Would this bother you & what would you do? UPDATE: Post 73

[MELSMICE]

One of my DD's (now 18) played AAU basketball. She graduated this past June so she did not play this past summer.

One of her coaches called my DH at the beginning of last year's AAU season in April asking if he could borrow her uniform for one of his new team members. He said he needed it for a few games. A few games turned in to the entire season.

When the uniforms were purchased each girl/parents paid for their own & had their names embroidered on the back. They were $75. The coach said the girl didn't care that she would be wearing someone else's name. DH lent him the uniform, much to my DD's chagrin.

It is now 8 months later & the uniform has not been returned. DH has e-mailed the coach numerous times. Once he said that they had one more tournament in the summer & he would return it then. Another time he said they were having the team party at his house & he would bring it down then (he lives around the corner).

We have seen him at the gym numerous times & DH has reminded him about it. He told DH he had the uniform but kept forgetting about it. Two weeks ago DH saw him & asked him again & he said that he had had the girls name embroidered over our DD's & was in the process of removing the embroidery patch!

I asked DH about it again tonight & we both agreed that it's become quite ridiculous. I actually told DH right from the beginning that I felt it was rather rude & bold to ask to borrow it. DH knows now that he shouldn't have let him borrow it.

Obviously, my DD is not going to be walking around wearing her AAU uniform, but she did wear the shorts all the time. She has been playing on campus this year in a rec league, and while she has a ton of basketball shorts, would like her good ones back to use!

So, what do you think and what would you do? Drop it at this point or continue "the uniform fight"! DH said tonight that he's now at a loss as he's talked to the coach at least a dozen times about it. I just want my DD to get her darn uniform back that we paid $75 for......actually, it's 2 uniforms......one home and one away.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

Even if you get them back, they won't be the same - and new ones won't even be close to the same.

I would just ask to the coach to apologize, in person, to your daughter and let it go.

 

[RitaZ.]

Have your husband go to his house at a time that he knows the coach will be home. He can start by telling him that he knows how busy he is with coaching, so he's there to pick up the uniform. He is either really holding it at his house or he is just making excuses. I go with the latter.

At this point, I'd just give up on the uniform. Lesson learned.

 

[kirstenb1]

He's talked to the coach a dozen times? At this point I think you guys just need to let it go.

 

[MELSMICE]

He's talked to the coach a dozen times? At this point I think you guys just need to let it go.

Yeah, you're probably right, but I have to be honest.........IT REALLY TICKS ME OFF!!!!!

 

[Mermaid02]

Yeah, you're probably right, but I have to be honest.........IT REALLY TICKS ME OFF!!!!!

It would me too- and I WOULD get the uniform back. Even if it is tatters- and I would assume that something happened to it, it got ripped or stained, he may even have thrown it out... but I would get an explanation, an apology and reimbursed.

 

[Hannathy]

It would me too- and I WOULD get the uniform back. Even if it is tatters- and I would assume that something happened to it, it got ripped or stained, he may even have thrown it out... but I would get an explanation, an apology and reimbursed.

I agree 100% no way in heck would I let it go. He owes you a uniform and an apology and probably a new top at the very least. (just read it was 2, wow)
If I were you I would also start calling him and emailing him. He would hear from me so many times he would buy a new uniform just to quit hearing from me. If a dozen times isn't enough then try 100 times. He is an adult he should not be able to just skirt around this issue, he should have to deal with it to your satisfaction. and while I was at it I think I would tell him he owes DD an apology also.

Is his wife aware? I think I'd start leaving messages with her, maybe she will get sick of it and make him do something.

I also think your DH owes your DD an apology for lending something that should have been her decision on whether to lend it or not.

 

[Wishing on a star]

If you know where he lives, I agree.... go get your daughters uniform back. No matter what condition.

I have to say, I hope this a big lesson learned....

This guy just STOLE $75.00.
Technically, the coach should owe your daughter a brand new, fully embroidered, uniform. Would I fight it that far... No... But no way would I not get my DD's property back.

I also agree with this....

I also think your DH owes your DD an apology for lending something that should have been her decision on whether to lend it or not.

 

[Pakey]

I wish I could say I was a bigger person but I wouldn't be letting this go either.

A face to face discussion would be the first thing I would do.

 

[redlight]

I can see why your daughter is upset. Your husband should have talked to her first. I don't understand why the couch is being so weird about this.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I doubt he has the uniform......
I would question whether said girl ever returned it to him.

And, no offer of apology or reimbursement???

What a 'respectable' person in this leadership/coaching position...

 

[Wishing on a star]

I am not huge on basketball.... so, what is AAU???
Is this thru the schools at all???

While I too, would like to believe I am the bigger/better person...
I am wondering just who this coach answers to, and how they would feel about a report of a coach responsible for missing/stolen property.

This is an adult in a leadership position over minors, who has basicly stolen from a child.

 

[lisateaches]

I'll be honest with you, I'm 38 years old and I still have my high school volleyball uniform. I love it. The iron on letters are peeling, but I would never get rid of it. Get it back, whatever shape it is in.

 

[MELSMICE]

I also think your DH owes your DD an apology for lending something that should have been her decision on whether to lend it or not.

He has apologized to her on more than one occasion.

I wish I could say I was a bigger person but I wouldn't be letting this go either.

A face to face discussion would be the first thing I would do.

The last discussion was face to face at the gym where DH saw him. That's when he said he was removing the embroidery. He said he had one done & was working on the other.

I am not huge on basketball.... so, what is AAU???
Is this thru the schools at all???

While I too, would like to believe I am the bigger/better person...
I am wondering just who this coach answers to, and how they would feel about a report of a coach responsible for missing/stolen property.

This is an adult in a leadership position over minors, who has basicly stolen from a child.

AAU is a travel basketball league. In our area you try out for teams.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Your DH needs to camp out at this guys house and get the uniform back to pay for the mistake he did your dd.

If my dh did a bonehead move like that, which I would have said over my dead body, I would force him to get it back therefore eating crow.

Is it mean? Probably, but he decided to give away something that was not his.

Let's put it this way we keep "keepsake" shirts and my 19yo dd will use the shirt to sleep in I wore when I was pregnant with her, that says, "Baby '91".

 

[OceanAnnie]

I'll be honest with you, I'm 38 years old and I still have my high school volleyball uniform. I love it. The iron on letters are peeling, but I would never get rid of it. Get it back, whatever shape it is in.

I feel the same way.

Seems to me the coach is banking on you guys letting it go. He's been putting you guys off too many times. I wouldn't let him off the hook. I'd just go over and get it.

 

[arminnie]

Yeah, you're probably right, but I have to be honest.........IT REALLY TICKS ME OFF!!!!!

I am 64 years old, and I am still furious that one of my neighbors "borrowed" my cheerleader uniform while I was off at college. And this was a girl that I despised. My family was poor, and I personally bought this with my babysitting money that I earned at 50cents an hour.

Of course I never saw it again. After college I ended up in Dallas as did her parents. Her father and I sometimes rode the same bus to work. I was never interested in hearing how or where his trashy daughter was.

The mother of this girl married at FOURTEEN - so I guess she came by her white trashiness by birth.

 

[Wishing on a star]

This is the way I might think of it....

I don't think it is about 'letting it go'.

Your DH owes it to his daughter to do everything in his power, to go and get her things back. It shouldn't have been his decision to hand her things over, and it shouldn't be his decision to continue to let this go on.

Your DH needs to do what is right by his daughter, and go get these things back.
Not only did he lend it out, but he has now looked the other way for far to long.

If it was his property, and he wanted to 'be the bigger person', and just let it go... then hey, fine! But, in this situation, he needs to do right by his daughter.

 

[MELSMICE]

This is the way I might think of it....

I don't think it is about 'letting it go'.

Your DH owes it to his daughter to do everything in his power, to go and get her things back. It shouldn't have been his decision to hand her things over, and it shouldn't be his decision to continue to let this go on.

Your DH needs to do what is right by his daughter, and go get these things back.
Not only did he lend it out, but he has now looked the other way for far to long.

If it was his property, and he wanted to 'be the bigger person', and just let it go... then hey, fine! But, in this situation, he needs to do right by his daughter.

He definitely is not looking the other way. He has probably sent him at least half a dozen e-mails (possibly more) and has asked him to his face another half dozen times.

After DH & I speaking again tonight he said, "I'm at a loss......I don't know what else to do.....I thought he had more integrity than this." I just told him that he needs to continue to confront the coach & get the uniforms back.

 

[DisTeach1]

I think everyone who has said "Don't let this go" has never faced...poverty, homelessness, unexpected death, etc.

My God, Let this go...If you had famly members dying, or coudn't make a house payment, or something else, a uniform would not be important.

And I say this with my son, an athlete, who is up for scholarships....Once a season is over, he rarely wears a uniform again. We know, when he graduateds from high school, he will probably never wear his Letterman Jacket again...GOD, let it go. Who cares, the season is over. They borrowed it, your daughter has tons of workout clothes that she can wear. Let it go...