why is middle school so hard on kids?

[Briar Rose 7457]

shaking my head here...

both girls have been going through rough times at school with lunchroom politics and gossip.

some of those kids can be MEAN to each other. genuinely nasty.

sigh. does it ever get any better? I mean, before they're grown up and off to college.

 

[mommytotwo]

Middle school and high school age is the tough ages to go through. During elementary, students would joke around and not really take things seriously, but for middle school, your peers look at you based upon the things you do, what you wear, who you hang around... the same for high school, but then you get to go out on dates, have bfs and gfs... I guess it's a learning experience that everyone goes through.
Just be sure that your daughters stay with the right crowd and don't get themselves into trouble.
We're here for you when you need to vent

 

[Pooh Girl 71]

I've got a 7th grader. The ugliness you describes started back in the 5th grade. I'm hoping this calms down some by the time high school arrives.

 

[flrose]

I'm worried for my DS who will start middle school next year.
He is overweight and right now in elem. apparently the kids don't say much about it or it doesn't bother him. When I try to talk to him about it he says he doesn't care but, I KNOW he will next year when he gets to MS and the kids are older and tougher especially on the new ones coming in. Guess all we can do is be
supportive and be there for them when the need to talk.

 

[Wish Upon A Star]

My DD had the toughest time in Middle School. When she started High School this past September she has become a very different person. She is now very bubbly and happy, whereas Middle School she was miserable.

DS will start Middle School this September and I'm really not looking forward to it again.

I don't know if its because Middle School is 6 - 8th grade and it is such a HUGE transition from their nice laid back elementary school, or its just hormonal. Then again, the Middle School teachers were nothing like elementary school . . .I absolutely did not get along with some of DD's teachers from 6 - 8 grade.

 

[ilovepcot]

HORMONES!!!!!! They're newly arrived!

 

[monarchsfan16]

I had a really hard time getting through middle school. I must have broken down sobbing at home at least once or twice a week for those 3 years. In my town, we have R-8 in the same school, so everyone gets to know each other a little too well during elementary and especially middle school. By the time I graduated 8th grade I had been ready to get out of that school for at least a year. High school has been so much better. I'm a junior and loving it. The kids that gave me a hard time in middle school are still giving people a hard time, but they don't bother me at all. And they're the kids who backstab their "best friends" constantly, and consequently went from most popular in middle school to having very few friends now. I have the best group of friends now, and the kids that I was friends with in middle school are still my friends. It does get better. For me it got better as soon as I started high school because we're bussed to another district, and I was in school with litterally hundreds of kids I had never met before. In towns where kids stay in the district it usually gets better by sophomore year, from what I've seen and heard from other friends in other places. Obviously it doesn't always get better, but most of the time it does. It takes awhile for people to grow up, and some never do . I think it has to do with everything being such a popularity contest, and stuff like that. THere's probably a lot of hormonal stuff mixed in there too.

 

[SeaShelley]

Originally posted by ilovepcot
HORMONES!!!!!! They're newly arrived!

That's just what I was going to say!

 

[mommytotwo]

Originally posted by flrose
I'm worried for my DS who will start middle school next year.
He is overweight and right now in elem. apparently the kids don't say much about it or it doesn't bother him. When I try to talk to him about it he says he doesn't care but, I KNOW he will next year when he gets to MS and the kids are older and tougher especially on the new ones coming in. Guess all we can do is be
supportive and be there for them when the need to talk.

Rose, our friend's son used to be overweight as a child, but after he started getting involved and stayed involved in sports, he lost all that weight. If your son isn't physically active, maybe you could try finding a physical hobby or sport that he may want to play.

 

[Tiggerkeeper]

You don't know how much I would love to tell you it gets better but my DD is a junior in hs and we are still going through this! The only difference is now the hormones are seasoned and have sharper teeth.

Good luck and buy stock in Kleenex!

 

[antbritt]

This thread made me actually decide to sign on. Ok so Middle school seems to be so much harder on girls then boys. My DS had zero issues in middle school ( although he always told me about the issues of the girls he was friends with!! ) Now my DD is in Middle school and oh boy has it been a year to forget!! 1st off a Girl ( and I use this term losely)who whe knew in kindergarten and then we moved away has moved not only to my town but to my neighborhood has caused for the most part most of the trouble. And like the post from the young lady above this child is soooooo interested in being in the " poplular" club that she has treated my DD poorly and has talked behind each kids back and she seems to always have a new group of friends ( I guess they get wise to her and move on) Anyway my issue is that my DD is so hurt by the lack of loyalty this kid has to her. An talk about mean!! Last week this kid bumped my DD off of the munch table!! But you know how KArma works! Those kids left at the table started a food fight and got in trouble. My DD was then so gateful she was not at that table!!!
I told my DD that she is actually the one in control cause she can decide to continue the "friendship " or not. She wants to continue to be friends on some level but it is getting harder and harder for her as this girl seems to be more interested in making friends then in keeping them!! So all I can say is make sure you have open communication with your kids from the early years and hope they will still continue to confide in you to some degree. My DD only tells me what she wants to tell me ( although sometimes its everything but sometimes not) Also my DD is very shy and she tends to back off when people push her around. She is also smaller then her peers. I would not go back in time to then for anything in the world!!!

 

[nowellsl]

I think someone switched my daughter when she was a Junior in high school!!! I don't know were this one came from but she is such a joy to be around, I kind of feel sorry for whoever got the other one!!

 

[Briar Rose 7457]

sounds so familiar, antbritt.

 

[FINFAN]

My DD is doing pretty good, but days the competetiveness is so demoralizing. She means it in all areas, academics and popularity etc. Her school tries so hard to instill a sense of equality to all aspects of their education, and has ZERO tolerance for anyone being taunted or teased for any reason...but they can't controll all the kids all the time. As a matter of fact, I worry that once DD starts HS(next fall) it will be a shock from the protective bubble she is in. Now DS......he will beblown out of the water in MS....wears his heart on his sleeve and ends up wanting to have many friends so badly that he doesn't always have the best judgement in that area. He will be so overwhelmed by all the work/homework that he will be a trainwreck anyway. I am not looking foreward to the next 8 years.
I think kids have a lot on their plates.....I hope I have the patience and understanding to help mine through these upcoming tough years.

 

[Briar Rose 7457]

my duaghters were reently asked to sign a "contract" with the school in whihc they agreed not to do any bullying or hazing. all athletes in our schools are going to have to pledge not to do hazing.

but that doens't prevent other forms of nastiness, does it?

 

[monarchsfan16]

Originally posted by Briar Rose 7457
my duaghters were reently asked to sign a "contract" with the school in whihc they agreed not to do any bullying or hazing. all athletes in our schools are going to have to pledge not to do hazing.

but that doens't prevent other forms of nastiness, does it?

There were strict rules about bullying at my middle school, and it sure didn't help. Our grade had an incredible amount of reports made (usually by teachers in response to something that a student had confided in them) of harrassment (sexual and otherwise) and bullying. Unfortunately these contracts don't always help. And even if the kids aren't bullying teachers can be awfully nasty too.

 

[isyne4u]

Originally posted by nowellsl
I think someone switched my daughter when she was a Junior in high school!!! I don't know were this one came from but she is such a joy to be around, I kind of feel sorry for whoever got the other one!!

hehe! This is what I tell parents of all of my sixth grade students. The sweet child you had in elementary school will turn into this "thing" that you don't recognize. They will suddenly know more than you, they will talk back with an attitude that you have never seen, and you will spend the next 3 years trying to figure out where your cherub went. But then magically just before they head into the 9th grade they begin to remember who they are and who their parents are. It is the most amazing sight to behold. I joke that my middle school students become brain dead the day they walk through the school house door. But I know with a little love and a lotta luck they will eventually become decent human beings again!

I love teaching middle school even with the hormones, attitudes, and issues. These are the kids that need strong role models, shoulders to cry on, and kind words when the world gets them down. It's hard on the kids now, but hopefully they will survive it with just a few battle scars!!

tara

 

[NMAmy]

Middle school is just awful. DD is 13 and this year decided at Christmas to stay with her dad in New Mexico for the rest of the school year because she had gotten into a group of girls that were just hideous and she couldn't really figure a way to get out of that group. Backstabbing and plain old nastiness are just business as usual.

It's been awful for all of us, but she's gotten some distance now and is planning on moving back here (thank goodness!) for school next fall.

 

[Cindy B]

Originally posted by Briar Rose 7457
my duaghters were reently asked to sign a "contract" with the school in whihc they agreed not to do any bullying or hazing. all athletes in our schools are going to have to pledge not to do hazing.

but that doens't prevent other forms of nastiness, does it?

My school (I work at a middle school) did the same thing. We had a recognized week of NO DISSING. (complete with posters, presentations, buttons, and special recognition when students are being extra nice or courteous. Ironcially enough, I wrote up more students that week for cursing, and such. One student even said F*** Y** to me that week... so much for that.

As for harassment, its happened sometimes the students are inappropriate with each other. And sometimes they try to inappropriate with staff memebers. I had students come and use sexual guestures with me.

Girls are nasty. I had student today get pushed away from a lunch table because she isnt' cool enough. She was crying!

The boys at my school aren't much better actually.

 

[Briar Rose 7457]

my 6th grader has been having issues with some of her formerly-very-close friends. they've been ignoring her for the last two days. I guess that's better than open hostility.

older dd just finished a very complicated negotiation regarding who was going to sit in which seat at lunch.