Would You Consider This Inappropriate?

[BeachGirlFLA]

I was petting my roommate's dog Kodi this morning and he rolled over and asked the same way Hurley does to get a chest rub. He's never asked for a chest/belly rub before and I said, "you never ask for chest rubs." My roommate responded "No, but I like back rubs." My response was "Kodi likes back rubs? I didn't know that" and my roommate said "No, I do...weren't you listening?" He's engaged...if my boyfriend was telling a female roommate that he likes back rubs, I think I'd have a problem with it because it would be very easy for her to say, "well, come here and I'll give you one" and for one thing to lead to another. My response was simply "does your fiancee give good back rubs?" and maybe he knew that I wasn't the type of girl to do the other and that's why he said it, but he's also asked me whether I missed him when he came home, called to check on how I was doing because he missed me once when he was gone for two weeks, been a little too touchy feely for my preferences once (it was this summer and I got too hot and almost fainted...in front of my boyfriend and his fiancee, he put his hand in some ice and rubbed my neck after I was pretty much completely recovered) and was extremely worried about me when I was in the hospital (according to his fiancee.) I'm trying to figure out whether I have a potential problem on my hands or whether he's just being friendly. I don't want to jump to conclusions and be overly worried for no reason but I've had one male friend tell me that he considers the questions about whether I miss him when he comes back from being away to be inappropriate.

 

[Sanchez]

Is Kodi a person or a dog? It sounds as if Kodi speaks. I am confused.

 

[BeachGirlFLA]

Kodi is a dog....I just fixed it. My grammar is usually really good, but today it's off (better get that together before my interview.)

 

[The Mystery Machine]

No. Inappropriate would be if he got up and then started giving up a backrub.

 

[luvmy3]

Is Kodi a person or a dog? It sounds as if Kodi speaks. I am confused.

I was wondering the same thing, but figured he was a dog. And, I have to admit that after reading the thread title and the first sentence I was a little concerned about exactly where this thread was going

 

[Scurvy]

Without hearing his tone of voice, I would think it was just a friendly/joking comment. Like he heard you talking to the dog and was making a comment as though he thought you were talking to him instead. I do that sort of thing all the time - I think it's funny. I also wouldn't be too worried about the neck thing, since he did it in front of your significant others. But if you are getting a weird feeling from him and you don't like it, then maybe you should try to distance yourself from him just in case.

 

[FireDancer]

It depends on his sense of humor and tone. It could be a joke or a proposition but it all depends on the delivery and what kind of personality he has.

The kind of sense of humor I have it is the kind of thing I would say but it wouldn't be anything actually serious. Once I was at my friends house when she was giving her son a spanking. I jokingly asked where the line was and can I be next. It was just to get a laugh not to cue the whip and handcuffs.

 

[mmackeymouse]

Well, I don't know that the comment itself was necessarily inappropriate, though it definitely could have "gone there" as I have heard the whole, "I like/am good at backrubs" thing one too many times (though never to me)

It is the rest of the stuff that would worry me. I mean, worrying about you and missing you is sweet and all. I never called and checked up on my roomies. And, the ice thing might creep me out a bit.

Of course, lately, I am not the best judge of what is appropriate and what is not, so.........you may take my opinion with a grain of salt.

 

[Rora]

I think I would have to hear the comment in person to know if it was inappropriate. If he said it jokingly, I wouldn't worry too much but I would realize that there is usually truth in jest. If he said it rather creepily, I might be a bit concerned.

Like a PP mentioned, it's the other stuff that's a little weird and I would keep an eye on that. However, as long as he doesn't make you uncomfortable or makes any advances, I wouldn't worry too much.

 

[Gabes_mommy]

It depends on his sense of humor and tone. It could be a joke or a proposition but it all depends on the delivery and what kind of personality he has.

This. Based on the other things you mentioned though it sounds like he may be a little interested in you.

 

[CathrynRose]

Can't anyone just joke anymore?

**Sigh** I miss the days of inappropriate humor - pre-sexual-harassment-training days.

 

[lspst8]

I'd say the back-rub comment was just a joke. A lot of people just have that type of humor.

As for the other comments about missing you and calling to check up on you, are you good friends with your roommate, or more roommate for convenience? I wouldn't think it is weird at all if you are good friends who also happen to be roommates. I've done that type of stuff with good friends. I remember once my former roommate went to visit for brother across the country for well over a week, and I really did miss her while she was gone. I've had other roommates that I would have just have been happy to have them out of the house for long stretches of time!

 

[mickeylove2]

In my opinion, I think it would depend on how close you 2 were. The reason I say that is because my best friend is a guy, he is probably the only person that knows ALL of my deepest darkest secrets. I have a BF and he has a GF but we hang out all the time, stay up late watching movies, he has even given me the occasional back rub. There is/has never been/will never be anything sexual between the 2 of us. He is just my best friend and that's it. I see it as he's really just like a girlfriend, we can go shopping together, heck I could even get naked in front of him and I'm sure neither one of us would bat an eyelash.

So...if you guys are close, I don't think it's inappropriate. OTOH, not so close, well he probably has something more in mind.

 

[FireDancer]

This. Based on the other things you mentioned though it sounds like he may be a little interested in you.

Maybe maybe not. That same friend I said the spanking thing to had cancer and I sat in the hospital at times with her while she was getting chemo. She was engaged at the time (married now) and her fiancee never had a problem with it. I care about her but we aren't anything more than friends and never have been. It's just a close friendship between people of the opposite sex. Heck, this last weekend I was in FL with some friends for a wedding and shared a bed with another female friend of mine who is married. We are and have been close for years but it was no more than having 4 people and 2 beds.

It really comes down to the how the friendship dynamic is. It could or could not be inappropriate but the comment itself is probably just a joke and I wouldn't think anything about it. It is pretty impossible to judge this incident in isolation of the friendship. The fact she is questioning it is more telling than the comment itself because it at least shows they may see the friendship different.

Sometimes it just is what it is and doesn't have any hidden meaning.

 

[BeachGirlFLA]

In my opinion, I think it would depend on how close you 2 were. The reason I say that is because my best friend is a guy, he is probably the only person that knows ALL of my deepest darkest secrets. I have a BF and he has a GF but we hang out all the time, stay up late watching movies, he has even given me the occasional back rub. There is/has never been/will never be anything sexual between the 2 of us. He is just my best friend and that's it. I see it as he's really just like a girlfriend, we can go shopping together, heck I could even get naked in front of him and I'm sure neither one of us would bat an eyelash.

So...if you guys are close, I don't think it's inappropriate. OTOH, not so close, well he probably has something more in mind.

We're definitely not that close....I put an ad on Craig's List looking for a place to live, he answered it, and our main bond is the dogs. We talk about our significant others once in a while, but we've never been shopping together, told each other secrets, etc. The other thing is that his fiancee seems a little concerned/insecure about me. He has lots of female Facebook friends that she has met and hasn't added as friends. BUT when I got back from the hospital and realized that he'd been a real friend by rushing me to the hospital, staying for a while, calling to check up on me, offering to bring stuff by, and offering to pick me up (he didn't have to do that...my boyfriend did) I added him and very quickly after I added him, she was requesting to be Facebook friends too. I wouldn't see that as being insecure for everyone, but she tends to be very insecure anyway so I kind of knew her motives.

 

[TinklednPants]

Just give the dude a massage Maybe he'll return the favor.

 

[OceanAnnie]

It's hard to say where he is coming from. Are you uncomfortable? Is your BF? It sounds like his girlfriend may be. A joke here or there isn't a red flag so much, but if that and the other things add up to something to you, maybe something is there.

 

[BeachGirlFLA]

Just give the dude a massage Maybe he'll return the favor.

Heck no.....I adore my boyfriend. He fits the description mickeylove gave of her best friend to a T only we're soul mates as well. We can read each other's mind. He has impeccable timing with knowing when I need to see him/hear from him (like today, he didn't know I had an interview but he showed up - without calling - literally five minutes after I walked in the house when I was really wanting someone to rehash the whole thing with) and I (95% of the time, I'd say) have a dream the night before I see him (we see each other two or three times a week, but he's so laid back that it's never planned until right beforehand) that he's calling me.
As far as whether, I'm uncomfortable I don't know whether I should be or not so I guess a little (although most of you seem to think I shouldn't be.) His fiancee does seem to be and my boyfriend has said in the past that jealousy is a waste of energy.

 

[Free4Life11]

Let me get this straight...he is engaged but living with you (I assume you are a female)? But you're not his fiancee? Did he become recently engaged, because that sounds like a very strange arrangement to me. Why doesn't he just live with fiancee?

As for the back rub comment, I don't find it inappropriate.

 

[Shutterbug]

Let me get this straight...he is engaged but living with you (I assume you are a female)? But you're not his fiancee? Did he become recently engaged, because that sounds like a very strange arrangement to me. Why doesn't he just live with fiancee?

I was thinking same thing