When your teenager doesn't want to go on vacation with you anymore...

[chrissyk]

I think that it's perfectly normal for a teenager not to want to go on a family vacation. At that age, peers are more important than family to most, if not all, kids. It's normal!!! I remember feeling so isolated by my family as a teen. I'm not doing that to my own kids. Now, I wouldn't let them stay home and party while I was away either, LOL! When the day comes that I have a teen who would rather be with his/her friends, then so be it! There will be plenty of time to travel as a couple once the kids are out of the house

 

[Sandy V.]

Hi Dopey Sharon,

I honestly couldn't tell you how my husband would have made your son have a good time. Sometimes kids (and adults) are determined to be miserable and to make those around them the same. I think I sounded a bit pompous in my last post, and for that, I apologize.

In our house, when we get "attitude" from our kids (which is rare), they get "the look" from my husband that lets them know that they've crossed the line. He is very good at that - piercing eyes, flaring nostrils, etc. I can't pull it off. Much more effective than a swat on the behind, which we rarely ever did.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that - in our house, this is not a democracy. It's a benevolent dictatorship. Everyone has a say and our children certainly aren't oppressed or without opportunities to spread their wings, but the parents call the shots on certain things that we deem important.

Mom and Dad both work full time year round and reallly look forward to family vacations and shared experiences. Before you know it they'll be grown and gone. Teenagers may not want to go, but in our house it isn't an option. It probably hasn't hurt that our vacations have been to fun places, like Australia, New Zealand, Mexico, Florida, California, etc.

It MAY not be how others choose to do things, and that's fine. I'm not judging anyone!!

 

[Dopey Sharon]

Sandy, you didn't sound pompous at all, I was just curious as to how your DH would make him not miserable. He would have been happy to either stay in the room or go off on his own, but we were on a family vacation, and I didn't want him doing that, so we made him go with us to the parks. And I wasn't going to let him have his way, since he was probably aggravating us so we would end up telling him not to come with us. Looking back, now, I wished I would have let him stay home...it was that bad!

ETA...we always went to fun places, case in point, WDW..."The Happiest Place on Earth"! I don't think it matters, where you go, when they really don't want to be there with you.

 

[minkydog]

My DS started wanting to stay home about 3 years ago. At 15 I required that he find a friend to stay with(whose parents would take responsibility) or he had to come with us. At 16 I decided to try letting him stay overnight by himself, while we went somewhere locally. He stayed up all night watching scary movies in the dark--about scared himself to death, but he was so happy. At 17, we allowed him to skip the family campouts and stay home for 3 days with the animals. Our campouts are usually less than 2hrs from home and have excellent cell phone service; we require that he check in with us every time he leaves the house. For family trips that require us to go more tahn 2 hrs away, he had to either find a friend to stay with or go with us.

We have the usual "no friends, no drinking,etc." rules. Only once has he violated it, at age 16. We found out through the grapevine that his best friend and the girlfirend stopped by to talk and play video games for a few hours and looked at some internet porn. After quickly lowering the boom on him AND his best friend, he understood just how much he had breaqched our trust. For almost a year he had to go everywhere with us(no matter how much we hated it) and had no computer privileges. He toed the line after that. I have verrry watchful neighbors.

I believe that letting kids opt out of some family things in the teen years is okay. It helps them start the separation process so that when they do leave home, they are ready.

Cathy--mom to John,18; left home 21 days 7 hrs 38 min ago...but who's counting

 

[Disney Dee]

I was hurt when my teens requested to stay home rather then go on vacation, and had to force them one yr and never did that again! Funny thing is, they do turn around when they get out of their teens and actually WANT you to take vacations so they can go (all expenses paid of course)

 

[Dopey Sharon]

I was hurt when my teens requested to stay home rather then go on vacation, and had to force them one yr and never did that again! Funny thing is, they do turn around when they get out of their teens and actually WANT you to take vacations so they can go (all expenses paid of course)

You got that right!

 

[Sandy V.]

Yes, as a "graduation gift" my DD wants to go to Mexico and take a bunch of her friends. They'd all be 18 by then so . . .

I had to break it to her gently (well, maybe not so gently) that it wasn't happening on my dime!

Like my friend Bob says, Parenting is NOT for sissies!!

 

[WeirdEyes]

We'll be in Gatlinburg at the same time!! I have a 16 y/o DS and he doesn't want to go either because we are going white water rafting and he hates it. I have a step-son who is almost 20 now and we took him to WDW when he was 14. He didn't want to go and he made our trip MISERABLE! I say let him stay at home with a grandparent or proper supervision. You'll be glad because you won't have a moping kid on your hands.

 

[Donalds_best_pal]

I sure dont understand some people. I am 16 and love to travel and go on vacations. I plan all our trips anyways. lol Couldnt ever imagine saying no to a vacation!

Matt

 

[Mimi Q]

I would let him take a friend. Last summer my girls and I went to the beach with my entire extended family for a week- twenty-something folks. My children are 9 years apart and my older DD has no cousins close to her age. I let her take a friend, and it was great. They had a wonderful time. It worked out well for me as I wasn't entertaining two children the entire time.

 

[sunsprinkle24]

Thank you all so much for your replies. I talked to him after he got home from school today. Told him we will be back on the 4th so he can do the run around with friends thing at the park (that may not have been clear to him at first, because I had said we would be going the Fourth of July weekend and didnt make it plain we would be home on that evening).

He asked again about staying home alone, I told him that was no way going to happen, there are no relatives to check on him, etc. I also told him I think he will have a good time - he and his brothers love to play Laser Tag, ride the go carts, motion rides, etc. and I reminded him of all the fun things there is to do in Gatlinburg.

So he is going to go, he didn't seem against it as he was last night. Argh! Teenagers !! And I still have 3 more to go through this with!

 

[Molly Meow]

Don't have teens, but I was one not that long ago, so...

My parents had 2 solutions - somewhere like Disneyland, I could take a friend.

Going to visit family, I stayed at a friend's house, with her parent's permission.

They told me later in life that the reason they let me stay with a friend was that they didn't want my attitude ruining the trip! LOL

 

[KarenC]

I sure dont understand some people. I am 16 and love to travel and go on vacations. I plan all our trips anyways. lol Couldnt ever imagine saying no to a vacation!

Matt

Well, Matt, you're the exception that proves the rule

I noticed all the miserable family vacations reported on this thread included 16 year old sons, mine included. My daughter at 16 was a doll to vacation with.

 

[skiwee1]

My now 16 y/o DS has been like this for a couple of years. I let him bring a friend. At this age, being with just the family can be pure torture. He didn't even want to go to Utah to ski with us at Christmas but really had no choice as his best friend couldn't make it at the last minute. I remember my mom wanting to drag me to every little trip that came along. Thankfully she would always let me bring my best friend and we had a blast. We didn't stray from my family on vacation but it was nice to have a cohort to share the trip with. I don't know why some want to push the "family" on these teens. It just pushes the teens farther away.

 

[Mimi Q]

Glad to hear he is going with you on the trip.

 

[Kallison]

My 14 year old complained the whole time we were in Disney, yet seemed to have fun when we were there. He just didn't want to miss school, he is so type A. I went on my last vacation with my parents when I was 16, I was bored to tears. I know the time will come....now I can't get rid of my parents or MIL coming on every trip with us. So you will be together again one day!

 

[minkydog]

Our last disney trip with oldest DS was just that--the LAST one! he was miserable, bored, tired, sore, and nothing was going his way. At one point I had a meltdown and told him if he didn't want to be there(MGM) go back to our hotel(POR) and entertain himself. Which he did. He spent the day at the pool, ate pizza, watched TV and generally revelled in his aloneness. Later we let him go over to Disney Quest all by himself(with a cellphone). He was in heaven.

Yet one more reason for staying on-site

 

[Chris2597]

We have been dealing with this for a couple of years with DS...He is 19 now and doesnt live with us.....at the moment....so this year it isnt an issue....Since about the age of 16 he gave us a hard time when vacations rolled around....begging to stay home by himself....In our case we have Grandma and GodParents that live nearby and offered him a place to stay....but he wanted to stay home.....No Way!! He swore up and down that he would never do anything wrong in the house....He ended up going on all but one vacation....made our lives fairly miserable.....It was very frustrating....as you all know vacationing is not cheap and to have a major party pooper is a drag.....As I said before he is living away from home ( says we are too strict)....we are in the process of planning our summer vacation....we are not planning on him joining us....which I am sure will bug him (go figure)....I have talked to several other moms of teens and they said they are having the same problem. A couple of them have relented and let the teen stay home.....and all said never again....one of the kids had a major party at the house and family jewelry was stolen....I am sure my son would have made our house party central.
Our 2 dd love going on family vacations..Our oldest dd is married and still tries to arrange to meet us for vacations....It seems to be an issue with the boys....
I have a question for the posters that said that they allow their kids to bring friends.....We are considering this with youngest dd (oldest dd is married now). We will just have youngest dd 16 with us this summer....Do you pay for the entire trip for the friend???? Disney tickets, cruise, food, ect.....

 

[aprilgail2]

From around 12 on my parents let me take a friend with me..but by the time I was 15 or 16 family vacations were out....my parents went to Barbados when I was 16 and my brother was 18 and left us home...all 4 of us were happy with that arrangement. We didn't have any parties but I didn't go to school a few days to just hang out at home. My daughter is only 5 but we have already taken 2 friends of hers on over nighter trips with us and her cousin who is her age came with us for a week. Its nice to spend time with just her and I but its also her vacation and occassionally she likes to have someone her own age along, its much nicer at Hershey to have someone her own age to ride the little rides with rather than riding alone!

 

[Disney Dee]

It does seem DD's are easier to vacation with then ds's for some reason. I have 2 boys and 1 girl. Though the boys were more "attached" to me growing up, my DD is the one who still wants to go on vacations with us, and she is 28. IF we are paying. My 16 yr old ds, no way, no matter what. My 30 yr old ds would go now that he is married, but only because his wife wants to go