Would this bother you & what would you do? UPDATE: Post 73

[kirstenb1]

I think everyone who has said "Don't let this go" has never faced...poverty, homelessness, unexpected death, etc.

My God, Let this go...If you had famly members dying, or coudn't make a house payment, or something else, a uniform would not be important.

And I say this with my son, an athlete, who is up for scholarships....Once a season is over, he rarely wears a uniform again. We know, when he graduateds from high school, he will probably never wear his Letterman Jacket again...GOD, let it go. Who cares, the season is over. They borrowed it, your daughter has tons of workout clothes that she can wear. Let it go...

We all see things through our own filter, right? My filter says let this go. If nothing else, another kid has sweated in it an entire season. Unfortunately it is no longer the OP's daughter's alone. This is such a busy season to waste one second of emotional energy....again, my advice, let it go.

 

[Hannathy]

I think everyone who has said "Don't let this go" has never faced...poverty, homelessness, unexpected death, etc.

My God, Let this go...If you had famly members dying, or coudn't make a house payment, or something else, a uniform would not be important.

And I say this with my son, an athlete, who is up for scholarships....Once a season is over, he rarely wears a uniform again. We know, when he graduateds from high school, he will probably never wear his Letterman Jacket again...GOD, let it go. Who cares, the season is over. They borrowed it, your daughter has tons of workout clothes that she can wear. Let it go...

You know that could be said about anything that isn't life and death, but luckily most of us don't have to live at the edge all the time and sentimental things are important, especially to girls. I'm sorry if something bad is happening in your life.

And it goes to the responsibility and integrity of the adult in this situation. Why should he get away with stealing? especially from a young woman. Why should she let it go? When all he has to do is return it.

 

[Ceila]

I think everyone who has said "Don't let this go" has never faced...poverty, homelessness, unexpected death, etc.

My God, Let this go...If you had famly members dying, or coudn't make a house payment, or something else, a uniform would not be important.

And I say this with my son, an athlete, who is up for scholarships....Once a season is over, he rarely wears a uniform again. We know, when he graduateds from high school, he will probably never wear his Letterman Jacket again...GOD, let it go. Who cares, the season is over. They borrowed it, your daughter has tons of workout clothes that she can wear. Let it go...

The OP never said that the coach claimed to be having a rough time - he just keeps "forgetting". He's either lying or irresponsible or both. Either way he should man up and give the uniforms back or have a new set made.

And while your son may not care about his old uniforms, many people attach a sentimental value to them. Why should the OP's daughter not get her things back just because someone else keeps putting her off? Way to teach kids to just suck it up and let people treat you like crap.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I think everyone who has said "Don't let this go" has never faced...poverty, homelessness, unexpected death, etc.

My God, Let this go...If you had famly members dying, or coudn't make a house payment, or something else, a uniform would not be important.

And I say this with my son, an athlete, who is up for scholarships....Once a season is over, he rarely wears a uniform again. We know, when he graduateds from high school, he will probably never wear his Letterman Jacket again...GOD, let it go. Who cares, the season is over. They borrowed it, your daughter has tons of workout clothes that she can wear. Let it go...

How about a big fat NO. You know you don't have to live your life as a doormat either.

There are things I would let "go" but this is not one of them.

 

[manning]

Go to the coach's boss and explain you would l;ike the uniform back or the cost of a new one.

 

[Buckalew11]

I agree 100% no way in heck would I let it go. He owes you a uniform and an apology and probably a new top at the very least. (just read it was 2, wow)
If I were you I would also start calling him and emailing him. He would hear from me so many times he would buy a new uniform just to quit hearing from me. If a dozen times isn't enough then try 100 times. He is an adult he should not be able to just skirt around this issue, he should have to deal with it to your satisfaction. and while I was at it I think I would tell him he owes DD an apology also.

Is his wife aware? I think I'd start leaving messages with her, maybe she will get sick of it and make him do something.

I also think your DH owes your DD an apology for lending something that should have been her decision on whether to lend it or not.

I wish I could say I was a bigger person but I wouldn't be letting this go either.

A face to face discussion would be the first thing I would do.

Me too. He lives around the corner and if DH wouldn't campout on his stoop, I would. Period. I may just go get it for you. I'm ticked at this coach. How wrong. I gotta say, your poor DD had some crappy coaches durig her HS days of b-ball.

 

[LuvLDM]

I don't blame you for being pissed, I would be too.
Sorry, but I don't think you are ever going to see the uniform again, the Coach is being so dodgy about it I tend to think either it was badly damaged or the girl who was using it isn't returning it.
I highly doubt it is in his possession or he would have given it back.
I would absolutely pursue being reimbursed for it. The Coach's lack of honesty/integrity is really sad.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I would be upset too. This is a big memory for your DD of high school that is likely gone forever.

Send another email and this time copy who ever is higher up than the coach in the AAU (sorry, I know nothing abut basketball so I do not know how it would be structured). In the email detail the entire situation again and give firm dates as to when things must be given back to you. Hopefully, getting those in charge of his position involved will put some pressure on the caoch to do the right thing:

Dear Caoch,
I am writing, again, seeking the return of my daughter's uniform. Please recall that you originally asked to borrow it for only one game on XYZ date.
We are VERY concerned that it has now been used for an entire season and that you most recently explained that the current delay in returning it is due to removing embroidery--you had no permission, nor right, to remove our daughter's name and embroider a new one on this uniform.
Please return the uniform to us no later than X date. If this is not possible you can instead give us X amount of money so that we may purchase a replica for our daughter. It will not have the same sentimental value as the uniform she originally wore, but will be better than nothing and may have to suffice.

 

[clh2]

I would be upset too. This is a big memory for your DD of high school that is likely gone forever.

Dear Caoch,
I am writing, again, seeking the return of my daughter's uniform. Please recall that you originally asked to borrow it for only one game on XYZ date.
We are VERY concerned that it has now been used for an entire season and that you most recently explained that the current delay in returning it is due to removing embroiderer--you had no permission nor right to remove our daughter's name and embroider a new one on this uniform.
Please return the uniform to us no later than X date. If this is not possible you can instead give us X amount of money so that we may purchase a replica for our daughter. It will not have the same sentimental value as the uniform she originally wore but will be better than nothing and may have to suffice.

this is perfect.

FWIW - I would be LIVID about this situation. Absolutely LIVID. Both at my DH and at the coach.

 

[wdwmom0f3]

Go to the coach's boss and explain you would l;ike the uniform back or the cost of a new one.

This!!

 

[wdwmom0f3]

I would be upset too. This is a big memory for your DD of high school that is likely gone forever.

Send another email and this time copy who ever is higher up that the coach in the AAU (sorry, I know nothing abut basketball so I do not know how it would be structured). In the email detail the entire situation again and give firm dates as to when things must be given back to you. Hopefully, getting those in charge of his position involved will put some pressure on him to do the right thing:

Dear Caoch,
I am writing, again, seeking the return of my daughter's uniform. Please recall that you originally asked to borrow it for only one game on XYZ date.
We are VERY concerned that it has now been used for an entire season and that you most recently explained that the current delay in returning it is due to removing embroiderer--you had no permission nor right to remove our daughter's name and embroider a new one on this uniform.
Please return the uniform to us no later than X date. If this is not possible you can instead give us X amount of money so that we may purchase a replica for our daughter. It will not have the same sentimental value as the uniform she originally wore but will be better than nothing and may have to suffice.

This is great! I would also send a copy to his boss! Hopefully that would be enough to get some results.

 

[allison443]

One of my DD's (now 18) played AAU basketball. She graduated this past June so she did not play this past summer.

One of her coaches called my DH at the beginning of last year's AAU season in April asking if he could borrow her uniform for one of his new team members. He said he needed it for a few games. A few games turned in to the entire season.

When the uniforms were purchased each girl/parents paid for their own & had their names embroidered on the back. They were $75. The coach said the girl didn't care that she would be wearing someone else's name. DH lent him the uniform, much to my DD's chagrin.

It is now 8 months later & the uniform has not been returned. DH has e-mailed the coach numerous times. Once he said that they had one more tournament in the summer & he would return it then. Another time he said they were having the team party at his house & he would bring it down then (he lives around the corner).

We have seen him at the gym numerous times & DH has reminded him about it. He told DH he had the uniform but kept forgetting about it. Two weeks ago DH saw him & asked him again & he said that he had had the girls name embroidered over our DD's & was in the process of removing the embroidery patch!

I asked DH about it again tonight & we both agreed that it's become quite ridiculous. I actually told DH right from the beginning that I felt it was rather rude & bold to ask to borrow it. DH knows now that he shouldn't have let him borrow it.

Obviously, my DD is not going to be walking around wearing her AAU uniform, but she did wear the shorts all the time. She has been playing on campus this year in a rec league, and while she has a ton of basketball shorts, would like her good ones back to use! So, what do you think and what would you do? Drop it at this point or continue "the uniform fight"! DH said tonight that he's now at a loss as he's talked to the coach at least a dozen times about it. I just want my DD to get her darn uniform back that we paid $75 for......actually, it's 2 uniforms......one home and one away.

OP does your dd actually want the uniform back with her name on it for sentimental reasons? Then I would pursue it. However, from what you posted above you only mentioned her wanting her good shorts to use. In that case I would just have dh take her to buy replacement shorts of a similar quality. I'm sure your dh was just trying to be nice and he didn't realize the coach wouldn't return it.

 

[Mermaid02]

I think everyone who has said "Don't let this go" has never faced...poverty, homelessness, unexpected death, etc.

My God, Let this go...If you had famly members dying, or coudn't make a house payment, or something else, a uniform would not be important.

And I say this with my son, an athlete, who is up for scholarships....Once a season is over, he rarely wears a uniform again. We know, when he graduateds from high school, he will probably never wear his Letterman Jacket again...GOD, let it go. Who cares, the season is over. They borrowed it, your daughter has tons of workout clothes that she can wear. Let it go...

I doubt there is anyone on this board who hasn't experienced a personal tragedy in their family. Is this uniform the most important thing going on in the OP's family, I doubt it- but that doesn't mean they should just "let it go."

Apparently, the coach didn't "borrow" the uniform, he has stolen it. If it had been borrowed, it would have been returned.

 

[MELSMICE]

OP does your dd actually want the uniform back with her name on it for sentimental reasons? Then I would pursue it. However, from what you posted above you only mentioned her wanting her good shorts to use. In that case I would just have dh take her to buy replacement shorts of a similar quality. I'm sure your dh was just trying to be nice and he didn't realize the coach wouldn't return it.

Yes, my DH was just trying to be nice.

My DD just said she would like the uniform back. She hasn't said why, just that she would like it back.

Also, DH didn't just lend it out without my DD's knowledge. She did know, and while she told DH he could let the coach borrow it, she wasn't too thrilled with it at the time. We should have gone with her gut instinct.

 

[jen0610]

Yes, my DH was just trying to be nice.

My DD just said she would like the uniform back. She hasn't said why, just that she would like it back.

Also, DH didn't just lend it out without my DD's knowledge. She did know, and while she told DH he could let the coach borrow it, she wasn't too thrilled with it at the time. We should have gone with her gut instinct.

It's hers, that is all the reason she needs.

I too, would be livid. And DH knows, that I would be all over the coach and the AAU leaders, until I got it back or they refunded me money to cover the cost of replacing the item. It doesn't matter if your DD ever wears the tops again, she wore the shorts. And if they are the type I think they are, they aren't that cheap to replace - very good quality, holds up to lots of wear and tear.

 

[OceanAnnie]

Yes, my DH was just trying to be nice.

My DD just said she would like the uniform back. She hasn't said why, just that she would like it back.

Also, DH didn't just lend it out without my DD's knowledge. She did know, and while she told DH he could let the coach borrow it, she wasn't too thrilled with it at the time. We should have gone with her gut instinct.

If she wants it back, I'd get it back for her. She doesn't have to have a reason. It is hers.

I'm surprised the coach isn't acting on the requests. He doesn't live far away, give him a call and tell him you will be over this afternoon to pick it up. If he makes an excuse that he won't be there, ask him for a specific time. Resolve it. Get it and put an end to it.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

This is why I don't loan out things that are important to me. Life is too short to allow this kind of drama to ruin a single moment.

 

[OceanAnnie]

Oh, and if he tells you it's not ready, tell him that's okay. You want it now.
Either he has it or he doesn't. You'll find out and get to the bottom of it.

 

[crashbb]

I doubt there is anyone on this board who hasn't experienced a personal tragedy in their family. Is this uniform the most important thing going on in the OP's family, I doubt it- but that doesn't mean they should just "let it go."

Apparently, the coach didn't "borrow" the uniform, he has stolen it. If it had been borrowed, it would have been returned.

That poster just likes to come onto threads and tell everyone that they are wrong for thinking/feeling/doing whatever it is they are thinking/feeling/doing.

OP - I like NHdisneylover's suggestion of the email. Your daughter does not have to justify why she wants the uniform back. It is hers and she wants it back and she loaned with the expectation that she'd get it back.

If we let everything go because "it could be worse", we wouldn't do anything - it could almost always be worse.

 

[surfgirl]

I don't think the coach has it... the girl who is wearing it probably does. Maybe she isn't returning it to him ? Maybe she couldn't afford one and the coach was trying to be nice ?

You *really* want it back ? Find out the next game, go to it and at the end, ask for it back. It will be gross and sweaty, but it will be in your hot little hands. And if it happens to be before the end of the season and they still have games left ? Not your problem. Remember that... not your problem. Since it is a girl's team, you can go into the lockerroom and get it. That won't be both home and away, but it is a start and they also get the message that you mean business. Harsh? Yes, but may be the only way to get results.

Then have a conversation with the coach how to repair the damage that they've done. He clearly wasn't expecting to "borrow" it, he had no intention of returning it.

The other option is to allow them to "purchase" it for $50 and then use that money to buy new shorts. Assuming your daughter is okay with it.