Why adopt from other countries when children over here need homes

[PRINCESS Ariel34]

I have a question for anyone who can answer this without turning this into something nasty. Today I saw a man carrying his child to his suv. This beatiful little girl is of Asian Descent i believe. As I watched him put the child in the car seat, I started wondering,with so many american children in foster homes and orphanages, why not give these children a home. Please do not take this question the wrong way. I'm just curious.

 

[Kermit]

I don't think that there are many American babies in orphanages, and there are good reasons for wanting to adopt a baby. Some people do choose to adopt older children, but it takes a special kind of person who's willing to deal with extra challenges. Children who have been taken from their parents tend to have rough pasts, and the effects linger for years, even when the child is taken in by a loving, caring family.

Children in foster care are completely off limits. They can't be adopted since the parents could get them back, and it takes a special kind of person to provide foster care. I can't imagine getting attached to a child and then having to give the child back to his "real" parents. It would be heartbreaking. I hold people who can and do do it in high esteem.

 

[newmousecateer]

You know, there is a special spot every week in the Chicago Sun Times showing the picture of children to adopt. It gives a short synopsis of the child, likes and dislikes, what they like to do, the kind of family they want to adopt them, etc.

I look at this every week and wonder why no one wants to adopt them. For some reason, I keep thinking back to the 2 children I saw last year, a 16 year old girl, a boy about 12 and another girl around 7. I thought how wonderful it would be to adopt them and keep them together and build a happy, loving family. I just feel DH and I are too old to handle that. I see brothers and sister, twins, single children...their smiling faces, and I wonder the same thing you do Ariel34.

There are so many beautiful children in this country waiting to be adopted and loved.
I have no answer for you.

 

[BedKnobbery2]

I think, too, a part of it may be that the conditions for abandoned/orphaned children in some other countries are far, far worse than for those in our country. It is awful for sure that there are parent-less kids here....but at least they have a decent shot at remaining alive.....not necessarily so for many orphans in certain countries. So some adoptive parents would find appeal in 'rescuing' a child from a terrible fate.

 

[worm761]

my cousin fosters children. and it is heartbreaking to have to watch her give them back. she wants to adopt but there is sooo much involved to adopt a child from america. she will be able to adopt a baby/child (she has no preference) from another country much sooner than she can here. maybe that is why so many choose to adopt foreign. from what i have seen, it seems to be easier and quicker.

 

[trayletha]

My husband and I had some problems getting preg. and we started looking into adoption - there are several reasons to go outside the US -

1. There really aren't very many healthy babies available in the US.

2. It can take years for even an older child in the US to be "free" for adoption - all the possible avenues taken to find a "family" member.

3. Baby M (I think that was the name given for the little girl who after 2 years with her adoptive parents was returned to the sperm doner and incubator (sorry I've got issues with this).

4. Race - alot of american agencies still don't like "mixing" families.

 

[DopeyRN]

A nurse I work with just returned from Russia last week with a little boy. He is 8 months old and from what you can tell from photos he is adorable.

Several reasons:
1) It is very hard to get babies in the US. At the hospital I worked for we saw virtually no babies go up for adoption. They THINK they want them, and many I fear are taken away down the road. Sadly, at this point, they have learning disabilities, behavioral problems, etc.

2) If you DO get a baby in the states, there is the always present danger that the babies will be taken away if the "real" parents change their minds.

3) Private adoptions are expensive and risky.

I have learned that babies in Russia are plentiful. The orphanages have a very high child/caregiver ratio. The babies are on very regimented schedules. The almost never get out of their cribs. They are given all of the "food" through the bottle. At 8 months old this child has never been fed off a spoon. They wake, get changed and fed, go back to sleep , wake, changed and fed...etc. It seems most of them are pretty developmentally delayed, though seem to catch up quickly. Surprisingly, the child that she adopted seemed well cared for, bright eyed...etc. Time will eventually tell. We are all thrilled for her.

 

[lynetteSC]

Me,me,me! I can answer why WE want to adopt internationally. Most of the reasons have already been posted above...some areas produce healthier infants than the US, typically, you KNOW the child is YOURS when the paperwork is done, no parents coming back in a few yrs, or even when the baby is born to change the minds. Along with these, our reasons are a little different.

I have a relative who was living in Beijing while her dh worked there. She lived in a community of other non-china residents. Because they could not work in China, they chose to volunteer once a week in an orphanage. The stories she has told us are AMAZING! One week she was there, there was an outbreak of scabies in the orphange. Another lady, who was a dr here in the states had contacted her hospital and ordered supplies for the children to treat scabies. The treatment included a bath, some of the kids had never been immersed in water before! These were children of 5-7, much less infants! Lots of other stories she emailed us broke of hearts.

We are infertile, and that pretty much sums up our reasons for wanting to adopt internationally. Our biggest problem is the expense. It is terribly expensive to adopt, even in the USA. Ok, I will get off my soap box now ... back to your regularly scheduled DIS Community Board posts!

 

[PamOKW]

I think the main reasons have already been given -- it's hard to adopt a "baby" in the US. Older children or children with health problems are in the majority. There is also a question of whether the adoption is free and clear or whether the mother and/or father will somehow "win back" the child if they change their minds. There is also the concern for the conditions some of the overseas children live in and the desire to help these children.

I wouldn't necessarily say overseas adoptions are healthier. In many cases, there can be problems that the parents aren't aware of. Several children in our area who were adopted from Russia actually had emotional problems that were really more than the parents had counted on. But, that's what happens with a natural child, too.

On a side note, if you didn't see the mother with the father, there is a chance that this child wasn't actually adopted but just resembles Mom more than Dad.

 

[caitycaity]

if i were to adopt, i would want to adopt internationally b/c the conditions for many babies in orphanages internationally are a lot worse than here.

 

[PRINCESS Ariel34]

3. Baby M (I think that was the name given for the little girl who after 2 years with her adoptive parents was returned to the sperm doner and incubator (sorry I've got issues with this).


I think I remember this story. I know that has to be the worst feeling in the world. To have a child taken away from you after you shared so much together. Thats horrible.




On a side note, if you didn't see the mother with the father, there is a chance that this child wasn't actually adopted but just resembles Mom more than Dad.


YOu could be right

I really did not know there was so much red tape involved with adoption.

 

[CarolA]

While you do see lots of kids up for adoptions the truth is that most couples want to adopt a baby. My sister-in-law was on a waiting list for over 5 years for a baby before she got pregant and had her first child. That kind of wait causes people to look at other resources.

 

[Nutsy]

Very well said Kermit.

From my own personal experience in wishing to adopt some years ago, it is not as easy as abc............you have a lot of criteria to meet over here in Australia & I imagine it would be the same over there in the States. They also take your age into account. For us my husbands age meant that the youngest child we could adopt was a 5 yr old. As much as that child may need a home, we were just not the kind of people who take in a 5 yr old & raise it as our own. Don't get me wrong here please. We desperatley wanted children & were willing to adopt, but just not a 5 yr old. I mean a 5 yr old can be a real handful at the best of times, but to take on one out of the blue is a lot to ask & you need to be a very special to be able to do this. We unfortunately had to say no to this, as we felt it best for the child that we not take it, as we did not feel that we were the right people for the job.

Now, you mentioned adopting from overseas. We also looked into this avenue & were able to adopt a Chinese BABY. We had put our application in & done all the counselling & stuff, then out of the blue I conceived. So we put the adoption on hold. There are so many babies & very young children from 3rd world countries available for adoption that is so much easier. In Austrlia there are huge waiting lists of up to around 6 yrs to adopt a baby & even then there is no guarantees, as so many young girls are opting to keep their babies these days.

 

[BWVDenise]

I would like to answer this question for you. When we decided that adoption would be the answer to how we would build our family, we knew that we would choose intercountry adoption. We could have never dealt with the fear of somone changing their mind months after having a baby placed in our home. Our children were in our arms exactly one year after we applied to adopt each time. They were healthy, happy, and well cared for-- NOT "rescued." I have a friend now who is on a waiting list for a caucasian infant. She has been waiting for 2 years because her husband does not want a non-caucasian child. Another woman I met a while back was also waiting for a U.S. (white) infant and had experienced the birth mother changing her mind at the last minute. A woman in the hospital that I used to work in adopted a baby and the police and birth mother showed up at her door THREE MONTHS LATER and took the baby!! The woman couldn't even work, she was a basket case! I feel so sad them. And as far as the (older) children in this country waiting for families, the majority of them have MAJOR health, or mental disabilities. I have looked at the photolistings for children in the United States. Shaken-baby syndrome. Born drug-addicted. Multiple birth defects. I am not saying that these children don't deserve families, but I know that I am not able to parent them.
We chose Korea because we had a neighbor, years ago, who had 2 Korean grandchildren that she just adored. Her love for these children made a big impression on us. We learned that to adopt from Korea we would not have to travel, the process was relatively easy, and the babies were cared for and loved by foster families until the paperwork went through for them to come home. Sure, we could have waited for several years for a baby to be born in this country. But then, why? There are so many babies waiting for families around the world.
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[PRINCESS Ariel34]

BWVdenise you have a beautiful family

 

[trayletha]

BWVDenise - I LOVE that picture, your kids are beautiful!!

 

[kinlaw6450]

Not to change the thread but that picture is great!!

 

[kamgen]

Dh and I are going through the adoption process right now and I am in the minority on this post. Dh and I are adopting from the United States.
After dealing with infertility, we researched international and domestic adoption. Sure, we found it heartbreaking that there are so many infants in orphanages around the world waiting for parents. But the cost is outrageous. And it is MORE heartbreaking that there are so many of our nations children living without parents.
We have gone to countless meetings and to classes to learn about the foster care system and adoption.
There are thousands and thousands of kids in the US in foster care who have TPR (termination of parental rights) completed. Their birth parents CANNOT come back for them. When you adopt them, they receive a new birth certificate and the adoptive parents are legally bound to the children.

It is true that getting a healthy infant is quicker and easier in other countries (but very expensive). We have friends who recently adopted from Russia, China, and Korea. They have discussed the financial aspect with us. We came to an important conclusion that I feel every family who wants to adopt must decide: Do we want a baby or a family? We decided that when it really came down to it....we want a family. Having an infant was not that important to us. We are also open on the issue of race. That is a tough one for people. So, it forces people to go to European nations to get caucasian children.

As for problems, many people do not want to adopt a waiting child in the U.S. because they are concerned about the emotional problems the kids might have. Well, we have come to realize that even children born naturally to you could have many problems. So, we are not concerned with that. Heck, when dh and I married, we inhereted each others "baggage"! LOL!

We are very excited to be adopting children (we are planning to adopt 2) from the United States. There are many children in varying age groups (we are opent to adopting between ages 1-7). I hope that many other people become educated about foster care and adopting of waiting children.

Kamy

 

[JESW]

My SIL adopted a boy from Korea almost 4 years ago. As said before, the child was living in foster care with a family who absolutely adored him. SIL thinks about his birth Mom often and is thankful she made the decision to let her son go.

In another situation...a very good friend of mine got into the domestic adoption loop a few years back. A young girl picked Patti & her DH to be her daughters parents. So my friend got the room ready, had all the clothes, hopes, dreams, etc. that go along with having a child. And then when the child was born the young girl decided to keep her. You can imagine how devastated my friend and her DH were!

It took them a long time to try adoption again. They were eventualy fortunate and adopted a beautiful girl at birth - again the Mom picked them out but this time she went through with it. Patti & her DH were at the birth. But everything had to remain secret. As much as they appreciated what this woman had done for them, they did not want her to know where they lived. Or even their last names. After what they went through the first time they had the fear of losing their daughter. Little Jessica is now 3 years old.

You hear stories about domestic adoptions going bad, and unfortunately, they are true. Not all - but even one is bad if you are going through it. There is much less fear going international.

It is too bad that it isn't easier - and less fearful - to adopt in the US.

Jill

 

[kamgen]

I think there is a lot of confusion with domestic adoptions. There are two kinds: infant adoption and waiting child adoption. Infant is risky and has a long waiting period. WC adoption is not. Just to clear that up.
There are risks in international adoption as well. We know people who had to take large amounts of cash and "pay people off" along the way when in the other country. There are risks in adoption and in pregnancy. Either way, it is a joy when the family comes together.

Kamy