Where do you turn?

[nannerbadnanner]

Thanl you all for your input. I have tried some of the county help and I make just enough money tht I do not qualify. The area of Florida I live in does not seem to be big on therpists.

As for how I found out about what he was saying - good ole Myspace as well as some distant relatives

I am not a good person at all and sometimes when I am havinf amassive panic attack I get so angry. Sometimes I say things that are horrible. I don't mean them and I regret that I ever say them - but he seems to think they are all directed at him. He does not consider me to have a mental illness even though I have been diagnosed by several doctors with depression, anxiety disorder, agoraphobia and PTSD (for several different traumas). He says I need to ger over myself.

We had a go around tonight. He left to go into his work to check his schedule for the week and instead of coming right home (school night) he decided he could go to a friend's without telling me. When he got home I told him he would be grounded for a week from his cell and to give it to me. He told me no and and when I approached him to get the phone he got very aggressive and asked if I wanted to hit him. It was the most frightening thing. I am not a violent person, aggressive behavior terrifies me and I was shocked to see this coming from my baby.

He told me flat out that he hated me and had no respect for me. That he did not have to do anything I asked. He said he could care less about my struggles because he is "over dealing with me".

I cannot believe I am typing all this on a freakin' message board but I really do not have anyone else to share this with. I feel so alone and hopeless. I am crying so hard I can barely breathe. I love him so much and it hurts so much that he couldn't care less about me.

Many teenagers are not rational human beings. You mention that sometimes you say horrible things that you don't mean. Please give your son the benefit of the doubt that he may be doing the same thing.

You are not alone and hopeless no matter how you feel. Jimmiej had great advice about where to find hope. Like I've always heard, "God don't make junk!" You are valuable and special. I encourage to keep exploring options for help with your depression. Maybe some Dissers in FL can give you some ideas.

 

[SorcererDonald16]

Do you have a Community Service Board in your area? Some of them offer counseling in the areas you're having some problems in (anxiety and depression). Usually they'll have a sliding pay scale, where they base what you pay on your income and other factors. They try to make it as cheap as they can.

And if I could make another suggestion... check area colleges that offer a degree in family counseling. They will oftentimes run totally free family counseling clinics for people in the area. If so, see if you can get your son to go into family counseling with you. It's a tough process, but it can help.

Many prayers to you.

 

[Buckalew11]

My heart is breaking for you right now. I will be saying prayers for you.

You have received good advice tonight but you are really struggling. I have no words of wisdom other than what has been said. Do not give up, brighter days will come. If I were you, I'd copy and paste wha Rafiki Rafiki Rafiki posted and print it out--several copies. I'd put one where you can read it every night and morning. I'd carry it with me in my wallet. I'd pull it out and check over the list often to see what I could be working on.
I have dealt with anxiety and depression. It is hell, true hell. You will overcome it. You must over come it.
I would be happy to talk to you or email/PM with you also.
Many hugs to you, and prayers said for you. I am sorry you are struggling like this.

 

[Planogirl]

It's OK to cry. You need to let it out. Just don't let it make you feel worse.

Like nannerbadnanner pointed out, you said that you say things that you don't mean and your son probably is doing the same. He sounds angry which could come from many different things.

Hang in there.

 

[MyManGoofy!]

OK, for starters, there isn't a single senior in high school who is crazy about his/her parents. I just got over that point with my own daughter.

Rest assured. This time next year, your son will all-of-a-sudden realize you hung the moon again.

Quick things you could do:

--make your son get a job...even if it's only for the Christmas season. Once he is working and earning his own cash at 1/4 the rate you make, he'll gain a little more appreciation for you. He'll also be towing the line.

--do your best to secure your current position at work. If they are laying off half the workforce, that means half will get to keep their jobs. You just need to remain in the top 50% of producers and invaluable people there.

--pinch every penny you can. Cut back as much as you can in gasoline and food use, and make your money stretch as far as you can.

--if you do get laid off and are faced with only paying partial payments on items, keep them up in this order: 1) home 2) car 3) electricity and food 4)consumer and unsecured debt. Make arrangements with every creditor and avoid bankruptcy. Consider using a consumer credit counselor to help get your affairs in order.

--keep the faith. A defeatist attitude will make what you're facing even more difficult.


I have been through depression before, and I've found that the best way to beat it is to fight back with everything you have. Get up every day and make sure you look impeccable. Keep your nails trimmed, your legs shaved, and make sure your clothes are ironed. If you have vitamins, take them. Exercise. Exercise releases those all-important good-feeling endorphins. Say kind words to the people you meet. Refuse to feel down...at all costs.

After you do those things, PRETEND you're happy. Tell everyone else around you that you ARE happy...and happy will follow.

It's the only way I got out of it. Depression meds didn't even help.

You'll get there. I promise.

Actually - have done everything that you have listed.
-My son has a job although they are cutting back the hours he gets to maybe 6 hours a week.
-At work, I have signed up for every training group I could. I am pretty much a permanent fixture on the on-call roster.
-Budget-wise, I think I am at about bare bones now. I have no credit card or outstanding debt, so even right now all I pay is rent, phone, utilities, car insurance, food and gas. I have no cable and my internet is dial up. I do not know what could be cut from this. But I will take another look.
-I exercise and take vitamins. Eat veggies and fruits.

As for what I bolded above - I do pretend that I am happy. In fact - many of the people that know me would be shocked that I struggle like this. I have created quite the alter ego - but that kind of facade is very hard to maintain and I guess mine is starting to have to many cracks in it.

I will keep trying. Thank you all for responding to me. I know you do not know me from Adam, but it did help that people actually took the time to answer me on a message board, silly as that is.

 

[java]

You are not alone.

 

[chrisw127]

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

Your son doesn't hate you. He's a teenager and his skills for coping with what's going on around him are very limited. He sees you in pain and he hates that, but he's not mature enough to realize that he hates what you're going through and not you. Instead, he's focusing on you and what he perceives to be your shortcomings because you are the most obvious target in the room. I promise you that this will pass eventually.

The other posters had some good ideas. I hope things get better for you and your son.

 

[Liberty Belle]

You've been given a lot of great advice, so I won't even attempt to give more. Just remember, in the depths of depression, everything always seems worse. Always. I've been there.

I think you sound like a very intelligent, interesting person. People who are going through anxiety and depression are not usually the funnest people to be around and maybe that's what is behind your son's comments. Plus, kids (even older teens) say things to others that they really don't truly mean.
I know mine has.

It sounds like a lot of people on this board care about you. Hang onto that, if there's nothing else. Feel free to pm me anytime. Like I said, I've been there and know the struggle.

Eden

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I have recently found out that my son is telling anyone that will listen that he cannot stand me. That I am a loser and an idiot and he cannot wait to get away from me, (he is turning 18 and graduating this year). It has been just the two of us since he was born and this is beyond devastating to me as I was under the misguided notion that we enjoyed a very close relationship. This has been going on for sometime and I do not think it is just a "teenage rant cause Mom won't let me..." situation even though he no longer listens to anything I say. He tells me no if I try to restrict him in anyway and does what he wants. I cannot physically manhandle him into doing what I ask, so he rides right over me.

I am heartbroken and do not know what to do.

Can you move into a more adult relationship with him? I also have a graduating teen and the dynamic does need to shift.

They do have to break free from you and begin their life.

Since you depend on him as "the man" of your house I suspect that he is feeling the pressure of your issues plus his own.

I know my teen is very overwhelmed with the reality of "growing up" as well her friends.

Since you are in a depressive state I suppose you are not in a great position to offer strength and support on the positive side. So he is looking for that.

Hang in there. It is rough all over. I cannot even imagine dealing with my teen in your position.

Is he going to college? What are his plans?

 

[Charade]

 

[lovemygoofy]

I'm sorry you are going through so much right now. I have no real suggestions but wanted to offer a different opinion.

You and your son could have been me and my mom at that time. My mom always struggled(and still struggles) with depression and anxiety and made some BAD choices regarding myself and her actions when I was a kid.

As a senior in high school, this child is struggling with the excitment of starting a new life, being scared of the known in a new life, and the internal struggle of not being able to take care of his mom and the guilt of wanting to leave and explore the world. Trust me I know. At 30 I still struggle with the guilt of being far away and knowing that my mom HAS to do things on her own to have any sort of successful life without always relying on me.

I think you need to have some kind of heart to heart with him regarding the future. Even if you haven't spoken it outloud, you are anxious about him "leaving" and he is struggling the with guilt of wanting to leave and the feeling that he needs to stay to take care of you. It's a hard line to walk I promise. Honestly I still have problems understanding my mom's depression and anxiety even after dealing with it for years.

I hope you find some peace for yourself.

 

[Tikitoi]

When I'm going through hard times, I try talking with people, because that can usually help a lot. As far as your son, I would have a heart to heart with him personally and be totally honest that what he says hurts you and ask him why he says such things. (I haven't read this thread). But good luck and I hope things go better for you!

 

[Planogirl]

I will keep trying. Thank you all for responding to me. I know you do not know me from Adam, but it did help that people actually took the time to answer me on a message board, silly as that is.

Silly? No, not silly. Maybe a little chancey here but not silly.

 

[Uncle Remus]

Hell, I'm just now readin' this thread and I have to say you are one strong and smart woman for speaking out about this situation. I can't really add any more to the advice and suggestions you've gotten in here, but maybe you might consider letting your son read this thread to open a discussion with him, maybe this thread could help both of you just a little.


Even though this won't help you much, I wish you the best.



And don't give up, trust me on that.

 

[ols386]

I'm really sorry for what you are going through. It was very brave for you to post here, I'm sure it wasn't easy. I was reading through the other posts, and there were some very good suggestions listed. I don't really have any additional suggestions...hopefully one or some of them you can check in to and get some assistance. Teenagers can be very difficult to deal with. I bet your son loves you very much, it's probably just that it's hard for him going through the teenage years anyway, and seeing you suffer probably makes it even more difficult for him, and this is just the way he's coping with it. If you can get some type of counseling, hopefully BOTH of you could attend. My heart really goes out to you. I hope everything works out. I'll keep you and your son in my prayers.

 

[AuntieM03]

I'm sorry for your struggles

You might want to check out the bigger Churches in your area. A lot of them have small support groups that might be helpful. I know at my church you don't have to be a member.

 

[*pixie*dust*]

Does your work have a "help line" type referal service? I know many do and they can get you in touch with some free or sliding scale therapists. Depression is a serious illness that needs to be treated with a combination of therapy and medication. (I know this as my ex sufferes from it and his lack of treatment ended our marriage)

You are in a crisis and need help. Contact your doctor, contact social services, contact churches, contact the hospital. Someone will have a resource for you. Dont give up. Please don't wait. Severe depression is h*ll for everyone involved.

 

[NEVERENOUGHWDW]

Actually - have done everything that you have listed.
-My son has a job although they are cutting back the hours he gets to maybe 6 hours a week.
-At work, I have signed up for every training group I could. I am pretty much a permanent fixture on the on-call roster.
-Budget-wise, I think I am at about bare bones now. I have no credit card or outstanding debt, so even right now all I pay is rent, phone, utilities, car insurance, food and gas. I have no cable and my internet is dial up. I do not know what could be cut from this. But I will take another look.
-I exercise and take vitamins. Eat veggies and fruits.

As for what I bolded above - I do pretend that I am happy. In fact - many of the people that know me would be shocked that I struggle like this. I have created quite the alter ego - but that kind of facade is very hard to maintain and I guess mine is starting to have to many cracks in it.

I will keep trying. Thank you all for responding to me. I know you do not know me from Adam, but it did help that people actually took the time to answer me on a message board, silly as that is.

It's not silly at all, everyone needs to be heard.
I would really reach out to a support group at your local community center or hospital. Does your son have a history of depression.....anger in boys is often depression.
Also remember that when your feeling down the holidays seem to magnify it.

 

[Missy1961]

It's not silly at all, you needed a friend.

I have a friend in your area. She recommened this:
http://www.womenscenterinbrevard.org/index.html

 

[Trish Bessette]

Fight.

Tell yourself every morning that this is a new day and your thankful for it.

Tell your son every morning "I love you"

Tell yourself every morning "I love me"

We are here for you. You've been give great advice and I wish the very best for you.