Why Are Some Women So Desperate For Male Attention?

[FireDancer]

Is it possible that her husband is very secure in his relationship with his wife, so is completely unaffected by this?

If he isn't the jealous type, is self confident, and is secure in the relationship it is very possible. Maybe even probable.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

Perhaps he is, but it still doesn't make her behavior right, does it? I don't know.

If it works for her and doesn't offend her husband, why should we care? The only person she might be betraying is her husband, right? You say that she isn't the type to cheat, so it isn't the same as her coming on to other guys.

 

[bdcp]

It could also be the only positive reinforcement she ever got was from men based on how she looked or acted. Once again, low self-esteem, self-worth tied up in how men see her, etc. For some women, it's competition with other women too. They want to be the one wanted by all the men.

It is very disrespectful towards her husband. Maybe the fact it doesn't bother him bothers her and she's going to push it as far as she can to get him to react.

 

[AKL_Megs]

The only person she might be betraying is her husband, right?

And her children.

I DO know that her DH is pretty annoyed that he has to PAY someone to watch their children until all hours of the night while SHE goes off to mak "$3.50 an hour and tips", when he makes plenty to support the household and then some. He's confided this in my DH. But who knows what really goes on inside of their marriage. All I know is the DH doesn't like the job, and the kids hate when she leaves every weekend, and she supposedly "hates" her job, but she still goes.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

And her children.

I DO know that her DH is pretty annoyed that he has to PAY someone to watch their children until all hours of the night while SHE goes off to mak "$3.50 an hour and tips", when he makes plenty to support the household and then some. He's confided this in my DH. But who knows what really goes on inside of their marriage. All I know is the DH doesn't like the job, and the kids hate when she leaves every weekend, and she supposedly "hates" her job, but she still goes.

Sounds like they have issues that go way deeper than her flirtations.

 

[AKL_Megs]

Sounds like they have issues that go way deeper than her flirtations.

Yeah, but they look so good on the outside! (Other than the flirtations, so, maybe not! )

 

[FireDancer]

And her children.

I DO know that her DH is pretty annoyed that he has to PAY someone to watch their children until all hours of the night while SHE goes off to mak "$3.50 an hour and tips", when he makes plenty to support the household and then some. He's confided this in my DH. But who knows what really goes on inside of their marriage. All I know is the DH doesn't like the job, and the kids hate when she leaves every weekend, and she supposedly "hates" her job, but she still goes.

Something else to consider is that maybe she wants to have some adult interaction outside of the home. No matter how much my wife made I wouldn't want to be a SAHD because I like the out of the house adult interaction. I have some friends that work part time solely for that reason and I totally understand it.

There very well may be issues but there is also another side to the story. Have you asked her about it? If I had a concern about one of my friends I'd sit down and talk to them about it.

 

[AKL_Megs]

Something else to consider is that maybe she wants to have some adult interaction outside of the home. No matter how much my wife made I wouldn't want to be a SAHD because I like the out of the house adult interaction. I have some friends that work part time solely for that reason and I totally understand it.

There very well may be issues but there is also another side to the story. Have you asked her about it? If I had a concern about one of my friends I'd sit down and talk to them about it.

I honestly don't know if it is my place, as I don't know the whole story. I HAVE asked her if it is really worth it to leave the kids every weekend when she could find work while they are in school, and she seemed indifferent. I'm sure there is more to the story.

I was just bored today and thought it would be a good topic. It was just so "Desperate Housewives" when she told me about the UPS man not giving her the time of day LOL. I told her, he has other packages to deliver, and she said, he could have talked for a few minutes. Who knows, maybe she IS just seeking out adult attention, and prefers it be from men. It just seems... desperate?

 

[monkeyboy]

Hmmm I thrive on it

 

[miralys]

Could be a number of things. She could be insecure, lonely, bored, unfulfilled, etc.

 

[shortbun]

It seems like you are making a lot of assumptions. She sounds very social. Do these men actually mind the attention she's giving them? It might only be bothering you. Her husband works weekends and she wants to get out. So, she gets her socialization and makes some quick money. Smart, imho.

 

[*JoGo*]

I think a "flirty" personality is different... that they don't really realize they're being flirty, they're just friendly people, to ALL people. What I see is pointedly trying to be noticed by men and then telling everyone about it like with a "men fall all over me, what's a girl to do?" mentality.

 

[design_mom]

I've thought that, but I REALLY don't think she would take it that far.

I would have said the same thing about our married male friend, but I recently found out I was wrong.

He would flirt with any woman he met -- even me (his best friend's wife). He was so open about it (in front of my husband and his wife) that I really didn't think it would ever be more than that. We all said "Oh, he's just being friendly." or "Oh, that's just how he is." But apparently someone gave him some attention back, and... sigh... I really never, ever thought he'd cheat on his wife. The wife had felt "secure in their relationship" and didn't get overly upset about the flirtatiousness. She started having feeling uneasy about one woman in particular and he accused her of being oversensitive. In short, she wasn't being oversensitive... and he got caught.

I think some other posters are right. The attention-seeker has low self esteem and is looking for the little boost that they get from the attention. But who knows how far they'd take it if someone keeps giving them the attention.

 

[brookmey]

I think some other posters are right. The attention-seeker has low self esteem and is looking for the little boost that they get from the attention. But who knows how far they'd take it if someone keeps giving them the attention.

Agreed. There is no such thing as "the type who wouldn't cheat." Anyone is capable of it under the right circumstances.

Maybe there's a way you could talk to your friend to learn a little more about her marriage. Is she lonely, bored, unhappy, etc, because IMO, there's something going on that would cause a mother to spend her weekend nights skimpily dressed, working in a bar, especially if the money isn't needed and her DH has a problem with it. Something doesn't add up. If she needs to get out of the house, find a retail job or schedule a girls' night out every week. Sounds like she needs this job to fulfill something in her and that's when the red flags should start going up.

When I say these things, it's from experience. My BFF is very similar to your friend and her need for male attention escalated into a full-fledged affair, then divorce, in which she lost custody of her 2 young sons. She completely lost sight of what was important to her and she pretty much lost everything. I would hate to see that happen to your friend.

 

[low-key]

its the birds and the bees, no one can help them selfs

 

[Disney Doll]

My general feeling is low self-estee, so they need that constant reinforcement that they are pretty, sexy, attractive etc.

I have a colleague like this. Hangs on every MD taht steps onto our nursing unit, has had several affairs, has a lovely 2nd husband with whom she is never happy. Has to have a man in her life. When she was divorcing from her 1st husband (because she cheated and he found out), she was dating before the divorce was even final. Then she got bored of that guy and I said to her one day "Why not just be alone for a while and figure out who you are and what you want?". I might as well have said to her "Why not just jump out of plane at 30,000 feet without a parachute?"...she looked at me like I was INSANE for suggesting that she not have a man in her life.

Sad, really, when you think about it, that someone's sense of self-worth is so tied up in what virtual strangers think of her or can offer her.

 

[Wadecool]

low self esteem.

Bingo!

 

[ginna74]

low self esteem and /or poor or no father figure