Would you baptize your child to make the grandparents happy?

[LoveBWVVBR]

I'm sure I'm opening a big can of worms by even asking this, but would you baptize your child to make the grandparents happy? My dad just asked me if we're going to baptize DD (who is a toddler). I was caught a little off guard, and I told him that I hadn't thought about it. Honestly, it's not something that ever crossed my mind. We're completely non-religious, although I woudn't say that I'm an athiest (DH is another story on that I think).

We were both raised Catholic and we both stopped practicing as soon as we went to college. I think it would please my dad to see my DD baptized Catholic. Part of me thinks "what's the harm?," but another part of me thinks that I'd be a total hypocrite if I baptized her knowing full well that #1) this isn't something we even believe in and #2) that we have no intention of raising her in a religion.

My parents are loving grandparents, and they are very good to my DD. I personally don't see the harm in baptizing her if it makes my dad feel better. My DH could care less either way, so if I want to do this I doubt he'd even say anything about it. The things that worry me are the hypocrite factor and also the inevitable "are you going to enroll DD in CCD and have her make the sacriments" question in the future (from my dad). I guess I would cross that bridge when I came to it, though. OK, enough rambling. I should throw in a on my own thread I'm sure

 

[lindakmonty]

no, I would not baptize my child just to please someone else. Grandparents or not!

 

[nuttylawprofessor]

There are certainly people who've done it for less altruistic reasons (like wanting to have an elaborate reception fancier than my wedding reception).

Is there a harm to your child? no.
To you? perhaps, because of the hypocrisy issue.

This is really a question about YOUR religious beliefs and what it would mean to you. I think it's a fascinating question to pose to yourself that can lead to great illumination. Then again, I just like to sit and think.

 

[Anewman]

You baptize because you are going to raise that child under the catholic faith, I dont think this is an example of that.

 

[freckles and boo]

We didn't do it with our children, but we have friends who did just to shut their parents up. Other friends have had the weddings they didn't want to have to please their folks. Apparently my mother-in-law was so distressed about our choice not to baptise that she got her hands on some "holy" water and sprinkled the kids when she was holding them. We only heard about this after she died. I should probably be mad, but I actually think it was done out of love. She wasn't exactly qualified for the job, but she probably figured it was better than nothing.

 

[meandtheguys2]

I wouldn't, personally. It just wouldn't feel right to me.

 

[lovemygoofy]

This isn't a knock against you but would you feel comfortable making the promise in church to raise your daughter Catholic knowing that you wouldn't continue to do so? I don't think that I would do this and it's something I've talked about alot with my husband because his whole family is very active in the Catholic faith and I'm not ready for that.

 

[goofy4tink]

My mother actually baptized each one of her 6 grandchildren the first time she held them!!! No, she wasn't 'licensed to baptize' but she felt it was done in the right spirit..especially since she wasn't all that sure that 3 of those grandchildren would be baptized!! She never made a big deal out of it..in fact, I never even knew she had done it until a year or so before she died. None of my brothers realize it was done. It made my mom happy, no one else cared.
Should you baptize your child because it would make the grandparents happy though? I don't think so. You can always baptize someone later in life if need be. We are baptizing a young man of about 25 this coming Sunday since he wants to be confirmed in our church in March. It's never too late. You should do what is right, at the particular time, for your family....and no one else!

 

[azgal81]

No I would not. And your father should not expect you to it is your child and your decision.

 

[helenabear]

You baptize because you are going to raise that child under the catholic faith, I dont think this is an example of that.

ITA! I wouldn't do it if I were you

 

[Booknut]

I'm a Catholic and although I would love to see everyone baptised in a Christian church I don't see how you could do it if you don't want to. You and the Godparents have to make vows before God. If you don't mean them then I would say don't do it.

Your child could always choose later on in life to become a Christian.

 

[RC Fan]

Definitely not. I feel religion is a choice you make of your own free will. If your daughter decides down the line that she would like to be baptized, then she can make the decision herself.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Without reading your post .....



What I do with my children is my and my husband's business. How we raise them, rear them, educate them, provide religion guidance...EVERYTHING.

That being said--no I would not baptize my kids to make the grandparents happy. For one--it would be a lie in our church as I am making a promise to God when I do have them baptized...and I don't lie to make anyone "happy".

We baptized our kids b/c we wanted to--we go to church b/c we want to...our parents stay out of our child rearing...as they should.

ETA: We are Catholic--and knowing that I would be lying if I had ZERO intention of raising them Catholic let alone Christian (not sure if that applies to you)...I would not baptize them under those circumstances.

 

[arminnie]

I think you should do whatever you and your husband want. In terms of a compromise, I have known of couples who allowed the grandparents to have the child baptized. But if even that would make you unhappy then don't do it.

I also know of one grandmother who took a child and had him baptized without her son and DIL's permission - NOT a good move. It's been about 15 years now, and she only has very limited visitation (always supervised).

 

[summerrluvv]

Nope.

I pondered this because DS isn't baptized and with the new baby coming I was pondering what to do. I was raised catholic as was the baby's father. The baby's father's family is expecting it to be done I believe and he has been bugging me about godparents. I don't go to church, nor does he, and I think I would be "lying" if I got the baby baptized and promised to raise her in the catholic church. So, I don't think I'll be getting her baptized.

 

[freckles and boo]

Wow, I thought my MIL was the only marauding granny out to save her grandchildren's souls! Apparently there is an epidemic.

 

[THE HAT]

well this is a pretty good timed thread for us, lol. Last month on our trip to florida we stopped to visit my parents when we arrived, and right before we left. (first time seeing them in 5 years and I am good for at least another 5..miserable people but that is a whole other thread,lol)
So first visit goes ok nothing to much said, they talked to ds and we asked them stuff about their birds. last visit ds is juicing oranges with my father, and dh is standing to the side of me sort of behind my mother.
my mother says, "I have a question I need to ask you" then notices dh so changes it to "well I am sure you will have fun at busch gardens before you fly out". dh steps out of the way, and she procededs to ask one question that is a whole other thing, but gets asked every time we talk and just angers me so that sets my mood at this point. Then she asks totally out of the blue "has Ross been baptized?" I looked at her and said Noooo we are atheists, you know that" She said "what is that", (she knows argh) to which I replied "we don't believe in God mother" She then gets puckered at both ends says she is to sick (she is not) to deal with that. To which I reply with a very straight face (I have a very dry sense of humor at times) "Well he has been swimming before does that count?" Dh lost it and almost died laughing.....so to reply to the OP No we wouldn't do it to make the grandparents happy. even if we did get along with them.

 

[MAKmom]

YES
I also did CCD, first communion & confirmation. Yes just to make my parents, MIL & grandmothers happy. This is how I see it. I am 100% Irish my mother is first generation in this Country same for MIL but Scottish. The Catholic faith is part of our heritage. I took classes in college & learned about Zen Buddhism what the big deal.

No we never go to church. I don't care if that's wrong it is right for me.
The kicker is DD 19 now goes to church on Sunday. I figure I gave them a base & they can do with it what they want.

If you got married in the Catholic Church you also promised to raise your kids Catholic.

 

[LoveBWVVBR]

No I would not. And your father should not expect you to it is your child and your decision.

I don't think that he really expects it (especially not from me ), but I think he thinks that it would be nice. He wasn't pressuring me. If he did, I'd tell him no flat out. I think that to him, it's just the normal thing to do when you have a child and he is wondering if we're going to do it. I'm being honest when I say that it's not something that even crosses my mind. On the other hand, I think it's not the worst thing in the world to be baptized. The only harm is that I would feel like a true hypocrite. Maybe it's worth it to give grandpa the peace of mind that his granddaughters soul is saved, though

 

[Cindyluwho]

Not only would I, but I DID!!! I am very against Christianity, not people who believe in Christ or follow his teachings, but Christianity as an excuse/religion. My in-laws are very, very strict Catholic. When my DD was two I made the decision to have her baptised at a family reunion, during a church service. This was totally for my in-laws. I don't believe something bad will happen to my DD because she was baptised Catholic and they very strongly believe that it's necessary. I did have to get special permission from the family priest, he was very kind and listened to my reasoning and signed all the papers. I made it very clear that I would not be converting or taking any kind of classes - this was only for my in-laws. I don't believe my DD will go to hell because she was baptised and my in-laws firmly believe that she would go to hell if she wasn't. In other words, it doesn't hurt my DD or me, it only makes them feel better? They are wonderful people, they truly walk the walk, why not give them that gift?

Edited to add: Re: the baptism ceremony. It was the first time I ever saw a Catholic baptism. It was like something straight out of "Rosemary's Baby". Still gives me the creeps. It took every effort for me not to chase the priest down and take my baby back when he was walking up and down the aisles with her raised above his head. Freakish! I don't know if every baptism is like that but HOLY COW!! Sorry to all you Catholics, but it was very foreign to me and I was raised Lutheran!