drove the girls up there. Before we left, and in front of me, the other girl called her mom to see if it was o.k. she go, that I take her etc. She hung up said she could go. About 20/30 minutes later I hear a knock. This mom reamed me up one side and down the other. Evidently her dd was talking to SOMEONE else and not her mother. This lady let me have it for putting her dd in my car and basically accused me of kidnapping. I could't get a word in edgewise. I was so mad at the dd. But, turns out mom went to the high school and after what I got at the door I believe 100% her dd was mortified with the experience she had at the high school in front of her friends. I never took that kid in my car ever again. I learned my lesson.

Basically in the end teens cans be forgetful, sometimes deceitful and sometimes I think parents just go overboard in wanting to be in control of every move. I don't slam them for it. I understand where the mom/dad was coming from in your situation. But, at the same time I wonder why they panicked so quickly?? And why didn't the bus driver say oh yeah I got the note or oh yeah she was on my bus?

Kelly

 

[EllaM]

One time my dd was about 16 at the time and she and her friend who lived around the block wanted to go to the basketball game at the high school. I drove the girls up there. Before we left, and in front of me, the other girl called her mom to see if it was o.k. she go, that I take her etc. She hung up said she could go. About 20/30 minutes later I hear a knock. This mom reamed me up one side and down the other. Evidently her dd was talking to SOMEONE else and not her mother. This lady let me have it for putting her dd in my car and basically accused me of kidnapping. I could't get a word in edgewise. I was so mad at the dd. But, turns out mom went to the high school and after what I got at the door I believe 100% her dd was mortified with the experience she had at the high school in front of her friends. I never took that kid in my car ever again. I learned my lesson.

Sounds like that mom was whacko. At 16 I was going off with my friends after school and headed into the city. No adults involved although I did give the parents a heads up where I was going and would be back before dark. There were no cell phones then. At some point a kid has to grow up and be allowed some independence. Otherwise they rebel for the sake of it. And yes I did some of that too when my mom went overboard with her overprotectiveness. Ultimately everything she wanted me to know about responsibility and safety I learned in grade school. If I was contemplating something stupid, I usually had her voice running through my head warning me against it. The more she treated me like a kid the more I ignored that little voice just to spite her.

OP I wouldn't beat yourself up over it. The dad went beserk and lost it. He's probably on the control/obsessively worried side. His issue is with his daughter and her being responsible enough to make her checkpoints. I'd assume if she shows such irresponsibility she'll lose her privileges to go off with friends for a while.

My niece frequently put me in similar situations with her mom. She would tell me one thing but her mom heard another. I was accused of kidnapping in a heated argument when the niece forgot to tell me about something she'd agreed to go to with her mom after a sleepover. The mom is a control freak. Her daugher frequently rebels by conveniently forgetting what her mom has set aside for her to do. Lord help them when she hits her teens this year.

One rule I have adopted though is to always ask a kid if their parents know where they are. But I realize if they lie to me then the onus is on them. You'd expect from Middle School on kids should be responsible enough to speak for themselves and answer truthfully. It's not like we're talking 6 yr olds here.

 

[HeyIt'sMe]

Thanks again for the replies. Actually, I've gone from feeling bad to angry. Those parents really upset me; but worse they really upset my DH and DD.

I was talking to my DH last night and he said when he got the text from DD's friend's father and thought it was from me he almost cried. Last he knew was the girls had gotten off the bus and were at our house. Next thing is he gets this urgent text message that they can't be reached. He thought they'd gone for a walk and disappeared.

Then DD was telling me last night that SHE felt bad because the father had left a panic-stricken VM on her cell phone.

And it's upsetting that neither parent thanked me for letting their daughter come to my house and then my driving her to the mutual friend's party since they couldn't. That's the whole reason I offered to let her ride the bus to my house - so I could take her to the party. If I hadn't taken her she wouldn't have been able to go.

I've picked this girl up from school before when she & DD have after-school activities and taken the girl to her parents' place of business which is out of my way. I'm not doing that anymore.

 

[Becky2005]

I'm assuming you didn't even know she was supposed to call or text her parents when she got there. I wouldn't feel bad. She knew she was supposed to call/text and forgot.

Although, I know I would feel bad in that situation & I would be just as in a panic as the other parent's were. So, I can see this from both sides but it really wasn't your job to remind the friend.

Edited to add: by your reaction that you are now going to refuse to drive the DD anywhere, etc... I think that's an overreaction to the parents in a panic trying to find out where their kid is. I'm thinking there must be more history behind it.

I know I have told my DD when she has walked over to a friends house to call me when she got there & if she didn't, I try her cell phone, no call....wait a bit then call the parents home. If I couldn't get anyone to answer at that point, I would be freaked out too. I wouldn't be mad at the parents but DD would get an earful about it.

You could look on the bright side that the parent didn't call the police first thing when no one answered.

 

[Mrs. Charming]

It's not like they didn't know where their daughter was going--- they wrote the permission note for the bus driver!! Holy overreaction.

 

[sdemore]

I have a soon to be 13 year old. The kid should have texted/called her parents when she got to your house. She forgot - kids do that sometimes. I think her parents overreacted drastically. I also have no idea if they have a reason for over-reacting.

Sounds like it was a little crazy - glad its all calmed down now. I wouldnt feel bad.

 

[golfgal]

I don't think you did anything wrong at all and wouldn't feel bad about it.

Why on earth did he call the dept. of transportation BEFORE calling you? Wouldn't it have made more sense to call you first?

He definitely overreacted

I agree, get a grip Dad. There are 1000 reasons she could have not answered her phone, like being in the bathroom, why jump to the LEAST likely conclusion. Talk about over reacting

If I was checking in with my kid and they didn't answer me right away, I would have waited a few minutes and tried again, just in case they were in the bathroom or something?

Yeah..totally agree, I would feel bad too but really shouldn't! Like another said I would totally feel the other parents pain in not being able to reach their dd.

One time my dd was about 16 at the time and she and her friend who lived around the block wanted to go to the basketball game at the high school. I drove the girls up there. Before we left, and in front of me, the other girl called her mom to see if it was o.k. she go, that I take her etc. She hung up said she could go. About 20/30 minutes later I hear a knock. This mom reamed me up one side and down the other. Evidently her dd was talking to SOMEONE else and not her mother. This lady let me have it for putting her dd in my car and basically accused me of kidnapping. I could't get a word in edgewise. I was so mad at the dd. But, turns out mom went to the high school and after what I got at the door I believe 100% her dd was mortified with the experience she had at the high school in front of her friends. I never took that kid in my car ever again. I learned my lesson.

Basically in the end teens cans be forgetful, sometimes deceitful and sometimes I think parents just go overboard in wanting to be in control of every move. I don't slam them for it. I understand where the mom/dad was coming from in your situation. But, at the same time I wonder why they panicked so quickly?? And why didn't the bus driver say oh yeah I got the note or oh yeah she was on my bus?

Kelly

Gee, I wonder why this girl lied about talking to her mom.... poor kid.

 

[Mickeypooh99]

The parents overreacted. That is the problem with cell phones. Everyone thinks everyone should be available at all times. The fact is sometimes for different reasons people aren't always available. If it were my child I would have been worried when I couldn't reach her, but I wouldn't have panicked. Especially since it was a nice day, and I would have assumed you were all outside.

Its too bad he called the transportation dept. Just last year our school decided that kids will no longer be allowed to ride a bus to a friends house even with parents permission. It used to be they had to have a note, then they started with the parents had to call. Now the kids can only ride home on their regular bus. Now if the kids want to go to a friends they have to go home first, and the parents have to bring them where they want to go. Talk about a hassle. I used to be able to let my kids ride home to their Grandmas when I wasn't going to be home, but now I can't do that anymore.

 

[kawing123]

I have not read every post but it seems to me that if my 13 year old was going home to someone's house that I would call to make sure an adult is indeed going to be home after school and that I had the phone number before I panicked the school district.

 

[mjkacmom]

I have not read every post but it seems to me that if my 13 year old was going home to someone's house that I would call to make sure an adult is indeed going to be home after school and that I had the phone number before I panicked the school district.

I've never been called by any of dd13's friends' moms, and I've never called her friends' moms, to see if someone will be home. In the first place, they go to someone's home almost every day after school, at least 4 times a week, different each day. Second of all, most of the time, the moms aren't home. Dd is my oldest, and many of her friends have gone back to work, instead of pumping out 4 more kids like I did.

By the time they're teenagers, they need a little more independence, providing they gave a reason they can't be trusted.

 

[Disney Doll]

If the parenst told the kid to call or text when she got to your house, then they must have known that the plan was for her to be at your house. So why didn't they just call your house instead of calling the DoT???? I guess that's the part I don't understand.

 

[nskjerven]

I require my kids to check in with me when they go from one point to another. That is why they have cell phones. If they forget to do this then it falls on them(my kids) not the friends parents.

 

[kirstenb1]

OMG, dd and her friends have been riding each other's buses home since about 2nd grade. It would never occur to me to call her, or have her call me to make sure she got there. These parents are nuts.

 

[marlynnp]

OMG, dd and her friends have been riding each other's buses home since about 2nd grade. It would never occur to me to call her, or have her call me to make sure she got there. These parents are nuts.

Same here.


And did this girls parents ask YOU to call them when she atrrived? No? Then I would waste another moment feeling bad about it.