Would this be a deal breaker for you?

[mom2of2]

However, I don't know if I would feel the same way if I met someone who was physically unable to have children with me. You can't always choose that


Well see, there's a difference between being unable to and not wanting to. You can be physically unable to give birth but that doesn't rule out not having children by another means. If my SO couldn't father a child but still wanted to be a daddy that's entirely different then not wanting one at all.

To me that's a first date question.....and the right one meant a second date and the wrong one didn't.

 

[mommaU4]

One spouse really wanting kids and the other positive they don't, is a pretty serious unbalance. It's not like one squeezes the toothpaste from the bottom and the other from the top! Some things can be worked out or compromised on, others are just too important.

 

[holycow]

not a good start....resentment would build up either way...

Holycow

 

[tiggersmom2]

It would be a deal breaker. My children are my life. I have always known that I love children and need to be a mother. In my household....children are a gift from God and absolutely cherished. I can't wait to have another one.

 

[goofygirl]

What if you found someone that you TRULY loved and wanted to marry. What if he said he never wanted to have children and you desperately want children?

I don't know how I'd answer it. Just curious what you all would do.

Yes, it would be a dealbreaker, but in reverse for me. I don't want children and I'd break it off with any guy who wanted them. And I have actually been down that road.

Its better to have a broken heart temporarily than to live a lifestyle that's totally wrong for you. Its unfair to all parties involved.

Its also an issue to be discussed early in the relationship before things get too serious.

 

[tiggersmom2]

Its better to have a broken heart temporarily than to live a lifestyle that's totally wrong for you. Its unfair to all parties involved.

Its also an issue to be discussed early in the relationship before things get too serious.

YES! Best answer so far.

 

[CherCrazy]

Very thought provoking question.

I think it would have been a dealbreaker for me when I was dating but I really don't know. I got married at 22 and I am in no way the same person I was then. I always thought that I would be a career person and it ended up that I was happily at home with my kids for many years.

Never say never and go with the flow. You never know where the yellow brick road will take you.

 

[WebmasterMaryJo]

It would be a deal breaker for me

 

[dismom9761]

Very much a deal breaker for me.

 

[magicfan]

I would not marry them. Having children is too important.

I had a friend who married someone who didn't want kids. They were married for about 12 years, then they got divorced and she adopted a child. She is now single, but has her "baby".

 

[Kermit]

I agree with others who have said that I would talk about that before I allowed myself to fall in love with someone. You need to want the same things out of life to have a good marriage.

 

[the kabuki]

It'd be a deal breaker, probably wouldn't even get as far as making the deal, let alone breaking it

 

[poohandwendy]

Just wondering how you would get to feeling that you 'truly' love someone without knowing that they NEVER wanted to have kids? It's just such a basic thing, I cannot imagine things like that not coming up very early in the relationship.

But to answer your question, yes...definitely a dealbreaker.

 

[kasar]

Just for the record, this isn't for ME! I'm happily married with two very wanted and loved daughters.

It's a friend. She's almost 40 and never found the "right" guy. She finally did but he has a child from a previous marriage and doesn't want more. I agree that it should be a early-dating question, but it wasn't for some reason. And now she's "hooked".

When I was young and didn't know better, I didn't know if I'd have kids and frankly, didn't even think about it much. If DH said he didn't want kids I would have followed him to the ends of the Earth and we would have a much different life. Now that I'm older and I know myself and what I want better, it would indeed be a dealbreaker.

Interesting responses. Thanks for taking the time to share.

 

[mickeyfan2]

In this case it may already be to late for her to get married and have natural kids. Some counties even have an age limit on the parents at the time of adoption. If he is that great, then maybe she should consider him. JMHO

 

[DisneyJen0504]

Deal breaker.
DH and I discussed the future, marriage as well as children early on in our dating relationship.

 

[Texan Mouseketeer]

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

 

[Alice's Mom]

yes a deal breaker

If she is already 40 and still wants children, then she needs to find a new guy soon. People end up miserable and divorced for much less.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

It would have been a deal breaker for me, but I always knew that I wanted children and only dated people who also wanted children. If I hadn't wanted children I would have looked for someone who felt the same way. It's one of the real important things and someone should never think that they can change that about a person.

 

[tkd lisa]

Deal breaker.

I worked with a couple that were this way. He was very clear he never wanted kids. She was "Sure" he would change his mind. He didn't, and she just couldn't understand why the marriage ended.

Marriage is hard enough when you're in agreement on the major issues.