Why is it always me that gets pulled

[jen0610]

into my families pregnancy issues. First it was my mother, now it my MIL.

It's been several years now, but at one point in time, my mom was HOUNDING me to give my brother and his partner some of my eggs so that they could have a baby. Told her, to have him give me a call. He did and was upset that she was pushing this on me, as it was her burning desire for them to have a baby, not theirs. Left the issue alone for a few years, when she started in again. Only this time, it was not only give them eggs, but also carry a baby for them. She really pushed on this subject. Baby brother told her to back off, which she has, but every now and again I get the whole guilt trip of if only I had done this for my brother.

So, I get this voicemail from my 80some year old MIL. She is all worked up. I need to talk to my neice. My neice looks up to me, I can get her to see the light. I need to step up and be "mom" to guide her to the correct decision. But she never says what it is I am giving guidance on.

As I am listening to the message, a call comes in from DH. He just got off the phone with his mom. Said he just had an interesting conversation with her and she needs me to call her as soon as possible. When I asked him did I really wanted to know what was going on, he just started to laugh and said it was right up my alley for conversations.

Seems, she and the neice were talking and MIL/Grandma is all worked up that the neice is getting up there in age (she is only 26) and so is MIL and...well, she wants a great grandchild before she goes to meet her maker. Neice and her DH aren't ready/planning on a family any time soon. Neice just went back to college to further her nursing degree. MIL is all upset and thinks that we - more like I - can talk them into seeing that having a baby asap is the best thing for her....I mean them.

I am suppose to call my MIL this evening. DH has school, so he won't be home to be a part of this wonderful conversation. I don't know if I am going to start drinking before, during, or after the conversation. This is just how I wanted to spend my evening. If I don't call her, she will just start ringing all of our phones off the hook.

 

[diznygirl]

When my MIL started on my case that she wanted a little one running around her house, I suggested she adopt. It wasn't in the plan to bring a child into this world on someone else's schedule.

I wish you luck during your conversation - you sound like a saint to have to put up with this nonsense!

 

[Disneyland1084]

I'm sorry you're going through this. But have you suggested your brother and his partner go to a fertility clinic? You're under NO obiligation at all to donate YOUR eggs. If it were me, I would NOT do it!

 

[Pea-n-Me]

No way, no how would I get involved in either these conversations or these activities at a thrid party's urging. Tell these ladies in no uncertain terms to BUTT OUT!!

 

[golfgal]

Caller ID and voice mail

I can't believe your mom thinks you should DONATE EGGS--that might be up there with the all time worst thing a mom has asked anyone

 

[SaraJayne]

Hmmm, I have a feeling your phone lines are going to go out right about the time you're supposed to call her.

Oh! AND your cell phone battery is dead...and the charger isn't working.

 

[Pigeon]

Congratulations, both your mother and your mother-in-law have no boundaries!!!

I would tell both these ladies in no uncertain terms to keep their noses out of other women's reproductive decisions and that you have no inclination to insert yourself into these decisions, either.

 

[tlbwriter]

Tell them you want to kill two birds with one stone and ask your niece to have a baby for your brother. Maybe they'll stop trying to involve you.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Congratulations, both your mother and your mother-in-law have no boundaries!!!

I would tell both these ladies in no uncertain terms to keep their noses out of other women's reproductive decisions and that you have no inclination to insert yourself into these decisions, either.

Ding., that would be me too.

When they went to whine, I would put forth several humorus witty anecdotes.

When life gives you lemons you make lemonade. Or how about, no matter where you go there you are. Frankly I would probably be as ridiculous as they. In other words they would be getting called to the carpet.

 

[jen0610]

I'm sorry you're going through this. But have you suggested your brother and his partner go to a fertility clinic? You're under NO obiligation at all to donate YOUR eggs. If it were me, I would NOT do it!

The kicker with my mom is, neither my brother or his partner have every said they wanted a family. It's all in my mothers head. This is HER baby boy - he SHOULD be a dad.

She won't come right out and say it, but she is upset that the only grandkids she is going to get is going to be my two. The adoptive daughter gave her kids, but her natural born son won't. She has never once asked me to do this for my middle brother - who is adopted as well - only for her son.

I just got a text from the rabble rousing neice. She wants to know what type of booze and how much does she need to bring over for this evenings entertainment. I guess, MIL is burning up the phone lines. The neice said she was sorry I was getting dragged into this. I told her not to worry. I've ticked the MIL off before, I am sure when I tell her to bugger off, I'll be in the dog house again. But yes, booze would help to ease my pain and suffering.

 

[diznygirl]

The kicker with my mom is, neither my brother or his partner have every said they wanted a family. It's all in my mothers head. This is HER baby boy - he SHOULD be a dad.

She won't come right out and say it, but she is upset that the only grandkids she is going to get is going to be my two. The adoptive daughter gave her kids, but her natural born son won't. She has never once asked me to do this for my middle brother - who is adopted as well - only for her son.

I just got a text from the rabble rousing neice. She wants to know what type of booze and how much does she need to bring over for this evenings entertainment. I guess, MIL is burning up the phone lines. The neice said she was sorry I was getting dragged into this. I told her not to worry. I've ticked the MIL off before, I am sure when I tell her to bugger off, I'll be in the dog house again. But yes, booze would help to ease my pain and suffering.

She sounds great! Our kind of peeps.

 

[spacemountainmom]

Tell them you want to kill two birds with one stone and ask your niece to have a baby for your brother. Maybe they'll stop trying to involve you.

Thanks for making me spit my coffee out!!! My poor laptop can't take too much more of this! However, it is a PERFECT solution!

Man.........I thought my mom and my mil had no boundaries. I guess I am lucky my mom didn't suggest this when my sister had fertility issues.

 

[bumbershoot]

She won't come right out and say it, but she is upset that the only grandkids she is going to get is going to be my two. The adoptive daughter gave her kids, but her natural born son won't. She has never once asked me to do this for my middle brother - who is adopted as well - only for her son.

Wow, I'm so sorry.


I take it MIL is like MIL..."this isn't your business" just doesn't get her to stop?

 

[arminnie]

When they went to whine, I would put forth several humorus witty anecdotes.

When life gives you lemons you make lemonade. Or how about, no matter where you go there you are. Frankly I would probably be as ridiculous as they. In other words they would be getting called to the carpet.

Just laugh (to yourself or to them directly if you feel like it) over their ridiculousness. DO NOT let them upset you. Laughter really will help. Much better than getting mad or irritated.

 

[DWGal210]

Tell them you want to kill two birds with one stone and ask your niece to have a baby for your brother. Maybe they'll stop trying to involve you.

Genius!! I love this idea!

 

[Ceila]

The kicker with my mom is, neither my brother or his partner have every said they wanted a family. It's all in my mothers head. This is HER baby boy - he SHOULD be a dad.

She won't come right out and say it, but she is upset that the only grandkids she is going to get is going to be my two. The adoptive daughter gave her kids, but her natural born son won't. She has never once asked me to do this for my middle brother - who is adopted as well - only for her son.

I just got a text from the rabble rousing neice. She wants to know what type of booze and how much does she need to bring over for this evenings entertainment. I guess, MIL is burning up the phone lines. The neice said she was sorry I was getting dragged into this. I told her not to worry. I've ticked the MIL off before, I am sure when I tell her to bugger off, I'll be in the dog house again. But yes, booze would help to ease my pain and suffering.

I'm so sorry that she treats you like that.

Now, here's what to do tonight:
step 1 - pick out whatever adult beverage you and your niece like, and get a bottle
step 2 - invite your niece over
step 3 - you and DN consume aforementioned adult beverage in its entirity
step 4 - call your MIL and put her on speakerphone
step 5 - say whatever comes to your minds
step 6 - tomorrow, when MIL freaks out, claim you don't remember anything and blame it on the alcohol
step 7 - repeat as needed

 

[Praying Colonel]

Yikes!

 

[scottishduffy]

My grandmother is now 89, and had been bugging me to have a child for the past 10 years. She started asking for a 'great-grandbaby before she dies' as soon as I had my first serious boyfriend. That BF is now my hubby, but obviously at age 20 and still in college we werent' anywhere near having kids!.

When she would start I would generally say "Grammy, I can get knocked up anytime you want. I think the better trick is figuring out how NOT to get pregnant." This would usually result in her yelping and going into a speech about how I had to be married before having a baby.

After DH and I got married it got even worse. We eventually ended up lying to both her and one of my MIL's by telling them one of us was sterile and the constant reminders were painful. Of course, my current pregnancy is just a Miracle.

 

[sunnyday123]

Tell them that you decided you were going to do it, but you went to the Dr. and all your eggs are gone, dried up, poofed away.


As far as the niece, I would do the same thing.

 

[manning]

I got dragged into the "when are you having kids" or "don't you think it's time to have kids" scenen

I finally got fed up and told them how do you know if we are trying or not AND it is about time you thought you start thinking about someone else's feeling other than your own when you bring it up.

Also told them if they ever brought it up again I will turn around and walk away without comment.

People who do that are selfish meddling clods.