Why is it considered "babysitting"?

[mrsltg]

Hi All-

I was at my girlfriend's house for a baby shower on Saturday. My girls were at home with dh. As I'm helping gf decorate and set out the food she says, "Does Mike mind babysitting the kids?" I nearly choked. This is a woman I went to college with and have been friends with for nearly 15 years. She is a professional woman and she seriously considers leaving the kids at home with a dh "babysitting." Granted, her dh is a PITA who insists on her taking the kids out on the weekends so he can nap, but COME ON!!! When I say, "No, he's their father," she replies, "Well, he has always gotten along well with them." WTH? He's their father! Gotten along well? As opposed to?????

She's not the first person that has said this to me, though. My boss is great for asking if dh is "babysitting" along with some others. Usually, though, the people that use the term are older and definitely not my contemporaries. I figured it was a generational difference, not something still going on.

Has this ever happened to any of you? Thoughts? Opinions?

 

[Beth E. (NJ)]

Drives me crazy too. He's their father -- he is parenting, not babysitting.

 

[bananiem]

That drives me insane when anyone says that.

 

[Gymbomom]

I hear it all the time from friends, you know I am a SAHM.... it is my "job" LOL

Thank goodness my husband WANTS to spend alone time with our children!!!!!!
I even call when he gets off early to do the swim team and acting class runs!

 

[Gymbomom]

Also, I wonder do wives SET their husbands up to feel that way from the first?
Or, is it just the "norm" to think that way?

 

[MUFFYCAT]

I never understood that either.

Being with your kids is babysitting????

 

[kelleigh1]

We don't have kids ourselves, but hubby and I have always disagreed with the concept of the father "babysitting" the kids. Their his kids too, so he's not babysitting. He's being a father.

 

[dementia412]

I don't hear it much, but it gets my blood pressure up. Why anyone would consider that babysitting still boggles my mind. Sometimes I think its just a phrase people use because they've heard it said that way so much, but other people really think it's like a kind gesture... "Oh, what a great husband you have, he babysits the kids"

 

[mrsltg]

Also, I wonder do wives SET their husbands up to feel that way from the first?
Or, is it just the "norm" to think that way?

Maybe in my gf's family that's how it is. I mean, every weekend she takes the kids out of the house so he can have a "break". Excuse me? Of course everyone needs a break every now and again and the other parent should be as sensitive to that as possible, BUT, he needs a break for a few hours every Saturday and every Sunday? I don't think so - at least, not in my house!

My dh and I are definitely equal partners. The girls will just as easily listen to him as they will to me (except, he has yet to perfect the "look") and expect him to be there as much as they do me. But maybe for others it's not that way? I just can't imagine being happy in that situation.

 

[allison443]

This is one of my pet peeves, when people say the dad is "babysitting"!

 

[Dixie Luvr 98]

Grrr My ex would use that term himself. And he was the type that would use it even more because he knew I hated it.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I just say hubby is watching the kids. "Babysitting" is a job you ask someone else who is not the parent to do.

 

[Ranatra]

My Ex( kid's Dad) would always tell people when we were still married "I'm babysitting" the kids.
The sad part is,I think he really thought HE was doing me a big Favor.

 

[BalooTheBear]

I've never considered it as "Baby Sitting....", they are my kids and I enjoy spending time with them. Why would I consider it a chore? My wife has never referred to it as baby sitting, but there have been times when others have. My friends and her friends both.

 

[pansmermaidzlagoon]

agree!!!

it is kinda of like when the mom does something , she is just taking care of the responsibilities...when the dad does it, he is doing some huge favor rather than just contributing to what needs to be done for the house/family. Really gets me - MILs can be the worst!

 

[Chattyaholic]

Even though my DH is wonderful in almost every way, I do have to admit he wasn't much help with the kids when they were little. Would rarely change a diaper, and heaven forbid he would get up in the night to feed them.

Then when the kids were a bit older (I think DS was maybe 3 and DD was 1) I wanted to join a women's bowling league. Didn't start until 9:00 so the kids were IN BED when I left so he had NOTHING to do but just BE THERE, and he didn't even want to do THAT!! He grumbled almost every time! He would say, "well, what if I WANT to go somewhere?" So go another night!! He wasn't one to go to bars with friends, or play poker or anything of that nature so it was really ridiculous of him to even ask me about "going" somewhere. He just didn't want to be "home alone" with the kids!! Tough! I joined the league anyway!!

Our DD doesn't realize how LUCKY she is in that her DH helps SO MUCH with their son (he will be 2 in February). He changes diapers, feeds him, takes him places with him, would get up in the night with him, etc. DD can go to a movie with a friend or something and her DH doesn't mind at all staying home to "babysit."

 

[MichelleVW]

I hate when I hear that, and if I do, I will correct the person that said it. It's not "babysitting" when it's your own child!!!

 

[jodifla]

Even though my DH is wonderful in almost every way, I do have to admit he wasn't much help with the kids when they were little. Would rarely change a diaper, and heaven forbid he would get up in the night to feed them.

Then when the kids were a bit older (I think DS was maybe 3 and DD was 1) I wanted to join a women's bowling league. Didn't start until 9:00 so the kids were IN BED when I left so he had NOTHING to do but just BE THERE, and he didn't even want to do THAT!! He grumbled almost every time! He would say, "well, what if I WANT to go somewhere?" So go another night!! He wasn't one to go to bars with friends, or play poker or anything of that nature so it was really ridiculous of him to even ask me about "going" somewhere. He just didn't want to be "home alone" with the kids!! Tough! I joined the league anyway!!

Our DD doesn't realize how LUCKY she is in that her DH helps SO MUCH with their son (he will be 2 in February). He changes diapers, feeds him, takes him places with him, would get up in the night with him, etc. DD can go to a movie with a friend or something and her DH doesn't mind at all staying home to "babysit."

Wow. I'm surprised you are still married!

I think most men today take a lot more interest in their kids. To be kind of an uninvolved dad was standard years ago, but not anymore.....

 

[bananiem]

I think most men today take a lot more interest in their kids. To be kind of an uninvolved dad was standard years ago, but not anymore.....

I think it depends on how much they were involved in the decision to have the baby in the first place. I know some women that wanted kids so they purposely had oopsies. The Dad's have very little involvement. It's sad, really.

 

[Bob Slydell]

That's one of my pet peeves. I don't babysit my own kids.