Why are there such problems in schools with kids harassing and bullying other kids?

[Briar Rose 7457]

I've been reading a fascinating book, "Queen Bees and Wannabees." it's about cliques, gossip, bullying, etc. in middle school and high school. the author teaches empowerment classes to teens to enable them to deal with the social hierarchy and bad social situations.

one of the things she points out is that most kids won't stand up to a bully or go to the aid of a bully's target for fear that they'll become the next target. often that means ostracism from the clique.
she spends a good deal of time teaching kids how to become empowered against the bullies and mean girls so that the bad behavior stops.

makes for very interesting reading.

 

[HauntedMansionGeek]

Originally posted by Briar Rose 7457
I've been reading a fascinating book, "Queen Bees and Wannabees." it's about cliques, gossip, bullying, etc. in middle school and high school. the author teaches empowerment classes to teens to enable them to deal with the social hierarchy and bad social situations.

one of the things she points out is that most kids won't stand up to a bully or go to the aid of a bully's target for fear that they'll become the next target. often that means ostracism from the clique.
she spends a good deal of time teaching kids how to become empowered against the bullies and mean girls so that the bad behavior stops.

makes for very interesting reading.

That sounds like a good book! Never heard of it so thankyou!!

 

[JetMom]

I have read the book thay Briar Rose is referring to and it is an eye-opener!


I also think that bullying itself may not be on the rise so mach as our awareness of it is on the rise. I was bullied in elementary school by two boys in my neighborhood. It got to the point that I was actually vomitting in the morning because i dreaded going to the bus stop so much. This was back in the 70's.

I have had many conversations with people my age (mid 30's to mid 40's) who dealt with similar problems. The attitude then was basically "suck it up and deal with it".

That being said - I do feel that fear of litigation has tied the hands of many teachers in the area of classroom management and that too many parents have abdicated responsibility for their children's behavior.

 

[Beauty]

one of the things she points out is that most kids won't stand up to a bully or go to the aid of a bully's target for fear that they'll become the next target. often that means ostracism from the clique.

Thats a very good point and one I totally agree with. Thats one that I know my son has done. He has a very very small class, only 16 I think it is now and thankfully they are very close. However the class behind his is HUGE. There is a very definatly bully in this 5th grade class that J.C. will say did this or did that and I'll ask why doesn't anyone take up for the kids hes picking on??? The answer is ALWAYS ""Because we don't want him picking on us.""

That makes so much sense.

 

[HauntedMansionGeek]

Originally posted by JetMom
I have read the book thay Briar Rose is referring to and it is an eye-opener!


I also think that bullying itself may not be on the rise so mach as our awareness of it is on the rise. I was bullied in elementary school by two boys in my neighborhood. It got to the point that I was actually vomitting in the morning because i dreaded going to the bus stop so much. This was back in the 70's.

That's sooooo sad.

I'm gonna go check my bookstore to see if they have the book.

 

[Disneycrazymom]

I think we, as a society, have allowed this to happen in several ways.
1. There is no real right and wrong. The attitude that whatever you believe is great and others can not tell you it is wrong. Taken to the extreem teachers are not allowed to tell students that a behavior is wrong.

2. Parents do not support the teacher. As many have said plenty of parents are ready to run to school and say "Not my child" or worse "I'll see you in court."

3. Many kids need attention. The parents are so busy being a big whatever and making money that they don't have time for the kids. At a certain point kids will take any attention even negitive just to be noticed.

It is so sad on so many levels, but I do not believe it is too late. We the adults have a chance to make a difference.

 

[janette]

Why do you consider this something new? I don't think it's new just talked about more. I was one that was ostracized all through school. There were a variety of reasons but I don't remember not being the one last picked and ridiculed for whatever someone picked that day. I attended school a long time ago, small schools in a rural area. Kids can be cruel and anyone different is going to be a target.

During my sophmore year in HS we had 2 classmates commit suicide, and one in the class ahead of use. This is in a school with about 100 students. Not a good percentage, no counselors were called in. I barely remember it even being addressed at school. I've seen many things in the news about this being something new in schools. It was happening in 1975 but we didn't see it on the national news or any talks shows.

I think the bullying is the same, we need to see that many things haven't changed that much. Instead of accepting bullies as being "the way it is" we now expect the school to do something about it. We've started telling kids that it's not something that is acceptable and giving kids tools to deal with it.

I think we are making progress not going backward.

 

[tar heel]

I agree with Janette -- this isn't anything new. Kids have been treating each other badly forever.

 

[RitaZ.]

I don't consider this something new, but I do think it's on the increase. Why would the guidance counselor cite those findings and use the word "alarming" and "epidemic"? I think in some areas, schools have made progress. I think the Columbine incident has forced schools to look at this problem and deal with it head on.

In others ways, it has become dangerous for children to go to school. There have been a few incidents in our city where children that were being harassed at school took weapons in to school to defend themselves or hurt their tormentors. Some kids actually carried out what they set out to do. Our city prides itself in having great schools, but it only shows that it's happening all over the place.

One thing is for someone to call you a nasty name and not pick you for their team in P.E. and another is for them to seek you out on a daily basis to harass and torment you. When kids decide that their only recourse is to take a weapon to school to "end" the harassment and bullying, then this shows that this problem is escalating not improving.

 

[Kallison]

I work in a middle school and the number one problem is parents. They don't back up teachers and they will defend their little angel to the end. Their child is never wrong.

There is a little cherub in my daughter's class who never has any friends, or she has the friend of the week until that kid wises up. She is just plain nasty, but her mother never wants to hear it. Not her little darling.