Would this be a deal breaker for you?

[kasar]

What if you found someone that you TRULY loved and wanted to marry. What if he said he never wanted to have children and you desperately want children?

I don't know how I'd answer it. Just curious what you all would do.

 

[Disney1fan2002]

It should be a deal breaker. I would hope the two people would not go into it assuming one could change the other.

 

[mtemm]

I can't remember who said this and I'm probably botching it a little, but I remember hearing a long time ago how being in love wasn't able staring into each others eyes. instead it was standing beside each other staring at the same view.

For me, it would be a dealbreaker.

 

[Grumpy's Gal]

yes, deal breaker.

 

[kasar]

Maybe I'm not clear.....there's no assumption that someone would change. You know full well that there would never be children. I guess it should have read, would you turn down your true love because of your desire to have children?

 

[mtemm]

yep, you were clear to me and I gave my answer accordingly. But then, I also don't believe there is only one person out there for you.

 

[horseshowmom]

I know of a couple that this happened to. Both were divorced. She had two daughters who lived with her, and he had one daughter who lived out of state. She had had her tubes tied and was unable to have more children (and I'm assuming that she didn't want to try surgery to reverse the process). He really wanted another child. Even though they were wonderful together, they parted company.

Both eventually married others. He had another child. Looking at their two marriages, I've wondered many times if they wouldn't have been better together if it hadn't been for the child issue. But I can't blame him for wanting another child either...

 

[Lyn5]

deal breaker...without a doubt for me. If one person really wants something and the other doesn't, I think it would eventually lead to resentment on both sides.

 

[ElizK]

Yep, deal breaker. No one is wrong or right, just different choices. Not a match.

 

[disykat]

Deal breaker. I would marry someone who was unable to have children, but not someone who didn't want to have them.

 

[tinkamom]

Definite deal breaker!

 

[MOMTOCUTESTDOGEVER]

Not a deal breaker since I don't want to have any children. Now, if my husband of 10 years suddenly changed his mind and said he did want children, I don't know how I would react. I think it very well could be a deal breaker.

 

[kpm76]

Yes, definite deal breaker. Then again, I cannot imagine calling someone my true love if we were not in agreement on something as important as whether or not to have children.

 

[Aimeedyan]

You know, I don't think I'd get to a point of wanting to marry or even loving someone that didn't want the same things out of life that I did. That's a beginning of a relationship topic for me, esp if I'm not just dating for free dinners and nights out, so I'd end things very quickly before we got to the point of falling in love.

 

[helenabear]

I don't know if I could really fall in love with someone who didn't want the same things in life that I did. I mean it would make me look at them differently. I don't have a strong desire to have kids, but if I did and there was no way they wanted to have them, I don't think I could stay.

However, I don't know if I would feel the same way if I met someone who was physically unable to have children with me. You can't always choose that.

In short... I really don't know... but then again as I have said, I am far from desperate to have kids.

Other issues might mean a heck of a lot more to me, however.

 

[JimB.]

If one person wants kids & one person does not, then in the short term one person is gonna' be unhappy, which means BOTH will be in the long term.

You might think you can overcome the objection, or you may think you can live with it forever, but I would not count on either.


Yea, dealbreaker.

 

[mickeyfan2]

Absolutely a deal breaker. There is no way to that both will every be completely happy.

 

[aprilgail2]

Major deal breaker!! I would never marry anyone that didn't want to have kids since that is basically the only reason I WOULD get married!!

 

[huey duey & luey]

You know, I don't think I'd get to a point of wanting to marry or even loving someone that didn't want the same things out of life that I did. That's a beginning of a relationship topic for me, esp if I'm not just dating for free dinners and nights out, so I'd end things very quickly before we got to the point of falling in love.

I completely agree

 

[Marseeya]

For me, it's not as simple as yes or no.

Before I had kids, it would not have been a dealbreaker because I didn't want them either. On the other hand, if he DID want kids, it might not have been a dealbreaker either because I would have given it some serious thought and would have eventually been on board with it.

Coming from my point of view now as a mother, oh yeah, it's a big dealbreaker!