Would this aggravate you?

[phragmipedium]

The laundry or the Tupperware container would not have set me off or made me want to punch my husband in the nose. Because in the grand scheme of things, just not worth all that anger. It seems that his heart was in the right place and that is all that really counts. After all I am not the perfect spouse either.

I agree. I try really hard to be calm when I explain why what DH did was wrong so he won't do it again, but I don't want him to feel stupid and I do thank him for trying to help. I've tried to do things that I probably should have waited to ask for his help on and done it wrong, and I appreciate it when he responds in the same way - realizes my heart was in the right place, I wasn't *trying* to make things more difficult, and that he doesn't want me to feel bad about it. After all, it's just clothes/tupperware/etc...just things, replaceable. It doesn't mean I don't get frustrated about things, but I try to keep it in perspective. Neither of us are perfect and life is too short to linger on the small stuff for long.

I'm really sorry you're having a rough week, OP. Is there anyway you and/or DH can do something relaxing or fun to take your mind of things and let go of some of the stress of the week?

 

[Carly_Roach]

I don't see this as the OP "missing her opportunity" to teach a grown man how to properly react. He should have done everything else you said here on his own.

But here's the thing: my DH always had his mother cooking for him and, when single, he didn't really care about stained dishes. It wasn't a priority for him. Heck, for all I know he ate most of his meals over the sink out of a pan and just rinsed it out and put it in the drainer.

The point is, he DIDN'T know and I couldn't reasonably expect a "grown man" to know. I had to teach him. Just as there was no way I, as a grown woman, would have known that the trimmer takes mid-grade gas and the mower takes high-grade. And if DH had said, "You're a grown woman and you should have known that, you idiot", our marriage would likely not be happening right now. Belittlement never solves anything.

It's been my experience that if you treat your spouses like children by controlling, screaming at or belittling them, then that's what you get: a child who will screw something up just so they don't ever have to do that thing anymore. But if you treat them like a friend who's willing to learn how to do something, then each party gets the respect that each party deserves.

That's what I meant when I said the OP missed an opportunity. I wonder if there wouldn't be fewer divorces if more people treated their spouses like they treated their friends. But I guess people with children get so used to telling their kids what to do all day, every day that it carries over into how they communicate with their spouses.

Hmmm....food for thought for me.

 

[JerseyJanice]

I don't want any of the following items mixed into laundry that belongs to me or my son:

Gravel
Concrete, spackle or sheet-rock particles
Fiberglass (the fuzzy substance in your attic)
Gasoline
Epoxy Glue
Nitroglycerin
Motor Oil
Road tar, asphalt and macadam

Most of the above I don't even want inside the washer and dryer, but what I don't know won't hurt me. If he washes his work clothes as a separate load and afterward my laundry doesn't wind up full of gravel and strange odors, I look the other way.

But everything I listed above (and then some) has been brought into my house via his work clothes. I don't think I'm asking for much to say don't wash them together with mine or my son's clothes.

 

[declansdad]

OMG he tried to help. It isn't that much of a stretch to think that he wouldn't have realized what might happen. Have none of you ever done anything careless or without thinking.?

 

[disneyofcourse]

I feel your pain!

My guy Surprised me by doing a load of my cottons, nice dry clean only tops and a couple hand wash dresses on HOT and HEAVY cycle with high spin and then put them in the dryer on High heat for 60 minutes...get this...Twice around because they felt moist. Things didn't fit me,fragile things got ripped, fancy shirts got the embellishments torn off out of the 20-30 items he nicely washed for me(He's the type to really cram stuff into the washer)... Oh and he put a couple of my nice bright white expensive work out shirts in with lots of color. And we all know what happened especially with that new pink/purple shirt he put in there.

 

[MrsPete]

I am so steamed at my husband right now. Really, I could punch him, I'm so annoyed.

He got out of work a little early today with his boss being nice about the holiday weekend. We have a ton of laundry in the house since I was extraordinarily busy running around all week without time left for wash, and it piled up.

To "help" me, he grabbed some clothes out of my son's laundry basket and put it together with his work clothes to make a load.

So the problem? His jeans got soaked with gasoline at work, and so he washed them, and all the clothes in that washed-and-dried load smell like gas. I couldn't care less about his work clothes; they stink to high Heaven half the time anyway. But the clothes that belong to DS that DH "washed" smell like DS works in a gas station.

I'm so mad. What a stupid thing to do; it just created extra work for me, and possibly ruined some of DS's stuff. Thanks, dad!

Yeah, I can relate. My husband does laundry MAYBE twice a year . . . and last week he threw a bunch of stuff together: khaki pants and a favorite shirt of mine, which was light and blousy with some accent jewels. He even put it in to the dryer. It's ruined now.

I didn't even say a word about it. Even though it was a favorite, and even though I don't have a closet jam-packed with clothes, it wasn't worth a conflict.

 

[MrsPete]

The laundry or the Tupperware container would not have set me off or made me want to punch my husband in the nose. Because in the grand scheme of things, just not worth all that anger. It seems that his heart was in the right place and that is all that really counts. After all I am not the perfect spouse either.

My sentiments exactly.

 

[gina2000]

Hiya, JJ! Long time no see.

Better to vent here than to punch the guy in the nose!

It's guaranteed some will tell you what an ungrateful, uncaring, selfish individual you are for feeling frustrated. I'll just tell ya that it's the thought that counts....and in the scheme of things (and one day later), the screw up is minor. I know I would feel the same way til my better instincts reminded me why I married him....

 

[Mom21]

Well just to make you feel better I will tell you about a stinky husband and stinky clothes. I'm sure I told this story several years ago when it happened, but just too funny to forget. My now ex husband had just told me he was leaving me for his college girlfriend. We had been together 15 years, married 13 and had a 10 yo dd. I was also his second wife after his college girlfriend.

So I'm worried about how I'm going to manage with no job and a 10yo and all the bills he was leaving me with. We were still living together trying to sell the house. So several weeks after he told me, he goes out of the house whistling, all smiles and happy and smug with a smirk on his face. Hops on that $15,000+ motorcycle I helped pay for, and takes off for a nice drive down to the Keys.

Little while later he is back. Apparently he had been driving behind one of those trucks that pump out the septic system, and a valve broke. Let's just say there wasn't one inch of him or his motorcycle not covered in.....well shall we just say that karma will get you every time.

At least my friends and I got laughs out of that one. I couldn't wait for him to leave so I could call them and we laughed and laughed and laughed some more.

 

[lacrosse_lady72]

Well just to make you feel better I will tell you about a stinky husband and stinky clothes. I'm sure I told this story several years ago when it happened, but just too funny to forget. My now ex husband had just told me he was leaving me for his college girlfriend. We had been together 15 years, married 13 and had a 10 yo dd. I was also his second wife after his college girlfriend.

So I'm worried about how I'm going to manage with no job and a 10yo and all the bills he was leaving me with. We were still living together trying to sell the house. So several weeks after he told me, he goes out of the house whistling, all smiles and happy and smug with a smirk on his face. Hops on that $15,000+ motorcycle I helped pay for, and takes off for a nice drive down to the Keys.

Little while later he is back. Apparently he had been driving behind one of those trucks that pump out the septic system, and a valve broke. Let's just say there wasn't one inch of him or his motorcycle not covered in.....well shall we just say that karma will get you every time.

At least my friends and I got laughs out of that one. I couldn't wait for him to leave so I could call them and we laughed and laughed and laughed some more.

That's why they say karma's a b----.