Why Do Some People Find Daycare a Negative?

[GJM]

Something someone mention on another thread, and really don't want to start a debate but am curious - why do some people find daycare such a negative thing.

My DS who is now 10 went to daycare started daycare at 6 months and actually went to K in daycare since our town only offered half day K

Do some people think that most parents go to the first place and just drop their children? My DH & I started looking at daycare when I was 6 months pregnant. One day we had a list of them and just stopped in to check them out, and yes we did see some horrible ones! But the one we picked we loved!

And yes, I had to work and made more money even after daycare, transportation, clothes and lunch.

The teachers at his school were wonderful - not a lot of turnover. He learned so much and had fun playing with the other kids. They taught him, cared for him during the day. We received a daily report of how his day was.

He went on school trips, they had different people come in on weeks, for gymnastics and other activities. As he got older and I would pick him up early he would want to stay -

I just can't understand why some people find it such a bad thing - they didn't raise my DS or teach him their values. Yes they taught him to share, be friends, listen and be respectful, but those are things we also teach him. What would they teach him that I wouldn't approve of?!

He has wonderful memories of his time in daycare - just as he is in elementary school now and goes to summer camp - they are not raising him or teaching him their values.

Do some people that find daycare negative also find elementary school and camps negative?

Sorry this is so long - but it gets me upset when some people assume that parents that put their kids in daycare are letting someone else raise them.

 

[Liberty Belle]

Oh boy, you're gonna bring out the crazies with this post.

I think your son's daycare was an exceptional one. Most are not like that, though I'm sure it's not the only one and there are many other excellent daycares out there.

I used to work in one as a teacher of 4 year olds and then as an administrative assistant. It was a decent daycare, but not a place for children under 3. They just didn't get the attention infants and toddlers need.

But I absolutely can't stand when people say the daycares are raising the children. That's hogwash.

Having said all that, I found the perfect solution for us when my youngest was little. A friend kept him until he was two (she also kept other children) and then he went to an in-home private daycare/preschool at age three until kindergarten. The woman only had 8 children and she was wonderful!

Unfortunately in between the two, he was in a horrible daycare where they blew shrill whistles at the children constantly to get their attention. These were two and three year olds! It was horrible. My son has sensory integration disorder (though we didn't know that at the time) and he couldn't take it. His behavior really turned bad in that place.

 

[goodeats]

As a current SAHM I think my 13 month old would love the social aspect and routine of daycare. However for our family I don't think it's the right choice right now. With my old job and commute she would have been in daycare for 10 hours a day. Combined with going to bed at her preferred bedtime of 6:00pm I would get zero playtime with her and a max of an hour total time with her. I know daycare doesn't 'raise' children, however when children are there 50 hours of week I can't imagine how the parents raise them either.

I am casually looking for something with less hours closer to home, but am in no rush. I am really enjoying this time with her.

 

[GJM]

It was definitely an eye opener looking at different daycare's in regards to the infants - that is why we chose the one we did.

The one daycare we stopped in there was a 2 year old just standing by the front door and then the infant room all the babies were just in the cribs awake, plus the room wasn't very cheerful.

When we went to the daycare we ended up picking, it was very cheerful, the front door locked, not children running out in the open. Plus the infant room was wonderful - all padded, the babies were only in their pack-n-play when they were sleeping. Wonderful teachers in there that gave all the babies lots of attention, plus a detail sheet of the day.

 

[TwinsinCA]

My opinion was formed because I worked at several. I worked with infants with 4:1 ratios at 4 different centers. Imagine caring for quadruplets alone. That is the reality in a daycare infant room. You cannot give each child the attention they deserve. You simply can't. And the kids who are difficult get the majority of attention. Add to that the children crying for their parents and parents in tears leaving their kids and countless other issues I won't even get into and I knew I was going to do what it took to avoid that for my kids.

 

[Mrs. Charming]

I hated, hated, hated daycare when I was a kid. I went to several different ones, I remember bawling daily that I just wanted to go home. It was an awful feeling.

 

[jodifla]

Well, some people are trying to justify staying home, frankly.

My DH did work at home for the first few years of DS's life, but DS was so bored by 20 months that we put him in a preschool/daycare from 9 to noon. Then he liked it so much we went from 9 to 2, then 9 to 5.

So even though it would have been cheaper to keep him home, it worked out best for everyone for him to be in daycare.

 

[kidshop]

Well, some people are trying to justify staying home, frankly.

My DH did work at home for the first few years of DS's life, but DS was so bored by 20 months that we put him in a preschool/daycare from 9 to noon. Then he liked it so much we went from 9 to 2, then 9 to 5.

So even though it would have been cheaper to keep him home, it worked out best for everyone for him to be in daycare.

Ummm, why would someone have to justify staying home? Is working when kids are young (to young to stay by themselves) and paying someone else to be with them 'better'? Why? Someone has to care for the kids, right? Why not the parent?

I like it!

 

[Acklander]

When our kids were babies we did the in home nanny and around 2 swapped over to a woman who did daycare in her home. That way they had the other kid interaction that we felt was really important since theres a huge age gap between our 2 boys. I think it's important to do your homework when selecting your child care options.

Personally, I ENJOY working - I'm good at my job and am proud of my accomplishments. I like contributing to the family finances (even after paying for clothes, transportation, and lunch), and I like that my husband and I parent together as a team. We alternate who stays home with sick kids, we share (with the kids) in the housework, and we're able to manage quite a bit of family time in spite of our full schedules. I think I'm a better mother because I continue to work - If I had chosen to stay at home, I wouldn't be as fufilled as a person.
That being said, I've met plenty of people (men and women) who are perfect for the stay at home gig. They love being responsible for the entire household and keeping all the fires burning on the home front. They take control of the home in a way that I never could. I think that's fantastic for them. I don't think their kids end up any better or worse than mine because they didn't have the day care experience.
I think kids seeing their parents happy in the choices they make and following their dreams, which ever way their path takes them is the best way to be an example to their kids on how to have a happy and fufilling life, where as the daycare/no daycare is a non issue.

 

[Polyluvr]

For me personally- I chose to stay @ home; I just didn't feel my child would be nutured by anyone better than me.

I don't think day care is bad though-just not how I wanted to raise my kids.

 

[SpecialK]

I married late and had my children later in life. My teaching job was burning me out due to a terrible administrator. My daycare provider had a nervous breakdown and quit. My husband got a job that paid more and enabled me to choose to stay home with my chidren.

It was the best choice for me. At no time have I expected it to be the best choice for everyone else.

I don't understand why, in 2010, women are still debating this topic and judging each other for the choices they have made. And make no mistake, those judgements come from women on both sides of the issue.

Why do so many women seem to be incapable of supporting other women's choices?

 

[scottishduffy]

I remember going to daycare as a child and I loved it. I still remember some of my preschool teachers. My mother and father were great parents, but being a SAHM would have driven my mother insane. She did it for one year and that was it. She admits it drove her batty and turned her into a more short tempered mother that she didn't want to be. Bu utilizing daycare she got to work ( she loves her career) and we got the best of her.

The fact is when DH and I have kids they will have to be in daycare of some sort. I will be the primary breadwinner and will have to work. I worked in childcare for years and will look for a good person or place, but I am ok with using daycares.

I think people who are so vehemently against it are just trying to find a way to feel superior. Lord knows every parenting decision turns into a war of virtues with each side proclaiming to love their child more. I will just do what works for me thank you.

 

[threecrazykids]

For me personally- I chose to stay @ home; I just didn't feel my child would be nutured by anyone better than me.

I don't think day care is bad though-just not how I wanted to raise my kids.

Totally not being the spell check queen but this has to be the funniest one on the disboards I've seen. We need the tag fairy on this one!

 

[disykat]

I think people who are so vehemently against it are just trying to find a way to feel superior.

I agree - both ways! I made the choice that was right for me, I hope others do too.

Choosing one thing doesn't have to mean I'm AGAINST anyone making the other choice.

 

[zachnsamsmommy]

I am a SAHM, but have nothing bad to say about those who choose/have to use daycare. I have never had a child in daycare, but MIL is a daycare director at a very good program. Those kids are treated very well, are 'taught' in a classroom like setting (those 2 and up), get a nice cooked lunch, have a good teacher/child ratio...and many other good things. If I needed to work, or didn't enjoy SAH so much, I wouldn't have a single problem sending them to that daycare.

I think the problems arise when mom or dad has to work, but can't afford a nice daycare.

 

[ZephyrHawk]

My kids will go to daycare. Both me and my DH did when we were younger and have grown up into perfectly normal, happy adults. I have nothing but good memories of my daycare experience and the friends I made. Now, that doesn't mean I won't be choosy when I have my own kids. You have to research beforehand. I mean, my god, look how much time people put on this site researching a 1 week vacation, let alone daytime care and training for your child.

Mind you, the daycare I went to was run by friends of my parents (they own about 6-7 daycares now). I was a contemporary of their granddaughter and we were good friends. All the workers knew my parents and me, and so perhaps I was given special treatment, but I doubt it.

 

[gina2000]

I have nothing against daycare. I felt that I could do a better job than anyone else could so I did it.

That opinion has nothing to do with superiority and everything to do with an evaluation of my personal situation.

 

[december]

I have a 13 year old and 10 year old who still want to drop in and see their old teachers every time we pass their daycare. They loved them, and they still get a Christmas card every year. I even chose to send my son for an extra year. He had a late birthday, and a speech problem, and it was recommended by his teacher and the speech pathologist who saw him twice a week there. So he started free public school at 6 instead of 5.

We live in a different town now, and I have a 15 month old. She went to a daycare last year that we weren't happy with. She loved her teacher, but the owners gave me a bad feeling, it was packed and noisy, and she was so wound up every day. This school year (I teach) she started a new daycare. She has been going for 3 wks now, and we love it. She walks in by herself giggling every morning, and is calm and happy when I pick her up in the afternoons.

The daycare is not raising my kids, anymore than I'm raising the students I teach. There are some people who can't ever see that a choice different than their own can be ok. There is a male poster on this board who I have no respect for based only on his small minded views on women working and daycare. Every year a woman is home with her kids is a year of retirement gone. I have run the numbers, and there is no way I can quit working without severely changing our way of life. I make more than my dh, have good benefits, and get to take my older kids out of district to a better school because I work there. And I like to work. I'm a good teacher, and I'm also a good parent.

 

[NMAmy]

Eh, it seems some people will always try to justify their own choices by running down the choices of others. The trick is to learn to ignore them.

DD went to a fantastic daycare. The baby room was run by a retired couple who were fabulous--a real source of wisdom for a new mom with no grandparents nearby. It was two blocks from my office--I could walk down on breaks and at lunch hour. DD adored that place and went right up until she went to kindergarten. When she started kindergarten, the daycare owner who was pregnant with twins, spent half an hour showing dd where the daycare bus would drop her off and pick her up and where she should go--she told me she felt like her own child was starting school.

As the mom of an only child, daycare provided such a great experience for my dd. She learned to share and get along with a diverse group of people and she loved going to "school" every day. Many of the kids who did not go to preschool or daycare had issues adapting in kindergarten (they weren't used to listening quietly, following instructions, etc.) They learned pretty quickly but it wasn't normal to them in the beginning like it was to the daycare kids who were used to circle time.

 

[tigercat]

My niece, a good friend and for a short time myself worked in a day care. It was horrible. My friend worked in several different one's. She loved the kids the kids adored her but the rest of the stuff was horrible. I had the hard job of trying to console kids after their parents left them. They were required to do everything at a certain time. There was no room for them to just be kids and play. They all had pictures at the end of the day whether they wanted to do it or not. If they were feeling a little under the weather they still had to go outside for the mandatory time. Now my daughter has managed to find an great home daycare lady. She does a lot with the kids and they just love her and her kids. The kids are the same ages as my grandkids. Now that my daughter has had her 3rd child and has the year off for maternity leave she goes over to the babysitter just to let the kids play and have a cup of tea with her. Also, she lets my daughter do part time hours when she is working which works great as my daughter and son in law work different days and usually have 2 days off during the week.
tigercat