Why can't I apologize?

[ozarkmom]

I accused my DD's boyfriend of something that wasn't true. I feel really foolish but I can't seem to apologize. Instead I keep thinking of other reasons why he makes me mad and why she should drop him which just makes her "love" him more. Why can't I apologize to him?

 

[pumba]

the more you make dd's boyfriend look bad to her the more she will hold it against you......we have been there and decided the best thing was to zip the lip......it is hard I know....but it is best.....
Apologize and say.......When you are wrong it is best to admit it (get it over with...)...
Good luck and let us know how it works out

 

[TimeforMe]

Hmmm. Probably a variety of reasons; embarrassed? Sounds like you just out and out don't like him which makes it more difficult to apologize to begin with. You want to be the bigger person, however, and set a good example. Do the right thing and apologize--you'll feel better that you did.

 

[Goofyluver]

I accused my DD's boyfriend of something that wasn't true. I feel really foolish but I can't seem to apologize. Instead I keep thinking of other reasons why he makes me mad and why she should drop him which just makes her "love" him more. Why can't I apologize to him?

I think you must be having difficulty because of your other feelings for him. But, I know that in your heart you know that even though you don't like him, that does not mean that you shouldn't apologize for doing something wrong. Sometimes, even though it stinks, we just have to suck it up. That doesn't mean you condone what he does or who he is. But, it does mean that you are a good person who is willing to admit her wrongdoing.

 

[agnes!]

You actually can, but you are choosing not to. For whatever reason...maybe you don't like him all that much, maybe you're trying to maintain your dignity or 'save face'? It doesn't matter if he isn't a steady you would have picked out for your DD, you were wrong, if you admit it then the situation can improve.

"There is no can or can't...there is only *do*."
^-I think that might be a Yoda quote.

Try rehearsing the phrase out loud...
"I'm sorry."
And then go say that to him ASAP. Stop putting it off, otherwise whatever happened *will* fester. And remember...this present boyfriend could be your future SIL and the father of your grandkids.

agnes!

 

[ozarkmom]

I know everyone is right. I really feel so embarrassed and I should apologize.

 

[laurajetter]

I think you're hesitating because you might feel that in a way you're apologizing for feeling the way you do about all the other aspects about him that you don't like, when in fact you are only apologizing for this one thing. You probably want it still to be known that there are factors you don't like, even though that really has no bearing on this particular thing you are apologizing for.

If you really liked this guy and there weren't any other things that bothered you about him, I don't think you'd have any problem apologizing. I know it's probably hard, but it's the right thing to do in my opinion. Just keep it short and to the point, but genuine. Something like "The other day I was out of line when I wrongly accused you of ____. I was angry, but I shouldn't have taken it out on you and I just wanted to apolgize for that" would probably work.

Good luck!

 

[zurgswife]

I accused my DD's boyfriend of something that wasn't true. I feel really foolish but I can't seem to apologize. Instead I keep thinking of other reasons why he makes me mad and why she should drop him which just makes her "love" him more. Why can't I apologize to him?

It stayed with my HS/College boyfriend many years longer then I would have if my mom had just not been so vocal about how awful he was. I was just sure I could prove her wrong and make him a wonderful person...

 

[auntpolly]

I think you need to remember that even though it's hard (and I agree it would be hard to do) it will be worth it. It will make your daughter respect you more and who knows - maybe even him.

It's in your best interest to say you are sorry - as someone else said, for this instance - you don't have to apologize for not liking him. If you don't, your daughter will hold it against you.

Good luck - you can do it!

 

[Tiggeroo]

Just do it. you know you'll feel better. And force yourself to not throw in any buts. That will be the hardest part. Been there with bad bf choices. As others said you need to be the high ground here.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Why can't you? Here is my .02 cents....

If you apologize.....

1) You are admitting that you made a mistake.
2) It makes you appear weak to this guy. Gives him an upper hand, so to speak to your dd.
3) Ends the feud you got going with your dd.
4) Now you are showing your dd that you are accepting this guy.

If I had to guess from what you written, probably #4 fits the most.
You do not like him and do not want him to accepted into the family as a BF of your dd.

 

[mcco5543]

Try to remember you are apologizing for the specific thing that you did wrong. Aplogizing does not have to mean you like him or accept him or think your dd is correct in her choice of beau's. (even if the kids think that's what it means...you know it doesn't). Just be specific about the apology, and never discuss it again.

Who knows the boyfriend might end up showing you more respect and you might find you don't dislike him as must.

AND also consider that by apologzing to someone you clearly don't like (and your daughter knows you don't like him i'm sure) you are setting the example of how you expect your daughter to behave when she does something wrong, regardless of any other feelings towards someone. You will show your daughter the grown up way to handle a situation where "you" are in the wrong and how to handle it with grace dignity. And showing your daughter how to be her "best self" is the ultimate goal right?

 

[DancingBear]

Be the better person. It can be a show of strength not of weakness.

 

[ozarkmom]

I apologized. We have a real love/hate relationship and I know that everytime I say something about him it makes DD more determined to be with him. I do realize all of this I'm the one that told my husband that if we would try to shut up it would fizzle out that was 5 months ago. Then when he went away to school for the spring semester I said that would be the end well that's been over 2 months.....

 

[rie'smom]

Apologize and quickly. The longer you put it off the harder it is. Separate your feelings from the incident.

 

[mcco5543]

Good for you!!! On behalf of all of us we're so proud!!!