Who would take the kids? - inspired by the car title/will thread

[Pin Wizard]

This topic was just bugging me again today. I'm less than thrilled having DS go with my sister, and he sure doesn't want to go with her. She hasn't been a supportive relative very much. And let's not forget that the past two Christmases and his last birthday in April, not even a card showed from her. He's only 13 for Pete's sake. She's always made a big deal of birthdays being missed. Color me confused. One year I was late getting her son's card out. She didn't hesitate to call and give me her opinion. Well, I did keep up the cards for her son until he turned 20 this year! Lost track of his address since she's not supplying it. Oh, yes. She did remarry last December and now plays step mom to a 10 year old girl. Just a little animosity on my part here? I did ask her if she's still interested in taking darling son, heaven forbid it's necessary. She said yes When someone else presents themselves, you can bet DS will be going with any decent willing person. Another one praying for health here!

Good luck! I guess we do the best we can with it.

 

[golfgal]

Another thing to think about is how your funds are distributed. Our will basically says that the money is there for raising and educating our children. They will get 25% of the rest at age 25 and the remaining 75% at age 35. We didn't think that 18 year olds needed a lump sum payout in the millions.

 

[Wishing on a star]

We have a kind of different situation, with DS11 being severely mentally handicapped & autistic. However when the attorney sat us down as said,"Think of all the people who could take your children TONIGHT if you dropped dead, then tell me who would be better than foster care."
Holy cow! That put a different spin on it.

Wow, that is one way to put it!!!

One would imagine that we would have several to choose from. But, we really don't. Nobody on my DH's side that I can think of. he has a cousin our age. But, he is single, a real Peter Pan who doesn't really want to grow up. There are several on my side. But, all of them except one would really, in my opinion, not be capable of caring for DS like he needs. The sister that I feel closest too, and who has a similar outlook, would not be suitable. Her husband and his job history and security leave a lot to be desired. They have traveled, hauling their kids around, living at extended stays... while he chases employment opportunities and dreams. She homeschools (read: unschools). With my son's disability, he requires stability!!! He needs to be educated, special ed services, etc. The one relative that is capable and financially secure, etc.... we are complete opposits!!!! She values material things, academic perfection in her kids (duhhh, DS has a learning disability) And she has zero religious foundation. Very superficial. She would give him excellent care and address his needs. But, does not offer what is ultimately important.

I think my husband and I are going to have to sit down and really think about this. Maybe think out-of-the-box.

 

[powellrj]

Another thing to think about is how your funds are distributed. Our will basically says that the money is there for raising and educating our children. They will get 25% of the rest at age 25 and the remaining 75% at age 35. We didn't think that 18 year olds needed a lump sum payout in the millions.

How true. We have had to change our will several times because the people we left the children to were no longer able to do the job. In some ways its easier now that the kids are older, but in some ways its harder because you have to think about who can deal with raising teenagers. The last time we changed our will we are now leaving our 2 youngest children to their older brother. There was a lot of soul searching that went into that, but when we weighted the pros and the cons, he was the best one for the job. My parents would be there to help him, but they aren't in any shape to deal with 1 teen and 1 preteen on a daily base.

Now we just need to find a way to live forever so we don't have to put our plan into actions!

 

[KelNottAt]

My sister will be guardian for our kids. If she's unable or unwilling, DH's brother is next in line. It used to be BIL first, then my sis. But then BIL had 4 kids in 3 years and has been completely overwhelmed ever since. He's better as the back-up.

DH and I are honored and humbled to know that we will be guardians for all of our nieces (6) and nephews (2) if necessary. (Six parents would have to die in order for that to happen, so it's a long shot.) It's a daunting prospect, but if we had to, we'd welcome all of them forever.

 

[jsmith]

For years ours specificed custody would go to my brother and sister in law-my husbands sister is in poor healthand i didnt want teenagers raised by either my over indulgent in laws or my parents who would resent it-When DH deployed the last time we changed it to leave custody of the minor child to his adult older brother and my brother to administer trust funds for each til they reached 23.