Why is "tattling" bad?

[DizBelle]

I've read a couple of threads on bullying and tattling and I can't think of any situation where calling someone one their bad behavior is a bad thing. Whether it is a kid on the playground pushing another kid and someone informing the teacher of the incident or witnessing someone committing murder and telling the authorities.

If telling the teacher about the kid pushing another kid is tattling then telling the authorities of a murder you witnessed is tattling too. It's either ok in both situations or it is not ok in both situations. I don't see how it can be ok in one but not in the other.

But some people seem to certainly frown on "tattling."

 

[HelenePA]

I've read a couple of threads on bullying and tattling and I can't think of any situation where calling someone one their bad behavior is a bad thing. Whether it is a kid on the playground pushing another kid and someone informing the teacher of the incident or witnessing someone committing murder and telling the authorities.

If telling the teacher about the kid pushing another kid is tattling then telling the authorities of a murder you witnessed is tattling too. It's either ok in both situations or it is not ok in both situations. I don't see how it can be ok in one but not in the other.

One of my kids is what I call a tattletale.. there is a time and place for tattling... I do NOT need to know every time your sister does this your brother does that.. work it out yourself sometimes! I can't always be around to fight your battles for you! Seriously I deal with this on a daily (muti-times a day!) sometimes kids do need to work it out them self. Murder is a whole other ball game than she knocked down my blocks

 

[Jennasis]

I gotta be honest...I agree with you. never thought of tattling as a negative. IMHO people discourage "tattling" so they don't have to deal with the situation.

 

[Liberty Belle]

Because it turns into a very annoying and unattractive trait.

If someone is hurt, truly hurt, it's ok, but if Joey pushed Mike and Mike didn't have a problem with it because A) he pushed Joey first, or B) he knew that Joey was kidding, then Mary runs up and tells on them to the teacher, it causes problems that needn't have occurred.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I am one who brought up the possibility of 'tattling' on the recent thread.

I think maybe I should explain!!!

I am VERY anti-bullying....
As the parent of a special needs son, you can have NO doubt that I would be pretty aggressive about true bullying or harassment.

If physical threat, or any physical contact whatsoever, is involved then this should probably be taken care of right at that moment. No question about it.

However, in many cases, kids love to be tattletales... they don't like little Janie or Johnny today, so they are going to run and tattle on every little perceived infraction to try to get this other child in trouble. The motive is not appropriate. It is just proliferating school-girl drama or school-boy on the playground angst.

Especially, if what was said or done does not involve the child personally... really, they would be best to stay out of the drama...

Little Janie puts water in Suzie's seat....
Should Amelia go running to the teacher????

Gabby says that Ann is ugly, and 'You can't be my friend today'....
Should Tessa go running to the teacher.

Little Johnny calls Zachary a ****head.
Should Dexter to running to the teacher.

I think that there is definite bullying.
And, I think that there is definite tattling.
Sometimes the child who 'tells' is not involved at all.
Sometimes the child who 'tells' only motive is to get another child in trouble, and cause excess drama.

I hope most of you understand what I am saying!!!!

 

[luvsJack]

IMO, tattling and "telling" are two different things. We used to tell our children in child care that if someone was hurting themself or someone else then it wasn't "tattling", it was telling. Anytime another child is being humilated, phsyically harmed or threatened--someone should tell and that should never be considered "tattling".

 

[harleyquinn]

Tattling can also become a "Boy Who Cried Wolf" issue. When a young child is constantly "telling" on someone for little things as they get older, the real true problems might be overlooked if a child is not taught when telling on someone is necessary and when the child should learn to deal with a small situation.

 

[harleyquinn]

IMO, tattling and "telling" are two different things. We used to tell our children in child care that if someone was hurting themself or someone else then it wasn't "tattling", it was telling. Anytime another child is being humilated, phsyically harmed or threatened--someone should tell and that should never be considered "tattling".

That's a great way to put it!

 

[Wishing on a star]

Yes, I agree with the above.

I feel that kids should be taught the difference!

Unfortunately, though, there are adults who simply say NO TATTLING, PERIOD... Just so they don't have to deal with it. And, this makes kids unable to 'tell' when the true need arises.

 

[Aneille]

My DD is taught in school that there is difference between tattling and telling.

Telling is when you are trying to help someone and you need adult help to do that.

Tattling is when your motive is to get someone in trouble.

I'm sure its difficult for them to understand but eventually they will get it. Unfortunately my children don't understand it in practice yet, so I get both tattling and telling all day! yay me!

 

[DizBelle]

I am one who brought up the possibility of 'tattling' on the recent thread.

I think maybe I should explain!!!

I am VERY anti-bullying....
As the parent of a special needs son, you can have NO doubt that I would be pretty aggressive about true bullying or harassment.

If physical threat, or any physical contact whatsoever, is involved then this should probably be taken care of right at that moment. No question about it.

However, in many cases, kids love to be tattletales... they don't like little Janie or Johnny today, so they are going to run and tattle on every little perceived infraction to try to get this other child in trouble. The motive is not appropriate. It is just proliferating school-girl drama or school-boy on the playground angst.

Especially, if what was said or done does not involve the child personally... really, they would be best to stay out of the drama...

Little Janie puts water in Suzie's seat....
Should Amelia go running to the teacher????

Gabby says that Ann is ugly, and 'You can't be my friend today'....
Should Tessa go running to the teacher.

Little Johnny calls Zachary a ****head.
Should Dexter to running to the teacher.

I think that there is definite bullying.
And, I think that there is definite tattling.
Sometimes the child who 'tells' is not involved at all.
Sometimes the child who 'tells' only motive is to get another child in trouble, and cause excess drama.

I hope most of you understand what I am saying!!!!

Ok, Janie puts water in Suzie's seat. Suzie gets upset and Amelia goes to tell the teacher. The teacher tells Amelia that she is tattling and she shouldn't do that. Amelia goes back to Suzie and tells her that the teacher said she was tattling and that was bad. Nothing gets done. The next day, Janie puts water in Suzie's seat again. Suzie tells Janie that she doesn't like the wet pants she gets when Janie puts water in her seat and doesn't appreciate it when Janie and the other girls laugh at her because her pants are wet. Janie doesn't care and she and the other girls just laugh and laugh at her. But Suzie was taught that she can't go to the teacher because her friend Amelia tried that already and was told it was a bad thing.

This could just escalate and escalate until Suzie comes to school with a gun in 11th grade and ends it herself.

Is this really the end that we want? Why couldn't the teacher intervene way back in second grand and stop Janie from tormenting Suzie in the first place? Why does it matter who told the teacher?

 

[mjkacmom]

My DD is taught in school that there is difference between tattling and telling.

Telling is when you are trying to help someone and you need adult help to do that.

Tattling is when your motive is to get someone in trouble.

I'm sure its difficult for them to understand but eventually they will get it. Unfortunately my children don't understand it in practice yet, so I get both tattling and telling all day! yay me!

I agree about the motivation. If you are telling me your brother hit you, thanks for letting me know, so I can put him in timeout. If you are tattling to me that your brother called you stupid, please deal with it yourself. I'm not getting involved in every little thing. And if you are not even involved with the incident, and no one is hurting anyone, let them work it out.

 

[DawnCt1]

Tattling is reporting petty, inconsequential things for the purpose of hurting someone else. Telling is reporting an act that may hurt someone else.

 

[DizBelle]

My DD is taught in school that there is difference between tattling and telling.

Telling is when you are trying to help someone and you need adult help to do that.

Tattling is when your motive is to get someone in trouble.

I'm sure its difficult for them to understand but eventually they will get it. Unfortunately my children don't understand it in practice yet, so I get both tattling and telling all day! yay me!

Why does it matter if you're trying to help someone or get someone in trouble? In both cases, someone did something they shouldn't have. Why shouldn't someone with authority to do something about it be notified?

So, Bobby ties Johnny to a tree in the woods next to the school playground. Seth knows that Bobby did this but doesn't like Bobby or Johnny. He has no interest in helping Johnny but would love to get Bobby in trouble. Since his motive would be to get Bobby in trouble, he shouldn't tell the teacher since it would be tattling.

Either way, Johnny is being tormented and tied to a tree.

 

[mjkacmom]

Is this really the end that we want? Why couldn't the teacher intervene way back in second grand and stop Janie from tormenting Suzie in the first place? Why does it matter who told the teacher?

Because children need to learn to stick up for themselves, and handle situations. The girl with the wet pants needs to learn to try to solve the situation herself, and if she is unable, to go to the teacher. These are important skills to learn.

 

[DizBelle]

Tattling is reporting petty, inconsequential things for the purpose of hurting someone else. Telling is reporting an act that may hurt someone else.

What's petty and inconsequential to one kid may be very hurtful to another.

 

[HelenePA]

What's petty and inconsequential to one kid may be very hurtful to another.

What happens when a child who takes everything to heart (this is my 6 yr old) and has no idea how to handle anything herself? Who is she going to tell as an adult.. call the cops every time someone calls her a name?

 

[DawnCt1]

What's petty and inconsequential to one kid may be very hurtful to another.

That's why there are adults, to point out the difference. A thin skinned child will be a child that will tattle excessively and be on the receiving end of a lot of teasing. Children need to be taught the difference between tattling and telling. Its an on going process.

 

[Serena]

I have to agree with the posters that say there is a big difference. The "she's touching me, she's looking at me, she said a bad word", crap doesn't need to be told.

Or like someone else mentioned. Two friends on the playground playfully pushing each other and another student doesn't like them and goes and tells. That is not constructive, it's just tattling.

Billy is about to jump off the top of the slide, Jo Ann just hit Beth and knocked her teeth out, Darin has a knife. All these are reasons to tell.

 

[happygirl]

When my kids ******* I also ask are you doing this to help or hurt. Which means are telling to get that person in trouble or are you telling to help?

I don't want my kids to tattle if it just to get so and so in trouble