Who keeps the apartment?

[vickalamode]

Hi DIS! I Haven't been here in a while but am looking forward to visiting DLR next month.

I was hoping to come here for some life advice.

Background: A friend and I moved out of our home state together last year. I had received a job offer in said state and have been happily employed since. She STILL has not gotten a job and sits around the apartment all day. We had made agreements with each other regarding the living situation BEFORE moving in, and they included that we were each entitled to overnight guests twice a week, which I still think is fair and minimally disruptive for the other person.

However, she has decided that the agreement no longer applies and her bf is over 4, 5 nights a week. I'm getting fed up and she has been fully uncooperative. I attempted to ask her to move out when the lease is up, and she doesn't think she should have to be the one to leave, she thinks I should.

My reasoning for her to leave: She has violated our agreement and would be happier negotiating an agreement with other roommates that better suits her needs, the reason for choosing this apartment and moving to this state was for my job and apartment location suits my work location. She still hasn't started working, so location is flexible for her.

Her reasoning for me to leave: Thinks I should live alone, she can't afford to move (my response: she should start working, which she is capable of doing), doesn't want to move

We found this place together and moved in at the same time. Neither of us wants to move, but we both want the other out. Advice?

 

[FlightlessDuck]

Hi DIS! I Haven't been here in a while but am looking forward to visiting DLR next month.

I was hoping to come here for some life advice.

Background: A friend and I moved out of our home state together last year. I had received a job offer in said state and have been happily employed since. She STILL has not gotten a job and sits around the apartment all day. We had made agreements with each other regarding the living situation BEFORE moving in, and they included that we were each entitled to overnight guests twice a week, which I still think is fair and minimally disruptive for the other person.

However, she has decided that the agreement no longer applies and her bf is over 4, 5 nights a week. I'm getting fed up and she has been fully uncooperative. I attempted to ask her to move out when the lease is up, and she doesn't think she should have to be the one to leave, she thinks I should.

My reasoning for her to leave: She has violated our agreement and would be happier negotiating an agreement with other roommates that better suits her needs, the reason for choosing this apartment and moving to this state was for my job and apartment location suits my work location. She still hasn't started working, so location is flexible for her.

Her reasoning for me to leave: Thinks I should live alone, she can't afford to move (my response: she should start working, which she is capable of doing), doesn't want to move

We found this place together and moved in at the same time. Neither of us wants to move, but we both want the other out. Advice?

If she isn't working, how is she splitting the apartment cost with you? How would she afford the apartment by herself?

 

[Mizzoufan]

I'd let her keep it. Less conflict the better.

 

[mom2rb]

Who do you think the landlord would rather sign a new lease with?

 

[HulaHoopy]

Start looking for another apartment. Is there another one in the same building?

 

[piccolopat]

She's being very inconsiderate of you by breaking your agreement. Is there any reason she can't stay at her BF's place? Since he is living there, perhaps he should pay some of the rent and other expenses.

What's in the lease and whose name is on it? If you leave, a new lease will be needed. Any deposit or security from your lease will have to be returned. She'll then need to provide a new deposit and security payment. If she's not working, how is she paying for things now and how will she pay the entire rent when you are not there?

If you like where you live now, talk to your landlord and see if other units are or will be available when your lease is up. Explain what is going on with your roommate.

 

[PrincessShmoo]

Hi DIS! I Haven't been here in a while but am looking forward to visiting DLR next month.

I was hoping to come here for some life advice.

Background: A friend and I moved out of our home state together last year. I had received a job offer in said state and have been happily employed since. She STILL has not gotten a job and sits around the apartment all day. We had made agreements with each other regarding the living situation BEFORE moving in, and they included that we were each entitled to overnight guests twice a week, which I still think is fair and minimally disruptive for the other person.

However, she has decided that the agreement no longer applies and her bf is over 4, 5 nights a week. I'm getting fed up and she has been fully uncooperative. I attempted to ask her to move out when the lease is up, and she doesn't think she should have to be the one to leave, she thinks I should.

My reasoning for her to leave: She has violated our agreement and would be happier negotiating an agreement with other roommates that better suits her needs, the reason for choosing this apartment and moving to this state was for my job and apartment location suits my work location. She still hasn't started working, so location is flexible for her.

Her reasoning for me to leave: Thinks I should live alone, she can't afford to move (my response: she should start working, which she is capable of doing), doesn't want to move

We found this place together and moved in at the same time. Neither of us wants to move, but we both want the other out. Advice?

Was it a written agreement? If not, then you really don't have much to stand on. How soon does the lease run out? As noted, who would the landlord want to continue renting to? Tell your friend that she's on her own in negotiating with the landlord.

You may need to find a different apartment (is there another one available in the same complex?)

The "she can't afford to move" thing - if you move, how is she going to afford the place on her own?

 

[sam_gordon]

@PrincessShmoo has it right on.

I'd be surprised if there's any legal stature that says who keeps the apartment. I'm fairly certain a 3rd party would say you keep it, but I think that would be a big hassle. I agree with wait until the lease is up and then move, ideally in the same complex.

 

[LittleMissMagic]

It's a lot harder to kick someone out than just move on yourself. Typically it's the person who is no longer happy with the other roommate who needs to move on, if it's a joint lease. Moving SUCKS, so I feel your pain, but I think your easiest option is to end your lease and let her figure out how to fill your spot and pay for the apartment on her own.

The other option (which it sounds like you've already done) is to sit down, tell her that you're not happy with your rooming situation anymore, and ask her to move. But it sounds like she's already said no to that.

 

[LISAMWDW]

I get your reasoning and it yes, it is the right thing for her to do is move out. But it sounds like she doesn't care about the "right" thing to do. So, you need to do what is right for you and move out. Get something close by, just not too close , and look at it as a fresh start! It's a fight not worth fighting.

 

[kimblebee]

Does she pay 50% of the rent? What about utilities? What about food?

 

[HarperLeigh]

Do you want to be happy or do you want to be right? Your answer dictates your next move (figuratively speaking).

 

[Hikergirl]

I'd be finding another place if I was the one who was not happy.
Yes she broke the agreement but unless it was a legally binding agreement there isn't much you can do.

 

[ShirikiUtundu]

I think you should just move to another apartment in the same complex. Let the leasing company know now so they can let you know if and when one opens up.

 

[SharonZ]

Verbal agreements mean nothing. You should move out, she will have difficulty getting an apartment without being employed.

 

[tvguy]

Are both names on the lease?
People's Court/Judge Judy etc have done dozens of episodes on this type situation.
What is in writing is all the counts.

 

[SC Minnie]

I would cut your losses and just move when your lease is up. I know it's a PITA but it will be easier. If you can get an apt in your same complex they may wave your security deposit. Will you need a new roommate or can you make it without?

 

[anniemae]

How is she paying rent if she has no job?

I think everyone would side with you, but I think the best thing to do is just leave and find your own place since you are the one who is not happy. It is not fair that she is violating your agreement, but honestly it isn't worth the aggravation IMO. I would let her have the apartment and she will probably move the boyfriend in. You will be much happier.

 

[mamacatnv]

HR Rule that often applies to life agreements: If it is not written, it never happened.
HarperLeigh IMO summed it up best

I'd start the apartment hunt - just make sure that when you do leave you are no longer obligated to anything financially on the former apartment including Lease, Utilities etc.

 

[nkereina]

If she's paying her share in full and on time and the issue is that her BF is there 4-5 nights a week, I'd weigh my options. Is that a concession you'd be willing to make for the sake of your friendship and being able to keep the apartment you seem to like? If she does leave, the friendship may be on the line and you may get a roommate who's worse off than the current one. And that roommate could be a stranger as well. Grass isn't always greener.

Just playing devil's advocate though, I don't blame you for being annoyed. If it were me, I might find an apartment I can afford on my own in the same area. It's easier to take matters into your own hands than try and get someone else to do something that they are clearly going to push back on.