Working parents how do you get things done.

[Mickey'snewestfan]

I'm a single mom, with 1 child, who works full time. My 9 year old is wonderful, bright, cooperative, funny -- all around delightful, but he's also slow -- not cognitively, but kind of dreamy and distractible. 3 days a week he goes to aftercare after school and I pick him up at around 6:20, on those days if we go straight home we're walking in the door around 6:40. I'd like him to be in bed, lights out, by 9:30 but it never seems to happen -- I just can't fit in all the pieces that need to happen, and every night we're not turning out the lights until 10:30 or even 11:00 -- then when I wake him up at 7:30 for school he's exhausted.

Here are the pieces I'd like to fit in on those 3 days:

Reading -- he's supposed to read 20 minutes a night, I'd really like it to be 30 or more.
Dinner -- time for me to cook, serve, eat together, and clean up a simple but healthy meal (e.g. tonight we had turkey burgers, salad and berries -- maybe 20 minutes prep time, 20 minutes eating, 20 minutes clean up).
Homework -- he does it at aftercare, but I like to review it with him, and help him with anything he didn't understand. Maybe 10 minutes.
Exercise -- he's supposed to do 20 minutes a day as his "PE homework" and even if he didn't, I think he needs this as we live in a very urban environment where he can't get outside to play -- we have an indoor pool in our building, as well as a gym with treadmills etc . . . It's also something we enjoy doing together.
Downtime -- I feel like he needs something, whether it's listening to a book on tape or a quick game of chess with me, it doesn't seem fair to go from waking up to going to sleep without anything unstructured.

Also, sometimes I need to run an errand (which means he needs to come) or do the laundry (I leave him in the apartment while I run down the hall, but it still means I'm not cooking, or helping with homework during that time and we get slowed down).

How do I make it all fit -- am I not being realistic? What do other peoples evenings look like?

 

[Darcy03231]

BTDT. Here are some tips that really helped me.

1. Meals: Make lots of meals you can freeze on the weekends and use a crock pot. There's a couple of great threads on this board about crock pot and casserolle cooking. Take a frozen meal out of the freezer in the morning and then you just have to heat it when you get home or take it out of the crock pot.

2. While you're getting dinner ready have your son sit at the kitchen table and read aloud to you.

3. After dinner review his homework and then go for a walk.

4. When you get back clean up the kitchen while he's getting ready for bed.

5. If you have time have him read a bit before bedtime.

 

[LivelyLissa]

My evening...I get home around 6:15, cook dinner, serve by about 7, eat until 7:20, baths, story, bed by 8. Luckily, my husband gets home with the kids by about 5:30 and has homework done by dinner time. When we have scouts, I skip eating myself and my husband gives the kids a sandwich for dinner. There is NO downtime in my house in the evenings.

 

[Darcy03231]

Sorry, I missed the part about you having an indoor pool/gym in your building. I would go there after dinner for 20-30 min rather than a walk.

As far as laundry and errands go, I try to get them done on the weekends when I have more time. If not, I would do laundry after I got the kids to bed.

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

Thanks Darcy,

That's the kind of concrete suggestion I'm looking for. I don't do crock pot cooking (although I should look into it) but we definitely eat "simple" -- e.g. last night dinner was hamburgers with no bun, a simple salad, some baby carrots, and some fresh berries -- maybe 20 minutes prep time total, and he did do his reading while I was cooking.

I'm not sure about the walk -- by the time we finish dinner and reading, even if everything goes "perfectly" it's 7:30 so pretty dark to be walking around the city. That's why we do the gym instead, I feel safer, also we can each go at our own pace and still be together (if that makes sense).

 

[LivelyLissa]

Thanks Darcy,

That's the kind of concrete suggestion I'm looking for. I don't do crock pot cooking (although I should look into it) but we definitely eat "simple" -- e.g. last night dinner was hamburgers with no bun, a simple salad, some baby carrots, and some fresh berries -- maybe 20 minutes prep time total, and he did do his reading while I was cooking.

I'm not sure about the walk -- by the time we finish dinner and reading, even if everything goes "perfectly" it's 7:30 so pretty dark to be walking around the city. That's why we do the gym instead, I feel safer, also we can each go at our own pace and still be together (if that makes sense).

I don't do crock pots either. They frighten me for some reason (something about them being plugged in all day cooking). One thing I do do is to put together some extra "easy heat" meals on Sundays. Chili, stews, casseroles that are already cooked. Then all I have to do is nuke dinner.

 

[live4christp1]

We get home between 6:00-6:20 so I know where you are coming from. One thing I have done with reading is on the drive home, turn the radio off and let him read out load in the car.

Meals you just gotta plan ahead (often means later turn in time for mom). I try to do as much of the prep as possible ahead of time. Put stuff to marinate and thaw in a ziploc freezer bag. Put in slow cooker ready to sit on the unit the next morning, etc. When using the slow cooker I will also make more than enough for one meal, that way the next evening we have left overs. If I make BBQ chicken in the crock the first night we will have it with something like baked beans, salad or fresh veggies, etc. The 2nd night we reheat it and have bbq sandwiches with fries and maybe slaw. I made a roast a couple of weeks ago and it lasted 3 days, 2 days as roast with veggies, etc. 3rd day I shredded up or pulled apart what was left and mixed up a packet of brown gravy mix, add the meat to it and let it simmer until thick and heated through, we then poured it over sliced bread with mashed potatoes.

Our biggest thing is getting homework done......wish I could get DS to do it at after care but most of the other kids don't and he can't stay focused with so much other noise going on around him.

Hope you find some helpful ideas here.

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

Sorry, I missed the part about you having an indoor pool/gym in your building. I would go there after dinner for 20-30 min rather than a walk.

As far as laundry and errands go, I try to get them done on the weekends when I have more time. If not, I would do laundry after I got the kids to bed.

I try to get the errands done on the weekend, but it doesn't always work -- every week it seems like we run out of something (e.g. medication, where we only have a couple of days in which we can fill the prescription due to insurance), or we get a note from school saying we need X by Thursday. As for the laundry -- we don't have a full week's worth of clothes -- maybe I should just buy more? Do other people just do laundry once a week? For example, he has Tae Kwon Do after school twice a week, so I have to wash the uniform midweek because it gets sweaty and gross. Or he's only got 1 fleece pullover that he wears for recess/going to and from school every day at this time of the year -- if he spills something on it on Wed. I need to do the laundry so he's got it for school the next day. If I wait to start the laundry until he's asleep (the apartment's tiny and he needs it quiet while he actually falls asleep, but I can wait until 1/2 an hour after he goes to bed then he won't wake up) then I'm up for an extra 2 hours after he is and them I'm exhausted the next day, or I'm setting the alarm clock for 5 a.m. so I can do it before work. So I try and get it started before dinner, and then into the dryer while he's getting ready for bed, but it still slows us down.

 

[GJM]

In after school care are they running around playing. That could be his exercise.

When my DS went to afterschool care, they do homework, go outside and play if it was nice or play in the gym.

I use to cook dinner as DS would be in the kitchen with me doing homework if he didn't finish it. Or you DS could do reading as you are cooking or cleaning up.

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

We get home between 6:00-6:20 so I know where you are coming from. One thing I have done with reading is on the drive home, turn the radio off and let him read out load in the car.

Our biggest thing is getting homework done......wish I could get DS to do it at after care but most of the other kids don't and he can't stay focused with so much other noise going on around him.

Hope you find some helpful ideas here.

The reading thing worked well for us earlier in the year, but now it's too dark to see when we're driving (we drive through a wooded park so no street lights). We do books on tape instead while I drive, which has had a great impact on his reading comprehension, and makes me feel less guilty about not having time to read aloud to him before bed.

I'm lucky that he seems to be able to get most of his homework done at aftercare, but it's just too distracting for him to able to read something challenging and understand it.

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

In after school care are they running around playing. That could be his exercise.

When my DS went to afterschool care, they do homework, go outside and play if it was nice or play in the gym.

I use to cook dinner as DS would be in the kitchen with me doing homework if he didn't finish it. Or you DS could do reading as you are cooking or cleaning up.

His aftercare is at his school which is in an urban setting - shared playground that they can't always get time on, no gym. Sometimes they walk to the park, but a lot of times they're inside the whole time. They do fun "wholesome" stuff like art projects or play chess, but it's not as active as I'd like. He's got asthma and a tendency to become overweight, and definitely does better with more exercise. On the 2 "non-daycare" days my mom picks him up and takes him to Tae Kwon Do, and he plays soccer on the weekends.

 

[RadioNate]

I try to get the errands done on the weekend, but it doesn't always work -- every week it seems like we run out of something (e.g. medication, where we only have a couple of days in which we can fill the prescription due to insurance), or we get a note from school saying we need X by Thursday. As for the laundry -- we don't have a full week's worth of clothes -- maybe I should just buy more? Do other people just do laundry once a week? For example, he has Tae Kwon Do after school twice a week, so I have to wash the uniform midweek because it gets sweaty and gross. Or he's only got 1 fleece pullover that he wears for recess/going to and from school every day at this time of the year -- if he spills something on it on Wed. I need to do the laundry so he's got it for school the next day. If I wait to start the laundry until he's asleep (the apartment's tiny and he needs it quiet while he actually falls asleep, but I can wait until 1/2 an hour after he goes to bed then he won't wake up) then I'm up for an extra 2 hours after he is and them I'm exhausted the next day, or I'm setting the alarm clock for 5 a.m. so I can do it before work. So I try and get it started before dinner, and then into the dryer while he's getting ready for bed, but it still slows us down.

even if you do 2 hours of work after he goes to bed (at your target time of 930) you'll still be going to bed at your normal time (1130).

IMO something has got to give at least a little. If it were me, I'd skip the work out time on the days he goes to Tae Kwon Do and make those wash/errand days.

He can read while you prep dinner and cook. You can also go over homework while that is happening.

 

[LisaR]

I would skip exercising on the 3 days where your schedule is so tight. I would instead exercise the remaining four days for 45 minutes.

Also, we play a fun game during dinner every night. My kids look forward to it and it helps relax everyone after a busy day.

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

even if you do 2 hours of work after he goes to bed (at your target time of 930) you'll still be going to bed at your normal time (1130).

IMO something has got to give at least a little. If it were me, I'd skip the work out time on the days he goes to Tae Kwon Do and make those wash/errand days.

He can read while you prep dinner and cook. You can also go over homework while that is happening.

No, because I can't really start the laundry until he's asleep (if I'm doing it, or even just washing the dishes, while he's falling asleep the noise will keep him up -- the apartment is just too small), so it's more like 12:00, and that's assuming I didn't bring work home. Which isn't enough sleep for me (I do it a lot anyway though).

The TKD days are different -- one day my mom takes him to her house afterwards, and they do homework, and when I pick him up we have dinner together with her -- that night we do get family time, and the pace is more leisurely. When we get home he can go straight to bed, knowing that everything is "done". The other is Friday so no homework, no working out, and it's a great day to do laundry etc . . ., although at that point I usually just leave it Saturday.

 

[Darcy03231]

I would definitely get extra clothes so that he has more than one fleece pullover. As for the Tae Kwon Do uniform I would hand wash it in the sink and hang it to dry in the bathroom. I made sure we had enough clothes to get through the week and only did laundry once a week (still do). I used to buy a lot at our local Salvation Army, especially for sweatshirts, fleece, & winter coats. This way if stuff got lost or left behind I didn't feel bad as I really didn't spend much for it.

 

[JimmyPicker]

I've tried to stop being perfect and cramming everything in every day. It's too stressful to be perfect.

 

[Tuffcookie]

OP, I admire your involvement with your DS and think you are doing a remarkable job! Now, get a crock pot!

TC

 

[John Smith1]

I'm a single dad of two kids... I don't know how I get ANYTHING done!

 

[DMickey28]

I am not a single mom, nor do i work full time but I thought I would still give my input.

IMHO it does sound like you are trying to be 'perfect' and while there is nothing wrong with trying, it doesn't always work. It's ok for things to give.

Your meals sound simple enough that prep doesn't really seem necessary unless you are interested in more complex meals you can prep ahead of time. Can you leave cleanup until he is alseep at 10:15pm giving you extra time after dinner?

Get another fleece pullover ... I am sure they are going to be down to at least $29 at Old Navy soon, if they aren't already. I like the idea of washing the TKD outfit in the sink. Can you do that the night you get home from TKD so it has ample time to air dry?

Since he is not getting to bed until after 10 right now, can you leave the reading until bedtime at 9:30pm? It will give him the chance to wind down and also get the reading in. I personally always read before bed, it's how I wind down and get to sleep. He will be able to unwind and also get to bed and relax, even if not actually asleep at a reasonable time.

I'll see if I can come up with more ideas.

 

[Mkrop]

I am a SAHM now, but worked when my guys were younger, but these are the things that jumped out from your post. So I hope I can still post here.

Like others said prepare meals over the weekend, invest in a crockpot, even if you dont feel comfortable leaving it on all day while you arent there, you could leave it on all day Sat and then freeze the meal to nuke later in the week. A nice beef and veggie stew and you are covered.

I always found the guidelines for reading and PE as just that guidelines. So yes in a perfect world my sons would read and excersise for 20 minutes every day, It just doesnt happen so we do the best that we can, maybe on the weekends we do a little extra etc. Like right now my DS5 is suppose to be saying this prayer he needs to learn for Catholic school, the teacher said before bed. Well I cant for the life of me remember to get him to do it, so instead he says it before dinner along with Grace. It is what works for us, he knows the prayer and we continue on.

Also if you can afford it, I too would invest in some extra clothes. The thing that drove me crazy was underwear, we never had enough, someone always yelling, I am out. So finally I went out and bought extra packages, and the craziness dimished a little

I think in this day and age we try to do too much, we are not super moms and dads and we have to support and remind each other of that. You are doing a great job by caring about your kid!