Why do parents insist on bringing gifts when the invite says "No Gifts!"

[kidshop]

Nope, we do not believe in goody bags or favors. Coming to a party and getting to play in a bounce house or being fed ice cream and cake and playing games with your friend is enough.

We have received bags and bags of cheap plastic junk that gets tossed before we even get home that we just do not do it. Having it at a place outside of your home is the best way to get people to leave when your time is up...which is why I know some people use those goody bags as a way to get people out of their house.

I agree. I despise the goody bag! I don't want people to give me gifts and I don't want to give them gifts (at my own party) either. I just want to hang out and have fun together.

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

Festivus 2008

a special girlie day

Festivus, huh? And who says "girlie"? Reminds me of old men using that word.

I can't for the life of me see why people would refuse to honor someone's request.

Me neither.

We were invited to a huge 50th birthday party bash a couple of years ago...he had been planning it for himself since his 40th. The "theme" of his party was a puzzle, and how everyone (the pieces) made up a special part of his life. On his invitation, he requested just our presence, no presents; however, if anyone felt they wanted to give something, to give to a specific charity. That's what we did. We didn't notice anyone bringing a gift. (The celebration included a service at a Temple, followed by a party at a restaurant.)

If an invitation said "no gifts," I'd buy a children's book, or something similar, wrap it, and keep it in the car. Then if we see other brings gifts, I could "forget" it in the car and then go back out to get it so my child didn't feel bad.

Ditto. I think that's people's fear...that they will be the only one without a gift. I don't think all the people bringing gifts are always motivated by the joy of wanting to give a wonderful gift to the child.

Most 7 year olds would prefer Build a Bear or even just a place to play with friends.

When my nephew was about 4, he wanted sushi. It's all in what you know. I have two adult children and an almost 17 year old, and only one of them would even consider eating sushi at this point.

seven girlies

Again...women/moms say "girlies"??

I hardly ever remember specific posters from thread to thread, but this one really jumps out at me. We are only halfway through the month and already there have been threads about her kid singing Trent Resnor songs (and someone noticed and took the time to stop and read OP the riot act), the aforementioned wine, strip tease and web cam acts, now one cleverly titled "Has your child been exposed to Pee wee Herman yet" and a few more. I am not sure if the OP has posted on anyone else's threads or if she jsut joined this Disney message board (don' most of us start off trying to plan a trip and eventually find our way to the CB?) to post random, pot stirring topics on the CB Either way, It is hard NOT to notice in the span of only two weeks.

You know, OP, if you're trying to establish yourself as a regular poster with an "edge", you really have to be careful not to go over that edge into troll territory. Just sayin'.

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

Homeschooled.

But of course!

 

[robinb]

My DD has been to a couple of "no gift" parties and I have always thought that the parent throwing was being superior snobs Like they were better than the other parents because they didn't NEED gifts for their kids. Or implying that the gifts that their kids would get would be more UNWANTED "junk" in their house. Or that the kid will be SPOILED by getting gifts.

OP, for the life of me I can't understand why you would want to deny your child the fun of opening up presents from just six girls . Unless it is your intent to control the "event" and have it all about what you are doing for your DD and that maybe gifts will steal your limo-riding-chocolate-eating thunder.

 

[Tink888]

I can see both sides of this. I was also raised that it's just good manners to bring something when you go to a party, dinner, etc. However if the invitation specifically requested "no gifts" then I would honor the request if that's what the host wants. If I really needed to give a gift, then I would give it discreetly at a later time.

It's about the host, not me. If it was a themed party and they wanted me to dress up like a disco queen, I'd honor the request. If they don't want a gift, I'll honor the request because I care about the person and I want to do what they want, what will make them happy.

I can kind of understand the host being miffed at the people who brought gifts. I think I might be also. Not because I was unappreciative or ungrateful but because when "no gift" is specified and people bring them anyway, the people who honored the request feel like schmucks and become uncomfortable. As a host, the last thing I want is for ANYONE at the party to be uncomfortable. I want them to have a good time and enjoy themselves.

I also don't see anything wrong with requesting no gifts on an invite. We've gotten them lots of times. For lots of different reasons. I just take it to mean the person doesn't want or care about gifts, they just want my company. Nothing wrong with that IMHO. I would only find it rude if an invite specified the exact type of gift I needed to bring. Maybe I have a double standard but to me no gifts isn't an expectation, requesting a specific thing is an expectation and I guess for me, it's the expectation that I find rude.

 

[Liberty Belle]

So would it be wrong to then host a Costume party? You are telling people in your invitation the "theme" of the party. As host you are telling people that you expect them to honor the theme of the party.

Well our theme happens to be a NO GIFT party. IMHO, a guest coming to that should respect the wishes of the host or just not bother coming at all.

That's completely different. Any etiquette book will tell you it is impolite to mention gifts (in any context) in an invitation.

 

[JerseyJanice]

But of course!

While trollish, I do think ToC's threads are very original.

A 4 year-old DD who drinks and does a strip tease? Webcam performances? Leasing a cow in Switzerland? Festivus? Who would have thought all these things up?

I gotta hand it to you, ToC, you have a very agile mind. You've certainly got me guessing.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

My DD has been to a couple of "no gift" parties and I have always thought that the parent throwing was being superior snobs Like they were better than the other parents because they didn't NEED gifts for their kids. Or implying that the gifts that their kids would get would be more UNWANTED "junk" in their house. Or that the kid will be SPOILED by getting gifts.

OP, for the life of me I can't understand why you would want to deny your child the fun of opening up presents from just six girls . Unless it is your intent to control the "event" and have it all about what you are doing for your DD and that maybe gifts will steal your limo-riding-chocolate-eating thunder.

That is so funny! You made me laugh out loud.

I do agree with you though. I think it comes off snobbish as well.

 

[Tiffany]

I bring a gift because growing up it would be considered rude to go to a celebration such as a birthday empty handed. I also will bring cake or something when I come to your house for coffee. I would be very uncomfortable going to a party and not bringing a gift.

But if the host of the party has requested that no one bring gifts isn't bringing one rude?

 

[NHdisneylover]

I really don't think it's fair to ask the op to explain other threads in this thread - some of us have no idea what you are talking about.

Sorry. I am not trying to leave anyone out. I never asked the OP to explain any of her other thredsa, but I did point out that the nature of her many threads over the past two weeks was such that it did make me incredulous to things she posts here as well. Two of those threads were on the front page along with this one--not hard to find at all. Anyway, I only ever meant ot comment the once specifically because the OP acted as if it was astonishing that nayone distrusted her word. I also (in my first post in this thread) gave many reason why someone may bring a gift anyway. OP chose to ignore those reasons and take issue with my misremebering one detail of another thread (not with my mentioning the threads in general( and it spiraled from there. In many instances on this thread I have agreed with her.

Oh I have friends who think it is tacky to give cash and will only give a gift card. The breakage on gift cards is extremely high. Also in the past year several people ended up with worthless cards when the places went out of business.

We believe if not giving a physical gift, you should give cold hard cash instead.

Wow! So is that really the reason you are requesting no gifts? Becuase 7 year olds don't normally give cash? I believe in giving a gift that i feel the recepient will truly enjoy. Hopefully one that they will enjoy and think of me when using. I think of the gift as a connection between us. I am not opposed to getting cash as a gift, but I do not think it is wrong if Ireceive agift card or physical item (or day out together or used favourite book or whatever). Iam pretty muchgrateful regardless. The only time Icanthinking of when I was not grateful was when someone who knew we did not allow toy gunsgave the kids toy guns at family event where everyone was opening there so that they could prove a point. Even then we thanked the giver nicely and jsut quietly got rid of the toys later on.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

But of course!

Did the government tell you to say that or were you exposed to Pee Wee Herman and can't think straight? Set up the webcam, let's see if you have been drinking.

Oop! Gotta run- my cow is mooing!

 

[Tiffany]

Just know that the person who put on the invite no gifts is going to think a person arriving with a gift is very rude for not respecting their wishes.

I agree.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

But if the host of the party has requested that no one bring gifts isn't bringing one rude?

It is completely rude to mention gifts at all. It should not be an expectation of a party at all. Mentioning it implies that you expect something.

 

[NHdisneylover]

While trollish, I do think ToC's threads are very original.

A 4 year-old DD who drinks and does a strip tease? Webcam performances? Leasing a cow in Switzerland? Festivus? Who would have thought all these things up?

I gotta hand it to you, ToC, you have a very agile mind. You've certainly got me guessing.

Oh I completely agree. If OP is oging for laughs she is right on All I ever said is that she is not very believable (and that the tone can come off as snobbish unintentionally). I never saidI did not enjoy it (in fact I think I states I DID enjoy it--or Do enjoy it actually).

 

[Liberty Belle]

While trollish, I do think ToC's threads are very original.

A 4 year-old DD who drinks and does a strip tease? Webcam performances? Leasing a cow in Switzerland? Festivus? Who would have thought all these things up?

I gotta hand it to you, ToC, you have a very agile mind. You've certainly got me guessing.

Isn't this also the poster who has pre-ordered the family members coffins and use them as decoration or functional pieces of furniture?

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

It is completely rude to mention gifts at all. It should not be an expectation of a party at all. Mentioning it implies that you expect something.

Maybe mentioning it just acknowledging that people always do; after all, so many people are saying it's rude NOT to bring something.

 

[testifyoncruises]

A 4 year-old DD who drinks

An ounce of wine with dinner does not make a child who drinks.

and does a strip tease?

Never said my child does a strip tease. I said she can imitate the dance at the end of Little Miss Sunshine. Sorry but that is nowhere near a striptease.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Isn't this also the poster who has pre-ordered the family members coffins and use them as decoration or functional pieces of furniture?

Please be wrong about this.......

 

[NHdisneylover]

Isn't this also the poster who has pre-ordered the family members coffins and use them as decoration or functional pieces of furniture?

Whether that is the OP or not the thread sounds like a riot. I am sad that I missed it

 

[Tiffany]

I can understand that but let's turn it around and I would say that the person making any request about gifts is rude.

I disagree. If someone is hosting an event that historically a gift was brought to that event and the host wanted to change that indicating on the invitation for the current year's event a change is where that notice of change should go. If I had a gathering and made a specific request of my guests I would expect them to honor that request or if that request made them feel uncomfortable they can choose to not attend the event in question.