Would you do this for your child?

[MELSMICE]

I'm like that now-w my DH and my boy's-they're young yet but I don't see anything wrong w my doting on them continuing.

My DD did just leave for college and she knows how to take care of herself-cook, clean, do laundry-this may sound really sexist and I don't mean it to come across that way-but girls/women need those skills to take care of a family later.

I just hope that my boys will marry women who will take care of them;not to the extent that they won't be able to do it themselves if they had to though.

But, in my family it's the same way-women take care of the men in their lives.
Not that I think it's any better/worse than how anyone else chooses to raise their boys.
Every family has different values; ways things are traditionally done.

I think everyone needs those skills to help take care of a family in life, not just girls/women.

I also believe my DD's should learn to take care of themselves should there not be a man in their lives. They should know how to mow the lawn, take care of a car, take care of a home, etc.

That's just my personal opinion, but I think the world has evolved so much that the roles of men & women overlap in just about everything.

 

[castleview]

I just made my eight year old get her own glass of milk.

 

[dakcp2001]

I know this is rather dumb, but I was wondering if others would do this for their grown children..............

My loving, caring, giving neighbor has always done everything for her 2 sons. She drops everything to make them something to eat whenever they want. Will stay up all hours to do laundry if they want something special to wear during the week...........you get the picture.

Both her sons are now away at college. We have been having discussions about the different things we do/don't do for our children. She was still making their beds during high school.

Her youngest works at the movie theatres & last night she mentioned that she always stayed up until he got home, even if worked until 2 a.m. because he would be hungry when he got home & she would fix him something to eat. She said now that he is gone she can't do that for him anymore.

I always tell her that she is a better mom than I am because I would not dream of doing the things she does for her kids. I always tell her that my DD's are old enough to take care of themselves, If they are hungry they'll eat & if they choose to live in a room that is a mess that is their space & their business how they want it to look.

I, personally, don't think she is doing her sons any favors (or her future DIL's!!).

So, how much do you do for your adult children as far as still taking care of them.

BTW - I'm not cold hearted, I still do things for my kids............I do everyone's laundry. I make sure there is enough dinner made so when someone comes home from work they have something waiting for them, but I certainly couldn't wait up to cook something special for them & if they want something washed so they can wear it they know how to work the washer & dryer.

Oh dear, I think I dated one of her sons. It didnt last long. Once I realized that at the age of 24 his mom still got up to make him brekkie everyday, came home from HER JOB on a lunch break to cook him lunch, left him supper and dessert everynight in addition to doing his laundry and cleaning his room, it became apparent to me that he was looking for a girlfriend to take over. Boy did he pick the wrong girl. lol. Good luck to their future spouses!!!!!!

 

[claudia]

For me personally, I think the best thing we can do for our children is make them independent and self-sufficient. I taught both of my son's from a young age...(11-12) how to do laundry, iron, sew on a button or repair a tear, shop for groceries and cook, how to clean a bathroom, etc....
But that's not to say that I don't enjoy indulging them every now and again

 

[golfgal]

From what I see kids today are great at figuring out technological things like computers, phones, video games...I'm sure it wouldn't take long to figure out a microwave. Trial and error is one way to learn (maybe not the best, but it can work.)
I'm sure if that college kid was hungry enough they would figure out how to set the timer and then turn on the microwave. Also, after the first load of laundry where the white tshirts turn pink, they learn to separate laundry.

edited to add, they could always google it on their phone!!

For a child that has never had to do for himself, this would not occur to them. If you have never seen a child like this in action you really can't understand how helpless they are. It is pretty sad actually. Again, having a roommate in college where we had to teach her EVERYTHING, it's an eye opener (and the microwave we had was one where you just turned a knob to the right time and pushed "start"). When a parent ALWAYS does everything they don't go from being hungry to figuring out the microwave they go from being hungry to calling mom to figure out what to do.

 

[Heidict]

I just made my eight year old get her own glass of milk.

Oh that's it. I am not only calling Child Protective Services, but I am also going to have to take away you Ozzie and & Harriet card.

 

[Hutchy]

This reminds me of my neighbor's roommate! My husband and I are 25, we've been married 6 yrs and have owned 2 houses in that time (just a little back story to compare). My neighbor's roommate is 25, he takes his clothes home for his mom to wash, fold, and iron. Yes, they have a working washer and dryer, he just doesn't use it. He also does not clean up after himself at all. He will leave a sink full of dishes for my neighbor to clean up, won't take out the trash. Does NOTHING at all around the house. She had to hire a lawn guy because he wouldn't even offer to help take care of the yard. His mom as SPOILED him and he is absolutely worthless around the house. He wonders why he doesn't have a girlfriend.... gee I have no idea. I guess it just annoys me so much when I see people like that when my husband who is the same age is in Afghanistan 6 months into his 3rd year long deployment.

 

[prncess674]

I think some parents just enjoy doing things for grown children. I don't live anywhere near my parents, but will frequently visit for the weekend. If I arrive late in the evening dinner is always left on the stove and they will always make me a plate and sit with me while I eat.

As far as laundry, I have nicknamed Mom the laundry ninja. My parents live in New Orleans where smoking is still allowed in public bars so I hate smelling like smoke. I undress in the hall bathroom and leave my smoke filled clothes there simply because I don't want them stinking up the place where I sleep. Considering I have been out with my local friends I am usually sleeping late so amazingly the "laundry ninja" has since collected my clothes and they are miraculously clean and folded by the next afternoon.

 

[MM27]

In my family, my brother is the oldest, my sister is in the middle, and then me. From the time my brother got his first job in high school until the time he moved out of the house, my mother always stayed up to make him dinner when he was working at night. I think it's the Italian mamma that needs to feed her son sort of thing. My sister and I both had jobs starting in high school and we'd be lucky if my mother was awake when we got home. Guess she figured we could handle our own meals.

My mom's not even the worst one I know. A friend of hers has a son that is 39 years old, still lives at home and she will not go out if it interferes with his plans or meals. She has to be home to cut his fruit or make his sandwich for lunch.

 

[C.Ann]

If she's not complaining, then I think she's just a mom who loves her children and truly enjoys her role as a housewife and mother.. It seems her personal satisfaction comes from running her household the way she sees fit and tending to everyones needs..

It may not be the life that others choose, but it's her life - and it sounds like she's happy and content..

 

[RitaZ.]

But really, she's not raising her children to cope with the world. Sadly, the boys will probably end up marrying girls who were raised to cater to their man's every need.

I used to think that, but have changed my views based on what I've witnessed over the years.

My mom used to do similar things for my brothers when they were teens. She catered to us far more than she should have, but we were grateful for it. One brother became self-reliant when he went away to college. My other brother became a slave when he married. There was no sharing of chores in their home. He did everything. I do mean everything. In the end, we all learned how to do all the things that my mom did for us when we were teens.

I think the motive behind it makes all the difference. If a man is taught that it's a woman's job to do household chores, then he will probably expect that from a wife. Others will just learn and perform when the situation calls for it.

 

[Art 1]

Sounds how my wife takes care of me. I don't know how to iron, would not know how to use the washing machine, have know idea where the check book is or when and what utilities are do, have not made a bed in 25 years. The pool gets maintained the yard is taken care of. My wife pays people to do that. She cooks wonderful meals most days. My weekend clothes are pressed and ready on Friday. I get along just fine not knowing these things.

She had done a lot for the kids, would cook for my Son anytime he wanted or had friends over. My daughter does not iron or wash clothes, she is now learning college. Their jobs have been and still is to study so that they can get good jobs when the time comes.

I think that it is nice seeing a mother help her children, they'll all be just fine.

 

[JoiseyMom]

Would I do this for my adult children? Ummm...NOPE! I was a single mom for about 10 years to my older 2 DS's. They are now 25 and 26 (getting married in 3 days!! ). Now, they offered at around 9 and 10 to learn how to do laundry so they could help me, and how to vaccum. They now cook (better then me...ok more adventorous and spicier then me), clean, sew and iron. My future DDIL can't cook that much! DS25 lived in CA for 4 years and couldn't find a decent bagel...so what does he do? He started baking his own!!

Now, I will make them their favorites when the visit . I miss them living here, since they would cook if I was too tired! Now I order take out instead!!

 

[ilovepete]

Nope, we are raising adults, not children.

 

[handinpocket]

I don't think it is anything out of the norm. Some parents love to do things for their kids, different strokes.

Didn't you post not too long ago about calling the police over your almost adult DD receiving a nasty letter? That would seem a bit extreme to me along with complaining about her coach ad nauseum. People in glass houses and all that, ya know.

We all parent differently and shouldn't judge too harshly imo, ymmv.

 

[HelenePA]

Sounds how my wife takes care of me. I don't know how to iron, would not know how to use the washing machine, have know idea where the check book is or when and what utilities are do, have not made a bed in 25 years. The pool gets maintained the yard is taken care of. My wife pays people to do that. She cooks wonderful meals most days. My weekend clothes are pressed and ready on Friday. I get along just fine not knowing these things.

She had done a lot for the kids, would cook for my Son anytime he wanted or had friends over. My daughter does not iron or wash clothes, she is now learning college. Their jobs have been and still is to study so that they can get good jobs when the time comes.

I think that it is nice seeing a mother help her children, they'll all be just fine.

Well what would you do if she were to suddenly be gone?

 

[Art 1]

Well what would you do if she were to suddenly be gone?

That enters my mind from time to time, I would be lost. Wouldn't we all though if our spouse went early. I tell her all the time that I need to go first.

 

[HelenePA]

That enters my mind from time to time, I would be lost. Wouldn't we all though if our spouse went early. I tell her all the time that I need to go first.

My mom went first and it wasn't pretty

 

[MELSMICE]

I don't think it is anything out of the norm. Some parents love to do things for their kids, different strokes.

Didn't you post not too long ago about calling the police over your almost adult DD receiving a nasty letter? That would seem a bit extreme to me along with complaining about her coach ad nauseum. People in glass houses and all that, ya know.

We all parent differently and shouldn't judge too harshly imo, ymmv.

I am not judging her at all. She is a dear friend. I was just asking if others would do the same things. I would not/do not.

What does one of my DD's coaches or my other DD receiving a letter have anything to do with this? Also, I did not call the police.........the school did.

 

[MELSMICE]

If she's not complaining, then I think she's just a mom who loves her children and truly enjoys her role as a housewife and mother.. It seems her personal satisfaction comes from running her household the way she sees fit and tending to everyones needs..

It may not be the life that others choose, but it's her life - and it sounds like she's happy and content..

I believe you are 100% correct.