When you've run out of punishments..what now?

[luvmy3]

If the child is under medical care, is medicated, is seeing a therapist, is as sharp as a tack but is still starting fires, stealing and breaking windows, then I'd say to change professionals depending on how long the child has been seeing this particular professional. It's obvious that they are privy to more information about the situation than the rest of us are privy to.

As far as me joking or never having to deal with a child with less than perfect mental health, luvmy3, I have yet to see a baby look at anyone with murder in their eyes or evil intent in their attitudes. But, then again, I don't look at children and try to figure out what's wrong with them. I look at children and love them for what's right with them; hence I rarely see evil or bad children. YMMV.
That's just my experience. Obviously you and I share dissimilar experiences in this life and have disagreed on these kinds of issues before. We'll simply have to disagree on this one, too.

Jennasis, if you're looking for advice, I'd advise you to let the professionals handle it.

Why do you keep using the term evil? You seem to be stuck on that, none of us here believe these children are evil but maybe you do?
Anyway, children can be born with all sorts of physical handicaps, as well has learning handicaps, why would it be such a stretch to believe that children can also be born with psychological handicaps (which I guess you see as being *evil*) as well?

 

[NotUrsula]

...
As far as me joking or never having to deal with a child with less than perfect mental health, luvmy3, I have yet to see a baby look at anyone with murder in their eyes or evil intent in their attitudes.

Not a baby, but a two-year old. Infants don't have the physical capacity to carry out their desires or attempt any kind of complex logic to reach a goal, but by about age 2, kids begin to understand that they can influence the world around them in more ways than just getting a smile or a no out of an adult. They can use tools, and can plot things out a few steps. I've seen mine go for blood if she's angry, because she hasn't yet learned to adequately deal with that impulse in acceptable ways. (Mind you, she's improving all the time, so I'm not concerned that she will have long-term issues.)

Most of the time I don't think a child who sets fires has any "evil" intent; I think that it is more that they don't have the normal capacity to understand that because that fascinating phenomenon can be dangerous and in fact deadly, it has to be avoided. They just have an over-riding desire to see things burn, and no internal balance control to understand that the danger is not worth the pleasure.

I personally suspect that kids like this have a really compelling need to try to control the world around them; they crave power, and they get such pleasure from it that they will risk anything to feel it.

I agree with you completely that a child who has nothing left to lose won't fear consequences, but neither will a heroin addict who is desperate for a fix. Messed-up brain chemistry will make people do a lot of illogical things, even at a very young age.

 

[bluesaturn]

If the child is under medical care, is medicated, is seeing a therapist, is as sharp as a tack but is still starting fires, stealing and breaking windows, then I'd say to change professionals depending on how long the child has been seeing this particular professional. It's obvious that they are privy to more information about the situation than the rest of us are privy to.

As far as me joking or never having to deal with a child with less than perfect mental health, luvmy3, I have yet to see a baby look at anyone with murder in their eyes or evil intent in their attitudes. But, then again, I don't look at children and try to figure out what's wrong with them. I look at children and love them for what's right with them; hence I rarely see evil or bad children. YMMV.

That's just my experience. Obviously you and I share dissimilar experiences in this life and have disagreed on these kinds of issues before. We'll simply have to disagree on this one, too.

Jennasis, if you're looking for advice, I'd advise you to let the professionals handle it.

I doubt anyone thinks babies or kids are evil or malicious. But all kids aren't naturally happy. The diagnosis of mental health problems in young children kind of proves this. Everyone should love their children for what's right with them, but if you don't help them deal with the things that aren't so right you are not doing them any favors.

 

[3jsmommy]

I am sure this will be a controversial subject, so let's enjoy the peace and quiet while we can for a moment, shall we?














there...Good!

So you've got a kid (or kids). You've tried it all. Taking away their favorite toy, taking away tv/play/computer time, taking away trips, charging them money, time outs, stripping their room of all but the bed, forcing them to write on the blackboard 1000 times, therapy/counseling, medication...everything from soup to nuts as far as punishments/rewards/behavior modification. You've tried ignoring the behavior completely....you've tried screaming, begging, crying, laughing, threatening, talking, and hugging it out.

What do you do??? I'm talking about for behavior that is dangerous and unnacceptable. Stuff that would likely have them arrested if they were an adult (starting fires, stealing, breaking windows) or stuff that could potentially harm them.

No, not my kid. I don't even have kids. Just watching a dear friend stuck in a tough situation. The kid is 6.

I don't understand why a six year old has enough freedom to have the opportunity to break windows, start fires or steal. Where are his parents?
Is he running loose around the neighborhood? I believe that most "problem" kids are the result of being ignored either physically, emotionally or both.

 

[padams]

OP, assuming your friend lives near you, have she talked to The Wright School in Durham? It is a school for emotionally disturbed children. They take kids starting at 6. I would bet the school would help your friend with finding resources (the best, most appropriate psychiatric care) even if attendance is not an option.

 

[Jennasis]

All great advice guys (particularly about letting the professionals deal with it). I guess I just feel so powerless to help and have nothing to offer my friend in terms of help (other than the shoulder I mentioned earlier). I hoped that maybe some here might have had experience with this type of thing and could offer some hope.

Let me be clear...the kid isn't evil. He isn't torturing hamsters or threatening lives. This isn't Damien from the Omen...but I also don't think I'd offer up my babysitting services anytime soon.