Why Do Some People Find Daycare a Negative?

[Dictator]

This is very true. Babies do not need to be socialized. I don't think anybody wants to put their baby in a daycare. Many have to, though

Of course babies need to be socialized.

 

[brandylouwho]

I apologize, but I did not read through the entire thread. I just wanted to add my 2 cents.

A lot of child rearing decisions seem to bring out the judgmental side of people (I admit, I get that way sometimes too). SAHM vs. working mom, to breastfeed or not, natural child birth or give me the painkillers, to immunize or not...all sorts of very personal decisions to make and everyone and their brother is willing to judge you publicly for your decision. I find it all very sad.

Now onto the daycare question (applies to school/camp too). Not all daycares are the same, not all kids are the same and not all families are the same. There cetainly are bad ones out there and if that was your only experience or exposure to daycare, of course you'd have a negative point of view. Or if you have an ultra-firm belief that all moms should be SAHMs, you'd be inclined to be anti-daycare.

I was scared to death to send my firstborn to daycare, but did not find a financial way around it. (My 2 yr old nephew had been spanked repeatedly for not eating his food at a daycare center). We checked out a ton of places and talked to a lot of people before settling on a center. It was a good choice and we were very happy with them. I got to know the caregivers and spent a lot of time there. I am grateful to them for the love and care they provided to both my kids. Now that my kids are in daycare on a very part-time basis I have learned how helpful daycare was in potty training, learning the ABCs and stuff like that. Sure, we did that stuff at home but the daily routine and the peer pressure really helped those sort of things progress more quickly in my eldest than they have in my youngest.

While the daycare was not raising my kid, certainly their morals and points of view influenced my kids. I needed to be sure their lessons were in line with what I wanted my child to learn.

My good friend also sent her child to the same daycare. When her child was 3 she came home and used a naughty word for a part of the female anatomy, that was enough to make them withdraw from that center. To me, that friend overreacted, but I also think she needed to do what was best for her child & family.

I see the same thing with school. We haven't had any problems with ours, in fact I love our school. But my daughter has at least 2 classmates whose parents were not happy with the teacher this past year. From my point of view, both of these 2 kids are on the naughtier side (maybe that isn't fair to say, but the kids are a little more sassy and maybe less likely to sit still & listen).

So, is the teacher a bad teacher & my kid won't learn anything? doubt it. Is the teacher not so great at dealing with problem issues or the parents of "problem" kids? maybe. Would these 2 kids do better elsewhere or with a different teacher or homeschooling? maybe. It would be easy for me to say these parents just don't like to hear their kids aren't angels. It would be easy for those parents to say the teacher sucks. But neither would be the whole truth.

Just like everything else in the world, some daycares suck, some are great; Some parents suck and some are great. Thankfully, we are still free to make our own decisions for our own families (and with that comes responsibility & some mistakes too).

As a side note: I tell everyone all the time that I work harder being with the kids 24/7 than I do when I am at my part-time job (at a city police department-dealing with the public & their reports/complaints, which I promise is NOT an easy job).

 

[Momvic5]

glad some of you can get your housework done when your kid(s) are asleep... and that they never have to go on boring errands. Do you all have more than one child?

Like I said, I know there are those of you better at this SAHM thing than me. But 3 kids grow and don't nap enough!!!

I just can't do it, sorry my 3kids don't nap... when they did, they were on different schedules as they are different ages. I could do chores when they sleep at night, but I need my sleep too... There's 3 of them and one of me. Not every day is full of excitement.

I was simply pointing out the reality, that for many of us SAHMs it isn't puzzles and paint and pools and zoos every day. Obviously some of you are the exception
Kudos to you for doing a wonderful job!

I was a SAHM who did housework while my kids were awake.... and we didn't go and do something big every day.... But we lived life together and had fun when and where we could. If I was doing laundry, chances are my little ones were playing in my laundry. If I was doing dishes, more than likely my little ones were banging pans, playing in my plastic cabinet, or "helping me" in some form or fashion. One of ds's fondest memories is the game we used to play every morning while making the bed. Sure we did a lot of fun "big" things over the years, but most of our time was just spent doing what we had to do and being together. I moved their little play kitchen into my kitchen, and while I cooked...they cooked. I gave them dry rice and beans to mix and pour, animal crackers to bake, etc.... The big things such as the park, the zoo, the pool, playdates, and story time at different locations were fun, but it was the little things of everyday life and my time that my kids loved the most. As they got older and siblings came along, they did have to learn to keep themselves busy on occassion, but I think that is a good thing. Children need to be able to do things on their own. As for boring errands....they are just a part of life for all of us...whether you are a SAHM or a working mom....all of our kids are subject to them.

 

[chloelovesdisney]

That's a really specific, exclusionary standard for success that by definition pretty much rules out anyone who would choose the "mommy track". I consider myself fairly successful; at 30 I've helped my husband to build a small family business that keeps the bills paid and lets us travel a bit, we own our home outright, we spend most of our time doing the things we enjoy, and most importantly, we both have ample time with our kids. All that without a 4 year degree between us, much less grad school.

She asked me what it is my personal definition of success so I answered her, of course everyone has their own. That is something that is completely individual, it's just my opinion, I don't think there is a right or wrong answer. I also highly regard anyone that's in the arts and has dedicated their life to dance, music, etc.. That's a different route to go but takes talent, hardwork and dedication. I could list many different professions, in the end I think it's important to be hardworking and productive. Not sure what the mommy track has to do with it, I think it's preferable to be well rounded before dedicating oneself to someone else but that's what my parents drilled into me from a young age.

My point was simply that I know some super fantastic moms that put their children in daycare and they managed to not only survive in life, but thrive. There's no need for working moms to worry that their children are being dumped into daycare and will suffer the consequences.

I am a cheerleader for all moms. From now on I'm like Switzerland, neutral, lol.

 

[MooGooGai]

Of course babies need to be socialized.

An 8 week old does NOT need to be socialized with other children They need their parents to hold them and talk to them, yes. Of course. They need that kind of parental socialization.

But this whole “My baby was bored” saying when infants are dropped off at daycare is not true. Your little baby is not bored. They don’t care about other children.

Any psychologists out there know the age in which little children need other little children for socialization? I would be curious about the age. I know it is NOT 8 weeks (and that is when most daycares start taking in infants).

 

[Colleen27]

Of course babies need to be socialized.

Not with peers. Early socialization is all about the parent-child relationship, and that is not improved or enhanced by putting the child in a daycare setting where s/he is one of several infants being cared for by a single adult who may or may not be emotionally invested in the job.

 

[TwinsinCA]

An 8 week old does NOT need to be socialized with other children They need their parents to hold them and talk to them, yes. Of course. They need that kind of parental socialization.

But this whole “My baby was bored” saying when infants are dropped off at daycare is not true. Your little baby is not bored. They don’t care about other children.

Any psychologists out there know the age in which little children need other little children for socialization? I would be curious about the age. I know it is NOT 8 weeks (and that is when most daycares start taking in infants).

I am not a psychologist, but I do have a degree in child psychology. I agree that infants neither need nor are really capable of "socializing" with other infants. They might smile at each other and take toys from one another once they get older but being around other babies is not important to a child's social development.

Once kids are mobile they are capable of "playing" with other children. But if you pay attention many times they are just playing in the vicinity of each other. They aren't engaging in what is called "cooperative" play. That tends to be more frequent when kids are 2-3 and up. That is not to say it is useless for kids that age to be around each other. But I think people are kidding themselves if they think that it is helpful for 2-year-olds and younger to "socialize" for 40 - 50 hours a week. They need to be forming bonds with adults at that age, not other children.

I think there is a reason school starts at the age it does.

 

[TwinsinCA]

Not with peers. Early socialization is all about the parent-child relationship, and that is not improved or enhanced by putting the child in a daycare setting where s/he is one of several infants being cared for by a single adult who may or may not be emotionally invested in the job.

If the baby is lucky they are being cared for by a single adult at daycare. But in the daycares I worked at there were up to three full time workers, a person who gave breaks, and another one or two that are part of the late day shift. Add to that the high turnover and those babies weren't getting the consistency that is so important at that age.

 

[Colleen27]

She asked me what it is my personal definition of success so I answered her, of course everyone has their own. That is something that is completely individual, it's just my opinion, I don't think there is a right or wrong answer. I also highly regard anyone that's in the arts and has dedicated their life to dance, music, etc.. That's a different route to go but takes talent, hardwork and dedication. I could list many different professions, in the end I think it's important to be hardworking and productive. Not sure what the mommy track has to do with it, I think it's preferable to be well rounded before dedicating oneself to someone else but that's what my parents drilled into me from a young age.

Of course everyone has their own definition, but you were the one who made the comment about the least successful people you know having had SAHMs so of course your definition was called into question.

 

[PrincessKsMom]

SAH vs. daycare vs. The Duggars. Discuss.

 

[Christine]

I am not a psychologist, but I do have a degree in child psychology. I agree that infants neither need nor are really capable of "socializing" with other infants. They might smile at each other and take toys from one another once they get older but being around other babies is not important to a child's social development.

Once kids are mobile they are capable of "playing" with other children. But if you pay attention many times they are just playing in the vicinity of each other. They aren't engaging in what is called "cooperative" play. That tends to be more frequent when kids are 2-3 and up. That is not to say it is useless for kids that age to be around each other. But I think people are kidding themselves if they think that it is helpful for 2-year-olds and younger to "socialize" for 40 - 50 hours a week. They need to be forming bonds with adults at that age, not other children.

I think there is a reason school starts at the age it does.

You're always going to have the outliers giving some opinion. I was a daycare parent as are many of my friends. None of us who used daycare for infants ever kidded ourselves that the infant room was somehow better for our kids than being at home with us. We were painfully aware that it wasn't. That is the toughest time to have to use daycare. That doesn't mean that it was horrible or it scarred the child. I think a majority of parents know it's not the case so I don't know why we keep arguing back in forth that it's better or not better for infants to be in daycare. We know it's not. Maybe one person on his thread said that is was. Let's move on from that because its hyperbole at this point.

As to the person who felt their 20 month old was bored at home. Hey, it can happen. Some kids at that age get VERY active and want to be on the move ALL.THE.TIME. A daycare center with the various activity stations can be a real good time for those kids. Just as an active daycare center can be too overstimulating for a more mellow child.

 

[doxdogy]

Judge much?

I haven't read any replies but honestly, I don't understand why anyone would want children and then dump them in daycare, no matter how wonderful the setting, for 8-10 hours/day. That is just my personal feelings but we didn't want someone else raising our children, which is what happens when you see them for 4 hours a day and someone else takes care of them for 10 hours. I just don't understand that thinking, not a criticism, argument, just can't get my head around doing something like that.

 

[Magpie]

I was a SAHM who did housework while my kids were awake.... and we didn't go and do something big every day.... But we lived life together and had fun when and where we could. If I was doing laundry, chances are my little ones were playing in my laundry. If I was doing dishes, more than likely my little ones were banging pans, playing in my plastic cabinet, or "helping me" in some form or fashion. One of ds's fondest memories is the game we used to play every morning while making the bed. Sure we did a lot of fun "big" things over the years, but most of our time was just spent doing what we had to do and being together. I moved their little play kitchen into my kitchen, and while I cooked...they cooked. I gave them dry rice and beans to mix and pour, animal crackers to bake, etc.... The big things such as the park, the zoo, the pool, playdates, and story time at different locations were fun, but it was the little things of everyday life and my time that my kids loved the most. As they got older and siblings came along, they did have to learn to keep themselves busy on occassion, but I think that is a good thing. Children need to be able to do things on their own. As for boring errands....they are just a part of life for all of us...whether you are a SAHM or a working mom....all of our kids are subject to them.

Yep, that's how we did things, too!

My children learned to do chores with me, and they generally loved helping as much as they were capable. My son became quite a good cook at a very young age. By kindergarten he could make his own macaroni and cheese, and handle a sharp knife safely (supervised, of course!). Both my kids could wash dishes from about age 5. They could count money and make change at the grocery store. They were proud to be part of the "real world".

Anything I was doing, I considered a chance for them to learn how to do it, too. After all, someday they'll need these skills! Our errands were rarely boring when the children were small. Even if we were just walking somewhere I'd pick a child to "navigate" and see if the child could get us to our goal.

Both kids learned to read before they started school, and their math skills are very strong. I think I did better by them than the daycare could have, and I consider myself fortunate to have had the chance to do it myself.

 

[suzanna1066@comcast.]

For those who "can't get their heads around" "dumping" our kids at daycare---it really is very simple. Mommy and Daddy have to/choose to work and child needs somewhere to go.

My daughter went to a wonderful daycare and is now in Kindergarten. We had no worries about her being ready for school thanks to the wonderful teachers she had in daycare.

I have already started hearing snide remarks from SAHMs in the PTA about my ability to serve since I work. Funny though, my daughter's teacher told me that, in her experience, working moms are generally more involved and reliable than SAHMs.

I had a SAHM mom tell me once that she does what I don't do----talk about blood boiling----I do everything a SAHM does but have less time to do it in.

I am not bashing SAHMs---there is a lot I envy----but there is a sense of snobbery/superiority from many.

 

[MooGooGai]

Funny though, my daughter's teacher told me that, in her experience, working moms are generally more involved and reliable than SAHMs.

Really. That is strange for her to say that. She seems like a gossip. What professional would talk like that

 

[chloelovesdisney]

Of course everyone has their own definition, but you were the one who made the comment about the least successful people you know having had SAHMs so of course your definition was called into question.

I know six people that didn't graduate high school, all of whom either got pregnant or impregnated their girlfriend by 17 and all of whom are struggling to get by years later. Three were siblings of one sahm, and the other three were siblings of another sahm. All six smoke despite the financial issues (forget the health issues, but they have trouble with basics such as rent so I think extras such as cigarettes should be excluded from the budget) and feed their children what would be considered by most to be an unhealthy diet. I would never put soda in a bottle or sippy cup. There are obviously issues with those families, I'm not saying at all that it is because they were raised by sahms that they are living their lives like that, I was just pointing out that doesn't mean your kids will be any more successful in life. Those particular kids may have been better off in a different setting, away from their supposed dedicated mothers. It's not whether you work or sah that instills a dedicated work ethic and morals into kids. In the long run it's how you are as a person yourself and the expectations you set up for your child IMO that will guide them whether you work or sah.

Back to being Switzerland.

 

[AustinTink]

I know six people that didn't graduate high school, all of whom either got pregnant or impregnated their girlfriend by 17 and all of whom are struggling to get by years later. Three were siblings of one sahm, and the other three were siblings of another sahm. All six smoke despite the financial issues (forget the health issues, but they have trouble with basics such as rent so I think extras such as cigarettes should be excluded from the budget) and feed their children what would be considered by most to be an unhealthy diet. I would never put soda in a bottle or sippy cup. There are obviously issues with those families, I'm not saying at all that it is because they were raised by sahms that they are living their lives like that, I was just pointing out that doesn't mean your kids will be any more successful in life. Those particular kids may have been better off in a different setting, away from their supposed dedicated mothers. It's not whether you work or sah that instills a dedicated work ethic and morals into kids. In the long run it's how you are as a person yourself and the expectations you set up for your child IMO that will guide them whether you work or sah.

Back to being Switzerland.

And, I know a lady who worked and put her daughter through daycare. The daughter became a stripper. Big whoop. You are going to see successes and epic failure on both sides of the aisle.

 

[chloelovesdisney]

And, I know a lady who worked and put her daughter through daycare. The daughter became a stripper. Big whoop. You are going to see successes and epic failure on both sides of the aisle.

That's exactly my point. It doesn't matter whether you work or stay home, neither makes you a better mother.

 

[karenos]

Well, I'll give my 2cents and FWIW, I have done "both sides of the fence" so to speak. I've been a pt WOHM, SAHM and now I'm a student,who does part time freelance work-from home. We liked the daycare where my now 11 yearold DD attended. My main problem with it was she was always sick!! For the first year she was there I spent so much time shuttling her to and from the pediatrician's office. Also, she was a very alert baby and sometimes found the daycare "over-stimulating" and would return from daycare overtired. Now I realize that this is specific to my DD but for our situation, it worked out best for me to stay at home. But I do realize that this wouldn't work for all - just like every baby is unique, every Mom's situation is unique as well. I really do think we should focus on giving support to all Moms -instead of squabbling over who is the better mom.

Just my 2cents
kareno

 

[AustinTink]

That's exactly my point. It doesn't matter whether you work or stay home, neither makes you a better mother.