Would you allow your high school aged DD/DS to do this?

[JulielovesDisney]

I voted no, but now that I'm thinking about it more, I'd say maybe.

It all depends on the maturity of the two. If they are pretty mature for their age and know the consequences of their actions, then yes, I think I would let them go. If they are both "young for their age" then no, I don't think they would be able to handle themselves appropriately.

 

[Mickey's Minion]

ITA
I also think it's quite sad that parents "assume" their children will have sex anyway

Since Bristol is the most recognized "teen parent" out there....

I would bet Sarah and Todd Palin are sorry they didn't "assume" Bristol may be having sex and not adhering strictly to their abstinence philosophy.

There are thousands of not so famous parents that are saying "what if" we had made that trip to planned parenthood?

We live in a community that tends toward the conservative religious, a bit upscale so the kids have all the opportunities available to them, and our high school has to have a day care center on campus and a teen parent program. It is an excellent program as the teens not only can finish school but get parenting advice.

But it is sad that it is even needed. Even sadder that the program is at capacity. All those teens that their parents assumed were not having sex so didn't feel the need to put them on birth control.

Personally, I would rather be safe than sorry with my kids. But still allow my kids the freedom to go to the bathroom in the correct gender bathroom.

 

[luvmy3]

ETA: there are also social repercussions to high school overnights... the kids wanting the overnight don't need the labels that will come along with their peers knowing they were allowed to do it; whether or not they actually did/would have sex, people would assume. It's tough enough to be in high school these days without a scarlet letter emblazened on one's reputation - even the good girls.

That really depends, if a couple has been dating for a long time and goes away together nobody is going to get a bad rep. If a girl (because lets face it there is a double standard) goes away with different boys frequently then yes she would get one, in fact she probably already had one long before those trips were planned

 

[Mouse House Mama]

That really depends, if a couple has been dating for a long time and goes away together nobody is going to get a bad rep. If a girl (because lets face it there is a double standard) goes away with different boys frequently then yes she would get one, in fact she probably already had one long before those trips were planned

I disagree. The kids will talk and they will say "My Mom and Dad would never let me do that!" and they will talk at home to their parents -just regular conversation- and it will come up. Those parents will (at least all the ones I know) think you are a lax parent or whatever. Right or wrong that is simply the way it is.

As for the whole vacation thing- I was tinking of something. As a grown woman I know that when a man invites you for a vacation it is usually a big step. Meaning that things are getting more serious etc. How many times have you had a friend call you all excited because her boyfriend invited her on a vacation? I would not be encouraging or promoting my high schooler to pursue such things. Whether they are going to "technically" be an adult in a few months they are still high schoolers. That whole 18 and an adult thing is a joke imo. When you are actually self sufficient then imo you are an adult. When I am still washing your bloomers then not so much.

 

[MickeyMomOfThree]

I was the kid allowed to go away. Twice, once at the age of 16 and just for one night (though this was more of an accident cause of bad weather where we had gone, we had just gottne engaged and I had a friend who was a photographer who did our photos) and then at the age of 17, I flew to visit my fiance (now DH) alone for a week and stayed at his apartment. At the time I thought it was the greatest thing in the world. Now that I am the mom, I think of it a whole lot differently.

My oldest is the same age I was when I stared dating my DH and she isn't even dating yet (her choice, not that she isn't allowed.) And I was very serious and engaged to my DH when I went (and my family knew it was meant to be, not a puppy dog romance.) But I am not sure how I would answer and glad I am not to where I have to decide.

Unsupevised, boys or girls or a combination, things happen. It isn't just sex that worries me but also accidents and stuff. Kids often have poor judgement even if they are mature, just cause they have not experienced things yet. I know they are close to being adults but it still would worry me.

If I had to answer it right now I would say no, not sure how I will feel when and if I am presented with that. While I can see a little of both sides, I think I'd be too worried to say yes.

 

[luvmy3]

I disagree. The kids will talk and they will say "My Mom and Dad would never let me do that!" and they will talk at home to their parents -just regular conversation- and it will come up. Those parents will (at least all the ones I know) think you are a lax parent or whatever. Right or wrong that is simply the way it is.

I was not talking about how other parents would feel about it, I was tallking about how other 17 year olds would see the couple that went away together. Its not uncommon for HS students to be in long term relationships, with the majority of them having sex and their friends knowing about it. A weekend trip isn't going to do anything to change how their peers view them. I'm not too old where I don't remember that being the way it is.

 

[mjkacmom]

IAs for the whole vacation thing- I was tinking of something. As a grown woman I know that when a man invites you for a vacation it is usually a big step. Meaning that things are getting more serious etc. How many times have you had a friend call you all excited because her boyfriend invited her on a vacation?.

I can't even imagine DH "inviting" me on vacation when we were dating, and I've never heard of any of my friend being invited by a boyfriend. Sure, we vacationed together, and made plans together (I'm more of the planner). Now, when we first starting dating, he'd invite me out to lunch or dinner, but once we were an established couple, we just made plans together.

 

[Momvic5]

I wonder though that if you let your junior soon to be senior go off on a weekend vacation with their SO if they are going to expect the same kind of alone time during the school year with their SO. I mean if you are OK with the idea of letting them sleep alone in a beach house, are you also ok with letting them sleep alone in their bedrooms at home or giving them alone time in general? I guess what I am thinking is that mixed messages could be sent if you are not careful in this situation and many doors could be opened that lead to other expectations. I just think this situation has too many red flags that says this particular situation is just not good for high school students whether they are responsible or not.

 

[Toad_Passenger]

That really depends, if a couple has been dating for a long time and goes away together nobody is going to get a bad rep. If a girl (because lets face it there is a double standard) goes away with different boys frequently then yes she would get one, in fact she probably already had one long before those trips were planned

Precisely!

I'm one of the ones who was allowed to go on vacations and stay overnight with my girlfriend.

We dated for years, and were very committed to each other. Nobody said, "Boo!" about us at all. Maybe we just weren't popular enough for people to care.

With our friends we were known as the "married couple" so staying overnight at each other's house was no big deal.

 

[luvmy3]

Precisely!

I'm one of the ones who was allowed to go on vacations and stay overnight with my girlfriend.

We dated for years, and were very committed to each other. Nobody said, "Boo!" about us at all. Maybe we just weren't popular enough for people to care.

With our friends we were known as the "married couple" so staying overnight at each other's house was no big deal.

We had a few couples like that, and nobody thought anything of it, and we were good Catholic school kids There were girls who we did think things of, but I assure you they werent the ones in long term committed relationships

 

[Hannathy]

reputations aren't quite what they used to be. What would tarnish a reputation years ago don't affect them now. Kids in a long term relationship having sex is no big thing anymore, staying overnight in a mixed group is pretty norm also and done by even the over achieving, geeky type kids now, Going camping with a mixed group no big deal heck the pics go up on face book. Things are very different as they are with every new generation. What will get you a reputation is sleeping with a lot of different guys, one night stands, or using someone not going away for a weekend.

As a friend of my DD told her Mother when she was going to see her Boy Friend at college and the Mother was being worried said if we wanted to have sex we already would have, we had a lot more alone opportunities than at a weekend in a crowded dorm. If kids want to "do it" they will heck the hour over lunch at school is waaaay more time than teens need!

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Precisely!

I'm one of the ones who was allowed to go on vacations and stay overnight with my girlfriend.

We dated for years, and were very committed to each other. Nobody said, "Boo!" about us at all. Maybe we just weren't popular enough for people to care.

With our friends we were known as the "married couple" so staying overnight at each other's house was no big deal.

That is my point. I wouldn't want my teenage children referred to as a married couple. Yeah, I know you can't help what people call you but I don't think that is cute so I wouldn't be going along with treating them as such.

Oh- and what I meant by being invited on a vacation was that you either both decided to vacation or one invited the other. It was just a choice of words.

 

[Sgt Mickey]

No way. You should of asked how many people here got pregant while taking birth control it isn't a reason to let my 17 year take off

 

[luvmy3]

That is my point. I wouldn't want my teenage children referred to as a married couple. Yeah, I know you can't help what people call you but I don't think that is cute so I wouldn't be going along with treating them as such.

Oh- and what I meant by being invited on a vacation was that you either both decided to vacation or one invited the other. It was just a choice of words.

Would you allow your 17 year old to date someone long term? I ask because I think that most HS kids (girls at least) do think in terms of "forever" when they are dating. So in a sense, even without taking that trip they themselves and many of their friends see them that way. (Not married but defintely serious)

No way. You should of asked how many people here got pregant while taking birth control it isn't a reason to let my 17 year take off

I keep seeing posts like this, I don't believe anyone said here, or even the parent the OP is talking about is saying thats the reason the would let their child go is because they are on BC.

 

[golfgal]

reputations aren't quite what they used to be. What would tarnish a reputation years ago don't affect them now. Kids in a long term relationship having sex is no big thing anymore, staying overnight in a mixed group is pretty norm also and done by even the over achieving, geeky type kids now, Going camping with a mixed group no big deal heck the pics go up on face book. Things are very different as they are with every new generation. What will get you a reputation is sleeping with a lot of different guys, one night stands, or using someone not going away for a weekend.

As a friend of my DD told her Mother when she was going to see her Boy Friend at college and the Mother was being worried said if we wanted to have sex we already would have, we had a lot more alone opportunities than at a weekend in a crowded dorm. If kids want to "do it" they will heck the hour over lunch at school is waaaay more time than teens need!

I disagree but it might be that we live in MN . A girl that would go away alone for a weekend with a boy, long term relationship or not, would be considered a slut in most circles here (kids and adults). While it is sort of a double standard the "good" girls would probably not date this boy knowing what he "expects".

 

[NHdisneylover]

I wonder though that if you let your junior soon to be senior go off on a weekend vacation with their SO if they are going to expect the same kind of alone time during the school year with their SO. I mean if you are OK with the idea of letting them sleep alone in a beach house, are you also ok with letting them sleep alone in their bedrooms at home or giving them alone time in general? I guess what I am thinking is that mixed messages could be sent if you are not careful in this situation and many doors could be opened that lead to other expectations. I just think this situation has too many red flags that says this particular situation is just not good for high school students whether they are responsible or not.

When we vacation as a family we all sleep in one room together--once in a while we splurge and have an adult room and kids room. Often we rent a place with my in-laws. No one expect that the kids will room together after that at home. If the kids bring a friend no one expects that the friend will suddenly start spending a lot more time with us after we return. Isn't it NORMAL to spend more time together and in closer quarters when you travel? I don't know anyone who then translates that into thinking it should continue after traveling. If my teen was immature enough to think that then they WOULD be too immature to travel without an adult along.

 

[mjkacmom]

I disagree but it might be that we live in MN . A girl that would go away alone for a weekend with a boy, long term relationship or not, would be considered a slut in most circles here (kids and adults). While it is sort of a double standard the "good" girls would probably not date this boy knowing what he "expects".

Really? I don't think people here would bat an eye. I went away with my gf's junior and senior year in HS - I think a weekend away with a couple would be much less tame than a group of teens going away together!

 

[NHdisneylover]

I disagree but it might be that we live in MN . A girl that would go away alone for a weekend with a boy, long term relationship or not, would be considered a slut in most circles here (kids and adults). While it is sort of a double standard the "good" girls would probably not date this boy knowing what he "expects".

So if I am remembering my posters correctly (forgive me if I am not) where you live a girl cannot go to a school dance without a real date--no just friend relationships or groups pass muster but then she is a slut of she is in a more serious relationship that involves a weekend trip Seems like very mixed messages, on the one hand pushing and promoting being part of a couple and on the other hand branding taking that seriously as bad. If that was you with the dates for homecoming can you share the missing piece for me? I feel like I HAVE to be missing something there.

 

[luvmy3]

Really? I don't think people here would bat an eye. I went away with my gf's junior and senior year in HS - I think a weekend away with a couple would be much less tame than a group of teens going away together!

Here or where I grew up either. Obviously by the results of this poll there will be some who think it shouldn't be done, however I can't believe adults would see a girl who is in a committed long term relationship going away with her BF as a slut. In fact I find it kind of sad really. Of course I look at sex from a biological standpoint, its what we are on the earth to do, just like every other species on the planet. Its a natural physicl act, and as animals it is natural for us to do it (no pun intended). Applying a moral or value system to why we shouldn't doesn't change the fact thats its a normal, natural, physical act. Of course we can try to pass down or values to our children but when it comes down to it all they are doing is what nature intended. Its our job to teach them to be smart and safe about it and hope they listen to us.

 

[ICF]

Wish there was a "Hell, No!" option.

That's the choice I wanted to make as well....No, just didnt seem assertive enough.