Why do People think its okay to ruin Santa for kids? Update - p. 21, post 307

[PrincessKsMom]

I don't think it's about being bitter, I think it's about not wanting to lie to your kids. Or telling them that bribery ("be good and Santa brings you gifts") is OK.

My wife and I decided to go the whole Santa route, but I questioned it quite a bit when we were pregnant. What if my kid distrusts me when he or she finds out the truth? What if my kid questions the existence of God since Santa isn't real, either.It's not black and white or simple. It's not bitter vs. fantasy. It's actually a really important thing to think about. Do you decide to play the fantasy? If so, how do you explain the truth once it is discovered?

My earlier point exactly. God and Jesus are all about your beliefs and your faith. There is no definitive proof, nothing concrete you can touch that proves God or Jesus do now or ever did exist. It's about believing in what you can't see, feel, taste or touch. It's about having faith. So why is it wrong for kids to believe in Santa, who is the embodiment of the spirit of the season?

 

[Dictator]

So you don't ever lie or fib or try to buffer the truth for your kids? If a family member or one of your children were to become seriously ill, would you just blurt it out and tell them to deal with it? Somehow your response seems very emotionally detached, as if just because something "is" there should be no emotion involved. When you're kids asked about sex did you just blurt out the mechanics of it all, because that's what it is -- just a physical act with no emotion involved? After all, they shouldn't be asking if they don't want an answer.

Uhhh...there's a difference between telling a lie and softening language for a child.
I guess if I have a family member fall seriously ill, I'll just blame it on the leprechauns. Sex will be blamed on unicorns.

 

[monkeybug]

Curious....why do parents feel the need to lie to their children about something mythical?

Do you believe that because myths aren't "real" they aren't valuable?

There is a quote I love by Brian Andreas (an artist I love)

"if there is any secret to this life i live, this is it: the sound of what cannot be seen sings within everything that can. and there is nothing more to it than that."
— Brian Andreas

That's what myths do for us no? They are symbols for those things in this world that are very real but have no form.

 

[luvmy3]

Nothing. My parents did the whole santa thing with my brother sister and I. I choose not to lie to my children. I don't understand how lying to your children makes Christmas more magical. I guess it's so they can't "blame" you when they don't get xyz for christmas. They'll just blame that myth.

First of all, my kids don't complain because I have raised them to be thankful and appreciate anything anyone give them, despite the fact that I have lied to them all these years
Secondly, if you don't see how believing in Santa makes it more magical on Christmas morning than knowing your parents bought you a bunch of stuff, there really isnt anything I could say that would make you get it.
I also have to ask if you always tell your child the truth? Do you ever make up stories to skirt around it, or are you always point blank about whatever they ask? Just curious if you feel that about everything, or if you are hypocritical when it comes to certain subjects.

I don't think it's about being bitter, I think it's about not wanting to lie to your kids. Or telling them that bribery ("be good and Santa brings you gifts") is OK.

My wife and I decided to go the whole Santa route, but I questioned it quite a bit when we were pregnant. What if my kid distrusts me when he or she finds out the truth? What if my kid questions the existence of God since Santa isn't real, either.

It's not black and white or simple. It's not bitter vs. fantasy. It's actually a really important thing to think about. Do you decide to play the fantasy? If so, how do you explain the truth once it is discovered?

I disagree, it is sometimes about being bitter and the teacher in the OP certainly sounds so. Its one thing to not want to lie to your kids about Christmas (if thats how you see letting them believe in Santa) but when you tell a bunch of 5 and 7 year olds that their parents are lying to them, there is nothing but bitterness there IMO.

And about your kid questioning God, whats wrong with that if they do?

 

[PrincessKsMom]

Uhhh...there's a difference between telling a lie and softening language for a child.
I guess if I have a family member fall seriously ill, I'll just blame it on the leprechauns. Sex will be blamed on unicorns.

So let's say (hypothetically speaking of course), you were to (insert transgression here: cheat on your spouse, cheat on your taxes, drunk driving, etc.) and I was to find out about it and someone asked me if it were true. I would then have your blessing to blurt it out and tell them it was true?

 

[luvmy3]

Uhhh...there's a difference between telling a lie and softening language for a child.
I guess if I have a family member fall seriously ill, I'll just blame it on the leprechauns. Sex will be blamed on unicorns.

And there is a difference in letting them believe in a little magic and lying to them about Christmas, Easter, losing a tooth, etc.
Just because we choose to let our kids enjoy Christmas that way, doesn't mean we would not tell the truth about other things, a point which you seem to be missing. Which is why I wonder what happened to you as a child. A rational adult wouldn't assume we explain illness with leperchans, or sex with unicorns.

 

[monkeybug]

Uhhh...there's a difference between telling a lie and softening language for a child.
I guess if I have a family member fall seriously ill, I'll just blame it on the leprechauns. Sex will be blamed on unicorns.

But myths aren't lies, they are stories that teach us something about ourselves, they are a way of taking these big complicated concepts and making them understandable to Children.
Imagination, charity, mystery, wonder...these are the very real things that my Children have experienced from the myth of Santa.
Have you ever read Joseph Campbell The Power of Myth? I would suggest it if you haven't.

 

[luvsJack]

Santa is not a lie. I believe.

I BELIEVE!



why oh why does every thread that starts with "someone spilled the beans to my child" have to end with those that do not partake in the fantasy of Santa to look down on those of us that do from their oh, so high horses??????

I have a beautiful book that a teacher I used to work with, who happened to be Catholic, gave to me named "Santa and the Christ Child". Love that book! Anyway she told me that her children's Sunday School teacher gives that book to all her students. And at my nieces church (also Catholic), Santa comes to visit the weekend before Christmas. So those two Catholic churches seem to be able to mix the story of Santa and the birth of Christ very well together.

I am Baptist and some preachers of my relegion are like when Santa is mentioned (including a stuck in the mud BIL of mine, but that's a nother thread); but they never, never ever ever tell children that he is not real. Never. Nor the Easter Bunny. Why should they? There is no reason to.

Its not as if the belief in one takes away from the belief in the other.


As for those who love to accuse parents of "lying about a mythical creature": Please, do get over yourself.

I like believing in a little magic. The magic of Santa and Christmas or the magic of Disney. What a boring world it would be without a little belief in that magic.


Oh, and the teacher was wrong and should be spoken to. And I would find a way to repair what she has done.

 

[inkedupmomma]

I'm just curious, did anyones life change drastically after they found out Santa wasn't real? Do you hate your parents now? Is your life ruined because of it? I know mine isn't. I thought it was cool that my mom did such a good job at keeping the fun alive. I try and do the same for my kids.

The point is, the teacher could have just not even brought up the subject. If it was brought up to her, she could have just said we are not talking about Santa right now. She wouldn't have been lying for anyone, she would have just kept things on track and where they needed to be. If something was important to you about your kids and someone else kinda ruined it for them, you'd be ticked too, just sayin.

As for people "lying" to their kids.. really? It's all in good fun, if you want all the credit for the gifts then cool , thats what you want. But don't make others feel badly about wanting to throw some magic in a different way to their kids. To each their own. Your way is not wrong, my way is not wrong.

My kids believe is Santa, and my kids know that Christmas is not about Santa, but that he is part of it. Why is that so irritating to some??

 

[ThePetLady7]

Santa is not a lie. I believe.

This.

I was an adult with kids of my own before I had ever heard of anyone with the concept that Santa was a "lie." I certainly never looked at the magical belief of my childhood as anything but a happy memory. My first reaction was to feel pity for the person that felt this way. How sad to remember something that brings most people such joy with such a negative view?

My parents shared a wonderful tradition with me and my siblings, that I have continued with my own children. None of us felt we could no longer trust or believe in anything as a result. If anything, it left us with a desire to carry it on for another generation. That teacher had no right to take that away from those families so early, there was no reason for her to discuss Santa at all in a religious education class. If she was directly asked, there are a number of ways she could have responded to allow parents to address this as they see fit.

 

[luvsJack]

I don't think it's about being bitter, I think it's about not wanting to lie to your kids. Or telling them that bribery ("be good and Santa brings you gifts") is OK.

My wife and I decided to go the whole Santa route, but I questioned it quite a bit when we were pregnant. What if my kid distrusts me when he or she finds out the truth? What if my kid questions the existence of God since Santa isn't real, either.

It's not black and white or simple. It's not bitter vs. fantasy. It's actually a really important thing to think about. Do you decide to play the fantasy? If so, how do you explain the truth once it is discovered?

I am sorry, but I think you are over thinking it all just a bit. Goodness!

If you feel like its bribery, don't say "be good or he won't come". I have never told my kids that, why should I? I knew they were going to get gifts anyway, so wasn't much point to it. Besides I figure what is good behavior to Santa and what is good behavior to me is probably very different things.

I can't even imagine it being an actual "decision". It just is or it isn't. And, I hate to break it to you, but your kid is probably going to question the existence of God whether they believe in Santa or not. Every believer does question at some point in their lives, its normal.

I never get the need to "explain the truth". They will figure it out all by themselves, I promise you. There is no need to explain anything. Whether a parent, a teacher, a relegion teacher or whatever--there is NO NEED to explain this particular little piece of information.

Children grow up and mature. They will discover that Santa isn't quite what they have been told and they will understand that its ok and they will actually go on to still have faith in other things.

 

[plutotek]

Santa is not a lie. I believe.

And what will happen to believing if Auburn wins???

ROLL TIDE!!!!

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

And what will happen to believing if Auburn wins???

ROLL TIDE!!!!

I'll still believe. Sometimes we get coal in our stockings.

 

[poohs_hunny]

time out. your friend enrolled her kid in a RELIGIOUS EDUCATION class and is upset when the teacher teaches the kid about a RELIGIOUS holiday?

Uhm sorry but Christmas is the celebration of Jesus's birthday. I'm trying to figure out why you are upset because the teacher told the truth?

Sorry OP, but if you want to teach kids about the secular celebrating of Christmas, don't send them to religious school.

Teacher is totally right.

Seriously? Yes, the religious education teacher should have been teaching the religious aspect of Christmas. But the point is, to do that, there was absolutely no reason to "spill the beans" about Santa as well. I taught CCD (Sunday School) for 5 years (kindergarten and 2nd grade). Before Christmas, we talked about Advent and the birth of Jesus, etc. What parents taught their kids about Santa was NONE OF MY BUSINESS.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

A couple of thoughts...

ICF, There are folks who do consider lying of which you will find in your list you posted. Do I? No. But we'd be hard pressed to prove it is true, right? Saint Nick was real, Santa himself was not. Do I squish my children's imaginations? No, I don't. He is a character just like Mickey and we enjoy the magic of that. I never directly affirm it and I certianly do
not deny the truth when my children do ask. The instructor got stuck in a situation. It just is not in catechesis at all to affirm or deny it.
Some bow the topic came up and she could have handled it much better than she did.

In this situation, it is likely this person is a volunteer that made a mistake. I'm sure the OP could step right up and take her place if this error is so grave in such a key year of this education.

But I cannot think of anything she violated that would warrant "terminating" her.

 

[Dictator]

I BELIEVE!



why oh why does every thread that starts with "someone spilled the beans to my child" have to end with those that do not partake in the fantasy of Santa to look down on those of us that do from their oh, so high horses??????
.

Kind of like those saying I had a dysfunctional childhood ?

 

[Disneyfreak616]

Yeah, but let the kids dream! No one has any imagination anymore, and it's really very sad. I know a family who tells their children as soon as they are old enough to understand and respond that there is no Santa Claus. It breaks my heart.

 

[Music City Mama]

I am sorry, but I think you are over thinking it all just a bit. Goodness!

If you feel like its bribery, don't say "be good or he won't come". I have never told my kids that, why should I? I knew they were going to get gifts anyway, so wasn't much point to it. Besides I figure what is good behavior to Santa and what is good behavior to me is probably very different things.

I can't even imagine it being an actual "decision". It just is or it isn't. And, I hate to break it to you, but your kid is probably going to question the existence of God whether they believe in Santa or not. Every believer does question at some point in their lives, its normal.

I never get the need to "explain the truth". They will figure it out all by themselves, I promise you. There is no need to explain anything. Whether a parent, a teacher, a relegion teacher or whatever--there is NO NEED to explain this particular little piece of information.

Children grow up and mature. They will discover that Santa isn't quite what they have been told and they will understand that its ok and they will actually go on to still have faith in other things.

^^ I agree with all of the above.

In fact, by perpetuating the "Santa myth" with my kids, I believe I'm teaching a valuable lesson in critical thinking skills when they do figure it out.

 

[2girlsmom]

I agree that the teacher was wrong, at the age these children are it would be unusual for them to ever question it, so I completely believe the teacher initiated the conversation, as well. I did at a young age discuss the history/legend of St Nick, and also how he "became" santa (ie a storybook written by a Christian minister for his children). I think the girls were 6 and 4, and they promptly ignored the entire discussion. And this year, after MUCH prompting by my own mother, and with the knowledge that my 10 year old told me LAST Christmas that she knew I "was Santa", I did forcibly tell my 12 year old. She promptly TOLD me she didn't believe me, and she was GOING to believe that Santa was real no matter what I or anyone else said. Honestly I am okay with the fact that she still has enough of a sense of wonder that she wants to embrace the fantasy, as I personally enjoy it as well. I would definitely be upset with the teacher in this situation, and I would have gone back in to discuss asap with the teacher!

 

[smb6]

why oh why does every thread that starts with "someone spilled the beans to my child" have to end with those that do not partake in the fantasy of Santa to look down on those of us that do from their oh, so high horses??????

.

I can't speak for other families that don't "do santa"; but I harbor no ill feelings towards people who do "do santa". I think every family should do as they wish and I often feel that the opposite holds more truth- that those of us who don't "do santa" are looked down upon....

Yeah, but let the kids dream! No one has any imagination anymore, and it's really very sad. I know a family who tells their children as soon as they are old enough to understand and respond that there is no Santa Claus. It breaks my heart.

I can't speak for other families, but there is nothing sad about Christmas in our family. But instead of building up santa, we build up the excitement of Jesus' birthday and talk about how he loves us soo much that he lets us have all the presents even though it's His birthday. We talk about how blessed we are to be able to afford to buy gifts and how some are not as fortunate and participate in programs where we can buy gifts for other children.... Christmas at our house is an absolute blast! No hearts breaking here.....