Would you buy something even though your S.O. Is completely against it?

[jsmith]

So I am going to come at this from a bit of a different angle and not even address the issues between you and your spouse because.. that is between you and your spouse. However, I show dogs. I know what that involves and the kind of commitment it takes and the amount of work. If your daughter is a committed junior handler who has the goal, as most do of qualifying to go to Orlando or Westminster in the next year or two she spends a significant amount of time with her dogs, training, grooming, practicing, and you probably have a significant time commitment to travel as well. If dogs shows are in her long term plan for the future she may be working for or apprenticing with a professional handler as well-more travel and time consuming hard work. Between shows and school and any other activities she is involved in she does not have time for a kitten. I think you know this perfectly well, and that you know that the burden of care for the kitten would fall on you-or more likely your husband since I know perfectly well that you spend a good deal of time-especially on weekends-away from home at dog shows. While those have been on hiatus for a good part of 2020 we are starting to show again, which means you are looking at getting a kitten just as you and your daughters time commitment to her dogs upticks. Unfair to both the prospective kitten and your husband who would be left caring for it.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

The title is a general question, the topic is asking for opinions on her situation.

That tends to happen a lot here.

 

[_19disnA]

Yes, I usually glance at titles from the list to see if a topic of interest. The title sounds like a different question to me.

 

[Karin1984]

That tends to happen lot here.

At least this title gave a direction in which this topic was going. It's more annoying when you have a title where you cannot figure out what the topic would be about. I am so grateful for the preview option. And I must say, on the Community Board it's going well with titles and topics. On some other boards about planning, it can be a mess.

 

[TCRAIG]

I had a cat for 16 years growing up and then lived with a roommate who had a cat for 3 years. Yes, cats are more independent than dogs, but they still need interaction and care. My roommate would sometimes stay with her boyfriend and just come home briefly to take care of the cat. I remember lots of times coming home to a very lonely cat who wanted and needed attention. I lived with the cat, so of course I helped take care of the cat. It's a living being, not something you can just ignore. (And of course, my roommate actually got my approval before moving in a new family member!)
[/QUOTE
I’m not saying ignore your cats - just that - unlike most dogs - cats are fine if left on their own for a day or 2 as long as they have food, clean water and a place to potty...longer than that, I prefer to have my neighbor check rather than board at the Vets...our Vet doesn’t really have a good place for cats. And I said IF...turned out - while hesitatant at first - my husband ended up loving all our little ‘lions’ - the last one we had for over 14 years - and yes, she was my daughters but she couldn’t keep her. She (the cat) went to that big litter box in the sky just after Christmas 2019 - we still miss her. We don’t plan on getting another because I’m getting ready to retire next year and he’s already retired and we plan on lots of travel...but ya never know - if a stray shows up and claims us - I guess we’ll be a cat house once again..you know the old saying - Dogs have Masters, Cats have Staff

 

[ScottOKW2K]

I wonder how long it will be before we see a new thread started by the OP.

Thread title "Daughter is so happy - we have a new kitten!"

 

[DisneyJamieCA]

Perhaps it’s the pet part that I can’t get past. I can’t imagine being with someone who doesn’t like animals, but that’s ok b/c I am not. I think there is something missing in ppl like that. That’s my opinion though. As far as my “convincing”, I stated in pp that DH & I discussed his specific concerns about why he didn’t want a cat & I came up with solutions to all of those including what breed to get. Now he absolutely loves the cat & said that he is glad that we got him. And if DS wanted something there would be absolutely no question from him. So guess I just can’t relate to having a spouse like that...thankfully.

Guess there is something missing in me then. I don’t dislike animals, but I’m not a pet person, never have been a pet person and never will be. But guess what? I’m not missing out on anything.

But to each their own. I could never be with somebody who bullies there way through something by wearing somebody down when they’ve clearly expressed an opinion.

 

[Skywalker]

No DH wouldn’t draw a line in the sand for something that is that important to me or DS & I wouldn’t do that to him either. And yes I do most of the caretaking for most of the pets & pretty much all for the kitten. He takes the dogs out & feeds them at times, but I do everything else. He doesn’t feed the kitten or do his litter box. I do all that. He likes him enough though. He’s actually sitting on DHs lap right now. I didn’t get him or any pet against DHs wishes. I just had to do some convincing. Guess I can’t imagine being in a relationship where someone tells me “no” & that’s just it.

Great! So when your husband wants to move that stripper into the guest room you'll have to be all right with it I guess. Then again, maybe you DO have a line in the sand. It might just be different than the OP's husband's line. Everyone should be respected in their own home.

 

[Colleen27]

My dad never liked pets. After the last kid (me) went off to college, he made my mom promise no more pets after the remaining dog passed. He said that we'd had pets for decades, and it was his turn to not have any.

I could see my husband making that request eventually, because he isn't as much an animal person as I am and because I do travel a lot so once the kids are gone he'll have more responsibility for whatever animals we do have when I'm away. That's one of the reasons we've tried to match our pet decisions to the kids' ages, so that we're not here with a bunch of pets long after the kids are gone. It is one thing to wind down our rabbit project or something, because the girls have sold show-quality animals to other 4Hers, but we're not going to rehome cats or dogs because the kid who wanted them moved out. Which is why the 16yo daughter angle jumped out at me, because that's a pet the parents are going to be taking care of for years while the daughter is away at school, in a first apartment that might not be pet-friendly, etc.

 

[LSUmiss]

Great! So when your husband wants to move that stripper into the guest room you'll have to be all right with it I guess. Then again, maybe you DO have a line in the sand. It might just be different than the OP's husband's line. Everyone should be respected in their own home.

same thing
Luckily DH & I share the same values & interests so there isn’t anything for us that would require either of us to have to draw a line in the sand.

 

[TLSnell1981]

I can't think of anything DH has refused to "allow" me to buy. He's pretty easy going.

Well yeah but it still costs money unless you get them on a free weekend

Our kitty was from a cat rescue/shelter (they only have cats) and the adoption fee was $130. That included neuter, his initial shots, as well as a voucher for a follow up visit at a vet for a booster shot (which would have cost us $55 for that).

In this case the OP wasn't saying they were going to a breeder and 'buying' that way so it could just as easily be a shelter or rescue

You got a bargain and so did the kitty! I spent more than that recently to spay/neuter, vaccinate and test5 feral cats (each)

Great! So when your husband wants to move that stripper into the guest room you'll have to be all right with it I guess. Then again, maybe you DO have a line in the sand. It might just be different than the OP's husband's line. Everyone should be respected in their own home.

ONLY if she cleans, cooks and does yard work.
*edited to add* laundry to my list.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

You got bargain and so did the kitty! I spent more than that recently to spay/neuter, vaccinate and test5 feral cats (each)

Absolutely! We've spent much more than that over time (he's actually due for a rabies and FVRCP/distemper shot sooo that'll be fun; he hates the vet) but that initial amount it was so nice for them to include that voucher for that follow up visit. Things really do add up there that's for sure.

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

I'm married to a man who is not a pet person. I had two cats when we got married. The agreement was when the last one went over the rainbow bridge we would not get anymore. I've stuck to that.

There's no way I'd add a kitten to the household without DH being fully onboard. Instead, I have a horse that's boarded elsewhere. He's fine with that, just doesn't want an animal in the house.

I love animals
I could never agree to not having a pet
No way no how
We agreed to a smaller dog when we retire
He tried to say no dog but knew that was a loosing battle

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

I’d post a picture of the new kitten but I could never figure out how

 

[disykat]

I'm glad you have a tolerant husband who is willing to live with your "line in the sand." You owe him an apology for calling him a controlling butthead IMO!

 

[ronandannette]

I’d post a picture of the new kitten but I could never figure out how

Why exactly did you go ahead? I could tell by the posts in this thread you "liked" that you were going to, but I'd be sincerely interested in hearing how you justified it to yourself.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Sorry OP gets a big from me regarding your update. Not surprising in the least but still worthy. This is a living breathing being that shouldn't be used to play games in a relationship.

 

[DisneyJamieCA]

Even though I knew where this was going, I always wonder why people bother to ask the question in the first place when they know they’re going to do what they want anyway.

 

[Allison]

Wow. I'm sure you are very proud of yourself.

 

[ronandannette]

Even though I knew where this was going, I always wonder why people bother to ask the question in the first place when they know they’re going to do what they want anyway.

I think it's to hopefully compile some feedback from people whose opinions line up with their own.