Why are some parents crazy?

[clovergirl5]

Don't go to the party, and ask for your DD NOT to be in her class next year, and don't worry about it. People are what they are, and they are not going to change for you or anyone else.

 

[klacey1]

Doesn't that rule discriminate against the transgender children if handing out to one sex?

Seriously, though, OP, I understand the urge to want to protect your daughter from this crazy little girl-- but the fact is, difficult people are always going to be around. DD needs to learn how to deal with people like that, even starting from a young age. If she steals from your DD or gets physical, then I would definitely get involved. Otherwise, I definitely think you should still let your DD go to the party and I would not bother requesting they be in a different class. Just encourage your daughter to be kind and always act properly, and maybe this other girl will learn by example!

 

[mjkacmom]

Seriously, though, OP, I understand the urge to want to protect your daughter from this crazy little girl-- but the fact is, difficult people are always going to be around. DD needs to learn how to deal with people like that, even starting from a young age. If she steals from your DD or gets physical, then I would definitely get involved. Otherwise, I definitely think you should still let your DD go to the party and I would not bother requesting they be in a different class. Just encourage your daughter to be kind and always act properly, and maybe this other girl will learn by example!

I wouldn't think about keeping her home from the party, and having her be in a different classroom was a little tongue in cheek. However, my friend's teacher says there is no way she'd put them together again (this girl tends to dominate weaker girls, and my friend's dd is quiet, sweet, and eager to please). Now the girl who's party it is never had an issue with her, because she has a strong personality herself.

Trust me, with 5 kids, I KNOW all about how kids need to learn to deal with other kids - so far, dd13 has had close friendships with girls who are considered bullies, and has had dozens of the "you're not my friend if..." issue.

 

[mbfqueen]

It's a tough call .. but the older I get .. the more I am all what's best for my kids .. not if it will hurt feelings, etc .. sure my kids are teens now .. and those decisions I made, I'm happy I did .. maybe it's cause I'm in my 40's and I just have ran out of "oh it might hurt so and so's feelings", esp. if there is history there lol ..

 

[akhenaten]

Actually, in my kids school, NO invitations may be sent home in backpacks or through the school. They all must be mailed. But they still have the policy that you have to invite the whole class, all boys/girls, etc. So apparently they can still tell you who to invite.

How on earth can they enforce that? Do they tell you not to arrange play dates unless the entire class can come too??

 

[cepmom]

Actually, in my kids school, NO invitations may be sent home in backpacks or through the school. They all must be mailed. But they still have the policy that you have to invite the whole class, all boys/girls, etc. So apparently they can still tell you who to invite.

I'd love to see how they enforce that rule! Seriously? If my DD wants to invite her close friends to her party and one of her close friends happens to be in her class, she would need to invite all the girls or the whole class? Ridiculous. Wouldn't happen.

 

[GRUMPY PIRATE]

that whole "invite the class" sounds like PC'ism taken too far!

When I was in school you got an invite to a birthday party if you were friends. kids who were like the one described did NOT get invited.

but guess what, that sent a message to those kids that their manners and lack of social graces was not wanted.

it is amazing how fast they learned to behave without an adult giving them a time out (unheard of at that time)

social pressure can really make changes for the better.

 

[justhat]

Well in theory they can't enforce it, but they prefer it, it is written in the handbook, and they remind you periodically throughout the year, as often kids move up from the toddler to primary level midyear, or new kids start at the school, etc.

They did mention it once to a parent in my daughter's class, but not like they could really do anything to her, but they did remind her of the rules. It came up because some parents were talking about the party and a teacher overheard the moms of 2 little boys say they weren't invited. I don't know what the outcome of what they told her was (as in if she ended up inviting all the boys or not), but they did point out how kids talk about the parties in class and feelings get hurt.

 

[akhenaten]

Well in theory they can't enforce it, but they prefer it, it is written in the handbook, and they remind you periodically throughout the year, as often kids move up from the toddler to primary level midyear, or new kids start at the school, etc.

They did mention it once to a parent in my daughter's class, but not like they could really do anything to her, but they did remind her of the rules. It came up because some parents were talking about the party and a teacher overheard the moms of 2 little boys say they weren't invited. I don't know what the outcome of what they told her was (as in if she ended up inviting all the boys or not), but they did point out how kids talk about the parties in class and feelings get hurt.

I have a 20 year old a 15 year old and a 7 year old.... and they all have experienced being the one not invited to parties.... did it stink.... yep
did they live.... yep....
I like the rule about not handing invites out in class... but to try and say that everyone must be invited is really too much!

Is this a pubic school??

 

[justhat]

No, not a public school.

I do agree that some kids will not get invited sometimes and it stinks but you learn to get over it. But I think that since this school is toddler - 6th grade, I guess they figure in that 4-9yo range kids don't really understand and get upset when everyone is talking about the super cool party that they weren't invited too.

It's never really bothered me and while we've basically done all girls the past couple of years for my daughter, with my son this year I did 1 kid in his class, but 4 from other classes. But, he was turning 3yo so they don't really talk about parties much yet so it wasn't an issue.

 

[luvsJack]

What about the kid that always gets left out? The one without any friends? Dd bought a Christmas gift for a boy last year because she knew he wouldn't get a gift at school if she didn't. She has invited him to parties because its the only invite he ever gets. If not for my daughter this child would go through school being the one and only child NEVER included in anything, EVER. So, he gets his feelings hurt every time invitations go out.

I don't think its too much at all to ask that parents either

a. don't send invites to school or
b. invite everyone in the class (not the grade, but that class)

We had this rule in our child care center (we never had anyone to complain, every parent agreed with it) and if I was teaching it would be the rule in my classroom.

If we have a smaller party for dd (like we did this past birthday), she calls and verbally invites the girls. Nothing is given out at school.