Would you be annoyed?

[auntiegem]

Every time you let this guy bug you with fairly insignificant things like this, he wins. STOP THAT! Life really is too short. Really.

 

[smidgy]

I am going to do what I heard other dissers hate and say "I didn't read the whole thread, but...."

we had a party at the restaurant last weekend. the guests were allowed soda or draft beer. anything else they paid for themselves. this is SO common.

another party had an "open bar" up to a certain $ amount. when the total was reached, it was cash after that. but they didn't want to pay for "shots". people had to purchase shots OOP.

years ago, at my first son's graduation party, I had 2 kegs of beer, Miller Lite and Old style. I still had people bring their own, becuase they drnk ONLY coors, or ONLY bud, or ONLY bottled beer, not draft.

I attended a wedding at a bar/marina. open bar for beer, wine or "well" drinks. the people wanted Jack Daniels, or Absolute, or whatever,and jsut couldn't drink what was offered, paid OOP.

it is VERY common to limit what the host is offering.. and it is VERY common for people with particular tastes to be willing to pay themselves for what they really want to drink, if they are particular. In most cases, no one is offended at all, from either side.
(ps, it is usually the guests who start their own tab who want a specific drink, that tip the servers themselves. the guest who drink whatever is offered aren't as quick to give the server a buck here or there. they figure, "it's free! why should I tip?"

 

[smidgy]

hubby would be one running his own tab. he prefers whiskey. a lot of people prefer vodka drinks.

you gave a nice selection. if anyone wants something else, they can pay extra. that's fair. just don't be angry with people for purchasing what they prefer. Many people don't have the attitude that "alcohol is alcohol". they are not drinking to "get drunk". they have particular tastes in cocktails, ie. cosmos, martinis, manhattans, , blue moon, becks, weiss beer, etc.
what if someone wanted a cabernet instead of merlot? or reisling or chardonnay instead of Pinot Grigio? you can't be responsible for everyone's particular tastes. but then again, you cna't get upset if they are willing to pay to drink what they like.
(and I must say, many people like mixed drinks,not beer or wine. rum, vodka, whiskey)
sounds like you wanted to pay for beer, wine, and pitchers of margaritas.. which, as a bartender, they probably mixed up ahead of time, and were probably weak
many people do this. offer beer, wine, and one "signature" drink, which is made up ahead of time, by the gallon. it's common at private parties, and cheaper that way.
I still don't know what dif. itmakes if they order a bud instead of corona, but obviously that was the 'Package" that they bought.

 

[rie'smom]

Unless you had a totally open bar, not everyone will like your choices. I'm not saying the coices were bad. I, for one, would have been totally happy drinking Margaritas. As the saying goes,Don't sweat the small stuff.

 

[smidgy]

LOL, no its not just about ordering different drinks at this one party. You go to their home and they offer you corona to drink and then they come to your party and corona is no good, they need something "special". He did the same thing to my parents. They ordered lovely wine at a restaurant (yes he drinks this type of wine) and he had to order something different when he knew my parents were picking up the tab. He never offers to pick up the tab for anything EVER. Cheap.

ok, you didn't mention all this in your original post. I (as others) were responding to your original post.

you SHOULD have stated "I have a cheap BIL who only provides cheap stuff at his parties. NEVER picks up a tab, then makes a point ofordering something dif. at My party, even though I know he likes to drink what I offered. and I know he did it, just to make me look bad.

(for future reference, it's best to either put an amount limit, or offer basic brand wines, beers, and well drinks. anything else OOP. really, what do you care if they drink coors, or bud or miller?)

 

[smidgy]

OP I get it...I have a "soon to be" BIL that would do the same thing, just to do it.

I could make the list out of things he drinks, even let him make the flippin list and he would order something different, just to be a pita~

You should have said to the waitress, "order me one of those to and just add it to his tab, he wont mind"

sure, put the poor wiatress in the middle!

That is not the same. He didn't expect her to go out of her way to make him something, he ordered his own drink at a restaurant. He didn't even expect her to pay for it. How did this inconvenience the OP in anyway like making a separate meal would?

DH's family does this "pre-Christmas" dinner every year sometime in late November/early December and at any restaurant we go to, there's basically a menu of 5 or 6 different things you can order since it's kind of like a "deal" with how many people are in our party(which is usually around 30-40 people).

so if someone said "no, i don't want any of that, bring me the REAL menu and i'll order off of that." i'd think it was a bit rude, too. like i said, the way i was raised is "you'll eat what everyone else is eating." and if you have 5 different options, i'm SURE you could find SOMETHING that you'd like.

And I was raised not to force people to eat something they don't like. Especially while at a restaurant where other options are readily available.

If you are not paying for it, why in the world would it bother you? It goes back to the whole "pick your battle" concept. I see no reason expending any energy over something that has no effect on me.

the difference between ordering something different off the dinner menu and ordering a different drink are enormous! the cook knows ahead of time to make X amount of food. maybe there are 3 options : a beef entree, a chicken entree, and a seafood entree. the restaurant has ordered enough food for those 3 choices. the cook has prepared enough for those 3 choices.
the bar in a restaurant is already stocked, and the bartender can make numerous drinks. want a Mai tai? I can make it in 3 minutes. sea breeze? cosmo? Long Island? not a problem. a sea breeze is just as cheap to make as a Margarita, (and takes less time, was it extra to have salt on the rim? frozen?) maybe the OP purchased the margaritas by the pitcher . it is still not a problem for the bartender to mix a drink (or in this case, open a different bottle of beer). ... as opposed to someone ordering a totally different entree
therefore, you can't compare someone wanting something dif. to eat and the cook suddenly having to make up a total dif. order(and the guest paying for it),with someone asking for a dif. brand of beer, and the bartender having to grab a dif. bottle out of the cooler.(and the guest paying for it)

 

[disneystacy]

OP again - I read everything, wow that took awhile.

To answer some questions:

I never said a word to my BIL or sister. I did say something to my best friend who said " you know how he is, he has to show how your tastes are inferior to his" which is something he does all the time.

The fact of the matter is he was rude. He was given the selections by the waitress and then proceded to ask if they had such in such beer, was told it was not included, said run a tab and by the way can I get a sample of ANOTHER type of beer for him and my sister to try ALL IN FRONT OF other guests( forgot to include that in my first post).

I totally get that everyone should be able to order what they want, but it should be done discreetly. Walk yourself out to the bar and order your drink, beer tasting, WHATEVER.

People were ordering shots by the end of the night, they went out to the bar and ordered them.

Fact is NO ONE else at the party did what he did, NO ONE.

If I was at a party, I would either drink what was offered or MAYBE I would have my hubby go to the bar and get me something different. Most likely I would just drink what was offered.

My sister and BIL also told the group that they had eaten already before the party. Thanks alot.

 

[disneystacy]

ok, you didn't mention all this in your original post. I (as others) were responding to your original post.

you SHOULD have stated "I have a cheap BIL who only provides cheap stuff at his parties. NEVER picks up a tab, then makes a point ofordering something dif. at My party, even though I know he likes to drink what I offered. and I know he did it, just to make me look bad.

(for future reference, it's best to either put an amount limit, or offer basic brand wines, beers, and well drinks. anything else OOP. really, what do you care if they drink coors, or bud or miller?)

Your right, thats what I should have stated.

The only reason we picked those drinks is because they were specials. The beer choices were the bars specials of the night. Those beer choices were 2.00 a beer. The other brands were 6.00 a beer.

 

[Boxley]

OP again - I read everything, wow that took awhile.

To answer some questions:

I never said a word to my BIL or sister. I did say something to my best friend who said " you know how he is, he has to show how your tastes are inferior to his" which is something he does all the time.

The fact of the matter is he was rude. He was given the selections by the waitress and then proceded to ask if they had such in such beer, was told it was not included, said run a tab and by the way can I get a sample of ANOTHER type of beer for him and my sister to try ALL IN FRONT OF other guests( forgot to include that in my first post).

I totally get that everyone should be able to order what they want, but it should be done discreetly. Walk yourself out to the bar and order your drink, beer tasting, WHATEVER.

People were ordering shots by the end of the night, they went out to the bar and ordered them.

Fact is NO ONE else at the party did what he did, NO ONE.

If I was at a party, I would either drink what was offered or MAYBE I would have my hubby go to the bar and get me something different. Most likely I would just drink what was offered.

My sister and BIL also told the group that they had eaten already before the party. Thanks alot.

This has to be asked but if it were anyone else besides your BIL who did this, such as a friend of yours, would you be as annoyed? Why is your post directed towards the BIL when it appears that your sister partook of the different types of beer as well as well as your other guests who left for shots.


P.S. What's the big deal about them eating before the party? Perhaps they were not there for the food but rather to be around family. Also, I have actually ate before a party as well, not to be against the host but rather because I would get off work from times I have had a nonsubstantial lunch period and so I would have a little bit of dinner before leaving for the party.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

People were ordering shots by the end of the night, they went out to the bar and ordered them.

If I was at a party, I would either drink what was offered or MAYBE I would have my hubby go to the bar and get me something different. Most likely I would just drink what was offered.

My sister and BIL also told the group that they had eaten already before the party. Thanks alot.

I don't know...

it's either okay to order off menu or it isn't.

I still suspect that had he been the ONLY one to go to the bar orginally, that you would have had an issue. Even if you "maybe" might have done the same thing. I can't imagine walking about of a party myself--but hey, to each their own.

I kind of feel sorry for him that he is up to everyone's judgement like that. He can do no right--and the sooner you realize that, his nuisances will stop being nuisances to you.

They probably told people they ate b/c...I don't know--perhaps b/c they weren't eating. Maybe they didn't like your restaurant choice so came prepared. It happens-and that is what people do.

Switch it to another family member and you would easily excuse it.

So this points to--you can only change yourself, the sooner you do--the better.

I speak from experience.

 

[Allison]

So, it would be okay if he went to the bar to order but it wasn't okay that he ordered it from the waitress?

I still don't get it. It seems it's more about not liking your BIL and that he would be wrong no matter what way he did things.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Your right, thats what I should have stated.

The only reason we picked those drinks is because they were specials. The beer choices were the bars specials of the night. Those beer choices were 2.00 a beer. The other brands were 6.00 a beer.

I am puzzled....

Much earlier, you insisted that you got brands that you knew people would enjoy and that you knew your brother drank these brands.

Now you go them b/c they were "specials" aka cheap and within your budget.

You didn't pick the drinks with him in mind--you picked them with you in mind. Just b/c he chose something different--isn't a slam against you.

Given that the remainder of your party ordered shots--gotta say BIL did nothing wrong and if you didn't intend for "outside" stuff to be served by the wait staff--your issues should be with the restaurant.

 

[disneystacy]

This has to be asked but if it were anyone else besides your BIL who did this, such as a friend of yours, would you be as annoyed? Why is your post directed towards the BIL when it appears that your sister partook of the different types of beer as well.
P.S. What's the big deal about them eating before the party? They were not there for the food but rather to be around family.

I am annoyed with my sister as well.

They were the only family member invited (evryone else lives out of state)

I would be annoyed with anyone who did this in front of myself or other guests.

They did not know the menu ahead of time and why announce that you already ate. Who cares?

 

[Allison]

They did not know the menu ahead of time and why announce that you already ate. Who cares?

Exactly-who cares? You certainly care.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I am annoyed with my sister as well.

They were the only family member invited (evryone else lives out of state)

I would be annoyed with anyone who did this in front of myself or other guests.

They did not know the menu ahead of time and why announce that you already ate. Who cares?

Restaurant menus are typically available on line--so they can get an idea of what might be served without knowing what specifically might be served.

I've been checking a lot lately b/c I am pregnant--have food aversions, my tastes change constantly--so I like to get an idea ahead of time what I might be able to eat. If it is chancy, I'll eat ahead of time and not really eat much at the event. Of course, when you go to a "meal" centered event and aren't eating--folks may ask you why. But I go for fellowship and company--so I don't concern myself with the judgement of others if I am unable to partake.

I would have assumed I was invited for my company--not to cater to the whims and expectations of the host/hostess.

 

[Boxley]

I am annoyed with my sister as well.

They were the only family member invited (evryone else lives out of state)

I would be annoyed with anyone who did this in front of myself or other guests.

They did not know the menu ahead of time and why announce that you already ate. Who cares?

Yet, throughout this post you have not griped about her, but rather about your BIL. Also, why leave a party just to have a different type of drink, if he did leave are you sure that you would not complain that he left the party to get another type of beer?

 

[disneystacy]

I was upset that he and my sister chose to order something different in front of other guests( going to the bar and ordering something different would have been fine , really it would have, I promise, other guests ordered shots at the bar), then proceeded to do a beer tasting in front of my other guests and then when I said the buffet was open proceed to let everyone know that they had already eaten. Its plain rude. I guess you had to be there and also know how this guy behaves at other parties. My sister goes along with it because she is a follower. I don't like being around food or drinks with her either.

I am not trying to control what they eat or drink, I just find it rude how they go about it.

 

[crashbb]

Looks like this is going to be another thread where the OP keeps adding details until people are convinced that she is right.

Even with the details of what he did (not who he is), I wouldn't have been annoyed. Especially since you state that the actions would have annoyed you no matter who they came from - so the details of his previous behaviour are not germane to the issue.

 

[disneystacy]

Yet, throughout this post you have not griped about her, but rather about your BIL. Also, why leave a party just to have a different type of drink, if he did leave are you sure that you would not complain that he left the party to get another type of beer?

The bar was just outside the door to the party room. Glass doors. It was about 5 feet from the room. People had to leave the room to go to the bathroom.

I gripe about him because my sister was not like that at all before she met and married him.

IMO the host of the party should not be made aware that the food and drink provided were not to your liking. It should and could be done discreetly. Not in front of the host and other guests.

 

[disneystacy]

Looks like this is going to be another thread where the OP keeps adding details until people are convinced that she is right.

Even with the details of what he did (not who he is), I wouldn't have been annoyed. Especially since you state that the actions would have annoyed you no matter who they came from - so the details of his previous behaviour are not germane to the issue.

I don't need others to tell me I'm right. I asked for opinions. I just didn't add all the details in my original post and I'm answering questions. I'm not the type to just post and run.