Would this be rude?

[kirstenb1]

Rude to observe? No, kids are used to it. Teachers are used to it. No biggie.

Rude to drop in unannounced? Not as long as it's a quick visit. All visitors disrupt the day.

Rude to observe unannounced? IMO, yes. And not indicative of true behavior.

If you want to get the low-down on why your child is struggling, call the teacher and meet with her. If you want to observe, the best way is to NOT let your child see you. I can tell you right now that with you being in the room, your child is not going to act like they normally do. I have seen the best behaved students go nuts with their parent in the room, and I've seen the worst behaved students clam up. It's not a good indicator of what truly goes on everyday.

But I do wish you luck!

I agree it's rude to show up unannounced. Our younger dd has mild autism, so I truly understand wanting to see her in the classroom (I'd show up everyday if I could!!) But I think you risk alienating the teacher early in the school year.

I would start off by treating the teacher like a professional. Show respect by giving her a heads up. I'd also strongly suggest trying to observe your child at things like lunch, where there's no academic pressure. See how your child is doing there too.

 

[luvthatdisney]

I work in the office of a middle school and parents are not allowed out of the lobby unless it is pre-arranged by the teacher/principal. The only exception to that is during lunch, parents are allowed to eat lunch with their child without it being pre-arranged. It is for the safety of the staff and students. Even our volunteers have to go through a background check and approval by the principal before they can come into the school.

Teachers do allow parents to sit in their classes, but it has to be set up before hand. We just can't have parents running around the school. You would not believe things they have done the in past, before these security measures were set up. They have ended up in the strangest places and we even had one escorted out by our Resource Officer as they were "offended" that he asked them why they were there. They became very argrumentative and combative with him. He was only protecting the kids Their child was mortified, but if they had only been cooperative with the officer there would have been no problem.

I would agree that by volunteering in your child's class you would see way more than you would if you are there observing. I myself have done this with my own kids and I know that the teacher and students are more relaxed when they know you are not there to "spy" on them. I know you are not spying, but some teachers percieve it that way. I think you will get a better representation of a "normal" day if they feel you are there to help them, not to observe them. Just think how you would feel if someone just showed up on your job and wanted to watch you work with no advance notice. You will not be yourself, you would be on your best behavior.

I know that as a parent you have every right to have access to the class your child is in, but if you want to see a real day, observing is not the way to do it IMO.

 

[Rora]

Rude to observe? No, kids are used to it. Teachers are used to it. No biggie.

Rude to drop in unannounced? Not as long as it's a quick visit. All visitors disrupt the day.

Rude to observe unannounced? IMO, yes. And not indicative of true behavior.

If you want to get the low-down on why your child is struggling, call the teacher and meet with her. If you want to observe, the best way is to NOT let your child see you. I can tell you right now that with you being in the room, your child is not going to act like they normally do. I have seen the best behaved students go nuts with their parent in the room, and I've seen the worst behaved students clam up. It's not a good indicator of what truly goes on everyday.

But I do wish you luck!

As a 3rd grade teacher, this is sound advice and a post I agree with 100%.

Best of luck!

EDIT: I just have to add that we do not allow parents, at my school, to just drop in. At my school, a parent must make an appointment with the teacher, go to the front office, receive a Visitor Badge, the teacher must be paged when the parent arrives, and then the parent is escorted to that teacher's classroom. This is for everyone's protection. Before these rules were in place we had some scary things happen! This is just safer for the students, teachers, and the parents.

 

[Graciesmom77]

Of course you would have to go to the office and sign in and all that. All schools have different policies about vistors badges and so forth. I agree that those are very important safety measures. I don't think the OP was talking about donning a ninja suit and sneaking in. I assumed that she meant she would not tell the teacher before hand.

The idea that my kids would spend all day in a place where I wasn't "allowed" to visit is absurd. Every parent I know would never send their kid to a place where they couldn't check on them if needed. Why should a school be any different?

 

[Tinijocaro]

No I don't let the teacher know when I am coming. The point is to see a regular day not a day when they know they are going to be observed.

In New York, at least in our district, parents are not allowed in the classroom without the teacher knowing about it.

 

[PollyannaMom]

OP, I absolutely hope things get better for your DD! My own DS has had his share of nervous mornings adjusting to this year, too - so I understand wanting to see how things are going (and I'm lucky that his teacher asked for volunteers, so I'll get that chance.)

But, I do think dropping by unannounced is likely to cause some problems. All classroom visitors in the schools where I live must have a CORI form, and parents are not allowed to just wander the building without signing in for a specific purpose with the office.

I know people are saying parents should have the right to just visit, but to grant a right, you have to grant it everyone - and what if everyone exercised that right at the same time? Can you imagine a class of 25 students with all 50 parents sitting in the back observing whenever they felt like it? I'm pretty sure the kids would be too distracted to learn much.

As far as your initial question, I don't think the notebook itself would be rude at all, if the teacher had invited you to observe. But I do think the plan you have in mind might make her feel a little bit attacked.

Good luck.

 

[singlefan]

I wouldnt send my kids to a school where I wasn't allowed to come in and observe! Are you kidding me? If you sent your child to daycare and the babysitter wouldn't allow you to come in and visit your child and observe his or her day, this should set off HUGE red flags. The same goes for a school. They have you child for the better part of the day, you should be able to see what that day is like any time. If you have to schedule a specific time and the teacher would have to be prewarned, that should also set off red flags.

I don't think the OP was talking about going in the classroom dancing and singing. She was going to go quietly observe her own child in the classroom that her tax dollars are helping pay for. Sitting in the back of the class for awhile would not bother the class environment so there should be no reason someone shouldn't be allowed to do this.

IMO, seeing what your child does all day, with whom they do it with, who the interact, or don't interact with, is a parents job, and if you feel there is something "up" there porbably is.

If you would feel more comfortable with a notebook, by all means bring it. That way when you talk later with the teacher, you can remember your important thought and observations.

Good luck and I hope all goes well!

So I assume that you wouldn't have issues with a disgruntled parent coming in to "observe" and maybe pull out a gun and take out a few kids and maybe the teacher too, right?
If you have concerns with your teacher, make an appointment with the teacher and discuss them openly and honestly without disrupting the classroom.

 

[tiggger1]

I would definitely call and see what the policy is. Both of my kids schools you need to be cori'd before you are allowed to be in the classroom unless it is some sort of show the school puts on. Plus you need to be buzzed into the school and they would never be allowed to just observe without prior approval from the teacher . the principle would stop you so fast your head would spin...

 

[mjkacmom]

The idea that my kids would spend all day in a place where I wasn't "allowed" to visit is absurd. Every parent I know would never send their kid to a place where they couldn't check on them if needed. Why should a school be any different?

Every parent here would need to pay for private school, then. I've been class mom for older classrooms before, and when I try to pop in and out of the classroom with treats or juice for class parties, it's definitely a disruption. Everyone wants to say hi. I don't want parents disrupting my kids' classes, especially two of them who really lack focus and are easily distracted.

 

[Cinderella94]

I wouldnt send my kids to a school where I wasn't allowed to come in and observe! Are you kidding me? If you sent your child to daycare and the babysitter wouldn't allow you to come in and visit your child and observe his or her day, this should set off HUGE red flags. The same goes for a school.

Absolutely not the same thing.

 

[mhsjax]

I really don't have an opinion on this, but I will say the every Tuesday I slip into my son's 4th grade class and go to the back and do folders, those kids barely look up to see me. His teacher has 100% control over those kids.

 

[cm8]

I am going into my DD's classroom tomorrow morning to observe. She is showing signs of stress that haven't gone away since the beginning of school. Would it be rude (I guess that would be the word) if I came armed with a note book to write down my observations? I just keep getting the feeling that there are things going on in the classroom that the teacher is unaware of, like what happened in her 2nd grade class.

Thanks for all your thoughts!

dropping by used to be a good thing, now days, some parents and teachers find it rude. I don't see the issue with it, but I would run it by the teacher or principal to see if it is needed!

 

[hambirg]

I work in the office of a middle school and parents are not allowed out of the lobby unless it is pre-arranged by the teacher/principal. The only exception to that is during lunch, parents are allowed to eat lunch with their child without it being pre-arranged. It is for the safety of the staff and students. Even our volunteers have to go through a background check and approval by the principal before they can come into the school.

Teachers do allow parents to sit in their classes, but it has to be set up before hand. We just can't have parents running around the school. You would not believe things they have done the in past, before these security measures were set up. They have ended up in the strangest places and we even had one escorted out by our Resource Officer as they were "offended" that he asked them why they were there. They became very argrumentative and combative with him. He was only protecting the kids Their child was mortified, but if they had only been cooperative with the officer there would have been no problem.

I would agree that by volunteering in your child's class you would see way more than you would if you are there observing. I myself have done this with my own kids and I know that the teacher and students are more relaxed when they know you are not there to "spy" on them. I know you are not spying, but some teachers percieve it that way. I think you will get a better representation of a "normal" day if they feel you are there to help them, not to observe them. Just think how you would feel if someone just showed up on your job and wanted to watch you work with no advance notice. You will not be yourself, you would be on your best behavior.

I know that as a parent you have every right to have access to the class your child is in, but if you want to see a real day, observing is not the way to do it IMO.

Absolutely this!

 

[MM27]

Absolutely, you should! It's admirable that you are being proactive! Maybe your findings can enlighten the teacher. It's bizarre to me that so much can go on right under their noses.

Maybe you should give it a try before you make that comment. I have 25 kids in each of my classes. I've had parents call me over stupid things like someone touching their child's pencil or breaking a toy that they shouldn't have had in school anyway. Yes, some of those things I miss. My focus is on teaching, not on keeping track of the contents of little Suzie's pencil box.

I have great classroom management and my room runs very smoothly on a daily basis, but I've also had some very sneaky kids that could do bizarre things in a split second.

If there is an issue with the teacher(s) then there should be a conference scheduled to discuss the concerns. Every time I read a thread here about schools, I get a little happier about where I work. I am so glad that my principal doesn't allow parents to run his building.

 

[LovableGluttons]

I did something like this when my son was in first grade. To keep the teacher unaware, I asked another parent (the room mother) to go in my place. The kids and teacher were used to her presence.

My son was exhibiting some extreme behaviors, I took him to a child psychologist who told me someone was calling my son names, making him feel bad about himself. Since school was the only place he went without his family, she wanted me to investigate.

The room mother called me, crying. The teacher made my son stand at the front of the class and called him names in front of the other kids. She even told him his red hair was ugly.

Needless to point out, but I pulled him put of that school immediately. The principal defended the teacher.

This was a private Catholic school. When word spread, ten of the eighteen students were pulled out. At a monthly tuition of $700 per month, it was a pretty big financial hit for both the school and it's church. That room mother actually had her son out before I could get there.

Eight years later, my son is a straight "A" honor student in high school with very cool hair.

 

[Buckalew11]

I did something like this when my son was in first grade. To keep the teacher unaware, I asked another parent (the room mother) to go in my place. The kids and teacher were used to her presence.

My son was exhibiting some extreme behaviors, I took him to a child psychologist who told me someone was calling my son names, making him feel bad about himself. Since school was the only place he went without his family, she wanted me to investigate.

The room mother called me, crying. The teacher made my son stand at the front of the class and called him names in front of the other kids. She even told him his red hair was ugly.

Needless to point out, but I pulled him put of that school immediately. The principal defended the teacher.

This was a private Catholic school. When word spread, ten of the eighteen students were pulled out. At a monthly tuition of $700 per month, it was a pretty big financial hit for both the school and it's church. That room mother actually had her son out before I could get there.

Eight years later, my son is a straight "A" honor student in high school with very cool hair.

wow!!

I remember my DD telling me about a teacher picking on a student.

 

[Hannathy]

I don't know if I would call it rude but it certainly is going to put the teacher on the defensive immediately. Once someone is on the defensive you have lost all hopes of an amicable working relationship. All communication from then on will be guarded and done to the T of the schools handbook for fear you will report her. Don't expect anything that isn't exactly as laid out in the rules. She is not going to be your buddy and to me you are starting out the year totally on the wrong foot.
Do you know if she has to allow you in to observe for any extended amount of time? It may be in the Union contract who and when she has to allow observation.

Do what you want but going in to observe without arranging it and taking a notebook and notes is definitely not going to win you any points with this teacher.

 

[LovableGluttons]

wow!!

I remember my DD telling me about a teacher picking on a student.

I can never thank that amazing room mother and fantastic psychologist for what they did.

I initially blamed myself and tried to find an explanation for it in myself and in our family.

Over the years, I have had no behavioral issues with my kids at school. My daughter had a screamer for a third grade teacher. I made an appointment with her, told her it had to stop.

She stopped for three days, then went back to screaming. I just called the principal and had DD moved to a different class. Her first teacher apologized by phone, confessed she did have a problem with her temper, and was trying to change.

I still run into her quite a bit and she just separated from her hubby. She seems so happy now.

 

[tink20]

I did something like this when my son was in first grade. To keep the teacher unaware, I asked another parent (the room mother) to go in my place. The kids and teacher were used to her presence.

My son was exhibiting some extreme behaviors, I took him to a child psychologist who told me someone was calling my son names, making him feel bad about himself. Since school was the only place he went without his family, she wanted me to investigate.

The room mother called me, crying. The teacher made my son stand at the front of the class and called him names in front of the other kids. She even told him his red hair was ugly.

Needless to point out, but I pulled him put of that school immediately. The principal defended the teacher.

This was a private Catholic school. When word spread, ten of the eighteen students were pulled out. At a monthly tuition of $700 per month, it was a pretty big financial hit for both the school and it's church. That room mother actually had her son out before I could get there.

Eight years later, my son is a straight "A" honor student in high school with very cool hair.

That is awful. I would have wanted to go up to that school and slap the crap out of that teacher. (and I am usually a nice forgiving person) That is just so unbelievable, especially in a Christian school.

 

[Dancemom03]

Yes, I consider this rude. As a professional, you should ask permission to observe the teacher. Would you walk into a doctor's office and sit in on a visit unannounced? If you come with the attitude that the teacher is somehow "the enemy", you won't accomplish much. Why not talk with the teacher, discuss the issues you have and try to work together for your child. believe it or not, most teachers have your child's best interest at heart too.

Oh, you betcha! - IF the patient is my minor child under the age of 12.

I know what you're saying about creating an adversarial environment. I don't get where you find the comparison between a doctor's visit and a teacher in the classroom but, in either environment, I'd be mighty suspicious if I wasn't allowed to observe. I wouldn't take a notebook for notes though. Not only could it put the teacher further on the defensive but you might miss something valuable while distracted with composing/writing your observations.

For parents of children with IEP's there are even federal laws recognizing the parent as a member of the educational team, and ensuring modifications are provided in the classroom & that there's progress towards meeting certain individual goals.


Slightly OT but this has just piqued my curiousity... do have have young children and send them into the dr's office unattended? If so, how on earth do you have any idea what the diagnosis is and provide recommended treatment without taking time from other patients waiting to be seen as the dr explains it all to you afterwards? That never even would have occurred to me...