Why adopt from other countries when children over here need homes

[newmousecateer]

BWVDenise

What a terrific family. Thanks for sharing.

And thanks to all on this thread who gave me a lot of insight on this subject. I learned a lot.

 

[BWVDenise]

best of luck and good wishes to you!! That is wonderful!

 

[RUDisney]

We chose an international adoption because we wanted children of our same heritage. We didn't want a baby, we wanted children. We didn't want anyone coming to our house to take our kids back. Even with parental rights being terminated in this country, I still have a great fear that the birth parent(s) might change their ways and expect to get their kid(s) back. The courts in this country, IMO, do not support the rights of the adoptive parents, but of the birth parents.

We brought 2 children home from Russia on November 6th last year. They were 5 and 6 at that time. Neither their parents nor the Russian Govt can come back to us for our kids.

Adoptions in Russia are closed. I see no reason for us to know anything more than their birth parents' names nor for them to find out anything more about us.

We got to see a part of the world that we probably never would have had we not chosen this route. We were there for almost 3 weeks and spent 4 days in a hospital in Moscow with our son who got a staph infection. We learned that hospitals in Russia win in patient care hands down to the pathetic American system of medicine. (I'm not blaming the dr's or nurses, but the system itself.)

We learned that even the poorest of the poor in this country have it much better off than someone in Russia. We have social programs to help those who want it. The way people struggle to make a living day to day there was shocking to us.

Our kids were only in an orphanage for 11 months when we adopted them. Unfortunately, they have 5 other siblings that are still there. The oldest is 19 and is not adoptable. It's too bad that we couldn't afford to adopt all of them to keep the family group together, but we keep encouraging the adoption agency to bring them to this country for its annual summer program that tries to link American families with these Russian orphans. My DH is now on the board of the agency we used. Hopefully, this can happen so they can be adopted close by us.

Speaking of the summer program, we got to host our children for almost a month before we had to commit to adopting them. If you travel to Russia to select a child, you only spend about an hour with him/her. We got to see what our kids were really like. Of course, we were certain in the first 3-minutes that they were in our home that they would be ours forever.

I heard a statistic that girls who are released from the orphanage, anywhere from 16-18 yo, have a life expectancy of 19. A boy will live to 26 because he will join the army for awhile. Orphans are given a second-rate education in Russia and once they are on their own, they can't get a job because you have to know someone who will recommend you for a job. The kids live on the street until they perish. At least in this country, there are social programs to help people and although sometimes you need to know someone to get a "good" job, you can find one for survival while you get training for a better one.

I wouldn't consider a domestic adoption until I was certain that the laws were applied in my favor, as the adoptive parent.

As an aside, we were officially made a family on October 22, 2001, at 3:00 in the afternoon. This year, on October 22nd, at 3:00, we'll be having a late lunch at CRT. We'll be the family wearing our "Today is my Gotcha Day" pins.

 

[pnelson]

Kamy,

My husband and I are doing what you are doing. We have chosen to adopt a child through our county social services. We are looking for a 3-5 year old. My social worker said it could still be a 1-2 year wait-very discouraging. We've already taken all the classes, and yes, it is very scary. We do realize that these children may have some developmental problems. But, the truth is-No child comes without risks-even infants or children from other countries. If you're willing and ready to parent, then you accept these risks. For us, the reason to adopt through our county was partly (okay, mainly) due to finances. But also, the realization that we want to be parents and are willing to offer a home to a child from our country who needs one.

 

[ryanpatricksmom]

A happy story related to foster care/adoption....

My brother and his wife started providing foster care several years ago. They agreed to take infants as well as older children and went on record as being open to adopt. The first child placed with them was a 3 month old baby girl. About 2 years later, the birth mother terminated her parental rights and she became theirs. Around the same time, another newborn was brought to their home. Believe it or not...the same thing happened. They have 2 beautiful daughters, and I have two more nieces! Btw both were healthy from birth (no effects from drugs or alcohol). The eldest is African-American; the youngest is Caucasian; both are smart, happy, and adorable. I know it's a risky way to go, but sometimes things just work out.

 

[kamgen]

pnelson - congrats on your decision to adopt. I realize it is scary, but it is exciting just the same. We are not expecting such a long wait because we are open to adopt from any state in the US and any race. Good luck.

As for the laws protecting the adoptive parents..the laws are there to protect the child and the parents. Once the TPR is complete, the birth parents cannot change their minds and if they did, it would not matter. The child is issued a new birth certificate with the adoptive parents name on it. Before adoption, children with TPR are considered wards of the state and their birth parents cannot get them back. The courts are in no way supporting birth parents once the TPR is complete.
Many people are confused about this.
Adoptions of waiting children in the US are also CLOSED. IF WE choose to know about the birth parents, that is our choice. I do get upset when people look negatively at waiting child adoption. These are children who in no way did anything wrong. They deserve love as much as any child. Just needed to vent that.
I say, if anyone is interested in adopting, learn about BOTH international and domestic and find what better fits your family. Keep an open mind and become educated on all the issues.

Kamy

 

[pnelson]

In California, the laws are a little different. They will not terminate the parental rights until an adoptive family have been identified to the courts. They do this so they will not make the children orphans or wards of the state. What they do is called "concurrent Planning" and we will be the childs foster parents until the court date to terminate parental rights. However, because we are a concurrent family, we are not taking foster children who will be reunited with their parents. When we do get a child, we will have one who has an extremely low chance of being reunited with the birth parents. Also, the birth parents can't "change their minds". Once social services have stepped in, it's not a matter of changing their minds, it's more like changing their lifestyle-Most people at that point do not change their life and their kids get taken away.

I was surprised at the long wait because we do want an older child (3-4 years). However, we feel we can only take 1 child and that is somewhat limiting. They get a lot of sibling groups and try to keep those kids together.

Adoption is very difficult-I think anyone who does it-either domestically or internationally should be ready and willing the long haul, so to speak.

 

[Annie&Hallie'sMom]

Although I am undergoing infertility treatment (hasn't worked yet ), DH and I are considering adoption.

To be honest I don't know where to begin, which is why I started reading this thread.

I'd love it if any of you who have experience with this would pm or email me and tell me HONESTLY what you went through.

We really want a child, but infertility treatment is cost prohibitive and I'm afraid adoption might be too. Not that a child isn't worth it, but I have to be practical and realistic (as cold as it may seem).

Any comments would be appreciated.

 

[Kermit]

Other people will be along who know more about it, but I think that you do get a tax credit if you adopt an American baby. So you have to have the money up front, but you get a lot of it back in the end. In fact, I don't know the technical term for it, but it's the type of credit that if it's greater than your total tax burden one year, you'll get to apply the remainder the next year. I'm guessing that would make it easy to qualify for a loan.

Good luck in whatever you decide! DH and I decided before we even started trying to get pregnant that we'd adopt if we had problems conceiving. I know some people are happy with fertility treatments, but it just seems like something that we wouldn't want to deal with.

 

[snoopy]

This has been a very informative thread, thanks so much to all who replied. There was a time when I thought I might like to adopt a baby girl from China, but my husband wasn't 100% certain that is what he wanted, so we never really pursued it.

My brother and his wife's 3 biological children were teenagers when they decided to adopt. They are well off financially, and have the resources to adopt, so they adopted 3 children - 2 from Mexico, one from Columbia. I really don't know why they chose these countries, I do know that the wait was under a year.

Annie&Hallie'sMom, do you or your husband have a program at work where you can be reimbursed for some or all of your adoption costs? We have one where I work that reimburses up to $10,000, but not until the child is officially adopted. So you have to put the money up first, but a year later you get it back. A friend of mine just adopted a beautiful boy from Korea by getting a personal loan, all of which she was able to pay back when the company reimbursed her.

BWV Denise, gorgeous family!

 

[Wishing on a star]

Myth number 1. There are plenty of lovely adoptable babies and children here in the U.S. Not true! In most states these children are lost in the senseless and inhumane labyrinth of the foster care system. DH and I went thru all the endless training classes, evaluations, etc.... Only to find out that they would NOT work with us!!! (but, hey, some lady with a double-wide trailer who is in it for the monthly support checks from the State, NOT to become a parent, is kept stocked with 5 or 6 unfortunate foster children at a time.)

Myth number 2. The child is legally yours.... Baloney... Even if the Birth Mother signs over her rights, birth fathers have been known to show up out of the blue. Also, look at the latest from States like Florida, children unnaccounted for, birth mothers forced to publish their sexual history. Unbelieveable in this country! The United States of America is NOT adoption friendly.

In our case, DH and I went thru the whole process (which is not quick, easy, or cheap) Finally a birth mother chose US!! On the day that the Social Worker was supposedly on the way to our home with the baby, we had just walked in from shopping for last minute baby supplies and items to complete the nursery... the phone rings.... the whole thing fell thru. Anyone who has NOT experienced this cannot even begin to feel the devastation!

Myth number three. It must be easier and cheaper to adopt right here.... NOT!!!! Successful adoptions here can take years and years of waiting, parenting classes, legal fees, paying birthmother expenses, etc... It is NOT easier or cheaper. And all of this with NO guarantee that you will end up with the child at the end of the whole process!

THESE are the reasons that many folks adopt internationally. Our wonderful, beautiful, healthy, happy, intelligent, and God-sent son (5) was adopted from an orphanage in Eastern Europe. What a blessing! and NO, he is NOT second best to biological or domesticly adopted children. Quite the opposit in my (somewhat biased ) point of view!!

I would be happy to answer email from anyone who is interested in international adoption!

 

[BWVDenise]

Very well said!