Why won't anyone play with my DD9?

[nessz79]

I feel so bad for your daughter because I have a DS, 9, that has the same issue. For him it is partly social anxiety and partly he doesn't like to do what other kids do. My DH and I have really had to get involved with the activities he does (coach sports, cub scout leaders, Sunday school teachers...) so that we can help him with social cues. If the other kids are off playing a game of tag and he lags behind, we suggest that he goes and joins in. When we are at the lake for swimming lessons, I suggest that he joins in the game that is starting on the beach. I have been watching kids for a while now trying to figure out how I can help him, and I see that the other kids have never shunned my DS or any of the other kids that are around. Surprisingly kids are pretty accepting of other kids, but kids don't look for loners and invite them to play either because they are so excited about playing themselves.

I've noticed the same thing with my DS5. He really takes a long time to get used to a new situation. Every new social situation makes him take some time to just stand back and observe. The other kids often invite him to play, but he goes at his own pace. He often eventually joins in if he becomes comfortable enough. Also, he doesn't like it when kids play very rough. If there's any of that going on, he rarely joins in.

However, we just try to encourage him to be social while not pushing him too much. We let him be him, but also give him some hints about being social. It doesn't come naturally to some kids.

 

[nessz79]

See the problem that I face is that DD9 isn't shy or quiet and isn't afraid to ask other girls if she can join in their game. The problem I'm seeing is that the other girls are saying "NO" or "We don't want to play with you." DD isn't sad about it right now and I'm trying to stay positive about it, but honestly I think (from experience too) that girls are mean. My DD9 is the girl in pre-school who would go up to the new girl in class and ask to be friends with. She's actually still friends with that girl today - 5 years later. I now know that her teacher last year was a screamer - telling the kids that they were troublemakers and wild all of the time, so this year we're hoping for a new year, a new teacher (she's even gotten a new hair cut), to hopefully change all her ba ways from last year and have a great new year.

I just don't understand why everyone can't be friends. I just want her to have a few best girlfriends that she has a special bond with. I never had it and maybe that's the problem I'm not showing her a very good example.

Sorry, just read this part.

Sounds like it's just a bad group of girls. You're right- with a new year comes a new start. Hoping for the best!