Work issues-- advice needed

[Cindy B]

Last July I was hired by a government agency for a full time position. I am a teacher by trade, but after a few long term sub assignments, I took this government position because it was a "stable" permanent job and it was better than looking for yet another sub position.

Well, its been over 7 months and there is not even a word to describe how much I despise it. The work environment is depressing, the morale of the employees and management is deporable. I keep on thinking that "it might get better" and trust me, I am thankful for a job in this economy.

However, once Friday rolls around it takes me a whole day to destress from the week and I get anxiety attacks on Sunday because I know Monday is coming around the corner. My heart races, my breathing goes crazy and I have to give myself a pep talk in the car even to get out of the parking lot.
Once at my cube, I have to just keep my breathing and conversations in check so I don't burst into tears.

I was trained for a very complicated position. In the training class, I received one of the highest marks, but with the on the job component is incredibly different than my classroom training. My on the job trainer is a very bitter person who says to me constantly "Didn't they teach you this?" "How come you have a college degree and don't get this job?". Mind you this trainer has been doing this job forever and has been with the agency for four decades! This persons hostility is making me very nervous and I am making more mistakes because I am just so nervous to be around everyone.

I should be so thankful I have a job and I am guilty that I can't "enjoy" it due to the work environment. I am almost at a point to take a lower paying teachers aide position just so I am back in a school environment. In a school, I understand how the system works, what is expected, how things are run, etc.

My husband wants me happy and healthy== both of which I am not right now. We can thankfully survive on a lower income but the extras would be gone.

I could use advice on what to do. I have already asked for a new on the job trainer and was denied. (My manager denied the request). I asked someone else about a transfer to a different unit and am waiting back.

Should I be going to a doctor about these anxiety issues? I'm just sort of trying it holistically now and it just isnt working. I can't stand being there and I feel that my soul is getting eaten alive.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

A helpful quote:

“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company... a church... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you... we are in charge of our Attitudes.”

Charles R. Swindoll

 

[jlewisinsyr]

I think in any other economic environment I'd say jump ship and find something better. You should at least like what you're doing, if you don't, it can actually impact other parts of your life if you don't know how to seperate the two. However, considering the environment, I'm not sure I'd just quit/leave.

First thing, start putting feelers out for other jobs, either within the same organization/department/interdepartmental if allowed under policy (some places have wait periods) or with completely different companies. It's easier and less stressful to find another job while you're still employed.

Second, is there anything you can do to brighten your area, either physically (natural light) or with pictures, things you enjoy, or some goal you want in life. Do you have any goals (outside of paying the bills) to why you're working? Having goals can be highly motivating and it can quelm a lot of anxiety and discomfort.

Third, approach the person you are having issues with if they are your manager. Don't attack, just state facts and how you feel (not how they make you feel - there is a difference). If they are not your manager, take it to your manager and act professionally, again stick to facts and how you feel (not how they make you feel).

 

[jlewisinsyr]

A helpful quote:

One of my favorite quotes!!! You control your destiny, you shape your life.

 

[golfgal]

Well, if it were me, no job would be worth that. Personally I would tell the bully off. Obviously she is jealous of your college degree. If that gets you nowhere, perhaps her supervisor would be the next route to take. I don't care how long someone has worked anywhere, they have NO RIGHT to treat people that way and as long as people allow it to happen, it will never change. You can always go back to substitute teaching.

 

[HeatherH]

Any place where "your soul is being eaten alive" is doing damage to you...physically, emotionally and mentally.

Since you said your livelihood does not depend on this income, I would say figure out the best way to get out of there. It sounds like you are on the right track with inquiring about a transfer.

Yes, times are tough, and yes, jobs are scarce...but really, if the choice is between being HAPPY and having less to live on each month and being MISERABLE for the "extras"...to me, that is a no-brainer.

Good luck to you. I have been in a miserable job situation before and it does suck. (Mine ended with the vile person being fired.) I hope you are able to move on to something better soon.

 

[Took]

I think a talk with the trainer is in order. Nothing accusatory or complaining. What you're after is something confident (maybe more than you feel) but concerned. This person may have personal problems or job burnout that are spilling over into the work environment. Yes, that can be poison, but you don't have to let it ruin your spirit (especially as you need this job right now). This trainer is probably also jealous of a younger person with a degree and maybe threatened, too (maybe, the trainer thinks you're after his/her job).

You may want to say something along the lines of "I really want to do well and this job and know you have a lot you can teach me. I believe I would be more effective if I really understood __________." (Mean it, too. Choose something that s/he may be at least a little proud to talk to you about and feel confident about.)

Also, as someone suggested, you could add "When you tell me "didn't they teach you this?" I feel nervous and defensive and make many mistakes. I don't think that's what you intend" (even if it is.

Also, you might say," I would really like to contribute positively to our department but am having some trouble doing that right now. Could we brainstorm on way I can do that more effectively?"

Just because your trainer doesn't sound as if s/he's being particularly mature and professional (sniping at an trainee is not professional behavior) doesn't mean you need to be less than professional. Remember, this isn't a personal matter. It's about a job. Don't let Cranky get under your skin or hurt your feelings. You don't care if s/he likes you. You care that you're paid well and (hopefully) recognized for doing the job well.

If all else fails, talk to the supervisor, but only after exhausting other options.

 

[PixieTopaz]

I work in a very downer enviroment-so I hear you loud and clear
I love what i do-its certain people who make the place miserable

I try my best to really completely ignore these people and let their comments roll off my back-its not easy.

 

[Cindy B]

I have put in transfers to other agencies as well as asking for a transfer to another unit on another floor.

I know the trainer is jealous. I constantly hear that "people who have been here for 20 years didn't get this job. You came in from the outside and got it". I'm sure one of her friends put in for it and didn't get it. (The new requirement of the job is that you need to have at least 3.5 GPA or higher with a Bachelors or a Masters degree any GPA)

I do ask her for notes, her manuals, and advice on what she would do. I constantly say "If this was your case..what would you do?" I do sincerely ask about policy and procedure and I take notes every time I ask her a question.

It is a toxic environment. It sucks the life out of me.

 

[OceanAnnie]

Oh, I know exactly how you feel. I've been there. It's as if you are walking in shoes that are too tight, all day long.

It sounds like your training is hard to apply to your case load because it is situational. Kind of like a moving target. If that is the case, make some "trees" with the commonalities, and make branches with the "if"/"then" contingencies. A visual might help you to think these things through.

I had the same type of environment as you. I'm not sure you can get through to your trainer. She knows what she is doing and is probably enjoying it, I hate to say. You have to find a way around her. Is there someone in the office you can turn to as a mentor? If not, is there someone you can ask questions that will not put you down? I would go around the trainer (time it so that she isn't available, on break, away from her desk, or something). If there is someone nice in your office that does the same type of job, ask them to go to lunch with you. Make a friend. Talk about the things you aren't clear about with this person. See if you can enlist some help. Don't mention the trainer. If the person you talk to brings her up, let them do the talking. You can agree, but don't go into it. It will come back and bite you in the butt, one way or another.

I did as a pp mentioned. I put pictures and flowers in my cube. There was a time I didn't take my breaks and ate at my desk. I stopped that quick. I left the office for lunch and it helped tremendously. I had some light plug in scents in my cube too. Aromatherapy. I tried everything I could within reason.

If the people there won't help you, find a way to go around them. You will feel better once you don't need the trainer and can do the job without her. You will still run into people like your trainer, but they won't have the power over you that she does now. And once you find your way in your job, the trainer won't have any power over you either.

Get plenty of rest. Eat well. Exercise. Do some things you enjoy. These things will help your overall well being. I hope things get better soon. Please keep us posted.

ETA- I know how much you want to teach. In the past I came across some of your posts on getting your degree (I was happy for you!) and trying to find a job. It is disappointing to work so long and hard for something, and have circumstances work against you. I'm sure this is an added component of how you are feeling. Bad enough to have an office bully, but the disappointment is stressful too. As is feeling stuck in a rut. You would rather be teaching. You can still make it happen. I guess you have to decide if you want to work through this and continue to look for a teaching job, or take a position that will put you in good standing within a school system. It's all very stressful. Keep a journal. Write it all out. You will work it out.

 

[Cindy B]

Oh, I know exactly how you feel. I've been there. It's as if you are walking in shoes that are too tight, all day long.

It sounds like your training is hard to apply to your case load because it is situational. Kind of like a moving target. If that is the case, make some "trees" with the commonalities, and make branches with the "if"/"then" contingencies. A visual might help you to think these things through.

I had the same type of environment as you. I'm not sure you can get through to your trainer. She knows what she is doing and is probably enjoying it, I hate to say. You have to find a way around her. Is there someone in the office you can turn to as a mentor? If not, is there someone you can ask questions that will not put you down? I would go around the trainer (time it so that she isn't available, on break, away from her desk, or something). If there is someone nice in your office that does the same type of job, ask them to go to lunch with you. Make a friend. Talk about the things you aren't clear about with this person. See if you can enlist some help. Don't mention the trainer. If the person you talk to brings her up, let them do the talking. You can agree, but don't go into it. It will come back and bite you in the butt, one way or another.


If the people there won't help you, find a way to go around them. You will feel better once you don't need the trainer and can do the job without her. You will still run into people like your trainer, but they won't have the power over you that she does now. And once you find your way in your job, the trainer won't have any power over you either.

Get plenty of rest. Eat well. Exercise. Do some things you enjoy. These things will help your overall well being. I hope things get better soon. Please keep us posted.

This on the job trainer is my mentor. I was assigned a back up mentor. This back up mentor had an earlier schedule so I did go to that person with questions. My mentor found out and told my manager that I was "advice shopping" and now I am not allowed to talk to anyone else.

Basically I have to have all my cases reviewed by this angry resentful woman and I am not allowed to talk to anyone besides that. I do email my former instructors and get some advice but I don't do it thatoften because I don't want my manager finding out.

My back up mentor understands what is going on and wants to help but he knows he in trouble

 

[Gigi22]

To the OP, welcome to the wonderful world of office politics. I recently retired after 30 years of working for the government of my country, so you have my deepest sympathy--your story sounds familiar. For whatever reason your trainer doesn't seem to be on your side. If your trainer has been there for 40 years, then he/she should have trained others previously. So he or she should already know how to deliver training correctly. You may be able to find out who else has been trained by your trainer--and if so, I would urge you to discretely find out how their training went.
Do you have a formal written training plan established with goals/outcomes and a schedule for attaining various levels of proficiency attached? If not, ask for one. That way your trainer will have to write down what exactly is expected, and what training is to be delivered, and when. This will give *you* a chance to record how you are doing and when various parts of the training have been delivered. (At my former work we used to call this type of technique, "CYA" meaning "Cover Your A--").
There is a possibility of course, is that after 40 years on the job [way too long in any govt. dept. IMHO] your trainer is at the end of his/her career, and is really annoyed about having to train you to perform work that your trainer may want to continue performing. You have to be prepared to work with the idea that you have to manage your trainer so that the training is delivered properly. Yes, it is stressful. But, if it were easy--then everyone could do it, right?
There is no cure for office politics, or toxic personalities. You need to decide what you want, and what you are prepared to do to get it. You can control how you live your life, and I urge you to attend a stress management course outside the workplace--yoga and meditation techniques can help--also something really simple like deep breathing can help you calm down while at work.

 

[OceanAnnie]

This on the job trainer is my mentor. I was assigned a back up mentor. This back up mentor had an earlier schedule so I did go to that person with questions. My mentor found out and told my manager that I was "advice shopping" and now I am not allowed to talk to anyone else.

Basically I have to have all my cases reviewed by this angry resentful woman and I am not allowed to talk to anyone besides that. I do email my former instructors and get some advice but I don't do it thatoften because I don't want my manager finding out.

My back up mentor understands what is going on and wants to help but he knows he in trouble

Advice shopping. That's a new one. Not allowed to talk to anyone else? What is this, prison?

I have a hunch the case outcomes are not written in stone and there is some subjectivity involved. And hers is always better than yours. If that is the case, I can't think of anything you can do other than speak to your manager (who doesn't seem to be receptive).

You are definitely in a pickle. I'm sorry to read about it. I don't know how to get around what you are facing. I added some thoughts in my prior post. I need some sleep. I'll check back tomorrow.

 

[Minnie]

How long is your probationary period? If you are past that time frame then 8 months is a long time to be so unhappy. I really hate to even write this suggestion... BUT if you're to the point where you are considering leaving for a lower paying position - it might be time to go talk to HR or the person over your manager.

I woud document, document, document, document as this person is definitely in a CYA mentality. Follow your training materials and request to be shown where the duties or actions are shown in the training materials.

It can be tough being the younger person w/ the degree in an office environment

 

[Minnie]

double post

 

[OceanAnnie]

How long is your probationary period? If you are past that time frame then 8 months is a long time to be so unhappy. I really hate to even write this suggestion... BUT if you're to the point where you are considering leaving for a lower paying position - it might be time to go talk to HR or the person over your manager.

I woud document, document, document, document as this person is definitely in a CYA mentality. Follow your training materials and request to be shown where the duties or actions are shown in the training materials.

It can be tough being the younger person w/ the degree in an office environment

I came back to say the same thing. Start documenting what is being said to you. Write the facts, date, time, name, what was said and why. I would consider speaking frankly to your manager. The trainer has you under her thumb. She is harassing and belittling you. She is hostile towards you. You can not learn from someone that treats you in this manner. I would put it in those terms. They hired you because you are qualified. You did very well in training class. Stand on that. They want quality work, you need quality mentoring. You can't get it from this trainer. I would stand up to the bully, too. She may have the job knowledge, but it doesn't give her the right to speak to you in that manner.

 

[Pumbaa_]

How badly do you need this job?

Jobs like this take their toll on you in ways that you don't even realize. And won't until you are way down the road. Soul sucker is the right word

There is some great advice in here, I hope it works out for you.

I have a friend who's boss was a nutjob, literally. Would return her specs toher covered in red ink. And each time the instructions would be different. The stress got so bad she literally walked out - no job on hte horizon and her husband's work just shut down, it was that bad

they are doing ok, she has a consulting job and is SOOOO much happier. Still some worry over long term, but is in such a better place emotionally.

 

[NotUrsula]

Personally I'd go to the trainer and say something like, "Look, for whatever reason we got off on the wrong foot, and I think that we need to clear the air. What is it that about the way that I work that bothers you, and how can I change it?"

I had this experience in a situation where I was being shown the ropes in a new office by a secretary. She had been there for years and was in a permanent position, and my job was grant-funded and only due to last 2 years, but technically I outranked her. After about 4 months of her muttering under her breath every time we finished a conversation, I finally decided to do the above. It turned out that there were two issues: one, I had inadvertently used a machine that I thought was a common-use piece of equipment, but that by consensus had been regarded as "hers" for quite a while, and two, it bugged her that I kept asking questions. She finally got mad and said, "You are so danged curious. Why do you feel that you need to know all these things?" And my answer was, "Well, yes, I do ask a lot of questions, but that is the only way I'm going to learn how you all prefer things done, now isn't it? I can't avoid getting in your way if I don't know what your boundaries are, so please, tell me." She did, and we got along without conflict after that.

 

[akcire]

OP-From your posts it sounds like you are doing Social Security disability determinations, if that is the case I would look for something else.

I had a friend who did this job for a couple years for the SSA and ended up being really depressed reading and investigating all of the real stories, and getting really pissed an angry about the fraud stories. It took her a couple of years to get over her time, with the SSA. She now has a secretarial job for the EPA and is much happier.

 

[jwhtewolfd]

I came back to say the same thing. Start documenting what is being said to you. Write the facts, date, time, name, what was said and why. I would consider speaking frankly to your manager. The trainer has you under her thumb. She is harassing and belittling you. She is hostile towards you. You can not learn from someone that treats you in this manner. I would put it in those terms. They hired you because you are qualified. You did very well in training class. Stand on that. They want quality work, you need quality mentoring. You can't get it from this trainer. I would stand up to the bully, too. She may have the job knowledge, but it doesn't give her the right to speak to you in that manner.

If you decide that this job is worth the effort, then I fully agree with the above. I find the bolded parts to be exceptionally wise and sound advice.