Would you be upset by this...(update on page 6)

[LaraK]

I talked to my son tonight about what happened and explained why the teachers were so upset. The LAST thing I need is for him to think something like this is ok and do it to someone else.

Someone asked about the location of the bathroom..it's right in the classroom and it's co-ed. There's a sign they put up when they go in so the other kids know it's in use. I don't think it has a lock for safety reasons.

 

[krcit]

I think I'd be more upset/concerned at the lack of supervision that allowed the little girl to do this in the first place. Where was the teacher in all of this?

Also, how close are the toilets to the classroom that she was able to actually get in there unsupervised? Are the toilets single sex or unisex? If it's the former I'd really be asking questions as to how this was allowed to happen! Are the toilets communal?

Regardless of all that, everyone has a right to privacy when they are in the toilet.

I'm leaning more toward your husband's way of thinking as what if it hadn't been a fake camera? (Not sure how or why a 5(?) year old would have a real camera at school, but stranger things have happened).

In my kids school, the old K classrooms have a bathroom in the classroom so maybe that was the case here?

It sounds like th school is on top of the situation.

 

[JessicaR]

I actually agree with you. I know it would have been traumatizing for me at that age. (or any age for that matter)
What if a boy did this to a girl? Would anyone feel differently?
While I wouldn't want the kid in jail I would want there to be some consequence (time off recess or something) so she learns not to do something like that again.

Traumatizing? Really? They are 5 for pets sake. yes, boys may do this to girls and guess what? Its the same difference. They are 5! There has to be a consequence? A talking to isn't good enough? Huh.

I pray that little girl isn't crucified but instead sat down to discuss why her actions were inappropriate at a level a 5 year old can understand. OP - possibly you can be the Mom that requests this be handled age appropriately.

My kids kindergarten classes had a bathroom in the classroom. Outside the door there was a stop sign and a green light sign. They didn't have locks.

Perhaps the teacher that witnessed what actually happened can be of help in resolving this.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Traumatizing? Really? They are 5 for pets sake. yes, boys may do this to girls and guess what? Its the same difference. They are 5! There has to be a consequence? A talking to isn't good enough? Huh.

I pray that little girl isn't crucified but instead sat down to discuss why her actions were inappropriate at a level a 5 year old can understand. OP - possibly you can be the Mom that requests this be handled age appropriately.

My kids kindergarten classes had a bathroom in the classroom. Outside the door there was a stop sign and a green light sign. They didn't have locks.

Perhaps the teacher that witnessed what actually happened can be of help in resolving this.

Hey- for me it would have been traumatizing. I was a very shy kid and would have been absolutley mortified by it. Just because you wouldn't doesn't change that fact that some kids would be. And yes- there should be a consequence. The kids nowadays get in trouble for talking too loud and are not allowed to play tag on the playground but they can open the door on someone in the bathroom on purpose that take their picture and they should just get a talking to? Um no. Even if it was my own kid I would think they should get punished because they should know better. Oh and I have seen K kids bring real cameras to school in case anyone was wondering.
I don't think the kid should be hung out to dry but she should get in trouble of some sort. That was completely innappropriate and she needs to understand that.

 

[Eeyores Butterfly]

I think I'd be more upset/concerned at the lack of supervision that allowed the little girl to do this in the first place. Where was the teacher in all of this?

Also, how close are the toilets to the classroom that she was able to actually get in there unsupervised? Are the toilets single sex or unisex? If it's the former I'd really be asking questions as to how this was allowed to happen! Are the toilets communal?

Regardless of all that, everyone has a right to privacy when they are in the toilet.

I'm leaning more toward your husband's way of thinking as what if it hadn't been a fake camera? (Not sure how or why a 5(?) year old would have a real camera at school, but stranger things have happened).

At our school, there are no bathroom in classrooms. There is one set of restrooms at each corner (our school is a giant square.) Even kindergartners are allowed to take a restroom pass and go unsupervised. I think my class might be the only one that has to have adults with them. So it would be possible this could happen at our school, but if we had to supervise every child every time, that would eat up a lot of the adults' time and attention during the day. I know it's a PITA when one of my kids has to go because I or a para have to go with them and then we aren't doing the lessons we are supposed to be doing.

I'm torn on this one. I think that there needs to be a consequence, a serious one. I don't think she should be suspended or anything, but this is a situation where I would want the "fear of God" put into one of my students. This behavior needs to be nipped in the bud right now.

One thing that would concern me is if this is a learned behavior. At that age, kids act out what is happening to them. Most likely it was something very innocent, but I would still be worried that she could be acting out something that is happening in her own life. Hopefully for her that is not the case.

 

[PixieTopaz]

Traumatizing? Really? They are 5 for pets sake. yes, boys may do this to girls and guess what? Its the same difference. They are 5! There has to be a consequence? A talking to isn't good enough? Huh.

.

My son was very shy in kindergarten-he would have been humiliated.
Not funny or cute at all

 

[FireDancer]

Sounds like something I would have done in kindergarten!

Same here.

I still remember the name of the girl who I played "I'll show you mine if you show me yours" with in Kindergarten. Kids are curious and while a talking to is in order I wouldn't be upset. I would just think it was kids being kids, something that is far to often forgotten in this era of political correctness and over protectiveness.

Then again I'm not shy and never was.

 

[Scurvy]

Hey- for me it would have been traumatizing. I was a very shy kid and would have been absolutley mortified by it.

I would have been mortified, too - I was extremely shy and something like that really would have upset me. I don't think the kid should be kicked out of school or anything that severe, but I agree with others that she needs to be punished enough to realize how wrong the behavior was. It may seem funny now, but it wouldn't be so funny in a few years, especially if she's gotten hold of a real camera by then. Neither kid needs to know that any adults found it funny - they need to know it was taken seriously.

(And I also agree that I'd want to be absolutely sure that the camera was really a toy, since I've seen lots of kid's cameras with characters on them.)

ETA - I know some posters joked about the sexual harrassment thing, which of course seems ridiculous. But realistically, some schools with zero tolerance policies would call it that. That's one reason I think it should be taken seriously now, so she doesn't pull the same thing later when the consequences could be much, much worse.

 

[MiniGirl]

Traumatizing? Really? They are 5 for pets sake. yes, boys may do this to girls and guess what? Its the same difference. They are 5! There has to be a consequence? A talking to isn't good enough? Huh.

I pray that little girl isn't crucified but instead sat down to discuss why her actions were inappropriate at a level a 5 year old can understand. OP - possibly you can be the Mom that requests this be handled age appropriately.

My kids kindergarten classes had a bathroom in the classroom. Outside the door there was a stop sign and a green light sign. They didn't have locks.

Perhaps the teacher that witnessed what actually happened can be of help in resolving this.

My dds are both very modest. My oldest, even as a preschooler, was very modest, and by Kindergarten, would have indeed been traumatized by something like this happening to her. My youngest didn't become modest until much later, and this wouldn't have bothered her at all. So, yes, different children would have different reactions to this.

I do hope it is explained quite clearly to the little girl why this isn't appropriate, and OP, and glad to hear that this wasn't something that bothered your son.

 

[hrh_disney_queen]

Lara, I'm glad your kiddo took this in stride. I hope they don't make a big deal about this at school. If they do, then your boy may start to feel weird about it. I hope they just talk to the little girl and maybe the class if they witnessed anything, and just let it go. It doesn't seem like something to get all excited about IMO.

 

[TwinsinCA]

If a little boy did this to either of my daughters in Kindergarten, I would have been very upset. I don't find that funny in the least.

 

[DisneyFairytale]

In all reality of the situation, I myself would have also thought it was pretty funny(I'm a women by the way), and I can assure you my honey would have done nothing but giggle at the incident. Having said that though, some parents out there, are very inappropriate, and I would have to admit that it does bother me and makes me wonder, what would go through a little girl's head, or how this idea got in her head in the first place-for her to take the picture of a little boy in a bathroom.

Maybe there was nothing malicious intended and it was just a little kid incident, but it could also be a child seeing and experiencing things at home that should not be, and taking that into the school.

Kids tend to do what mommy and daddy do. Food for thought.

 

[lukenick1]

If a little boy did this to either of my daughters in Kindergarten, I would have been very upset. I don't find that funny in the least.

I think that if the tides were turned a little boy would have had a serious consequence. She should have a consequence for her actions. My husband would have thought that was hilarious. I, on the other hand, would have been concerned how my son felt. Maybe he was embarrassed and humiliated???

When my oldest ds was in 1st grade, some kids were making fun of him going #2. Since that day (2 years later) he will not go #2 at school, forcing him to hold it and be uncomfortable the whole day. That kind of action can cause anxieties in kids that young. I think bathrooms should be supervised (that is of course if the bathroom is a boys or girls bathroom with multi stalls. .), some inappropriate things happen in there.

 

[LaraK]

Thanks for all the replies. Looks like everyone is as split on this as we are. My husband is very modest (never, EVER would be seen walking around in his birthday suit)...I'm not. My kids seem to have picked up my cues and don't have a heck of a lot of modesty. My husband said he would have been humiliated. My son has been seen naked lots of times (medical stuff) and it didn't phase him until we talked about it. Then he said he was "shy" about the conversation.

I'll have to post tonight after I actually talk to the school.

 

[aprilgail2]

I don't find it particularly funny, many children would find it humiliating. At that age the girl should know better.
Is your ds very upset by this? I would take a cue from him & respond accordingly.
The girl needs a talking to about boundaries & respect for privacy.

If a little boy did this to either of my daughters in Kindergarten, I would have been very upset. I don't find that funny in the least.

I don't find that very funny either- if it was a little boy doing it to a girl there would be uproar about the whole thing and he would be suspended from school under the zero tolerance policy-not that I think anyone should be suspended in kindergarten for that but I sure hope they gave the child some type of punishment so she realizes that it is not a joke and it is serious!
Our school has the bathrooms in the classrooms through grade 3 on the first floor, the upstairs has the stalls in the hall bathroom. They have a bathroom next to the cafeteria but there is no lock on the door so if my daughter has to go she will run upstairs to the one with locking stalls rather than use the one with no lock. If someone opens the door while you are in the one with no lock you are exposed to anyone who happens to be out in the hallway and most kids won't use that one!

 

[golfgal]

My DH would totally blow this out of proportion too. When DS17 was in 1st grade he was sick one day and one thing he had to make up was they colored paper dolls of themselves. He was told to color himself, so he did-peach for skin, little black dot for his boy parts . The teacher freaked out. I was waiting to pick him up after school and he didn't come out so I went in to see what happened. The teacher, very seriously, told me what happened. I was biting my cheek trying SO HARD not to laugh. I told DH about it later and he freaked out. DS ended up tearing up the paperdoll-which bummed be out because I was going to frame it .


OP, I agree with you, NON ISSUE. They are in kindergarten for crying out loud. Yes, the little girl should be told that it is not ok to open the bathroom door and honestly, I don't think the principal should have been brought in on this either.

 

[Ceila]

Kids tend to do what mommy and daddy do. Food for thought.

I'm guessing you don't work in an elementary school Kids also pick their noses and draw on themselves with markers, but teachers don't automatically think that their Moms and Dads are doing those things at home.

Did the little girl make a bad choice? Sure, and she needs to learn that what she did was inappropriate by being given some kind of consequence (loss of some recess time the next day would be in line with the "severity" of the issue IMO). And I agree with the poster who said that because of the zero tolerance policies in place in many schools, it is a lesson better learned now than later, for her own sake. Personally, I think the whole zero tolerance movement seems to go hand-in-hand with zero common sense, since something like this (stupid but innocent) could get treated the same as real sexual harassment. OP, I'm glad you recognize this as something to deal with but not something to go overboard about. You sound like a voice of reason! Good luck today!

 

[threecrazykids]

Honestly...I feel sad for kids nowadays. They can't do ANYTHING that adults don't blow out of proportion anymore. For the love...they are 5 and although WE as adults attach some sort of "sexually driven" agenda behind this little girl's actions I would put my money on the fact that they are being INNOCENT 5 year olds!
And ya know what, kids explore things (be it sexually, fundamentally, etc.), they do things that we may AS ADULTS come across as wrong but her intent I'm sure was NOT to do something "morally wrong".
Kids can't play tag at school, they can't play bombardi, they can't kiss behind the merry go round because adults all scream "my snowflake will be TRAUMATIZED over this" quickly followed by a lawsuit or charges being filed. I think traumatized is the most overused word in relation to kids anymore. Can't we just use the words upset, sad, etc...no, everything has to be BLOWN UP into a much bigger issue than it ever was to begin with. And 9 times out of 10 it's the PARENTS that make it worse on the kid by MAKING it a huge deal when if you'd discuss that what she did was maybe embarrassing, it' surely shouldn't be referenced as a life altering event.

For crying out loud...

 

[mhsjax]

I would be upset, but I wouldn't let my son know. some may think no big deal, they don't know what they are looking at, well yes they do. We live in a very (how should I say) conservative, pretty much church going community and I have witnessed stuff at lunch table that completely shocked me. Such as 1st graders playing truth of dare, at first I thought how cute, they would probably ask silly questions, but no I hear "Have to ever seen you sister naked" "have you ever skinny dipped with a girl". Al 3 of my kids have told me stories about what gets said as early as kindergarten and 1st grade.

I wouldn't have the little girl marked for life or suspended or anything like that, but I think her parents need to be made aware and she needs a good lesson on what is appropriate behavior.

 

[DaParkers]

Traumatizing? Really? They are 5 for pets sake. yes, boys may do this to girls and guess what? Its the same difference. They are 5! There has to be a consequence? A talking to isn't good enough? Huh.

I pray that little girl isn't crucified but instead sat down to discuss why her actions were inappropriate at a level a 5 year old can understand. OP - possibly you can be the Mom that requests this be handled age appropriately.

My kids kindergarten classes had a bathroom in the classroom. Outside the door there was a stop sign and a green light sign. They didn't have locks.

Perhaps the teacher that witnessed what actually happened can be of help in resolving this.

I think a big deal should be made of this. Not an "Adult" big deal, but a child's. (sometimes a stern talking to is a big deal) Kid's cannot be lead to believe that this is ok. Who knows if it was done in a harmless manner? Do you know how many sexual things kids are exposed to today? Too many. We have got to stop having this mentality of "It's no big deal". Many more parents have that mindset these days and our kids are worse than ever as a result.

I would be upset, but I wouldn't let my son know. some may think no big deal, they don't know what they are looking at, well yes they do. We live in a very (how should I say) conservative, pretty much church going community and I have witnessed stuff at lunch table that completely shocked me. Such as 1st graders playing truth of dare, at first I thought how cute, they would probably ask silly questions, but no I hear "Have to ever seen you sister naked" "have you ever skinny dipped with a girl". Al 3 of my kids have told me stories about what gets said as early as kindergarten and 1st grade.

I wouldn't have the little girl marked for life or suspended or anything like that, but I think her parents need to be made aware and she needs a good lesson on what is appropriate behavior.