would you be concerned? UPDATED

[allisonswonderland]

Ok my fiance's bachelor party is next weekend and it was planned by his brother who is married to the evil sis in law- well he will not tell my fiance where they are going. When my fiance talked about a bachelor party he said he just wanted to go to Robert Trent Jones to a golf villa with his buddies golf grill out and and relax -

His brother is refusing to tell me where they are going and is now trying to enforce a no cell phone policy - to give a little insight he is the only one with a wife and 2 small kids (which you would think he would want them to be able to contact him). The other groomsmen think I have every right to know where they are going except the brother has all the flight and hotel info and they do not even have that- I just think that with all of the crazy things that have happened with threats I would like the flt info and a hotel phone number and I am getting really mad that he will not give me this info- what do you think?

 

[ItGirl753]

Well I agree that I'd want to at least know the flight and hotel info. I mean, what if there was some emergency and you needed to get in touch with any of them??? I don't know how to tell you to get it, but I agree that I'd want it. BTW I think it would drive me crazy not knowing anything....

 

[CaptainJack]

The brother is acting like a jerk and your husband to be is not far behind by agreeing to go without giving you the info on where they are going.

I would think you would want to know if this a sign of things to come. If after you get married the brother all of a sudden wanted to do a boys only vacation, but did not want to tell the wives where they are going, is your bf going along with that too?

 

[NeverlandClub23]

I agree (but then I'm a girl ). It would bother me not knowing for safety reasons as I wouldn't really care where they were going. Although, flip it around and I'm sure my bf (hopefully future fiance ) would be furious if I didn't let him know where I was going or if someone in my party wouldn't let him know the plans. Good luck and I hope all of this works out for you!!

 

[Belle83007]

Wow!!! I have to say I would be mad at my fiance if he would agree to go along with something like that. I am behind you 100% and I am sure if the shoe was on the other foot your fiance would have a problem with it as well. that is just me though i am weird about the whole bachelor party thing anyway i just don't really get the whole thing. good luck!

 

[allisonswonderland]

Just to set the record straight - I left this out that he was going to call me from the airport as soon as he found out where they were going and give me the flight info- and about the cell phones he was not going to give his phone up and he was going to call me everyday just like he always does and call me before I got to bed- all of the guys were mad about that one of them has just returned from his honeymoon and another is getting married 2 weeks before us- so myfiance is not a jerk - we just talked again and he said that he was going to yell at his brother tomorrow and would tell him that he was not going to go if he did not tell me where they were going. His bro is such a jerk!

Part of my problem is that I had it in my mind golf trip and now it is sounding like his brother may have planned some wild weekend in New Orleans or something like that which is completely different- my fiance has no clue what is going on and no one has told him either, but he is getting bits and pieces from friends.

I guess that I should add that I do not adjust well to change - I had it in my head that he was going on a golf trip and now I am finding out that they probably are not and jerk will not tell me where they will be or what they are doing - my fiance does not like to fly and that always worries me and I want to know that he is ok - hopefully this will be cleared up tomorrow and he will stand up to his brother0 UGH! Thanks I am glad to know that I am not being unreasonable 0 though his groomsmen (except the best man) think I should know where they are going..... by the way did I mention w are using Major Domo and playing the joke on the best man at our wedding? I almost demanded that he be removed from the wedding over this but then I remembered Good Ole Major Domo......heheheh(wicked laugh)

 

[NeverlandClub23]

I'm with you. I'm kind of against the whole bachelor party thing but I would be ok with a golf trip or something innocent like that. I've heard so many stories from my guy friends that are married about being taken someplace for their bachelor party that they didn't even want to go to just so there friends could have an excuse to get as wild as possible, not taking into consideration what they even wanted. I think some guys (the friends and brothers) take it as their responsibility to make it the best night of their lives when (most) husbands to be just want a night (or weekend) of hanging out with their buddies before they get married. I think it's about respect, and the friends (and brothers) should respect what the future groom wants, not about what they want or how crazy they can get it. Unless the future groom wants a wild and crazy bachelor party (which it sounds like yours does not).

 

[cantwait!]

Just to set the record straight - I left this out that he was going to call me from the airport as soon as he found out where they were going and give me the flight info- and about the cell phones he was not going to give his phone up and he was going to call me everyday just like he always does and call me before I got to bed- all of the guys were mad about that one of them has just returned from his honeymoon and another is getting married 2 weeks before us- so myfiance is not a jerk - we just talked again and he said that he was going to yell at his brother tomorrow and would tell him that he was not going to go if he did not tell me where they were going. His bro is such a jerk!

Part of my problem is that I had it in my mind golf trip and now it is sounding like his brother may have planned some wild weekend in New Orleans or something like that which is completely different- my fiance has no clue what is going on and no one has told him either, but he is getting bits and pieces from friends.

What is so sad about this is it is supposed to be a great time with his buddies to just relax and enjoy their friendships...and now it has turned into something stressful for your DF and for you! I would kick your brother in law in the bum and then KICK MY FOOT SOMEWHERE ELSE and set him straight!!!! I would be ticked off too.

 

[ItGirl753]

My BF's brother has been a jerk to me for the past 8 months or so. Totally hates me all of a sudden. Based on that, I told DBF he could not be the best man. I thought it through and proposed NO wedding party (not even my sisters) and he was ok with that. My thought (and I told my sisters already) is that they will be paying for a trip and why add on clothes for them and the kids?

My BF is not into the whole bachelor's party thing, but who knows what his brother will do when the time comes!!! I can totally see him pulling something like that too.

 

[kimnkel]

Would your DF like it if you had that kind of "no contact" bachelorette party?

It's big time jerk behavior on the part of your fiance's brother. Gawd, what an azz-o-.

I'd be upset, too, but it seems to me your FBIL is trying to get your goat. Don't give him the satisfaction. Didn't you say your FSIL (the jerk's wife) is wicked mean? Well, LOL. They deserve one another.

I would act like you think it is all very immature, and try not to worry. Never let them see you sweat, you know? It sounds like your DF has it under control, as far as that goes. Golfing or Newawlins--if a guy is going to cheat, it won't matter where they are--they either do or they don't cheat on us. But: If I were him, I'd be mad. His brother is not being very supportive of him, and his upcoming marriage. But, your DF--- my opinion: He really should insist you know where he is going to be. Your FBIL, a MARRIED MAN, should understand that. You DF needs to draw the line in the sand, and let his brother and friends know that YOU and your feelings and comfort level come first with him--not their assinine and juvenile party.

What do your DF's parents say about this? If they were my sons they would be getting a piece of my mind for upsetting you like this.

Here is a big <<<HUG>>> for you.

 

[BrideToBe82]

I would talk to your fiance about how you would like to know at the very least flight/hotel info! It would bother me not knowing where my DF was going for his bachelor party! We actually have ground rules for our bachelor-bachelorette party...it is not that we don't trust each other we just don't trust each others friends haha. Your DF should talk to his brother and get you their flight/hotel info if his brother is not willing to do this.

 

[JJClemson]

I am so sorry you are having to deal with this I would be furious w/ DF's brother! Why would he not want to give the flight/ hotel info? If your DF does not like to fly, I do not understand why his brother is making him fly. How does your DF feel about this? If he is anything like my DF he is probably like, "my brother and friends went through all this trouble to plan something for me, so I am not going to complain". Boys are so frustrating! I am here for you. I do not have any advice, I just wanted to let you know that I completely agree with you and think your FBIL is acting sooooo unreasonable!

 

[Laurafoster]

I completely agree - i would want to know atleast the flight details!

 

[allisonswonderland]

My fiance tried calling him all day yesterday and the FBIL would not return his calls - he really is a jerk - my fiance's parents have been on vactaion and got back late last night so we will go talk to them today. I agree that he is not being supportive - you just have to know his brother. This is typical - it is all about him I am sure he is going to take this opportunity to select a place he would like to go rather than pick a place my fiance wanted- I just keep thinking to myself....major domo and I will have the last laugh - his brother always plays jokes on people and not this has become the only reason that he gets to stay best man! Jerk!

 

[Chrissie-riel]

FBIL probably doesn't want any cell phones because he plans to be a no strings attached bad boy for the weekend and doesn't want any cell-cameras around to send a quick photo back to his witch, er.. I mean wife!!

Loove that your playing the Major Domo on him!! I was @ a DFTW w/the Major Domo and it was a joke on the bride and groom - soooo cute and funny. Wasn't a dry eye in the house when they blew the trumpets and out paraded the gold lame guy!

Allison - I swear if I find some extra money laying around, I am buying a plane ticket to Orlando to come lurk in the shadows and watch the drama at your wedding!

 

[NeverlandClub23]

FBIL probably doesn't want any cell phones because he plans to be a no strings attached bad boy for the weekend and doesn't want any cell-cameras around to send a quick photo back to his witch, er.. I mean wife!!

Loove that your playing the Major Domo on him!! I was @ a DFTW w/the Major Domo and it was a joke on the bride and groom - soooo cute and funny. Wasn't a dry eye in the house when they blew the trumpets and out paraded the gold lame guy!

Allison - I swear if I find some extra money laying around, I am buying a plane ticket to Orlando to come lurk in the shadows and watch the drama at your wedding!

Me too!!

I really hope it goes well but I have a feeling your FBIL is going to be a pain in your side for a LONG time to come.

Like chrissiereiss mentioned, it probably is so no one will have proof of how out of hand he's (or anyone else is) going to get.

Good luck to you and be sure to let us know how it goes (the bachelor weekend and your wedding). I wish you both the best!!

 

[kimnkel]

AW--be careful with threatening to have him yanked from the best man role--you want to get as much sympathy and good will on your side as possible, and that means getting your FILs on your side.

Gee, we sound like characters in a soap opera--lol--but, hey--you FBIL hit back first--

Anyway, if you get too much on the attack they will feel like they need to protect or defend the jerk, so you want to tread lightly.

There is like some passive/aggressive stuff going on, isn't there? I realize I don't really know, but it seems like your FBIL in major passive/aggressive. I know, I know...psychoanalyzing on a BB--how helpful!

I am not sure I would spend the money on the major domo if the main reason is just to play a joke on the FBIL. I wouldn't want to (a) spend the money, (b) make him the center of that much attention (since I am sure he thrives on that) or (c) perpetrate what seems like your in-laws pattern of relating to one another through mean-ish jokes and dirty tricks.

Of course, take what I say with a grain of salt, as I admit I am not sure what this major domo thing involves, but I would want to opt out of the whole dirty tricks thing.

I hope everything turns out okay for you! and remember: Illegitimi non corborundum! (latin for "never let the bass turds get you down")

 

[Chrissie-riel]

The Major Domo thing:

At a Disney Fairy Tale wedding, you can add on the character of "Major Domo" to your wedding package. The officiant asks the best man/maid of honor for the wedding rings, but they don't have them. They have been secreted away or assumed to be lost, etc. Then the back doors of the Wedding Pavilion magically open to live trumpeters and reveal the Major Domo. He is dressed up as a page from the middle ages including white wig, gold lame outfit, buckle shoes and stockings and carries a pillow down the aisle which holds Cinderella's Glass Slipper and your wedding rings tucked inside. He plays it up soooo big. It is just beautiful and truly a Disney magical moment.

While it may be partially to play a joke on the Best Man in Allison's case, I am sure that she is really paying for the character to add to her Disney pixie dust and make herself feel like Cinderella for a moment!

 

[allisonswonderland]

No- before all of this happened - his brother has always played jokes on the whole family and no one will ever play a joke on him so when our coordinator told us about this my fiance and I just both looked at each other and thought hmmmm.....plus we are not having a ring bearer and it would also increase the cinderellaish experience - so now it just makes me think I am so glad we are doing this -

So my fiance talked to him yesterday finally and I heard the converesation - he asked him that he please just let me know the flt and hotel info that we both respect the fact that he wants ot to be a suprise that he is the best man but that Allison really needs this information- so Bestman says well I will let her know if you will give me your cell phone all weekend and my fiance said no- I am an adult - I will not be out of contact with her this is ridicluous you are my best man and should be helping me not making things worse - Best Man say - I am the best man - you have no control over this bachelor party I get to decide everything - and then brings up his own bachelor party (well he got married the first time ar 21 and my fiance was 19 so they were in someone's backyard b/c they could not afford anything else)- I do not like this and I do not like him at all - His brother can not satnd that this time is not about him and that is the problem with the evil wife too - they can not stand it because they are so selfish! These are the days of our lives................. lurkers are welcome but you just can not eat anything =)

 

[kimnkel]

Oh, thank you for the major domo info, chrissiereiss. I think that in AW's case the major domo should do a little more. Maybe shake his hand with one of those shock things in his palm, trip him when he goes up the aisle, and then he and Mickey Mouse should take him in the men's room and give him a swirly.

Oh, wait: I was advocating the high road. Sorry. Sometimes I just give in to the dark side.

Anyway, Alisons, was that "best man" or "beast man"?

I am glad your DF stood up to the beastman. He did the right thing, and isn't it a good feeling when they confirm we picked the right one? Unfortunately we can't pick our DF's entire family. I would have DEFINITELY picked another model FMIL. For what it is worth, I think you all handled things very well.

So, since the FBIL *chose* to be married at 21 and thus didn't get the DFTW (that I am sure you are your DF worked hard to plan and execute) because he CHOSE to do something else, he is going to try to be as disruptive and attention seeking as possible, and with any luck (in his mind) he will spoil this for you and his OWN brother?

How old is this guy? Two and a half? <---the bouncing green-with-envy beastman

Yech. You don't like him? Man! I don't like him, and I don't even know him.

On the positive side of things, at least you know what you are dealing with, so you can keep your back to the wall around him.