Where do you turn?

[MyManGoofy!]

When you are depressed and overwhelmed? I have struggled with depression and anxiety disorders most of my life and take medicine for it, but do not do any kind of therapy. (I have no medical insurance and money is so tight that going to a doctor is not even an option right now). I have no family to speak of and I fear that my friends no longer wish to be bothered by me as I have been brushed off and ignored whenever I have tried to reach out to them.

They are doing a massive layoff at my work - half of the workforce will be let go by the end of the year with more to follow next year. Through mismanagement of funds (my own fault I admit) I have NO savings at all, so should I be laid off - it very well may mean homelessness for me and my son. I am applying for jobs like mad, even part time, and I am not hearing a thing back. So I am super stressed out. But it is more than that.

I have recently found out that my son is telling anyone that will listen that he cannot stand me. That I am a loser and an idiot and he cannot wait to get away from me, (he is turning 18 and graduating this year). It has been just the two of us since he was born and this is beyond devastating to me as I was under the misguided notion that we enjoyed a very close relationship. This has been going on for sometime and I do not think it is just a "teenage rant cause Mom won't let me..." situation even though he no longer listens to anything I say. He tells me no if I try to restrict him in anyway and does what he wants. I cannot physically manhandle him into doing what I ask, so he rides right over me.

I am heartbroken and do not know what to do.

 

[camreesmom]

I don't know what to say but hang in there.

 

[themarquis]

You are really going through a lot. It's really okay and normal to feel all sorts of negative emotions, from grief to sadness to anger and everything in between, when trying to deal with a difficult life event.

It sounds like between the job situation and your son, you are really under a lot of pressure right now. You are so strong for being able to keep on going, apply to all those jobs, and come here to a message board to express yourself. A lot of people would not be able to do all that or would be in their bed with a pillow over their head, so !

I went through a severe depression during a time when I did not have adequate health insurance, and I was able to see awonderful therapist through a free/sliding scale program through a local Women's Center. The therapists were all in school getting their degrees in social work or clinical psychology, and needed a certain number of clinical hours, so they donated their time to help people in need. It was a really wonderful program and a great help to me.

Please make some phone calls, maybe starting with your PCP, the local university hospital, United Way, etc. and see if anybody knows of free or sliding scale therapy programs in the area. I think especially with your history of depression and anxiety, it would be so helpful if you had an ally, someone to talk to and get help working through all this stuff.

Best of luck to you -- PM if you want -- I've "been there, done that"

 

[paintnolish]

When I get stressed, I try to focus on what I have the power to change versus what I can't. I also try to think about what is the worst that can possibly happen, then keep in mind it most likely will not.
As for your ds, it is probably the age. I fought with my mom a ton at that age and couldn't wait to move out. Now we talk several times a day.
Hang in there!

 

[jimmiej]

Are you a religious person? Do you attend church? These are the words of Jesus:

Matthew 11

28"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.

I don't know if you believe this or not, but Jesus loves you & wants to help you. If you have a Bible, read the book of John. Or look here:

http://www.biblegateway.com/

http://www.chick.com/information/general/salvation.asp

 

[hentob]

My heart breaks for you

Where about do you live? I only ask b/c I know that there are free agencies that can help you.

You have a ton on your plate right now. Please take care of yourself.

 

[DisneyMomOK]

I am so sorry for all the problems you are facing right now. Especially being the holidays, all problems seem to escalate in size. I so agree with the PP who mentioned trying to focus on one thing you can correct. It is amazing what one small success can do for your self-confidence. If you are having money problems, I would suggest looking at the Budget Board here at the Dis. There are some good folks there that might help in that arena. Please know that lots of people will be cheering for you! Best of luck.

 

[nannerbadnanner]

I also wanted to mention that many churches have counselors on staff that would see you for free or for very little cost. These are not clergy members, but people with degrees in counseling.

Also, if you do belong to a church, you can also seek help from your minister.

 

[Barb D]

Man, I'd be stressed and depressed in your situation too. Wait, I am stressed and depressed.

Does your employer offer an Employee Assistance Program? A lot do. I think they offer a certain amount of free, confidential counseling. Although I guess if they're not giving you insurance this isn't likely either.

How did you find out about your son? Did he tell you or did someone else? And how do you know he told a lot of people? This could well have been blown out of proportion or a one-time vent. Have you tried to talk to him about it? (Just wondering.)

 

[RNMOM]

You sound like you have so much to deal with right now and no one to help. I have difficulty with depression, life long, and really do understand. I hope you work situation works out for you. It sounds like you are doing all you can at this point.

As for you son...this is more common than you think. My sons are still living with DH and I at the ages of 21 and 23 and we are putting up with a lot of sh*t right now. I just spent 2 hours strolling around the grocery store to get away from home tonight.

Is there any family he might spend some time with? Maybe over Christmas break? Having some space from one another might help. Is he planning to leave after graduation? I would encourage that if I were you. Really, he needs to be on his own a bit and I will bet he learns to appreciate you. Yeah, listen to me, I'm the one with the kids still at home.

As for help...I know in our area there are county mental health facilities who charge what one can afford. We also have services through the county hospital available on sliding scales. This is a large teaching hospital with a great reputation. Catholic charities often helps people and you don't need to be catholic.

I am sure there will be others with suggestions. Remember we are here and some of us at night too. Don't be afraid to ask for help. We are good at listening.

 

[lovesmurfs]

Are you a religious person? Do you attend church? These are the words of Jesus:

Matthew 11

28"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.

I don't know if you believe this or not, but Jesus loves you & wants to help you. If you have a Bible, read the book of John. Or look here:

http://www.biblegateway.com/

http://www.chick.com/information/general/salvation.asp

What Jimmie said. I'll be praying for you and your situation.

I have learned that you can only control your reaction to stuff in life. You can't control the stuff, nor can you control others' thoughts or reactions. Hang in there.

 

[Dokietoes]

When you are depressed and overwhelmed? I have struggled with depression and anxiety disorders most of my life and take medicine for it, but do not do any kind of therapy. (I have no medical insurance and money is so tight that going to a doctor is not even an option right now). I have no family to speak of and I fear that my friends no longer wish to be bothered by me as I have been brushed off and ignored whenever I have tried to reach out to them.

They are doing a massive layoff at my work - half of the workforce will be let go by the end of the year with more to follow next year. Through mismanagement of funds (my own fault I admit) I have NO savings at all, so should I be laid off - it very well may mean homelessness for me and my son. I am applying for jobs like mad, even part time, and I am not hearing a thing back. So I am super stressed out. But it is more than that.

I have recently found out that my son is telling anyone that will listen that he cannot stand me. That I am a loser and an idiot and he cannot wait to get away from me, (he is turning 18 and graduating this year). It has been just the two of us since he was born and this is beyond devastating to me as I was under the misguided notion that we enjoyed a very close relationship. This has been going on for sometime and I do not think it is just a "teenage rant cause Mom won't let me..." situation even though he no longer listens to anything I say. He tells me no if I try to restrict him in anyway and does what he wants. I cannot physically manhandle him into doing what I ask, so he rides right over me.

I am heartbroken and do not know what to do.

Go after his father for back child support.

 

[Rafiki Rafiki Rafiki]

OK, for starters, there isn't a single senior in high school who is crazy about his/her parents. I just got over that point with my own daughter.

Rest assured. This time next year, your son will all-of-a-sudden realize you hung the moon again.

Quick things you could do:

--make your son get a job...even if it's only for the Christmas season. Once he is working and earning his own cash at 1/4 the rate you make, he'll gain a little more appreciation for you. He'll also be towing the line.

--do your best to secure your current position at work. If they are laying off half the workforce, that means half will get to keep their jobs. You just need to remain in the top 50% of producers and invaluable people there.

--pinch every penny you can. Cut back as much as you can in gasoline and food use, and make your money stretch as far as you can.

--if you do get laid off and are faced with only paying partial payments on items, keep them up in this order: 1) home 2) car 3) electricity and food 4)consumer and unsecured debt. Make arrangements with every creditor and avoid bankruptcy. Consider using a consumer credit counselor to help get your affairs in order.

--keep the faith. A defeatist attitude will make what you're facing even more difficult.


I have been through depression before, and I've found that the best way to beat it is to fight back with everything you have. Get up every day and make sure you look impeccable. Keep your nails trimmed, your legs shaved, and make sure your clothes are ironed. If you have vitamins, take them. Exercise. Exercise releases those all-important good-feeling endorphins. Say kind words to the people you meet. Refuse to feel down...at all costs.

After you do those things, PRETEND you're happy. Tell everyone else around you that you ARE happy...and happy will follow.

It's the only way I got out of it. Depression meds didn't even help.

You'll get there. I promise.

 

[1 goofy family]

When I get to the point where I am feeling overwhelmed and anxious, I pray. It doesn't solve all my problems, but when I let go and give it to God I find the peace that I need to figure out my next step.

I'm so sorry that you're going through such a tough time. Hang in there, it will get better. I'll say a special prayer for you and your son tonight.


Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

 

[1 goofy family]

I have been through depression before, and I've found that the best way to beat it is to fight back with everything you have. Get up every day and make sure you look impeccable. Keep your nails trimmed, your legs shaved, and make sure your clothes are ironed. If you have vitamins, take them. Exercise. Exercise releases those all-important good-feeling endorphins. Say kind words to the people you meet. Refuse to feel down...at all costs.

Great advice!

 

[bigtinkfun]

See if your county mental health office can hook you up with a therapist or a group that can help you give voice to some of what you're going through right now. For many depressives being able to talk about what they're going through with other people who know what it's like to struggle with this disease is every bit as important as medication.

I know you love your son, but right now, he sounds like he's sharper than a serpent's tooth. Having someone around who tells everyone you're a loser reinforces the negativity of depression and could be a drag on your well-being. Is his father a part of his life at all? Can he go live with him while you work on getting better? You might find that if he goes and spends some time with other family members, it will free you up to take care of yourself properly. And having a long hard look at the real world might give the boy a bit more respect for you.

Remember, it's at times like this, when you feel alone, that God is always with you. Good luck. I'll be praying for you.

Fight.

 

[rentayenta]

Check with your county mental health agency. They offer sliding fee scales based on income and ability to pay. They also have 24 hour crisis lines where you can talk with a crisis worker for free.


Also there are many therapists, like myself, who will see you regardless of the ability to pay and will charge what a co-pay would be: $15-$20 per session. Sometimes you can't afford to not get help. Hang in there.

 

[Planogirl]

Keep in mind that 17 year olds don't always make sense. I imagine that his attitude is harder on you right now because of all of the stress you're under too. I know that I said such things when I was his age.

You just have way too much to deal with right now. Accept this and follow Rafiki Rafiki Rafiki's good advice. I bet that you'll get through this and I hope that you'll keep us informed.

 

[MyManGoofy!]

Thanl you all for your input. I have tried some of the county help and I make just enough money tht I do not qualify. The area of Florida I live in does not seem to be big on therpists.

As for how I found out about what he was saying - good ole Myspace as well as some distant relatives

I am not a good person at all and sometimes when I am havinf amassive panic attack I get so angry. Sometimes I say things that are horrible. I don't mean them and I regret that I ever say them - but he seems to think they are all directed at him. He does not consider me to have a mental illness even though I have been diagnosed by several doctors with depression, anxiety disorder, agoraphobia and PTSD (for several different traumas). He says I need to ger over myself.

We had a go around tonight. He left to go into his work to check his schedule for the week and instead of coming right home (school night) he decided he could go to a friend's without telling me. When he got home I told him he would be grounded for a week from his cell and to give it to me. He told me no and and when I approached him to get the phone he got very aggressive and asked if I wanted to hit him. It was the most frightening thing. I am not a violent person, aggressive behavior terrifies me and I was shocked to see this coming from my baby.

He told me flat out that he hated me and had no respect for me. That he did not have to do anything I asked. He said he could care less about my struggles because he is "over dealing with me".

I cannot believe I am typing all this on a freakin' message board but I really do not have anyone else to share this with. I feel so alone and hopeless. I am crying so hard I can barely breathe. I love him so much and it hurts so much that he couldn't care less about me.

 

[NEVERENOUGHWDW]

When you are depressed and overwhelmed? I have struggled with depression and anxiety disorders most of my life and take medicine for it, but do not do any kind of therapy. (I have no medical insurance and money is so tight that going to a doctor is not even an option right now). I have no family to speak of and I fear that my friends no longer wish to be bothered by me as I have been brushed off and ignored whenever I have tried to reach out to them.

They are doing a massive layoff at my work - half of the workforce will be let go by the end of the year with more to follow next year. Through mismanagement of funds (my own fault I admit) I have NO savings at all, so should I be laid off - it very well may mean homelessness for me and my son. I am applying for jobs like mad, even part time, and I am not hearing a thing back. So I am super stressed out. But it is more than that.

I have recently found out that my son is telling anyone that will listen that he cannot stand me. That I am a loser and an idiot and he cannot wait to get away from me, (he is turning 18 and graduating this year). It has been just the two of us since he was born and this is beyond devastating to me as I was under the misguided notion that we enjoyed a very close relationship. This has been going on for sometime and I do not think it is just a "teenage rant cause Mom won't let me..." situation even though he no longer listens to anything I say. He tells me no if I try to restrict him in anyway and does what he wants. I cannot physically manhandle him into doing what I ask, so he rides right over me.

I am heartbroken and do not know what to do.

I would start with local centers in your community to find a therapist or support group.
Medication without getting to the root of what is really going on is just a band-aid.
Please PM me if you'd like to chat.