Won't Wear Head Gear

[maymom96]

DS is 12 and needs braces. We took him to two different ortho's and choose the ortho near us. His treatment plan included wearing head gear at night and he was more expensive. But he is about 5 minutes from my house and it's easier to get to appointments.
Before I signed the contract, we sat DS down and explained that the braces were going to be a big sacrifice for everyone. He would have to wear the head gear, his mouth may hurt after adjustments and he had to brush his teeth twice a day. Our sacrifice is we are paying $6000 and honestly don't have the money for it. But he has an overbite and I want him to have nice teeth.
Well I am discovering that maybe I should have told him when he's an adult, he can get the braces. He is not holding up to his end of the deal. He takes the head gear off as soon as he goes to bed. He did something with it and now can't find it. So he hasn't worn it the last two nights.
I have talked to him till I am blue in the face. He claims he takes it off in his sleep. And honestly, I think he really doesn't care what it's costing us or that by his lack of holding up to his end of the deal, it could cost us more.
I can't call the ortho and say ds won't wear the head gear or brush his teeth twice a day so I want to cancel the contract. I signed a contract and will need to finish paying off the $6000 no matter what. I just don't know what to do. Any ideas?

 

[clarabelle]

We have had some similar problems. We just had to really stay on them. going back in their rooms after bedtime and checking again.
You could also make him wear it during the evenings -while he is watching TV or doing homework -that way the "sleep excuse" won't work for those hours.

Maybe some kind of carrot and stick approach? A reward if he wears it -take away something if he doesn't?

 

[Christine]

I had to wear head gear when I had braces (a bazillion years ago). Let me tell you, it was PAINFUL and uncomfortable. I know you "made a deal" but you made a deal with a 12 year old. They don't think like we do and they can't think past about 2 days in their life! I'm sure your son didn't realize how uncomfortable the headgear was going to be. It is very uncomfortable.

I do agree with trying to get him to wear it as much as possible at other times. Otherwise, I probably would talk to the ortho about it for some solutions. I thought that they didn't use headgear as much anymore as they had other permanent devices they could put in. My son also has a fairly bad overbite but did not have to use headgear. He has a Franklin device which is permanently in his mouth.

 

[tink_n_pooh]

I would talk to the ortho about possible other alternatives as well. There are a lot of newer ways they can correct his overbite without head gear, honestly I didn't realize they still used those things.

If there are no other options with the ortho then it sounds like DS is going to have to just suck it up and wear it. I'm pretty old school when it comes to stuff like that, if my child is supposed to be wearing the head gear and they take it off - I would be taking away everything from the child until he learned that wearing the head gear isn't so bad after all.

 

[2Kds2K9]

Being the Mom of a DS15, I realized 3 years ago that I have three heads and don't know anything. Given that, I'd ask the ortho to sit him down and tell him how important it is. I've had to do that with my DS. It's amazing how much tweens/teens listen to other adults and that all of a sudden we are the dumb ones. Go figure.

Good luck.

 

[bicker]

Maybe the whole bit about considering it a "deal" confused him. After all, did he get to practice informed consent, or did you basically tell him how things were going to be, because, "[you] want him to have nice teeth"? That made it sound like, to me, that you made a decision for him, as his parent, for his own good. These are the kinds of decisions that parents regularly have to make for, and impose the ramifications of on, their children -- even 12 year olds. You need not have to expect to negotiate terms with your children, though the reality of how you go about getting things done is often quite different, of course. However, you should never get caught up in your own mythology. Unless he wanted the braces, you should keep in mind the real nature of the "deal", i.e., that it isn't negotiable. Transgressions in this regard are no different than refusing to do chores or homework. I think it would help with parental sanity to look at this as normal sloth by a 12 year old (perhaps for good reasons, as Christine pointed out), rather than failing to live up to their obligations under some sort of "deal".

JMHO.

 

[diznygirl]

I had head gear in my twenties - I hated it! I could make myself wear it most of the night and then I would rip it off and fling it across the room at 6 am. Immediate relief!

I'd cut him some slack.

Talk to the Ortho about other options at the next visit (rubber bands or more tightening visits, whatever) if he doesn't get on the ball with the head gear.

 

[PatsGirl]

If he's 12 and won't do what you are telling him to do, I think you may have bigger problems than head gear I'd simply set the law and offer no options. Check on him every few hours and make sure he has it on. If he doesn't, a consequence would be appropriate (loss of video games or whatever his favorite thing is....)

I have a VERY stubborn son who just about sucked the life out of me starting at that age He begged for braces from 13-16 but I didn't feel he would take the proper care so I refused and told him to get them when he was an adult. He is now in the USAF, had his four wisdom teeth pulled last week, and will be getting braces on his dollar -- he turned 19 last month.

Good luck!

 

[DawnCt1]

Our oldest DS wore head gear and the improvement was apparent within a few weeks. The more he wore it, the better the effect. He was about 12 and was motivated. He was also made aware by the orthdontist that his overbite was so severe that it would cause pain and perhaps disability later in life. He also had to wear a bionator at night after the head gear. As a result, he wasn't "banded" for ages, which really preserves the teeth. Long term banding can result in permanent root reabsorption. Your DS needs to hear directly from the orthodontist that the treatment is more to do with long term oral health and less to do with appearance. And he is twelve. If he had a broken leg, would you give him the option of having it set? If he needed surgery, would he have a choice?

 

[DawnCt1]

If he's 12 and won't do what you are telling him to do, I think you may have bigger problems than head gear I'd simply set the law and offer no options. Check on him every few hours and make sure he has it on. If he doesn't, a consequence would be appropriate (loss of video games or whatever his favorite thing is....)

I have a VERY stubborn son who just about sucked the life out of me starting at that age He begged for braces from 13-16 but I didn't feel he would take the proper care so I refused and told him to get them when he was an adult. He is now in the USAF, had his four wisdom teeth pulled last week, and will be getting braces on his dollar -- he turned 19 last month.

Good luck!

 

[FINFAN]

my DS has had his for almost 2 years, all of the above happened, Ortho talked to him,we took stuff away..in return grades fell,he stopped eating, became a hermit in his room back and forth we went 2 years of sheer frustration.(We could not be home 24/7 to be on him, someone has to pay for thsi lovely nightmare) Matter of fact, it affected the whole family , constantly argueing about the headgear, kids teasing himabout his awful teeth, teachers complaining about his poor attitude, grades, etc. I agree it is archaic, but I know what will happen if a permanent appliance is put in, (see above, stop eating, grades, ) We go today to another practice for another consult. When my DS was in the 1st grade, he had a disgusting experience w/another student who was in an appliance, who would grab DS milk at lunch and drink from it or drool on it. It was weeks before DS told me about it ( school lunch monitors never noticed, apparently ) by then the damage was done, DS has a total mental block of anything metal/foreign in his mouth..to this day will not eat with a metal spoon, only plastic. To this day hates milk. We have explained all this to the ortho, told him what we are up against, He claims he can do the braces oly, no additional permanenet appliances/headgear etc. We will see. My kid will be 15 in August, we are missing optimum growth times for the braces to be most effective. Good Luck and I TOTALLY get what your son and your family are going through!

 

[disneybam]

My DD15 went through the two years of braces because of an overbite. She started off with the expander that I had to turn with a little key every night. She had to wear the head gear at night.

Your son will have to cooperate if you want this to work. Otherwise you'll be wasting good money.

(My daughter's overbite corrected amazingly fast. The only thing she couldn't handle was the rubber bands. She had to take them off to eat, and had trouble putting them on and off, and I couldn't ask a teacher to do it for her, so we had to skip that part. But, she has a development delay and has sensory issues. We knew in the beginning that she might not make it through the whole process. We and the ortho were amazed that she did so well. The results are great, and I can NOW say that it was worth it. Of course, I had to stay on top of EVERYTHING during the whole 2 years. She now faithfully wears the clear plastic retainer at night. I didn't know they had to wear this for a long time. )

Let your son know that right now is the best time in his life to get braces. Something about the growth spurt at his age making everything shift easier during this time? The end results really will be worth the pain and aggravation.

 

[Green Tea]

We opted for a Herbst appliance instead of headgear. It took the option of compliance out of ds hands.

 

[daisax]

I can understand his digging his feet in if the headgear is painful, but if he won't even brush his teeth you have a power struggle going on that goes way beyond this issue.

Among other things, I would begin cutting off any money coming his way, and inform him that it is being redirected to make up for the thousands of dollars he is wasting. And discuss the reality of the unlikelihood of your being able to pay for car insurance (let alone a car) when he's 16 because after all it's thousands of dollars and that's not the kind of commitment that he appears to take seriously.

And as another poster said -- he can wear it during the day when you can supervise. And if he can't find it, he can stay home until he does -- and empty the room out completely while he's at it.

 

[emma'smom]

I really empathize with your son. Having lived with head gear I can tell you how horribly painful it is...and that he actually may be removing it in his sleep just to get some relief from the agony!

You can tell him it will just prolong the process---but in the end, that may not matter. Horrible pain is horrible pain!! Unless you've felt it, I don't think you can imagine the wrenching ache that it can cause with no relief for hours and hours every single night---for years?

How bad is the overbite? Can they correct all of the other issues and leave the overbite (ie. straighten teeth, etc)?

 

[WL Fan]

This is the exact reason why we waited to get braces for the boys until they were both old enough to follow the ortho's instructions without being constantly badgered about it. They were 14 and 16, and we made it through without too much difficulty. Their teeth are beautiful, and I'm glad we waited.

 

[ZephyrHawk]

Deal? I wore a headgear at night. I hated it. There was no deal involved, I was told to do it. I certainly didn't ask what would happen to me if I didn't, but I was sure that whatever punishment my parents would think up would be far worse than wearing the stupid wire torture device.

Here's a good one, "Well, if you don't wear it while you're asleep you can wear it to school and we'll have your teachers make sure it's on all day."

 

[FINFAN]

This is the exact reason why we waited to get braces for the boys until they were both old enough to follow the ortho's instructions without being constantly badgered about it. They were 14 and 16, and we made it through without too much difficulty. Their teeth are beautiful, and I'm glad we waited.

I hope my DS has the same story to tell,,he is 14 1/2 and we go today for a consult.

 

[agnes!]

HA, let me tell you *my* headgear story. Your DS should be getting down on his prayer bones and thanking the angels above that he didn't have my braces-plan.


I had to wear headgear 24 hours a day.

IN 7TH GRADE.


Yeah, you got that right, MIDDLE SCHOOL. At least he only has to wear his at night .

agnes!

 

[mjkacmom]

Deal? I wore a headgear at night. I hated it. There was no deal involved, I was told to do it. I certainly didn't ask what would happen to me if I didn't, but I was sure that whatever punishment my parents would think up would be far worse than wearing the stupid wire torture device.

Here's a good one, "Well, if you don't wear it while you're asleep you can wear it to school and we'll have your teachers make sure it's on all day."

I agree - I wore it, and my kids will wear it. My parents weren't very strict, but when it came to wearing the headgear and retainer, we'd be in huge trouble if my mom found out we weren't wearing them. How about this - if he's caught not wearing it, he pays for the braces.