Would you be annoyed?

[LiLIrishChick63]

And I was raised not to force people to eat something they don't like. Especially while at a restaurant where other options are readily available.

If you are not paying for it, why in the world would it bother you? It goes back to the whole "pick your battle" concept. I see no reason expending any energy over something that has no effect on me.

i think it just depends on how you were raised, then. because i remember if i didn't eat what was on the dinner table, i wouldn't be allowed to leave until i did. but tbh, if i had kids and i made something like....liver or something that they didn't like, i wouldn't make them sit and eat that. but if it's something they normally like and are just giving me a hard time, i'd probably tell them to eat it.

How someone behaves in my home versus a public place with an available menu are two entirely different scenarios.

In any case--"anger" would never be the correct response in any scenario quite frankly.

Anyone who was raised that getting "Angry" is the appropriate emotional response to rudeness--has issues.

i was just curious.

so....you mean to tell me....you NEVER get angry about anything? i don't mean yelling and screaming or hitting anyone, but just generally frustrated?? i find that highly unlikely. EVERYONE gets angry at something, at some point. it's human nature.

 

[LiLIrishChick63]

nope. Wouldn't be offended at all. Why would someone think they had the right to choose someone's drinks in a BAR?

And to be offended because they didn't bring a gift? Wasn't this a 40th bday party? I'd be more offended if people brought gifts honestly. When the big four o comes, I would just be happy that my good friends and family are there to celebrate with me. I'm not 8. I don't need gifts to justify how much people love/like me. If I had certain offerings at an engagement and didn't care for them, I, like the BIL, would take it upon myself to order and pay for them.

I just don't get what there is to be upset about?

different strokes for different folks. people ARE allowed to get angry/upset over things.

 

[hrh_disney_queen]

well what if you made dinner for a group of people, and one of them said "oh i don't like steak/lamb/whatever it is you made. can you make something else for me?"

i mean i know it's not even close to a drink, but i'm just curious. you wouldn't get the LEAST bit mad?? you'd actually go and make them something else?

the way i was raised was "you'll eat/drink what everyone else is having and that's that. no one is making anything 'special' for you."

Apples and Oranges. In my home I have limited resources. Any way, when I host a dinner party, I always run the entree by my guests when I invite. Then I am not taken aback during serving time. At a restaurant, they could order whatever thy wanted, no skin off my nose. Especially if I don't have to pay for it...which I probably would anyway.

So just out of curiosity, would your etiquette book recommend your comment to the guest?


I have a feeling that the OP went into this party armed for bear, and DBIL was doomed from the start. Maybe DBIL has that figured out and has fun with it.

 

[LiLIrishChick63]

Apples and Oranges. In my home I have limited resources. Any way, when I host a dinner party, I always run the entree by my guests when I invite. Then I am not taken a back during serving time. At a restaurant, they could order whatever thy wanted, no skin off my nose. Especially if I don't have to pay for it...which I probably would anyway.

So just out of curiosity, would your etiquette book recommend your comment to the guest?

#1....i don't go by an "ettiquette book"....this isn't 1955 thanks.

#2 i never said i told anyone to do that, that's how I look at things because that's how i was raised. now i think you're just trying for an argument.

i was just giving MY point of view, just like everyone else was giving theirs. not everyone has to have the same point of view. we're allowed to think differently.

 

[Had2stopLurking]

Apples and Oranges. In my home I have limited resources. Any way, when I host a dinner party, I always run the entree by my guests when I invite. Then I am not taken aback during serving time. At a restaurant, they could order whatever thy wanted, no skin off my nose. Especially if I don't have to pay for it...which I probably would anyway.

So just out of curiosity, would your etiquette book recommend your comment to the guest?

really? who has a dinner party without knowing who likes what? I think that it is rude for people to expect everyone to like/eat what you are offering to GUESTS. I make sure everyone has an offering they would enjoy. Then again, I guess that's just northern hospitality

 

[LiLIrishChick63]

really? who has a dinner party without knowing who likes what? I think that it is rude for people to expect everyone to like/eat what you are offering to GUESTS. I make sure everyone has an offering they would enjoy. Then again, I guess that's just northern hospitality

i wanna know who said they weren't speaking to their guests beforehand about what they like??? no one said that.

all i'm saying is, that's how i was raised. someone else said "i was raised to do this." so i replied with how i was raised.

the only time i wouldn't eat something while i was at someone's house is if i was allergic. generally people make things that most people would like to eat like chicken or pasta, anyway.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

i think it just depends on how you were raised, then. because i remember if i didn't eat what was on the dinner table, i wouldn't be allowed to leave until i did. but tbh, if i had kids and i made something like....liver or something that they didn't like, i wouldn't make them sit and eat that. but if it's something they normally like and are just giving me a hard time, i'd probably tell them to eat it.



i was just curious.

so....you mean to tell me....you NEVER get angry about anything? i don't mean yelling and screaming or hitting anyone, but just generally frustrated?? i find that highly unlikely. EVERYONE gets angry at something, at some point. it's human nature.

That's quite the leap.

Yes, I do have anger issues--that's what therapy is for.

It doesn't make one a good hostess to actually exhibit that emotion to her guests b/c they ordered a drink that she didn't pick nor did she pay for.

As I stated--I have a step-mother who is a real peach. I no longer get angry as a result of petty behavior that is truly rude or I interpret is rude.

Now me not getting notified of my grandmother's death until over 2 days later when my grandfather calls me....yeah, that's something to get angry over ( I did simmer down and still haven't called my dad and step-mom on that lovely failure to communicate).

But getting angry over a beverage? Inappropriate and not really worth the energy.

Comparing it to a home made meal-is a leap as well. Making it even more silly to be angry over it.

 

[hrh_disney_queen]

i OBVIOUSLY said it wasn't the same right in that entry. i was asking if she would get angry if that other situation DID happen because she said that you basically go out of your way for "guests" and you never get "Angry" with them. i was just curious as to what her response would be.

Hey, you got it! This is what a good host/hostess does. Unless of course the guest is offensive in some way. I don't consider quietly ordering a drink from the menu offensive, I had no idea I was so laid back.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

different strokes for different folks. people ARE allowed to get angry/upset over things.

But it doesn't it make it appropriate.

 

[hrh_disney_queen]

so....you mean to tell me....you NEVER get angry about anything? i don't mean yelling and screaming or hitting anyone, but just generally frustrated?? i find that highly unlikely. EVERYONE gets angry at something, at some point. it's human nature.

There is a HUGE difference between being angry and being frustrated. Heck yeah, I get angry all the time, just not at things that have no effect on me or society as a whole.

But it doesn't it make it appropriate.

Yep!

 

[LiLIrishChick63]

That's quite the leap.

Yes, I do have anger issues--that's what therapy is for.

It doesn't make one a good hostess to actually exhibit that emotion to her guests b/c they ordered a drink that she didn't pick nor did she pay for.

As I stated--I have a step-mother who is a real peach. I no longer get angry as a result of petty behavior that is truly rude or I interpret is rude.

Now me not getting notified of my grandmother's death until over 2 days later when my grandfather calls me....yeah, that's something to get angry over ( I did simmer down and still haven't called my dad and step-mom on that lovely failure to communicate).

But getting angry over a beverage? Inappropriate and not really worth the energy.

Comparing it to a home made meal-is a leap as well. Making it even more silly to be angry over it.

i don't think everyone in the world needs therapy over getting angry. you're allowed to be angry.

i don't think the OP said she mentioned it to them DURING dinner, that she was angry about it. she expressed afterwards that she was angry. that happens to me all the time. i'll be out with my DH, someone will do something stupid and i'll tell him later "i can't believe they did that" and then that's it. i don't think it's "inappropriate" afterwards to just be like "wow...that was stupid. whatever."

i think the OP was more VENTING than anything else. there's no need to tell her "OMG YOU SHOULDN'T BE ANGRY WITH THAT!"

we've all gotten angry over stupid things. it happens. it's nothing to feel wrong about.

and i wasn't making a "leap" i was asking a question, as i stated right in that comment. i said "i know it's not the same, i'm just wondering about...." because i was shocked that someone said "no i NEVER get mad at ANYTHING" so i gave a different scenario to see what the response would be.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

i wanna know who said they weren't speaking to their guests beforehand about what they like??? no one said that.

all i'm saying is, that's how i was raised. someone else said "i was raised to do this." so i replied with how i was raised.

the only time i wouldn't eat something while i was at someone's house is if i was allergic. generally people make things that most people would like to eat like chicken or pasta, anyway.

I have a friend that is vegetarian. One time she asked if she could bring a veggie burger b/c my main course was a meat. No skin off of my nose. I offered to make her a veggie burger--but she was fine either way.

I completely forgot and we are an ongoing group that meets for Bunco and do themed meals. Getting angry with her--woudl have been stupid.

It seems the OP is omnipotent--but not enough to realize she is going to get slighted despite her best intentions. At this point, what the relative does is moot. She is opting to be PO'd b/c she has to be right.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

i don't think everyone in the world needs therapy over getting angry. you're allowed to be angry.

we've all gotten angry over stupid things. it happens. it's nothing to feel wrong about.

and i wasn't making a "leap" i was asking a question, as i stated right in that comment. i said "i know it's not the same, i'm just wondering about...." because i was shocked that someone said "no i NEVER get mad at ANYTHING" so i gave a different scenario to see what the response would be.

It doesn't take a shrink to realize that anger over someone buying and paying for their own drink....is not normal.

ETA: She very clearly asked us to tell her if she is overreacting. Funny how she only wishes to respond to the few that don't think she did. But the majority of us feel she overreated. What happens in a private home is irrelevant. For the stated scenario--she overreacted in the majority of everyone's opinion.

 

[LiLIrishChick63]

Hey, you got it! This is what a good host/hostess does. Unless of course the guest is offensive in some way. I don't consider quietly ordering a drink from the menu offensive, I had no idea I was so laid back.

please. i'm sure you've had people at your house that you weren't THAT fond of and they did things to make you angry.

i'm NOT saying that you've yelled at them or have made them feel uncomfortable. i'm saying that you didn't care for them, they were just there with a friend or a family member of yours, and after they left you mentioned to SOMEONE "ugh, i can't believe they acted like that!"

that's not "inappropriate" or "being a bad host/hostess" that's being human.

 

[hrh_disney_queen]

#1....i don't go by an "ettiquette book"....this isn't 1955 thanks.

#2 i never said i told anyone to do that, that's how I look at things because that's how i was raised. now i think you're just trying for an argument.

i was just giving MY point of view, just like everyone else was giving theirs. not everyone has to have the same point of view. we're allowed to think differently.

OK, how about replacing "etiquette book" with "basic human decency"? Personally, I have never read an etiquette book in my life, although I do have a sense of the latter. You're welcome.

If that is how YOU look at things, how would that translate into your scenario of "special request" guests? I never said I would accomodate their special requests if it weren't possible, but I certainly wouldn't get ANGRY at them.

You singled me out, so I answered you. No personal vendetta, I answered your question. Yes, we seem to have confilicting ideals. so be it.

 

[LiLIrishChick63]

It doesn't take a shrink to realize that anger over someone buying and paying for their own drink....is not normal.

ETA: She very clearly asked us to tell her if she is overreacting. Funny how she only wishes to respond to the few that don't think she did. But the majority of us feel she overreated. What happens in a private home is irrelevant. For the stated scenario--she overreacted in the majority of everyone's opinion.

she's mentioned that he's done it before, and that his behavior is usually less than appealing. he does it JUST because he KNOWS it angers/annoys people. so in that case, if YOU had someone in your life that constantly did something like that, i'm SURE you would understand.

she didn't explain the scenario correctly. as i said, i have a DSIL who does similar things. so i understand where she's coming from. i'm not saying i scream and say nasty things to my DSIL, i just wait until i get home, vent to my DH about it, and then i get on with it.

 

[tinkerbell198530]

I think that he did it just to annoy you on your hubbys special night and that is not right

 

[Had2stopLurking]

I have a friend that is vegetarian. One time she asked if she could bring a veggie burger b/c my main course was a meat. No skin off of my nose. I offered to make her a veggie burger--but she was fine either way.

I completely forgot and we are an ongoing group that meets for Bunco and do themed meals. Getting angry with her--woudl have been stupid.

It seems the OP is omnipotent--but not enough to realize she is going to get slighted despite her best intentions. At this point, what the relative does is moot. She is opting to be PO'd b/c she has to be right.

OMG! This happened to me one time too!!!

I invited the vet tech who was going to sit for my pets for me over for dinner, and I didn't realize she was a vegetarian! I had called her one day to order pizzas for the office and she gave me a list of what people would like. Most had meat on them, so it never crossed my mind.

I made a GREAT beer butt chicken that night, but, umm, yeah, she looked at it like it was the most horrid thing she had seen. We laugh so hard about it now! That night, I was horrified. I immediately stir fried her some veggies. That was my 1st lesson on "ask your guests what they like".

 

[hrh_disney_queen]

i was shocked that someone said "no i NEVER get mad at ANYTHING"

Oh good Lord, please go back and read my post. I did NOT say that, why are you using quotation marks?????

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

she's mentioned that he's done it before, and that his behavior is usually less than appealing. he does it JUST because he KNOWS it angers/annoys people. so in that case, if YOU had someone in your life that constantly did something like that, i'm SURE you would understand.

she didn't explain the scenario correctly. as i said, i have a DSIL who does similar things. so i understand where she's coming from. i'm not saying i scream and say nasty things to my DSIL, i just wait until i get home, vent to my DH about it, and then i get on with it.

Really? He told her this?

I have an evil stepmother--but one thing is for certain....she doesn't do it to anger or annoy people. That's just the unintended result.