Why can't my sister make up her MIND!! - RANT

[kamik86]

This is long and probably not even clear to read... I'm not really looking for advice or anything because quite frankly I know I'm stuck dealing with whatever my sister decides but I need to yell at someone besides my husband who is just as pissed and really not at all at fault.

So last Sept before my DH and I left for Disney my mom mentioned how she wanted to go and I said the whole family should try to do a trip down some time this year. My 2nd sister (I have three so I'll just refer to them as 1, 2, and 3) said she would like to go too and she knew her daughter would so I started setting things up. I know money is tight for some members of the family so I started to price stuff approximately and sent out an email back then to everyone including sister 3 more then a year before we wanted to go so people would have time to save.

Then when the prices came out for the new year I updated them and gave everyone more of a heads up. Told them that we would want to book before 6 months to make ADRs etc.

In March I sent out official numbers assuming we didn't get any discounts and we picked a date that worked for everyone. I told them we needed to book by early April so that we could make ADRs in mid April for our October trip. At this point sister 3 who had been making demands all along starts saying how she won't be able to afford it and how she wants to do another stuff like take a cruise with some of her GF and some other stuff. Which is fine we will miss the two nieces but if that is what they want to do.

So we don't say anything about the trip to the nieces over Easter but we book our reservations. Then a little over a week ago I decide to buy DVC since I had been thinking about it for a while and it would save the group a bunch. So I move us into a two bedroom villa since the four of them (sister 3 and family) weren't coming we all fit. I also booked some GREAT ADRs for the whole family (Le Cellier, Teppan Edo, Chef Mickey's, Crystal Palace, etc).

Well today I go to my Mom's house to drop something off and they tell me we may have two more coming. Now my sister wants to send her kids with us. But she still isn't sure since she is trying to sell her motorcycle first. So now I'm expected to wait till they tell us then try somehow to fit them into our ADRs so they can be with us (and even worse if I can't then one of my parents will end up not eating with us because someone will have to be with the 8 and 15 year olds!!) to call to get them tickets to MNSSHP, to in general figure out all the pricing for them. We are expected to watch and deal with her kids, to rearrange sleeping for them (we are now 9 so we will still fit).

Also her youngest is a total brat because my sister will give into her every whim so I'm REALLY not looking forward to having to deal with her all trip and not just making her mom deal with her. The only saving grace there is since my mom is the one pushing to let them come my Mom and Dad will have to deal with the littlest one and I only will at times where she whines to be with my older two nieces (I was planning to hang out with my DH and my oldest niece most of them time because she is really cool, and honestly the 15 year old is pretty cool too so I won't mind taking her around but I refuse to have all 3 kids without another adult if the 8 year old starts to be a pain).

I am so aggravated them I'm expected to rearrange everything to fit them. I'm pissed that my sister yet again will get everything the way she wants to without having to think of anyone else (now she gets a week vacation from her kids by making us baby sit the whole time) and actually let us know at a reasonable time.

I'm aggravated that she STILL hasn't made up her mind and I know with free dining coming open to the public adding them to the ADRs will be tough if not impossible and that I'm expected to do it.

Most of all I'm aggravated that everyone will once again let her get away with it. Even my Dad that at the beginning even said he didn't want to be responsible for the girls was lecturing me about being mad about this today. He didn't think adding them would be hard because we are still so far out, and what kind of a restaurant books up 6 months in advance?

I really wish I either booked a value 2 bedroom so they wouldn't fit or even better blatantly said the rest of the family was going in front of her kids months ago so that the bratty 8 year old would have pressured my sister into going then and I at least could have made the plans only ONCE!

 

[madcam]

I totally understand your frustration! I too am a big "planner" who is always trying to do everything for everyone. You are so sweet to do all this for your whole family.....they will probably never appreciate the pre-planning and planning and re-planning and numbers running and phone calls you made in order to get this trip to come together. I totally get that because I do the same thing!! And it sounds like your sister is just doing what she always does. I have family like that too....just does what they feel like and everyone else simply excepts it because thats "Just how _____ is!" GRRRRR!!!
FWIW......I have found that bratty, always-get-their-way kids tend to leave that attitude behind with the parent that encourages that behavior. So even if DNiece 8 starts out a little bit "entitled", once she realizes you don't play by her mama's rules, she should be fine. (hopefully) In your shoes, I would attempt to fix my ADRs as if they are coming...as best you can. Don't give up the ones you cannot fix, have a date night with DH or send your parents off to have some "alone time" or snag a better one for just you and your sisters to have some bonding time and have your parents take the grandkids to dinner then all meet back up. And if Sister 3 pulls the plug at the last minute, at least you are covered! Good luck and have a grand time with your family at WDW!!! I can't wait for our trip in Dec. but we went at Halloween 3 years ago and it was FANTASTIC!!!!!!!

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

If the kids are brats--and she feels she can throw them on you, I would politely decline.

Failure to plan on her part, does not constitute an emergency on your part. Direct her to book at the ASM, direct her to where all of your ADR's are and if she make a ressie, great. If not--oh well!

With my family--we pretty much plan indepedently. If someone is waffling, I probably would have made a larger ADR anticipating them coming. But what your sister is doing is ridiculous and there is no need for you to fret over it. You have done your part.

This is now "her emergency"--let her figure it out!

But no--I wouldn't be in charge of someone else's kid that they thrust upon me. I have my own to worry about.

 

[kamik86]

But no--I wouldn't be in charge of someone else's kid that they thrust upon me. I have my own to worry about.

This is how I feel about it but since my parents are going to let them come I'm pretty much stuck without being the bad guy to not only my neices but also my parents. Well really mostly my Dad and the 8 year old because by 15 and being from a different Dad then my sisters current husband she has already realized that she gets to suffer from having a bad mom who is really only looking out for herself. So if anything I could show her the email from Sept when I invited them and she would understand (and then I'd probably take her once she is in college in a few years) however the brat would think its my fault because her Mom and Dad can do no wrong.

The only part of the above that I can't say is the "I have my own to worry about" at 23 I understand I'm not ready to deal with having a kid around all the time and having to put their needs in front of my own, I want some time to just have fun just me and DH for a bit first... Which is why I don't have any yet.

 

[kaytieeldr]

If you can't add them to your dining reservations, try making them their own reservations as close to yours as possible. Then, when you check in, ask to get seated together. Arrive a little early if possible.

Alternatively, tell your sister that each parent/family is responsible for their own children on this trip, and that it's regrettrable that her children will have to miss out because she's unavailable to take them. How come she can afford a cruise, but not a trip to Disney World with her kids where she doesn't have to pay for her room?

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

This is how I feel about it but since my parents are going to let them come I'm pretty much stuck without being the bad guy to not only my neices but also my parents. Well really mostly my Dad and the 8 year old because by 15 and being from a different Dad then my sisters current husband she has already realized that she gets to suffer from having a bad mom who is really only looking out for herself. So if anything I could show her the email from Sept when I invited them and she would understand (and then I'd probably take her once she is in college in a few years) however the brat would think its my fault because her Mom and Dad can do no wrong.

The only part of the above that I can't say is the "I have my own to worry about" at 23 I understand I'm not ready to deal with having a kid around all the time and having to put their needs in front of my own, I want some time to just have fun just me and DH for a bit first... Which is why I don't have any yet.

You're only stuck if you choose to be. And if your parents do not accept 100% guardianship during this trip...guess who is stuck? You are.

You are placing yourself in the position to be taken advantage of--and if they make you the bad guy for saying no...guess what? That proves that is indeed what they are trying to do.

I hated babysitting growing up. I tried it, but I'm just not good with other people's children. I certainly wouldn't want to be the surrogate on a vacation that was meant for the ENTIRE family. Don't fall for your Sister's garbage. If your niece thinks you are a "meanie" or whatever for not "allowing" her to go--that would be her mother's fault, not yours.

I'm not going to let an 8yo's "bratty" opinion influence me into a decision I'm not comfortable with. And I say that as the mom of a 9 and 7yo. They do have a way to try and make anything to be the fault of the person who will not let them have their way.

 

[kamik86]

How come she can afford a cruise, but not a trip to Disney World with her kids where she doesn't have to pay for her room?

The same way she can afford 2 new cars, 2 motorcycles, more clothes and shoes then needed for 5 families, etc her and her husband want them. SHE wants to cruise with some of her friends, they are using the excuse that it is all their kids 16th birthdays around the same time to say its for the kids, but its not the kids will hang out together the whole time and the adults will spend the time in the various bars.

She could afford to all go, but she already went a few years ago with something for work so she isn't that interested in doing it with the kids and having to listen to her daughter that she wants every little thing. One of her complaints was about how much more it will cost her because she has kids and all the rides end in gift shops... when it was suggested to give each kid a budget she said it would work for the 15 year old but not the 8 year old. Now maybe I don't remember enough about being 8 and I don't have kids and all but I really thought an 8 year old could understand the concept of a budget, you may have to watch them more and remind them that if they buy X they won't have any money left but is it really that hard??

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

. Now maybe I don't remember enough about being 8 and I don't have kids and all but I really thought an 8 year old could understand the concept of a budget, you may have to watch them more and remind them that if they buy X they won't have any money left but is it really that hard??

Mine have understood "no more money" all well before 8. It may or may not have come with an accompanying tantrum as a child. But they all figured it out soon enough.

NM--disregard that single parent question.


Is she going to expect you to buy a truck load of souvenirs for this child?

 

[kamik86]

Is she going to expect you to buy a truck load of souvenirs for this child?

Expect maybe but it wouldn't happen. DN 8 does listen slightly better to my parents, myself, my other sisters, DH and pretty much everyone that isn't her parents then she does to her own parents and even my parents aren't bad enough to fall for that. Although I could see her not sending ANY extra for the kids for spending money... I haven't given her the amount she needs for the kids yet... maybe I should build some in. I don't know how much is reasonable though. We spent alot on souvenirs last year, but we bought presents for everyone and alot more then we really needed... Any suggestions on a good amount?

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

How long is your trip?

We try to base on "budget" for souvenirs for the kids for the length of the trip without going overboard.

So for a weekend, they might get $20 (remember, disney is pricey and I try to avoid the really inexpensive stuff)....for a week, maybe $75. Depends on how special the trip and what they might have asked for in the past.

When we went on a cruise once--since the cruise was cashless and in the ports we didn't want to worry about their cash--I gave them play money and that is how they tracked their spending.

 

[hereyago]

Why do people do this?You know your sister is a trip. Why would you want her to go if she was like that from the get go? No way would I put my plans on hold. SHe is a big girl, if she wants to come she can make her own ressies. No way would I be babysitting like that.

 

[MushyMushy]

I feel your pain! I don't know why us "nice" people let others walk all over us. They continually get away with that nonsense because we let them. It's so much worse when it's family.

You couldn't pay me enough to go on vacation with other people!

 

[Luvchefmic]

Sorry OP I have to say this no one can make you pissed or miserable or even happy except yourself.....you made your plans, you made your ADRs (great ones too) you bought DVC, you gave everyone more than enough "heads up" about everything.....call the sister & end this now...."We made our plans, get upset if you want to, but its too late to change anything and that's it" ....don't let people walk all over you, go give DH a hug who you said yourself has been listening to you rant and then just smile (after you call the sister) and let sunshine and Mickey Mouse thoughts fall over your house

 

[Bluestars]

I don't blame you for being upset. Your sister is being rude and inconsiderate by forcing her kids on you while she goes on a cruise.

When we go to WDW, we always let our kids choose one thing per day, at the end of the day. I think the mother should plan on giving her kids $15 to $20 per day. You can give the youngest her alloted money at the beginning of each day. When it's gone, then it's gone. If she knows that she can't get away with whining, then she will probably be fine. I think things will go well if you are clear about the rules regarding bedtime, meals, swimming, spending money, etc.

I'm sure you'll have a great trip regardless of this. With the ADRs, I would just add two to each of them. You can always reduce the amount later if they don't go on the trip.

Although, you wouldn't be out of line if you told your sister no way.

Good luck.

 

[Shmily1]

I think you should deal directly with your sister and tell her exactly how you feel about it. Also tell her that all the plans for the meals are already made and done. There's no room, but if she would like to plan a vacation for her to take her children at the same time, maybe you all can do some things together and maybe she can get reservations for meals close to yours. Then it's all on her again.

 

[HM]

I think you should deal directly with your sister and tell her exactly how you feel about it. Also tell her that all the plans for the meals are already made and done. There's no room, but if she would like to plan a vacation for her to take her children at the same time, maybe you all can do some things together and maybe she can get reservations for meals close to yours. Then it's all on her again.

I agree with the above.

Your parents aren't thinking straight and will likely be happy you put your foot down, when they really stop to think. I wouldn't worry about making anyone unhappy. They didn't stick to deadlines that were made clear.

 

[wdwfan16]

This is long and probably not even clear to read... I'm not really looking for advice or anything because quite frankly I know I'm stuck dealing with whatever my sister decides but I need to yell at someone besides my husband who is just as pissed and really not at all at fault.

So last Sept before my DH and I left for Disney my mom mentioned how she wanted to go and I said the whole family should try to do a trip down some time this year. My 2nd sister (I have three so I'll just refer to them as 1, 2, and 3) said she would like to go too and she knew her daughter would so I started setting things up. I know money is tight for some members of the family so I started to price stuff approximately and sent out an email back then to everyone including sister 3 more then a year before we wanted to go so people would have time to save.

Then when the prices came out for the new year I updated them and gave everyone more of a heads up. Told them that we would want to book before 6 months to make ADRs etc.

In March I sent out official numbers assuming we didn't get any discounts and we picked a date that worked for everyone. I told them we needed to book by early April so that we could make ADRs in mid April for our October trip. At this point sister 3 who had been making demands all along starts saying how she won't be able to afford it and how she wants to do another stuff like take a cruise with some of her GF and some other stuff. Which is fine we will miss the two nieces but if that is what they want to do.

So we don't say anything about the trip to the nieces over Easter but we book our reservations. Then a little over a week ago I decide to buy DVC since I had been thinking about it for a while and it would save the group a bunch. So I move us into a two bedroom villa since the four of them (sister 3 and family) weren't coming we all fit. I also booked some GREAT ADRs for the whole family (Le Cellier, Teppan Edo, Chef Mickey's, Crystal Palace, etc).

Well today I go to my Mom's house to drop something off and they tell me we may have two more coming. Now my sister wants to send her kids with us. But she still isn't sure since she is trying to sell her motorcycle first. So now I'm expected to wait till they tell us then try somehow to fit them into our ADRs so they can be with us (and even worse if I can't then one of my parents will end up not eating with us because someone will have to be with the 8 and 15 year olds!!) to call to get them tickets to MNSSHP, to in general figure out all the pricing for them. We are expected to watch and deal with her kids, to rearrange sleeping for them (we are now 9 so we will still fit).

Also her youngest is a total brat because my sister will give into her every whim so I'm REALLY not looking forward to having to deal with her all trip and not just making her mom deal with her. The only saving grace there is since my mom is the one pushing to let them come my Mom and Dad will have to deal with the littlest one and I only will at times where she whines to be with my older two nieces (I was planning to hang out with my DH and my oldest niece most of them time because she is really cool, and honestly the 15 year old is pretty cool too so I won't mind taking her around but I refuse to have all 3 kids without another adult if the 8 year old starts to be a pain).

I am so aggravated them I'm expected to rearrange everything to fit them. I'm pissed that my sister yet again will get everything the way she wants to without having to think of anyone else (now she gets a week vacation from her kids by making us baby sit the whole time) and actually let us know at a reasonable time.

I'm aggravated that she STILL hasn't made up her mind and I know with free dining coming open to the public adding them to the ADRs will be tough if not impossible and that I'm expected to do it.

Most of all I'm aggravated that everyone will once again let her get away with it. Even my Dad that at the beginning even said he didn't want to be responsible for the girls was lecturing me about being mad about this today. He didn't think adding them would be hard because we are still so far out, and what kind of a restaurant books up 6 months in advance?

I really wish I either booked a value 2 bedroom so they wouldn't fit or even better blatantly said the rest of the family was going in front of her kids months ago so that the bratty 8 year old would have pressured my sister into going then and I at least could have made the plans only ONCE!

I would just tell her no. You do not have room for the kids and the ADRs cannot be changed. Time for sister #3 to learn the world does not revolve around her. Good luck.

 

[bettymae1121]

Personally I'd put my foot down and tell your parents and your sister that it's too late, plans have been made and you can't add anyone. But family dynamics being what they are, I know that's easier said than done and you may not be preparred to do that.

If you are resigned to letting the two girls comes, I'd be 100% crystal clear to your parents that it's is their desire, not yours, that the girls come and therefore they will be 100% responsible for them. You will not watch them, not even for a minute. They will ask your parents for permission to do things/buy things, whatever. You will do your best to add the girls on to the ADR's, if it can't be done then either you have to give up on the ADR for that restaurant or you'll have to split up. And you have to be firm with this, one little indication that you're going to cave to futher demands and they'll walk all over you. You're going to have to be willing to be the bad guy in this, and no it's not fair, but it's the only way to prevent you being taken even more advantage of than you already are.

Above all else I'd refuse to add the girls until your sister gives you the money in full. Only then will you add them and try to change your ADR's. I'd also tell your sister that it's non-refundable. You are not going through the trouble of rearanging everything just for her to decide she doesn't want them to go after all.

 

[luvmy3]

Wow, I'd do what I could to include my nieces regardless of what their mother is doing, maybe they just want to go to WDW with their cousins I also wouldn't get so stressed over it, its Disney not a trip to the moon.

 

[Pigeon]

"Sorry, sis, but that's not going to work out for us. The arrangements have already been made. Maybe next time."