Will the family drama ever end

[MaryAnnDVC]

I think she was joking considering that in her first post she clearly stated that she responded no to the RSVP and was not bringing her sister.

I'm sure she is just imagining a fun little revenge scenario in her mind. I know I have done that a time or two.

The person you quoted wasn't referring to the OP...she/he was referring to a PP's response about how they'd respond, and yes, I think the PP would behave like that.

Gee, MaryAnnDVC, are you calling me garbage? Thanks for the personal insult.

Not outright. What I said was that the behavior was garbage, and if you behave like that...

It certainly isn't model behavior.

 

[design_mom]

I gotta say, I feel a little bit bad for the bride in this situation considering that it's the grooms family member and the groom's mother and groom's sister are the ones who made the suggestion.

We had some hurt feelings on the groom's side at our wedding, too. I asked my MIL for a list of family members from their side who should be invited. MIL provided one. I did not realize that she left off some family members because she "didn't think they'd come and didn't want them to feel like they ought to send a gift." At the time, I had no idea that anyone had been excluded. But, boy did I get an earful (usually second-hand) from people who weren't invited and felt they should be. People always blame the bride. Sigh. By the time I heard about any issues, it was too late to do anything besides say "I'm sorry I didn't send you an invitation. If you'd like to come we'd love to have you." You can guess how well that went over.

So OP -- I don't blame you for being upset with your aunt and your cousins for excluding your sister. I think you have handled it impeccably and in an adult manner. But when you meet this couple in the future, keep in mind that the bride might not have known (and still might not know) that your sister was being excluded.

 

[Nancyg56]

Personally, I'd rather burn it and move on without being an *******. But maybe that's just me.

Me too. I would decline and call it a day. I would nto forget though.

OP here- I can't control how my mother behaves, and her decision to rsvp yes. I RSVP'd no. But I have to tell you, it hurts to just ignore something so mean. If I ever run into the bride & groom, I don't think I can be nice or friendly. I really believe in karma, so someone will be getting their comeupons.

.

This is really a shame. I am a mother and can understand how your Mom feels. I think that since your sister is embarrassed by her reaction perhaps she should have kept her feelings to herself but I can see that would be difficult.

I think that if one of my own adult children was singled out this way I would respond "no" and if any family members asked why I was not attending I have to say I would probably tell them what happened. It may not be the best way to handle this but I would share it woth those close family members. I would not go on a rampage and share with extended family. I would want to though.

 

[Heidict]

The person you quoted wasn't referring to the OP...she/he was referring to a PP's response about how they'd respond, and yes, I think the PP would behave like that.
Not outright. What I said was that the behavior was garbage, and if you behave like that...

It certainly isn't model behavior.

Oh geesh, I got her confused with the OP. Sorry, I got confused.

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

Oh geesh, I got her confused with the OP. Sorry, I got confused.

No problem. I'm usually the last one to catch on to someone else's confusion.

BTW, OT...my mom's name is Amelia.

 

[TerriP]

Call me passive aggressive, but I too would have replied yes and brought my sister as my +1 just out of spite. I wouldn't have proven them right through bad behavior, though. I would have been on my best behavior. I also would have given them just enough of a gift for them to know I didn't forget and it didn't get lost - enough to send a message but nowhere near enough to cover the cost of having me there.

^^This^^ Also, for the gift...I would go to the Dollar Store and buy one of those little mini-plungers and wrap it up! Viola!

Seriously, I wouldn't have what it takes to do any of that...I just like to fantasize. What I would honestly have done is called the person I'm related to (bride or groom) and explained that if my sister is not welcome, I will not attend. I would make darn sure they understood why I wasn't attending, but I know I'd be all "adult" about it...I'm such a loser.

 

[MerMom60_94]

^^This^^ Also, for the gift...I would go to the Dollar Store and buy one of those little mini-plungers and wrap it up! Viola!

Seriously, I wouldn't have what it takes to do any of that...I just like to fantasize. What I would honestly have done is called the person I'm related to (bride or groom) and explained that if my sister is not welcome, I will not attend. I would make darn sure they understood why I wasn't attending, but I know I'd be all "adult" about it...I'm such a loser.

Yeah, I know. Me too. IRL I'm a lot wimpier than that. What's sad is the groom may not even realize the drama this is all creating. His mother and sister are calling these shots and hearing all about it but he may not be hearing what a ruckus this is causing. He may not even feel this way about the OPs sister but maybe he is just trying to keep the peace with his mother and is going along with her. In the end, it will be held against him. He isn't going to come out of this unscathed no matter what he does.

 

[Ciao Mickey]

I totally would have RSVP'ed yes and had my +1 be my sister, then acted like a total, um, jerk at the wedding. And took pictures.

If they want to treat my sister like she's a pariah, let's give them a good reason.

It'd be awesome-everyone would be talking about you, instead of the bride. Serves her right.

If you did that, then that would make you no better than the bride and her family. In fact, it would make you a bigger ___ than they are.

I would take the high road. Send a lovely card with a note wishing them good luck and telling them that you are sorry that you could not attend the wedding and leave it at that.

 

[RitaZ.]

Truth be told, there are much more satisfying ways to ruin a wedding.

This was the "burn bridges" method, where the bride knows who screwed up her super-precious totally perfect everything will be done the way I want it Bridezilla day, because you'll never see her again and you don't care.

If you merely want to get her back for not inviting your sister, well, then that requires a more delicate, anonymous touch.

WOW! If this is the behavior that a person chooses to engage in to retaliate, then I'd say that the family member hosting the party/wedding is 100% justified in not wanting said person invited to their special day.

OP, families are complicated. All families have varying degrees of drama. We have had some drama with DH's family. I'm sure that the way they relay their side of the story justifies their case. There are always two sides and a whole lot of history in between.

You've handled it correctly by staying out of the drama.

 

[dakcp2001]

If I happen to hear that someone got drunk and knocked over the cake, I would have a good laugh. I'm just sayin! I am willing to bet all of the college kids at this wedding will not be on their best behavior.


I will not be sending them a gift. I know I "should" but well, I already sent a gift for the shower and I will not be spending another dime on these two.

 

[NAB]

All the hate for the bride and groom when it sounds like it came from the mother of the groom. This being said do the bride and groom know your sister well. If they did they would know what kind of person she is now.

All this drama, the bride and groom might not even notice that you or sister are not there if you are not close to begin with to know she has changed. I am not close to all my cousins due to our age.

If I wasn't invited and my sister was I would be upset but wouldn't want her to miss out on the wedding either. Not boycott it. Seems childish. They can invite who ever they want.

 

[cm8]

Jerry Springer has a new source for guests...the DIS!

,,,,,

 

[focusondisney]

OK, i just want to present the other side here. Sometimes, excluding one member of a family is done for a good reason. I know this may not be the case in the OP's situation, but here's my story:

I have 6 cousins on my mom's side. The youngest one is my age. We were close as kids, but not once we reached our teens. We each married & had kids. Only saw him occasionaly over the years. I do see his older siblings & their families more often. My own kids don't know him but do know the other siblings &their families.

So last summer, my DD was married. She wanted a small wedding. I chose to invite the older siblings & their families, but not this cousin. Besides the fact that my DD, the bride, didn't even know him, this cousin was arrested twice in the recent past for DWI.

There was no way I was going to invite someone to my DD's wedding & have him get drunk, drive & possibly cause an accident. Besides the moral responsibility, we would also have been legally responsible.

Luckily, none of his siblings even questioned it. Let alone held it against my DD & DSIL.

Again, I know this probably is not the case of the OP's sister. But just wanted to let some of you know, sometimes there are reasons for one sibling to be excluded. Please try to give the hosts, the benefit of the doubt.

 

[JerseyJanice]

It sounds like the OP is handling the situation correctly. Her mother, not so much.

And I have to say it--all this talk about revenge by going and acting badly or bringing the sister as a guest is pure insanity. This family has made it clear that the sister is not welcome at the wedding. Why on Earth would she even want to be there?

 

[wdwfan16]

I would have RSVPed yes and made the +1 my sister.

 

[RitaZ.]

Why on Earth would she even want to be there?

That's the part that confuses me. Why would anyone want to be in a place where their presence isn't wanted?

 

[JerseyJanice]

That's the part that confuses me. Why would anyone want to be in a place where their presence isn't wanted?

Right? I mean, if you don't get invited to a party, why would you give the hosts the satisfaction of even knowing you wanted to be there? Isn't that humiliating?

 

[RitaZ.]

Right? I mean, if you don't get invited to a party, why would you give the hosts the satisfaction of even knowing you wanted to be there? Isn't that humiliating?

I agree with you.

 

[dicar123]

The fact is, the cousin has every right to invite and not invite anyone she wishes. Is excluding the sister the right thing for her to do? From the OP's account, my thought is that it isn't. But that doesn't matter, because the bride is well within her rights to exclude the girl for any reason at all. Maybe there's more backstory there that would explain the exclusion, and maybe there isn't. But when it comes right down to it, it's her wedding and she can exclude anyone she wants to.

If the OP and her mother disapprove of the exclusion, the right way to respond is to RSVP "No" and move on. That's it. If you feel strongly enough about the situation, then cut the bride and groom out of your life completely after RSVP-ing. Register your displeasure that way, like an adult.

I totally get your post, and you are right, but there is some attitude to it that bothers me. The Bride and Groom are within their right to make whatever decision they want, in the sense that no one will throw them in jail if they refuse to invite so-and-so. But there seems to be the attitude that those excluded aren't allowed to have hurt feelings over it because it's THEIR wedding! If you don't like it, and are so very bothered by their rudeness, then just shut up and go away.

My brother did this very recently. They chose a venue that was so impossibly limiting that half the family had to be excluded. (Not some far away place that people couldn't afford to get to, right there in town and not invited.) Someone ought to have told them, "Look, you get to have the wedding you want. Your choice. But realize that you are choosing to hurt most of your family over a PARTY. If a party is more important than your family, have at it, but don't be surprised if there are consequences." And if consequences happen, they happen.

Instead, my mother defended this ridiculousness all the way and anyone who protests is going to be deemed a selfish jerk. This makes me crazy.

 

[1001 Ghosts]

The whole idea of burning a bridge is just that; burning it. Not sprinkling pixie dust on it and calling it a day.



Um, so tired of family treating you like garbage and then having to make nice at the next reunion/function/wedding?

Yeah, me too.

I'm not going to be bothered with "registering my displeasure", lol. If she's going to be such a spoiled, useless brat as to cut my sister out of her wedding, then she needs to know that such ugly behavior on her part will be met with immediate and serious consequences.

C'mon, how many people out there spend their lives in quiet desperation with their stupid family, letting them treat you like crap and then having to be polite about it?

So, the wedding rolls around, you show up with your sister, and during the ceremony you cough, a lot. Especially during the part where they say "should anyone have just cause why these two should not be married."

Then during the reception, oops, knocked the cake over. My bad! Of course, you should be stone cold sober because then relatives will have nothing to blame your behavior on other than revenge. Which is the entire point. Treat me like crap, I treat you like crap. Are we done now?

This will serve two purposes: one, you'll save a ton of money on gifts to stupid relatives weddings because you won't get invited to them, and two, the cousin will know not to mess with you or your sister, ever again.

Gee, MaryAnnDVC, are you calling me garbage? Thanks for the personal insult.

Truth be told, there are much more satisfying ways to ruin a wedding.

This was the "burn bridges" method, where the bride knows who screwed up her super-precious totally perfect everything will be done the way I want it Bridezilla day, because you'll never see her again and you don't care.

If you merely want to get her back for not inviting your sister, well, then that requires a more delicate, anonymous touch.

There's only one of two possibilities here. Either you're a troll, or the bride is displaying rather insightful intelligence and insight by inviting as few of you as possible.

Having read the other thread mentioned here that you've posted on, my money's on the latter.