Would this bother you & what would you do? UPDATE: Post 73

[The Mystery Machine]

I don't think the coach has it... the girl who is wearing it probably does. Maybe she isn't returning it to him ? Maybe she couldn't afford one and the coach was trying to be nice ?

You *really* want it back ? Find out the next game, go to it and at the end, ask for it back. It will be gross and sweaty, but it will be in your hot little hands. And if it happens to be before the end of the season and they still have games left ? Not your problem. Remember that... not your problem. Since it is a girl's team, you can go into the lockerroom and get it. That won't be both home and away, but it is a start and they also get the message that you mean business. Harsh? Yes, but may be the only way to get results.

Then have a conversation with the coach how to repair the damage that they've done. He clearly wasn't expecting to "borrow" it, he had no intention of returning it.

The other option is to allow them to "purchase" it for $50 and then use that money to buy new shorts. Assuming your daughter is okay with it.

That is what I would do.

 

[Wishing on a star]

OP, IMHO, until your DH has gone and stood on this coaches doorstep and demanded your DD's property back, then he is taking the easy way out and 'looking the other way'.

It's that simple...
Messages ain't cutting it.
Show up and ask for it back, AS IS...
(or try showing up at a game as just suggested, if games are ongoing)
And, simply do not make 'no' an option.

If he truly does not have the uniform, or is unable to give it back for any reason... (Which would make him more than a despicable thief, but a liar as well.) Then you need to know this... Do not allow this little 'game' and excuses to go on for one more day. At least you will have gotten to the bottom of the situation.

At this point, just to expose this guy, I might actually consider a 'registered' letter to this guy with CC: the authorities of the AAU.

A brand new, freshly embroidered, uniform/keepsake (courtesy of the AAU) might be a sweet Christmas Gift.

 

[laurie31]

I don't think the coach has it... the girl who is wearing it probably does. Maybe she isn't returning it to him ? Maybe she couldn't afford one and the coach was trying to be nice ?
You *really* want it back ? Find out the next game, go to it and at the end, ask for it back. It will be gross and sweaty, but it will be in your hot little hands. And if it happens to be before the end of the season and they still have games left ? Not your problem. Remember that... not your problem. Since it is a girl's team, you can go into the lockerroom and get it. That won't be both home and away, but it is a start and they also get the message that you mean business. Harsh? Yes, but may be the only way to get results.

Then have a conversation with the coach how to repair the damage that they've done. He clearly wasn't expecting to "borrow" it, he had no intention of returning it.

The other option is to allow them to "purchase" it for $50 and then use that money to buy new shorts. Assuming your daughter is okay with it.

The bolded is what I thought might have happened, but if that is the case, the coach should have told the OP the truth. If he had said, "There's a girl who can't quite come up with the uniform fee, but she really wants to play. Would your DD consider donating her uniform?" Then there would have been no misunderstanding about her getting it back and she could have made an informed choice about whether to part with it permanently. The way it happened, the coach lied and stole.

No, it's not the end of the world, but if you LOAN something to someone, it's only common sense to think that it will be returned. She deserves her uniform or a replacement, and an apology from the coach.

 

[Donnainnj]

Is this coach paid or a volunteer?

 

[EllenFrasier]

Unless the coach is financially strapped, I would tell him either he gives you the uniform back or pays your daughter $75.

 

[noahynav]

I can't get past the fact that this other girl now probably has your daughters uniform and is keeping it as HER keepsake. All the while she never had to pay for it. It would definitley bother me too.

 

[MELSMICE]

Is this coach paid or a volunteer?

Volunteer

 

[Donnainnj]

Volunteer

I would tend to be more sympathetic of the situation because he is a volunteer, expecting his intentions were good. I would probably still continue to ask for the uniform back, prob. going to his home to get it, but if it turned out something happened to it, I would never expect a volunteer to cover the cost.
Donna

 

[dismom2]

Even if your DD never wore the outfit(s) again, I would think she'd want it/them for sentimental reasons. It's a keepsake, if you will. I would want it back.

I'm thinking that maybe the girl who has been using it has not returned it.

I also would be irked that the coach has let this go on for so long.
I also don't think it was nice of him to use it for longer than the original agreed upon time, or to put the other girls name on it. I bet the uniform is not looking too good at this point.

 

[dzorn]

I would tend to be more sympathetic of the situation because he is a volunteer, expecting his intentions were good. I would probably still continue to ask for the uniform back, prob. going to his home to get it, but if it turned out something happened to it, I would never expect a volunteer to cover the cost.
Donna

What part of volunteering makes stealing OKay?


Yep I would be parking my but at his house.

Denise in MI

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

What part of volunteering makes stealing OKay?

Not sure how this became stealing. Under no definition of the word does this qualify.

 

[Mermaid02]

Not sure how this became stealing. Under no definition of the word does this qualify.

If you don't return a library book- you have to pay for it and if you dont' pay for it- the police can be called. What's the difference?

 

[WDSearcher]

He definitely is not looking the other way. He has probably sent him at least half a dozen e-mails (possibly more) and has asked him to his face another half dozen times.

After DH & I speaking again tonight he said, "I'm at a loss......I don't know what else to do.....I thought he had more integrity than this." I just told him that he needs to continue to confront the coach & get the uniforms back.

OK ... I don't understand. If the coach lives "around the corner" (as noted in your OP), why hasn't someone -- ideally your DH, but really ... you or your daughter or you and your daughter together or whoever -- just walked over to the guy's house and gotten it back? I mean, after the fifth or sixth time asking, why would you keep asking? Why not just walk over there, knock on the door and say, "I want thet uniform back".

If you're worried that he might not be home, then the next time DH sees him at the gym, just say, "Hey ... let me swing by your house on the way home and get that uniform."

Seems like you're making it much harder than it is.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

If you don't return a library book- you have to pay for it and if you dont' pay for it- the police can be called. What's the difference?

Ask the police.

 

[MELSMICE]

OK ... I don't understand. If the coach lives "around the corner" (as noted in your OP), why hasn't someone -- ideally your DH, but really ... you or your daughter or you and your daughter together or whoever -- just walked over to the guy's house and gotten it back? I mean, after the fifth or sixth time asking, why would you keep asking? Why not just walk over there, knock on the door and say, "I want thet uniform back".

If you're worried that he might not be home, then the next time DH sees him at the gym, just say, "Hey ... let me swing by your house on the way home and get that uniform."

Seems like you're making it much harder than it is.

Good question.

My only answer is that everyone is different & that is not the way we have approached this. Although, I talked to DH about it again today & he sent another e-mail saying that he would just come by & pick it up even if the new name has not been removed.

 

[WDSearcher]

Good question.

My only answer is that everyone is different & that is not the way we have approached this. Although, I talked to DH about it again today & he sent another e-mail saying that he would just come by & pick it up even if the new name has not been removed.

OK ... but it just seems that you've had the ability to get it back for quite some time now and have chosen not to go that route. In the meantime, you get madder and madder about it. Seems incredibly counterproductive.

 

[hambirg]

I can't get past the fact that this other girl now probably has your daughters uniform and is keeping it as HER keepsake. All the while she never had to pay for it. It would definitley bother me too.

Worse. . .what if the other girl DID pay for it?!

I agree that the other girl probably does still have it. I think the coach has been buying time in hopes it just all goes away. I would simply tell him, he needs to produce the uniforms or pay for them. If he doesn't I would take it higher up with the league.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Not sure how this became stealing. Under no definition of the word does this qualify.

How can somebody be so wrong....
Taking property that is not yours without permission is theft.

One can use any type of semantics they want....
But, to take ones property and not return it is theft....

The owner has a right to their property back, or monetary reimbursement.

Yep, ask the police, and any court of law...
Go test drive a brand new car... don't return it... See what happens.
Auto theft, pure and simple.

 

[Wishing on a star]

OK ... but it just seems that you've had the ability to get it back for quite some time now and have chosen not to go that route. In the meantime, you get madder and madder about it. Seems incredibly counterproductive.

My thoughts exactly...
Yet another email????

The husband needs to man-up and go, physically, and attempt to recover your daughter's property.

 

[Hannathy]

Actually at this point I as the Mother would be going over to the door and asking for the uniform. He has gotten used to being able to talk his way around the husband, let him try doing that with an annoyed Mother who is standing on his porch!!!!