Why Do Some People Find Daycare a Negative?

[Katy Belle]

Something someone mention on another thread, and really don't want to start a debate but am curious - why do some people find daycare such a negative thing.

Sorry this is so long - but it gets me upset when some people assume that parents that put their kids in daycare are letting someone else raise them.

I thought I would work. I went to day care centers and found an excellent one. When the time came to leave DS, I couldn't do it. I just had a feeling that they wouldn't do as good of a job as me. I felt like it would be hard for them to meet the needs of all the babies. He was easy, not demanding. I worried that he would be ignored. I quit my job and am still home 15 years later.

I also liked being around for the socialization of my kids. I liked having other toddlers over, going to play groups, story times, etc. I liked being the one to teach them to share, etc.

I'm happy with the decision we made. I don't feel like my kids missed out on anything, even though our income was less.

 

[NikitaZee]

Wow. I expected a lot of heated opinions on this matter. I've been on both sides of the coin - day-care worker for 4 years while in college, back to day-care part-time with my two kids a few years ago, and SAHM now. I worked at an excellent center, but it's really all relative and depends on who your child's teacher is. I've seen wonderful teachers, totally dedicated to children, and impatient ones who even pinched kids when they thought no one was looking. And these teachers weren't caught by directors - but by other teachers. My own daughter was one example - she wouldn't lay down to nap, so her teacher put her foot on her back to keep her down. And I was working there at the time. At an excellent center. My advice? Don't be a difficult parent, it will give teachers less patience for your kids. Bathe them frequently - a fresh-smelling child will be cuddled more. Always have a kind word for the teacher - it will make a big difference, believe me. If your child is difficult - acknowledge it and speak to the teacher openly about it, it will make your child's teacher more patient with your child. There are sacrifices to putting your child in day-care, we all know that - but you can make it a better experience for your child by being as friendly as possible with the teacher. I'm glad my oldest kids had the daycare experience - but I'm grateful that I was there to keep an eye on things. And I'm happier that I'm fortunate enough to stay at home with my youngest.

 

[tigercat]

I was a SAHM when my kids were little. When my first 2 grandkids were born I took care of them when their Mum worked part time. I am too far away from my other daughter and her 3 kids to babysit too often. The oldest is 4 then 2 then 9 months. She has had 2 yrs off for mat leave and is on another year for this last one. She would love to SAHM but she is the one who has the benefits and makes a little more than her husband. As I said earlier she has a home daycare provider. I think everyone has to do what is best for them and their kids. I would make sure of the place that you are leaving your child but some people are better off working. I have a friend like that. I loved staying home but my friend would have gone off the deep end. Different people different needs. Her child did not grow up outgoing. He is very shy so going to day care doesn't necessarily mean it will make you outgoing. Be happy with the decision you make and don't worry about other's decision.
tigercat

 

[castleview]

Wow. I expected a lot of heated opinions on this matter. I've been on both sides of the coin - day-care worker for 4 years while in college, back to day-care part-time with my two kids a few years ago, and SAHM now. I worked at an excellent center, but it's really all relative and depends on who your child's teacher is. I've seen wonderful teachers, totally dedicated to children, and impatient ones who even pinched kids when they thought no one was looking. And these teachers weren't caught by directors - but by other teachers. My own daughter was one example - she wouldn't lay down to nap, so her teacher put her foot on her back to keep her down. And I was working there at the time. At an excellent center. My advice? Don't be a difficult parent, it will give teachers less patience for your kids. Bathe them frequently - a fresh-smelling child will be cuddled more. Always have a kind word for the teacher - it will make a big difference, believe me. If your child is difficult - acknowledge it and speak to the teacher openly about it, it will make your child's teacher more patient with your child. There are sacrifices to putting your child in day-care, we all know that - but you can make it a better experience for your child by being as friendly as possible with the teacher. I'm glad my oldest kids had the daycare experience - but I'm grateful that I was there to keep an eye on things. And I'm happier that I'm fortunate enough to stay at home with my youngest.

Ok, I'm not anti-daycare. But any teacher that is mean to a kid because of their parents shouldn't be working at a daycare center. I wouldn't call this an excellent center if this were allowed to continue. This is the stuff that people fear when considering daycare.

 

[castleview]

Because so many people think there way is the ONLY way, and just don't want to think there just might be a way that is different, but just as good.

Yup. I had to sit and hear my SIL and her neighbor talk about daycare for SAHM (SIL stays home, her neighbor works). I wonder if I taped it and they heard just how pathetic they sounded - maybe they would knock it off.

 

[golfgal]

I haven't read any replies but honestly, I don't understand why anyone would want children and then dump them in daycare, no matter how wonderful the setting, for 8-10 hours/day. That is just my personal feelings but we didn't want someone else raising our children, which is what happens when you see them for 4 hours a day and someone else takes care of them for 10 hours. I just don't understand that thinking, not a criticism, argument, just can't get my head around doing something like that.

 

[NikitaZee]

Ok, I'm not anti-daycare. But any teacher that is mean to a kid because of their parents shouldn't be working at a daycare center. I wouldn't call this an excellent center if this were allowed to continue. This is the stuff that people fear when considering daycare.

You're exactly right. But no one knows the little intricacies of day-care until you're involved in one - as a parent or a teacher. If you toured my previously mentioned day-care, you'd see a brand-spanking new facility - beautiful, with parent-viewing windows in every room, lots of toys, bright colors and mostly happy kids. That's what I mean by an excellent center - great atmosphere, mostly great teachers. I never dreamed my daughter would have her back stepped on to keep her on her cot! But, when we teachers got on the playground to talk, we talked about our kids (daycare kids), their parents, etc. If little Johnny was a difficult kid, and Mom was a pain in the neck too, little Johnny didn't get as much TLC as another, more likeable child. He wasn't neglected, by any means - but there's a lot to be said for genuine affection being shown to your child, vs. just doing your job and taking care of him. I don't mean to raise alarm bells - but in my 7 years in day-care, that's how it was - across the board, with all of my 'colleagues'. If little Johnny was difficult, but Mom was as sweet as can be, we had more patience with little Johnny, because there was more of a good feeling about him due to his Mom. It may not be right - but it's human nature. The best person to take care of anyone's child, in my experience - is another Mom. Day-care worker, home sitter, whatever - they usually have more patience and experience than someone without kids.

 

[jodifla]

A tiny young child is not bored or lonely 'because he is not in daycare'....

An older child is not bored or lonely 'because they are not in daycare'...

Those are two very false and unfounded assumptions.
My son was at home, being raised and cared for....
At no time did he spend days bored, alone, and lonely...

Due to my son's learning disabiliies, and the absolutely horrid public schools here... We are homeschooling.... Again, my son does not sit around all day at home in the back yard, alone, and lonely. In fact, we, and he, have been so busy that it makes my head spin. Right now, he is off with the Scouts on a Kayaking trip.

Personally, I tried some very part time day-care for my son...
NO WAY, NO HOW, would it ever have been a good thing for my son to be in these institutionalized settings all week. No question... No apologies...
Even today, we see the big groups of summer-care program kids when we are out...
My son would tell you, without a doubt, that he would not want to be a part of that experience.

I know that there may be those very few absolutely wonderful daycare experiences out there. But, IMHO... a lot of the time, the only way that day care is better than parents, is when there are disengaged parents who don't really enjoy and wish to spend time and effort parenting.

Again, that's YOUR child. My child was bored at home, and thrived in his day care setting.

And that last line is just totally uncalled for.

 

[golfgal]

Again, that's YOUR child. My child was bored at home, and thrived in his day care setting.

And that last line is just totally uncalled for.

I have to agree with that poster too. There is no reason for a child to be bored at home if you are doing your job, sorry. There are plenty of social options out there for kids and families.

 

[MooGooGai]

Again, that's YOUR child. My child was bored at home.

Bored? At 20 months?

Drag out the finger paints. Build a tent. Have a picnic. Go to a museum for children. Dance to crazy music. Make peanut butter sandwiches. Heck, bake with the child. At 20 months, they are capable of stirring and arranging. Read a book. Do a project. Crayons. Pet store. Zoo. Small hikes. Kindermusik. Library. Etcetera. Etcetera. Etcetera.

I LOVED that age. So much to do. I would be very upset if my child felt “bored” at 20 months. I was exhausted back then. There is really an endless amount of things to do. It just takes a bit of parental effort.

 

[jodifla]

Bored? At 20 months?

Drag out the finger paints. Build a tent. Have a picnic. Go to a museum for children. Dance to crazy music. Make peanut butter sandwiches. Heck, bake with the child. At 20 months, they are capable of stirring and arranging. Read a book. Do a project. Crayons. Pet store. Zoo. Small hikes. Kindermusik. Library. Etcetera. Etcetera. Etcetera.

I LOVED that age. So much to do. I would be very upset if my child felt “bored” at 20 months. I was exhausted back then. There is really an endless amount of things to do. It just takes a bit of parental effort.

I was working, so NO, I could not do all this stuff with my son. My DH was working from home, and my son was being watched by my father, who was in his late 70s.

 

[talulabelle]

Bored? At 20 months?

Drag out the finger paints. Build a tent. Have a picnic. Go to a museum for children. Dance to crazy music. Make peanut butter sandwiches. Heck, bake with the child. At 20 months, they are capable of stirring and arranging. Read a book. Do a project. Crayons. Pet store. Zoo. Small hikes. Kindermusik. Library. Etcetera. Etcetera. Etcetera.

I LOVED that age. So much to do. I would be very upset if my child felt “bored” at 20 months. I was exhausted back then. There is really an endless amount of things to do. It just takes a bit of parental effort.

didn't the poster that said their 20 month old was bored at home say the child was home with the husband that was working from home at the time? I worked from home for a while and I needed my mother to watch my baby still because there was no way I could do the job and properly watch my toddler. I guess I could have done it if the child was sitting in a playpen all day. I'm just picturing if this was the case, and dad was working, the 20 month old wasn't getting any interaction. In this case daycare would be a better option than sitting at home with no interaction.

 

[MooGooGai]

I was working, so NO, I could not do all this stuff with my son. My DH was working from home, and my son was being watched by my father, who was in his late 70s.

Well, you did not say that in your original post. You just accused SAHMs of “trying to justify staying home, frankly”. No mention of a third person watching child.

Believe me, I never needed any justification to stay at home and do all of the above things with my child. And that child was never bored at home with mommy. Which is what you were eluding to

Justify staying home with your baby Very funny

 

[jodifla]

Well, you did not say that in your original post. You just accused SAHMs of “trying to justify staying home, frankly”. No mention of a third person watching child.

Believe me, I never needed any justification to stay at home and do all of the above things with my child. And that child was never bored at home with mommy. Which is what you were eluding to

Justify staying home with your baby Very funny

I was describing my situation. And why we used day care, which is what this thread is about.

Again, we found daycare to be a very positive experience for us. My child has a language disability, and to be able to be around children was very helpful on many levels. First, he got a lot more exposure to peer language, which was important for him. Second, he was able to learn by watching his peers. His receptive language was almost nonexistent at that point, and the peer modeling was invaluable, although we didn't know it at the time.

 

[MooGooGai]

I was describing my situation. And why we used day care, which is what this thread is about.

Again, we found daycare to be a very positive experience for us. My child has a language disability, and to be able to be around children was very helpful on many levels. First, he got a lot more exposure to peer language, which was important for him. Second, he was able to learn by watching his peers. His receptive language was almost nonexistent at that point, and the peer modeling was invaluable, although we didn't know it at the time.

So why the "justify staying at home" jab?

 

[kirstenb1]

I haven't read any replies but honestly, I don't understand why anyone would want children and then dump them in daycare, no matter how wonderful the setting, for 8-10 hours/day. That is just my personal feelings but we didn't want someone else raising our children, which is what happens when you see them for 4 hours a day and someone else takes care of them for 10 hours. I just don't understand that thinking, not a criticism, argument, just can't get my head around doing something like that.

This sounds very mean spirited. I hope you didn't mean it this way. I'm a sahm, but I know so many families where both parents work, or in a single parent situation.

My mind is just boggling at your post. Suppose you or your dh died (not sure which of you is the breadwinner). Wouldn't the other spouse have had to go back to work? Maybe not, but I bet most of us would have.

Suppose you got divorced? There are just so many uncertainties in life. Yet you speak in absolutes.

Yes, I am currently a sahm, but I know that could change in an instant.

 

[jodifla]

So why the "justify staying at home" jab?

Well, why all the endless jabs against working moms??... the why have kids if you're just going to dump them in daycare? (Which I realize you did not say.)

I've done all the combinations now, SAHM, worked full time, worked part time. All have their pluses and minuses.

But it's hard not to see that many SAHMs feel their way is the only way, and that anything else shortchanges children.

 

[MooGooGai]

Well, why all the endless jabs against working moms??... the why have kids if you're just going to dump them in daycare? (Which I realize you did not say.)

I've done all the combinations now, SAHM, worked full time, worked part time. All have their pluses and minuses.

But it's hard not to see that many SAHMs feel their way is the only way, and that anything else shortchanges children.

There were no jabs prior to you saying that

I want to remind you that no mother would ever have to justify staying at home with their child. That was a very strange thing to say.

 

[jodifla]

There were no jabs prior to you saying that

I want to remind you that no mother would ever have to justify staying at home with their child. That was a very strange thing to say.

It's not an automatic right that you get to stay home and take care of your child, even if you are in a two-parent family. Some women insist on it to their family's detriment...they really don't have enough money without the second income, their husband would LIKE them to go back to work, but they just can't, because daycare is so horrible and only they can raise their child.

Seen it plenty of times on these boards.

 

[jodifla]

There were no jabs prior to you saying that

I want to remind you that no mother would ever have to justify staying at home with their child. That was a very strange thing to say.

How about "Why have kids if you are just going to dump them in daycare??

Sounds like a jab to me.